Divorce Advice For Men And Women

Posted on May 18, 2012 by

It is quite deplorable that a lot of people similar to you often overlook free divorce advice simply because it is free. This is not correct. The fact that the recommendation or hints you are browsing now is free does not mean it is not vital or useful. You need it as you consider the notion of a divorce in your mind. The day a man or woman come across the love of his or her life is unarguably the best day in his or her entire life. You will ceaselessly treasure that memorable time as long as you breathe. But it is distressing to write that the pleasure felt on that day is not always lasting. A lot of people often desire to end the relationship when it can no longer hold or they are no longer getting the sort of love that was in existence at the foundation. Thus, what should you do?

One of the various mistakes that persons commit when thinking about a divorce is putting all the blame on their spouse. I encourage you to keep away from this. It is not good for you or the relationship. Blaming your husband is not the answer. You need to be aware that a divorce demands two human beings. So, there is no way you can claim your blamelessness in the entire tale. You need to seriously look at your contributions to the problem.

Another thing you need to do is to put the past behind you. You are only divorced and not done with. From this time, brighten up. This is not the end of the globe. You're not the only one that made an error in marriage and you will not be the last individual on the globe. Consequently, stop blaming yourself or bringing the past to your present. You need to let go and move on with your life. Your future is still sun-drenched notwithstanding the issue you are contending with at the moment.

It is highly preferable that you observe some minutes or hours of quietness each day. In other words, try and ponder on what has happened and open up your mind to collect motivation on the next line of action to take. Try and go away from your quarters. You need a place that will not remind you of the past. I often beg human beings to attend a discussion group that teaches them on how to deal with the troubles of life. It will assist you to a great extent. If you can't manage to pay for that, I beg you to buy motivation books or audios. They will help you meditate clearly and positively.

A divorce is not the end of the road for you my dear reader. I encourage you to make use of the clues provided in this article. Whether you are already divorced or contemplating it, applying these hints will assist you very much. If you can help it, it is recommended to stop a divorce. But if you can not, its time to put the marriage behind you and go on with your life.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    I need some advice from Christian divorced men/women, serious answers only please?
    I've been divorced about 7 years, my daughter is 9 now. when she was 6 months and my life was crashing down I finally turned everything to the Lord, asked for forgiveness and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. I started dating about 3 years ago and quickly met a nice Christian man. at about 10 months he was having committment issues I guess, so that ended. We remained celibate(although no one believed that) through our relationship. Since that ended 1 1/2 yr. ago, I've been trying to meet Christian men to no avail. My church is small so no luck there. I have dated other men but the talk about the Lord is missing. I recently met a man and I'm embarrased to say that my libido is in high gear. I enjoy his company and the physical component I foresee as a problem. I'm having a very hard time resisting. I miss the companionship and physical aspect of a marriage. I know it would be wrong, but I'm wavering. I'm very attracted to him and I've only seen him three times.
    My former husband left me, after 15 years of marriage and our 9 month old daughter for another woman and got her pregnant. So as far as divorced and not being Christian I cover the Bible's release by infidelity and abandonment.

    • ANSWER:
      To begin with I am not telling you to or not to....I have wrestled with the same and I will tell you as it was told to me and not by the man in question.

      God made humans, he knows our flaws, he knows what we are capable of and that is why Jesus died on the cross. To reconcile his creation to him because none were without sin. Consider....everything that is a sin...now do you live a sinless life? No, no one does. Ok....when did the day of salvation occur? The day Jesus Christ died on the cross. What sins did he die for? All the sins of the world.....were they all comitted at the time he died? No. Salvation is a gift that none should boast. Do you think (and no man can actually know the mind of God) , but do you think the Creator of the universe has nothing more to do than see who is doing What with who? Hmm? God is the only one who can in his mind judge you and the reasons behind what you do or don't do. We can try our best and should; but we are not with out sin and we never will be. Is this physical sin as bad as a sin that would be used in the name of God to benefit one's self by a deceitful way? I don't think so. but I'm not God.....It is not all black and white and you have to decide for yourself. There is a difference in being a run around and having a significant other in your life. Again God created us, who better knows how our nature is? Your decision...but think about it, and choose with your peace of mind and heart.

  2. QUESTION:
    What advice would women give to men particularly their sons if they're bitter or scorned due to a divorce?
    Some of us went into the marriage with the best intentions. However, it didn't work out and we may have gotten an unfavorable outcome from the court system.

    I personally am a divorcee. My ex committed adultery multiple times and one of those times was with a close family member. I had to move with my mother thereafter to pay for the house we were living in and my child support for my biological daughter. Shortly after this, I got a vascectomy because I never wanted a child I fathered to be used against me in court. I myself am financially crippled due to it. Due to lack of finances, I have no love life.

    I already know many on this forum will say stop whining and that it's the price of a bad choice. I just had to ask the question, though if you had a son: How you women would deal with situation? What if he asked to live with you in his economic hardship?

    • ANSWER:
      I'm sorry you had such a lousy thing happen to you. A close friend of my Dad's lost his daughter after a breakup - his exgirlfriend simply moved to Alaska, and refused to be found. It was a terrible experince for him, as he was a very devoted father. I think it took him a long time to trust women again and jump into the dating world.

      If my son went through something like this, he would always be welcome at home again. All of our children would be. Adultery is a heartbreaking thing. Just because it's common doesn't make it any less painful.

      Two households will always be more expensive than one. There is just no way to get around it. Everyone is poorer after a divorce, and it is worst of all for the children. I hope that you are able to stay connected to your daughter through all of this somehow. Can you pick her up from school once in a while and spend some time together? Perhaps you can pick her up at her grandparent's house? It may be difficult to work out if you can't stand to see your ex, but do try to find a way.

      Best Wishes

  3. QUESTION:
    Divorced MEN!!! What advice do you have for both men and women that are looking to get married?

    • ANSWER:
      I am not divorced man, but I can tell you that marriage is not supposed to be difficult with the other person. The situations you are in, can be difficult... like money issues... or the kids are being horrible, but if your communication with that other person breaks down, and you just don't want to talk, there are problems. See these communication problems for what they are RIGHT AWAY and address them immediatly.

      People who talk together alot, don't end up finding someone else to talk to outside of the marriage.

  4. QUESTION:
    Newly divorced mom needs advice from divorced couples men and women here my background?
    Been divorced 1 yr married for 8 yrs with 6 yr old son.Bitter divorce found out ex was cheating with old gf and left me for her.Things are better now i'm still resentful but try to be nice for my son and ex does the same. here's my question what do you and your ex do as far as parent/teacher conferences go? Go together or at different times? What about birthday parties or halloween do you and your ex do joint parties or does he do his own thing?My ex lives in the same town as us and i would say we have an "average divorce" meaning we don't want to kill each other but i'm still resentful for what he did to me and he wants as little contact with me as possible.I think we should do some of these things together but i know my ex will not.He is a great dad and i know he will do all this things on his own.So please just let me know how you all handle this issues. Oh yes he is no longer with the gf he left me for but a new one who i do not get along with so this is half the problem.

    • ANSWER:
      Time to move on kiddo. Let the anger go and just concentrate on your childs best interests. You will both be better off for it. Every day, it will get better and easier, always does. Personally, I rarely did much with my ex although it never would have bothered me to do so. She had issues with being anywhere near me. I always did my best to keep the kids first on my list for normalcy in their daily lives. It paid off in that they are pretty well adjusted now and seem to be generally happy. Just go with the tone of the moment, do what feels right to you.

  5. QUESTION:
    Why do so many women ask for advice on divorce?
    What the hell is up with that? Can't you make up your own mind?

    Does begging for non-direct sympathy gain wisdom and power in order to kick your man to the curb?

    It seems most men don't reach out for advice and women get it from everywhere (all for free.)

    Constantly men are helping out hoards of wailing women all over the world when they need to know how to screw over their husbands in a divorce, and in return most of them wouldn't help you out if your life depended on it.

    What gives??
    The ratio of women asking advice on divorce (here at Yahoo) is about four women to every man asking for advice.

    It may seem like a burning question in a way, but honestly... I'm curious. After hearing women discuss an issue like this... They'll listen to gay men, hateful women who've had terrible marriages, etc.
    They don't always seem to get advice from quality people (in my opinion) and instead take the advice from the worst and go with it.
    Ummm.... Ann (and others)
    Me hurt? Yes, 8 years ago but that's not why I'm asking this qiestion.
    Every day I see people ask for divorce advice and what a downer it is to see people constantly asking the same questions before browsing the million other already asked questions on divorce. lol

    • ANSWER:
      Have to maximize the child support and the alimony.

  6. QUESTION:
    I need marriage advice (men and women please)?
    I've been married almost 5 years, together 8...the last 3 years have been an uphill battle for me. We have 2 beautiful children and he is an amazing father in that I have been very blessed.

    However, our relationship is barely breathing (at best). We don't ever really talk unless I force it and I hate fighting so I usually don't unless it's important. He's distant, all he wants to do is sit in front of the tv and watch sports or play ps3. We both work full time jobs and I don't ask him to cook or clean or do much really. I pay all the bills, I do it all. This is not a man bashing event, I assure you I love him very much.

    My problem is that in the past year especially i've asked him to please communicate with me, acknowledge me, just anything. He says he will and he never does. We LIVE together and there have been weeks 2 or 3 that have gone by without so much as a kiss (not because i haven't tried)?? He's way too chill and at home to be having an affair it's just like he doesn't care? I have tried talking, crying, begging him to come to counseling with me, i'm just not sure I can do this for 3 or 4 more years i'm 25 and i've been with him so long I don't want to be 45 and still feel the way I have for these past few years. I need attention, affection, I kind of feel like that's a requirement for marriage. His response is always just that he's tired and he's trying. I am not a princess or a demanding wife, but I feel like i'm dying somedays like WE are dying. Any advice? Suggestions? We've discussed divorce but I feel ridiculous filing for divorce because my husband ignores me...does this make sense to anyone else?

    • ANSWER:
      You will wake up at 45 sadly and feel worse than you do now, if things don't change. He has to love you and care enough about the marriage to change his ways. But here it is in a nutshell. Why would Mr Thoughtless, give up Mrs Thoughtful? he wouldn't...would he? So this is on you're shoulders, because you're the one that's not happy and I feel for you.

      You don't have to divorce him but he does need a wake up call. So move out for a short time. Do it while he's out and leave him a heartfelt letter as to why you left. Stay with a friend or family members and do not let him sucker you back till YOU feel he finally gets it. Make him sweat.

      Good Luck

  7. QUESTION:
    advice Married men and new women?
    Is it wrong for a woman to be talking romantically (not having sexual relations) to a man going through a divorce? I just want some honest opinions please . . .

    • ANSWER:
      Is it wrong no, but not very smart. When a man or woman is going through a divorce their emotions are crazy. The person going through the divorce will look for an emotional attachment elsewhere. I think that you should back off, until he is completely over the soon to be ex.

  8. QUESTION:
    Question for the Divorce Women and Men Out there?
    How soon is too soon to date? Does anyone have any storys on when they got divorce and started dating again? What not to do? what to do? Any Advice?

    • ANSWER:
      That's a great question, Blessed...

      Read the answers closely and you will find surprises also...lol

      Generally speaking, girls will say not to wait any time at all before dating again. Boys, generally speaking, will say the opposite...

      Considering girls think boys are animals only wanting sex, who actually is in a rush to find it...? lol

      In most states, after a divorce, the girl can marry right away but the guy must wait a year... I wonder why that is...???

      So then...I would ask you to be wise and think closely to what you will do...follow your mind and not your heart. You followed your heart once and it didn't work for you...

      After a divorce or death of a spouse, it is wise to wait a year before seriously dating again. That does not mean you cannot date...it only means you should not get serious for someone for a year...no sex...got that...?

      After you know someone for about a year you both will make better choices and sound decisions. If you don't you will only find another unhappy relationship...and...how many divorces do you want before you reach menopause and find yourself still divorced...?

      Don't rush into it...

  9. QUESTION:
    Is it prudent for women/men to seek advice, insight, and conversation from other men when they are married?
    Today's society has very relaxed rules as it pertains to the what is proper etiquette between men and women, and because of it infidelity, divorce, and STDs are at an all time high. It is my view that once men and women are in committed relationships or married they need to be a damper on seeking advice, insight, and conversation from members of the opposite sex. Far too often "male" and "female" friends have ulterior motives and hidden agendas when dishing out relationship advice. After all is said and done when one decides upon a companion of the opposite sex it should be a person intelligent enough to resolve the issues that will arise or at least sensible enough to seek out a solution and bring it back home.

    • ANSWER:

  10. QUESTION:
    I Need Men's Clothing Advice (Everyone please help, ex. men and women)?
    I was looking for some advice on men's fashion. Can someone please tell me where is the best place online to buy mens clothes? Also where is the best place to get advice on what is hot right now and stuff? I would really like a cool website to shop and like a blog or something for advice or possibly a place to go with both. I am looking to go with a new style since I am still a young man, 20-30, and am recently divorced, just came out of a 8 year relationship with alot of hurt, and would like to be intune with the in stuff. I have been out of the dating and single life for quite sometime now and feel really awkward trying to get back into it. Please be as thorough as possible and I would really like to know where to go and look for info, where to shop, and how to stay in with the current trends. I am not looking to spend a hell of alot of money but I know there are many places that have the coolest and have clothes that are expensive and not so expensive. I am just trying to find out how everyone gets there advice and where they all go to stay "cool" so I myself can do the same while also being able to be attractive to women. I would love info from both men and women alike so I can know what to do. The style is not important because I am looking for everything from casual, to designer, to going out, and everything in between. Thanks for your info in advance..... A
    Also, maybe a little bit about myself can help with everyones information. I am a white male. I am 28 years old. I live in Louisiana. Enjoy going out to clubs, bars, etc. Love music, rock, rap. Love sports like MMA and football and stuff. Drive a Dodge Charger SRT8. Tend to try to attract the 18-28 year old females. I hope this all helps. Thank you all gain.... A

    • ANSWER:
      I recommend looking at Men's Health Magazine [1] for advice ranging from topics like style to fitness to relationships. Also, GQ Magazine and askmen.com [2] are great too; askmen.com is an online magazine/resource for men, by men, on all topics.
      -For a man your age, I recommend clothing stores such as Martin + Osa [3], Gap [4], and Express [5].
      -askandyaboutclothes.com [6] is a great site based on helping men look their best. It gives tips on posture, and if you look at the other articles, shows you what colors are best on your skin tone.
      -Good luck!
      -PS: Here is an article [7] I found on looks for everything from casual to going out, and everything in between.

  11. QUESTION:
    Why do feminists who claim they are single think they can offer relationship advice to other women?
    Feminists seem to like to have in mind an idea of "how a relationship should work", "what men have to do to please women", "what women should do to make a relationship work" etc. etc.

    But at the same time claim things like they are independent or will never get married. Most will never be in a relationship for the rest of their lives and have been through some sort of painful divorce or separation, were "abused", dumped etc.

    What makes them think they can give relationship advice if they are an abject failure at relationships themselves?

    Furthermore many feminists are lesbians, yet still persist in giving heterosexual women relationship advice? Why? They know the least about men out of anyone. Men know about men, white men do, black men do, a transsexual arguably knows about men, heterosexual women may know something about men, but lesbians?

    They know nothing.

    So why do they think they are an anywhere near decent source of relationship advice?

    • ANSWER:
      I have asked the same question before. If their own relationships rarely work out, why would they try to advise other women? It was the same with some of the most prominent feminist leaders of the 70's. They weren't married and they didn't plan to marry, yet they thought they knew best for all the married women and thought they knew how they felt about marriage. I read an old, old newspaper article about one of the early feminists...I believe it was Elizabeth Cady Stanton...and it said she spoke at a big convention and her husband was so distraught he left town. I'll bet she was real happy in her marriage, don't you?

  12. QUESTION:
    In Need of your advice? Mature Anwsers Men and Women Please?
    So now almost single status myself and my divorce almost final. ( have been seperated for a year) I am dating a man who as well has been seperated for a long time too ( about a year as well). He and his ex have talked about getting the ball rolling for offical divorce yet are not very active in doing so due to finaces. My question is even though it is over with in you heart and eyes and only a paper issue would it bother you as a woman to be single dating a man who says he will eventually get around to it when the funds are availbe? And for you men is it ok with you if you were in this possition knowing your girlfriend was bothered by it and he knows you are? They will not ever get back together neither will my ex and I but we both have good relationships due to children involved. Am I wrong to think of this as odd? I dont want to get married again for a while and my BF and I have discussed the issue yet I would like to know we are by law "single" if that makes sense. Your advice ty.
    So I talked more w/ my BF and he and his ex are very much for getting the divorce rolling and are going to do it. They both are activly trying to save up the funds to do so to split it evenly and to make sure they have enough to do so. He is so over with her and they only talk in regards to the children. I know this is true as I am around when this happens, we are very honest with each other and that is a wonderful aspect of our relationship. Thank you for all your input, I was able to use what you all had said in some way or another to talk to him more about it and he knows how I feel and is considerate of my feelings, he loves me very much and I see that in all his actions not just his words.

    • ANSWER:
      been there done that with its ups and downs at the end of it all the times made it worth it

      alright that been said

      it all depends on the comfert level if you are okay with it then go for it ask your higher powers to give you a sure tell way for a green or red light in this legaly you will not be single till all the papers are done and filed their will be ups when you will queshtion knowing in your heart the answer to why he has yet to taken the step but it is only natural if you are going to take your claim do it
      by you asking this it means you have an insecuraty find out what it is take a piece of paper ,pen(has to be a pen), and a mirror look at the mirror and write every word that come to mind emotions and everything then think of him and do the same then think of you and him together and write then if it did not work out and write if you do it in pen then you cannot erase what you wrote so you cannot cheat

      then compare and blah

      remember the heart wants what it wants but what it wants might not what you need

      for me it was worth it all the happiness the anger and depresion i do wish we where both still together but then it was not what i needed then and it is what it is

  13. QUESTION:
    A question about moving on?? I want to hear from men who are divorced. Divorce women tell me your experience
    I have been separated for 11 months and know now that divorce is pending. This is after 14 years of marriage and 20 years of being together. Now I have had two or three dates during the separation and all have come during the last month. My question is what is the best advice you can give during a period of time when everything seems stacked against me financially and emotionally being that I am the one who did not want the divorce? My next question is did you date during this period of time and how did that work for you trying to start over?? Finally, how many of you have remarried and what is different from your first marriage???

    • ANSWER:
      1.) If she wants the divorce there is nothing you can do to stop it. I know financially it seems like a lot but use some of this new found time you will have to get a PT job. It will help with your finances. Don't let it overwhelm you, think positive. If you have to pay child support its not forever, plus it's for your kids, not her. If you have to pay spousal support, it won't last forever either. Make the best of a bad situation.

      2.) Yes I dated during this time but nothing too serious. More for a confidence building thing and to help ease time as I got over the failure of my marriage. Don't go rushing into a relationship. Be honest with whomever you meet. Let them know your are coming out a divorce but don't DON'T spend a lot of time taking about your ex or your marriage. HUGE TURN OFF! The wanting to open up to someone will be there, take that to counseling, not to a potential mate.

      3.) Not remarried yet but after being in the dating scene for almost 2 years, I have found someone I think I may want to spend the rest of my life with again.

      One thing I did while being alone is figured out why my marriage failed. (my unhappiness) and figured out what was most important to me in a mate. I always thought I wanted someone opposite of me but realized I needed someone more like me.

  14. QUESTION:
    Need some advice please!! From men & women.. It would really help me.?
    My husband of 10 years cheated on me back in May. I found out only because he was so stupid and hid a letter he wrote to his tramp and a card. I confronted him with the letter, swears he did NOT sleep with her and it was just one date. Bullsh*t!!The letter was so descriptive and hurtful I can't get it out of my head. He came back home in June. Since January 07 he has been acting strange, picking fights with me, started smoking ect. In my heart I know he cared a great deal for this girl. He told her he was married and she wanted nothing to do w/ him. (So he says). Now he is very sincere and wants me to stop throwing this in his face& begs for my forgiveness. But I just can't, not just yet. I'm still very hurt. I feel like a fool! His gym pals know about this other woman. My heart is broken and my pain is unbearable. I'm a beautiful person inside and out. I deserve better! so do my kids. I can't bare this pain anymore. I think I actually hate him. Do I divorce him? we are both 32 yrsold

    • ANSWER:
      I've been there too, our circumstances are similar.

      we decided to make a go of it and got back together 1st week of August, its been s.h.i.t ever since.
      He's refusing counselling, although he initially promised he would. he hasn't changed jobs, although he promised he would (they work together).

      He blames me and is constantly putting me down, nothing is ever good enough.

      I know the truth, I know it was all him and I was innocent. i do not harass him about her, ever. His problem is his guilt. That is why he offloads onto me blaming me and criticising me all the time.

      If he just got counselling he'd be better off, and then so would we too.

      I didn't realise this, but the first step is for the man to forgive himself. If they can't do that, then the marriage is doomed. if he doesn't forgive himself then he can't take responsibility for the consequences (ie your reactions, etc), which means he'll continue to argue with you and be nasty.

      you'll feel hurt for a long time. its easy to make the decision to forgive, but the pain doesn't go away for a long time. you'll have days where you will wonder 'what if' you'd ended the marriage back when you found out. you'll think that you might have spared yourself some misery. then you'll think of the kids, your 10 yrs together and your judgement will be clouded again.

      the road to recovery is really really long. counselling is the only way to get through it. plus you need to see long term consistent effort from him that he is making amends. without that the pain continues and you'll have jealous relapses and hissy fits to him about her, and on and on.

      get him into marriage counselling as soon as you can.

      good luck!!

  15. QUESTION:
    Why do women seek out other women for advice on men?
    Think how stupid that is!!
    These women maybe married but the fact that they are married whether they admit to it or not only occurred when the man was ready.
    And no type of female maneuvering can cause the trigger to be squeezed.
    Sure by being sweet and talking to MEN so that you can understand men will help.
    However, the more unsavory the laws of divorce get the less likely that trigger will be pulled.
    Of course I guess all women could marry short people.
    Brent P: Women do not want nice guy losers. What are you?
    The reason I asked this question is because I see the advice women give and some of it is correct except it missed the key piont....You cant make him or trick him into it. There are somethings you cannot control.

    • ANSWER:
      Because they want to to told what they want to hear (usually 1-he loves her or 2-he's a jerk) and don't want to deal with realty.

  16. QUESTION:
    Advice from men please & women.......?
    HELPPPPP!!!! I need a guys input and girls.... = )?
    Basically I pick up his cell one day and it was his ex wife who is only 18 he is 21. yes...they married early...but thats how I found out about her because we never talked about the past.

    So what bothered me is that he told me it was some other girl and i told him to prove it and he called the same number and his ex acted like she was the girl ( they plotted the whole thing because he said he didnt want problems with me).

    The reason why they are divorce is because she cheated on hima nd is now dating the other guy. She is a slut. Not because she is his ex but because of what she did. His whole family tells me the same story about that girl. His mother knew all along that she was cheating on her son and didnt say a thing. Anyways...

    He owns a tobacco business and the co-owner is her father. So he never told me that he was her father. I ask him and he denied it. then he finally told me the truth.

    Then i look at his phone statements and found out he had been calling her the whole time we have been together. She was calling him too. I ask him why and he said for business purposes that she was helping him fill out paperwork for licenses for the business.

    He was paying for her cell bill all along until recently because it was under his credit and he said he didnt want to ruin his credit. But he informed her 1st that he was going to shut it off?! which im mad about. if he does not care about her like he says why inform - right?! Am I wrong?

    When it comes to her i feel he hides things. He told me its because he didnt want us to meet because he thought i was going to mind about all this bull. But the thing is im not jealous if he would of told me everything from the beginning we would be fine... but why the hell is he lying so freaking much?

    I have sat down and talk to him numerous times but he kept lying until recently i broke it off and he changed his number so she wont have it and says he wants to be with me.

    IDK if i should worry, move on. I feel like im being blind. How about if they end up getting back? Advise please.

    • ANSWER:
      wow well i am not trying to be rude, but i could have skipped between the first sentance and the last, because all that in between stuff is just DRAMA!! You don't need it. Do you value yourself? Then raise your value, you dont need that kind of drama, questioning, worry. There are plenty of people in this world that dont bring that negativity into your life. Get rid of that zero and get you a hero ; )

  17. QUESTION:
    Do men find women who approach them first attractive or annoying?
    I have been off the dating seen for quite a while now because I was married. Now divorced and wanting to get back out there and have some fun. I want honest opinions from grown men do you find it attractive when a woman approaches you say when you are at the grocery store or mall and starts talking to you? Or do you find it to be a nuisance? As a man what advice do you have for me in today's dating world? Like I said I am very much out of the game lol. Easy 10 points

    • ANSWER:
      As a woman who has approached men in the past, they don't seem to mind. I've had some positive results and never had anyone act annoyed or frustrated, even if they weren't mutually interested.

      Guys that I've seen post here in answer to that question, almost always say they are quite okay with a woman making the first move. They should be...I imagine they are tired of always being the ones to risk initial rejection.

  18. QUESTION:
    POLL for divorced men and woman with children - Need your advice!?
    Would you feel comfortable emailing your ex wife/husband on their fiance's email account to communicate about your children? Or would you rather email your ex on their own personal email account? My exhusband wants me to email him on his fiances account and I would prefer not to since she gives him poor advice all the time because she's insecure and HE just does not seem to understand. Unfortunately he and I are not getting along very well and try to communicate as little as possible over the phone. It's very sad because I am a very nice person and he just refuses to get along. Anyway....what would you do about the email?

    • ANSWER:
      As a divorced Mom of two it is absurd for you to have to e-mail him on her account. Issues regarding your children do not regard her therefore she should not have access to those e-mails. Refuse to send any more messages to him via her e-mail. Send it directly to him or do not send at all. Sounds like either she's getting a kick out of having that type of power or he's whipped or a combo of both.

  19. QUESTION:
    For all of you divorced MEN/WOMEN out there, do you have any regrets getting divorced?
    I've been married for 7 years now, have 2 beautiful girls, but my husband and I just don't connect anymore. There has never been any cheating on either side but so many things have changed. We hardly talk anymore, he yells at me and also I at him at times. When we do talk, its always about his job or our 2 girls. Communication is a huge issue but can't afford a marriage counselor. So, we just "put up with each other" and do the best we can being "roommates" (I'm the one who picks up after the "messy one" constantly). If he has a problem with me, I just close up and end up not talking just to avoid an arguement (which I know is unhealthy). SO MY QUESTION IS, FOR YOU GUYS & GALS OUT THERE WHO HAVE GOTTEN DIVORCED, WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT OR WOULD YOU HAVE TRIED TO STICK IT OUT FOR THE "BETTER OR WORSE"? WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY IF GIVEN A 2ND CHANCE? WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE 4 ME?

    • ANSWER:
      This is the classic "seven year itch" and I don't know why it gets unbearable around year seven, all I know is that it is fairly common. If you get through this it'll become amazing and wonderful because if this doesn't break you nothing will and your bond will be very strong. That being said it is very important to read some marriage advice books, have sex at least once a week but preferably more, make nice dinners and have family meals together, tell each other about interesting things you heard about, play music to keep the mood light, and don't be so afraid of an argument; it doesn't mean a thing about your relationship.

  20. QUESTION:
    Why do you think women ask more questions on this forum than men?
    It doesn't matter for the particular category: "Singles & Dating", "Marriage & Divorce", and especially "Weddings".

    Does this indicate something deeper in the psyche of men vs. women? Do men not care about relationships the way that women do? Or do women seek more anonymous advice than men do?

    Feel free to disagree, also. It's perfectly acceptable to believe that men ask more questions than women on this forum, but I think providing evidence for that would be an uphill battle.

    • ANSWER:
      Hello Happy Holidays I believe women and girls are more vulnerable and sensitive and when we go after love we really go I believe men are less feeling and because they are we wind up getting hurt I believe women love a lot harder and will fight very hard to save her relationship even to coming on answers and asking total strangers what is wrong with my man and how can I get him back. It is that same chemical that makes us be the kinds of mom we are Lions protecting her cubs. We are strong but we need help too from other women,because we know how she feels .w2g Ladies

  21. QUESTION:
    Question for women: what should men do who've had their lives ruined by society and courts?
    Personal Example: After a failed marriage and an acrimonious divorce seven years ago, I've struggled financially, socially, and emotionally and haven't put my life back together. The results of the divorce is that I've been living with my mother the past seven years due to finances. Dating has been difficult due to finances and the fact that I live with my mother as well. My relationship with my child is acrimonious at times because of the situation. What advice would women have for their son(s) if he experienced this?

    • ANSWER:
      Express yourself. Write letters to the editor. Write in a blog. Talk to people about it, like you are now. Whatever you do, don't sit there and take it passively.

      You are an unfortunate example of how the legal system has screwed men over. Fathers find mothers turning their kids against them. Husbands find deep financial debt, and social ostracism, usually stemming from false accusations of rape or molestation on the part of the wife to gain an upper hand in divorce proceedings. The system is biased against men, and something needs to be done.

      Sadly the system can make men pay alimony and child support to women, but it cannot replace the emotional joy a man found in marriage. The divorced woman seems to have the support of the world behind her. The man is left without money or any support systems. He feels alone. He IS alone.

      Whatever you do, don't give up hope. The best revenge is living well. Do not go away quietly.

  22. QUESTION:
    For women only please, need advice on men?
    I am in my late 30's. I was married once but have been divorced for about 7 years now. I've been relationshipless for over a year now. Guys hit on me a lot at work but they only want sex, they are married and I always say no. At first the attention was flattering but it has gotten old and to the point that I don't believe anyone could want me for anything else. I dress nice but not slutty. I'd say I'm a little on the shy side so I'm not used to going up to men and telling them that I think they are cute or anything. I have lots of activities outside work such as school and dance class. Everyone I meet seems to be married wether I meet them at work or somewhere else. I don't want to get involved with a married man but sometimes I think that is all that is left. How can I meet a guy that is not just after a "piece"?

    • ANSWER:
      Guys at our age have been a little hurt by our fair sex. You have to pin a note to your chest, metaphorically speaking. You have to walk up to them and let them know that you are interested, but then, let them pursue you. A guy has got to feel like a man, but he's been hurt by his ex. When you see a nice guy, walk up to him and say "I wish that I could meet a nice guy like you", etc. He might just respond accordingly. Good luck!

  23. QUESTION:
    Question about relationship? Advice and opinions from men and women...?
    So I have been dating this guy 5 months to the day today.

    We have never said we were exclusively dating each other, and I haven't been dating anyone else, but I gather that he has been dating other people. That has been okay with me as it was non-committed and I have just lived with it until two weeks ago when he said "I love you"... and that got me thinking. Well that threw me for a loop and I asked him where we stood, he said he wasn't ready to commit but "wasn't looking for more!" So I tried to be okay with that and really thought I was ok with it.

    Yesterday we went out and had a great dinner, watched a movie, had sex and he took his dog for a walk. While he was walking the dog, his phone chimed and it was from a female saying "I don't know if I said it last night or not, but thank you for a nice dinner. I should have kissed you..." I was so hurt because he told me he had a migraine and went to bed early on Friday night - so not only is he seeing other people the even worse thing is that he is lying to me. Now - I didn't tell him I saw the text and I know that this is what you get when you snoop, but it was just something that told me I needed to look at that phone. No criticism...it was a womans intuition and it was right!!

    So I told him I was not okay with the current arrangement of seeing other people, as I have too many emotions invested to think about him dating other women, and that if he didn't want to commit then we could drop back to friends but there would be no more romantic involvement. This was mostly via text message - but the long and the short of it is he said it will be at least another year until he wants a committment and he hopes for the long term sake of our future I will be "ENORMOUSLY PATIENT" with him. He is recently divorced and wants some time to be "free" I guess - but if thats what he wanted why didn't he say so? He wants me to continue as it is with romantic involvement and all and just sit back while he dates and looks around for other women. I said friends - thats all I can give under those conditions. I told him he can let me know if he can handle that and he hasn't responded. He was really upset and crying and all when he took me home today, but he demands that I would have to be "patient" if I want to be with him long term...

    I am hopelessly in love with him and he can make me laugh and smile like no one else and is great in bed but I can't just sit back and be a doormat while he looks for "More" - Isn't that correct? He has absolutely ripped my heart out with this, but I feel like if I let it go on any further it is just going to involve more emotions (on my part) and that it is an unhealthy way to conduct a relationship when I know he is seeing other people and maybe lying to me as well. The past 5 months have been really nice - I have met his family and some of his friends, he has met my Mother...we talked on the phone every day - sometimes for hours at a time but I let myself fall for someone when I shouldn't have. What do I do?

    Does anyone have any feedback on this? What would you do in my situation?

    • ANSWER:
      You're being played, and rather well at that with the tears and all. Unless you want to relegate yourself to always being patient and in effect being the other woman, or the port in a storm then by all means stick with him

  24. QUESTION:
    Men/Women: How do I find the right person to be with instead of screwing up? (marriage/divorce)?
    What advice would you give a young 21 yr old woman (male and female input).

    If you met the women in my family, you'd think it was genetic for our family to choose to be in relationships that are abusive (physically/verbally etc) or just completly dysfunctional. I'm not sure what the problem is or why this is the case, but I don't want to be in the same situation :(

    I don't want someone who is controlling or abusive. I want a good man, but I don't have any examples of what a good man is. I have no father, and no male role models to look to. I rely on my thoughts and what I imagine to be a good partner, but I think I'm setting myself up for wanting someone close to perfect, eventhough I'm not intentionally doing it.

    I'm not desperate but I don't want to be alone when I'm way older (eventhough it seems that way, since no males have bothered to show any interest, or the fact that I've been rejected each time by guys)...

    • ANSWER:
      Always look for the peaceful feeling a relationship can give you. If you do not feel peace, then its not the right one. All things come in due time. As long as you love yourself and are content with not putting up with any abuse, you will never be lonely.

  25. QUESTION:
    question for men! and women with good advice :) ?
    So my husband and I have been contemplating separation...and I think we are going to try it soon. My friend at work, whose wife left him 13 months ago, is going through the same thing. We all went out one night and him and I talked and it felt good to have someone to talk to. I told him I want to talk to him more and get to know him more and he said he feels the same way. He is such a nice guy, and I would NOT do anything until after both of us are divorced. But he texted me and told me he is free friday or saturday night. Should I go with him and talk more or let it go? I know what the honest, christian thing to do would be and I know it may not be the best idea...but I feel so trapped right now.
    yeah, i think i am going to tell him it is a bad idea. thanks guys!
    i am 23 and my husband is 26. our sex life is terrible. we bicker and fight so much that it has turned into nothing. he tells me before marriage we used to have sex daily and now it has turned into once a month, if that. i am unnerved when he wants to have sex and i dread it.

    • ANSWER:
      If you think that you should wait to date anyone until you are divorced, then you should keep the friendship where it is. going out with him on a fri/sat night means he really likes you and would probably be considered a date. to not hurt this nice guy, i would tell him what you told us, that you find it so easy to talk to him but that you dont think it's right to date anyone until you are divorced, as it wont be fair to him. It could be that he will end up being just a friend...usually, the relationship right after a break up is rebound...it could be that your feelings are of gratitude towards this man and not really love. It may be love, but with your emotional state right now, if you were to start a relationship with this nice guy, it wont be able to start developing anew, you will be developing the relationship based on your separation/divorce proceedings. Does that make sense?

      You have stated you are "contemplating" separation. Do you think there is any possibility of reconciliation? Have you two tried everything you can to stay together? If the problem can be solved but you two are not putting in your efforts, you will have the same problem in another relationship and then, will you separate again? Just something to think about.

      If there is a possibility that you and your husband can work it out, I dont think it would be fair to the nice guy that you hang out with him at all. Of course you have every right to have someone to talk to, but you should contemplate discussing these things that you discussed to your husband, not this new guy. There are other options like marital/divorce websites to talk to people there or try to find a resolution there. You can maybe find a platonic female friend who has gone through separation/divorce to discuss about this.

      If there is no possibility to reconcile, then start divorce proceedings right away. There is no need to try separation or wait it out if you both know you fully tried your best and there is no resolution.

      There is no easy decisions about divorce--you dont want to do the wrong thing by divorcing but then you think you might be doing the wrong thing by not divorcing, if you two wont be able to work it out and you both should be moving on. You know what is the best thing for you because you are in the situation. It can be easy to judge people when they dont know the circumstances, so do what you think it right. After a break up, i believe people should try to stand on their own, try to get stronger and learn to be happy being alone to gain confidence in yourself, learn to be single again. It might hurt sometimes, but after time goes on, you will feel stronger and more able to "take over the world" if you know what I mean...

      These things can be hard. So do what is BEST for you, not what is necessarily easiest. I think you will be able to find the answer. Good luck to you!

  26. QUESTION:
    advice is unlimited for women, but where do men learn of fashion do's and don'ts as well as trends if you will?
    Mid-thirties recently divorced after 12 years forces one to look at this a little closer than normal

    • ANSWER:

  27. QUESTION:
    Married and Divorced Men and Women....what do you?
    What do wish you'd have known years before that would've saved or helped your marriage be more fulfilled and happier.
    I've learned (after 7yrs) that I can't forfeit the little things (like writing) that make me "me" for the sake of a spouse and that I can't find my happiness in someone else. and the more controlling I became the more distance he felt in the shift of balance.
    Can you offer your advice as to what you wish you would've known earlier on instead of it taking years to recognize that would've saved alot of heartache?

    Thanks everyone!
    Cooter - you are so right, i learned that too, giving ALL is not a good idea, it leaves you too vulnerable and open

    • ANSWER:
      What did I learn about going through a divorce 7 years ago?

      I learned that two must become one. If you live for yourself as an individual , you live a self centered life. You must become one in purpose, goals, dreams, and hide nothing from each other. Your life before each other must be an open book. You must communicate in ways that brings intimacy in your lives as one. If you don't you will be self absorbed, and realize down the road somewhere you grew apart and wonder why.

      A man must be willing to serve his wife and even to the point of dying for her. A wife must allow the husband to be the final authority after considering his wifes views. She is to be submissive , because he serves her as well. He loves and cherishes her and protects her against all things in life.

      The major thing a marriage must be built on is this. That Jesus Christ is head of the home. The bible says if you do this you build your marriage on a rock. And when the storms of life come that marriage will stand if built on the principals of Gods word. If you don't you are building your marriage on sand and when the storms of life come that marriage will fall.

      I didn't learn to apply these principals the first time around , but now I serve my wife . I believe a spouse is an extension of each other and are inseparable.

  28. QUESTION:
    I need some advice from men that have possibly felt this way or done this, and women can help too!?
    I told my husband i wanted a divorce, but we've been together 8 years and 1 year married, things were just going wrong, well after i told him i wanted a divorce i realized i made a mistake and i wanted my husband back b/c i wanted to work on things, we have a 3 year old daughter and we've been together for a while like i said, well after i told him i wanted a divorce and he ended up contacting me after 3 weeks, and we got back together, i found out that for the 3 weeks he had slept with someone else not once but 3 times, and all kinds of other stuff, i need to know why a man would do this?? is it b/c he doesn't love you, is it a rebound relationship?? He tells me he made a mistake and that im his world, and he is truly sorry he wishes he could take it back, but im just curious to why a man would do it?? and to women if you have ever been in a situation like this, tell me how to deal with it, I mean i told him i wanted a divorce, but why would he do this??? please help!!!

    • ANSWER:
      Men rebound because they just dont share the emotions like we do. I'l bet it "meant nothing" for him to have sex with that someone. I would be hurt, as you seem to be, but if you truly love him and think he is sincere, maybe you can work things out. i would be a little concerned that he could erase his feelings so easily.

  29. QUESTION:
    Only fo matured married men and women who is patient and willing to help honestly?
    I am married for 7 yrs. My height is 5ft 3 inches and my wife's is 5ft 2 inches. My penis is 5 inch when I am aroused. Once my wife laughed at it saying it is 3 inch. There are times whe appreciated tall men in front of me.
    What does she want exactly when she does all that?
    Is 5 inch penis too short to satisfy a women?
    I feel insecure about my height and size of my penis.
    How do I handle this situation.. Divorce is not an option..
    Please help. Also please mention you are a married man or married woman when you advice.
    I will be grateful to you
    Thanks

    • ANSWER:
      Your biggest problem is your attitude. Get over the fact that you are shorter than average. Act like you are above average. Other people see it in your eyes and demeanor.
      If your wife is really demeaning you, then your marital problems go way beyond the size of your penis. It could be that she feels a sense of control over you by noticing taller men in front of you. Maybe she feels she needs to belittle you to feel better about herself. Only you know her well enough to figure out why she would do that. I would suggest you go to counseling and stop worrying about your height and the size of your pecker.
      As for your question " Is a 5 inch penis too short to satisfy a woman?", I couldn't answer that because mine was 5 inches when I was 9 years old.

  30. QUESTION:
    Advice about parents' divorce?
    And it wasn't just once. First of all, I have 2 moms, one is a lesbian, one is bi. They divorced when I was 1 or 2. Then one of them got together with another woman while the other got together with another man. My mom and the man divorced when I was 8 or 9, and my other mom and the woman divorced when I was 13 or 14. I'm 16 now, and my mom is currently with another woman. They don't get along that well a lot of the time, and because of her track record, I see divorce in the future.
    It's giving me a really pessimistic idea of love and relationships. I had one relationship when I was 15, but the whole time I was only thinking about, what's the point of a relationship if none of them last?
    I know that marriage works for some couples. But there are so many who can't make it work! Does anyone have any advice for me, I don't want to feel like this forever!
    I don't go to church... I'm not sure how that's relevant anyway.
    And I wouldn't say they were selfish. They fought all the time, and it was best for them to split up, trust me.

    • ANSWER:
      you won't feel that way forever.....my parents are going through a divorce right now and they have been fighting for years but, i still beleive in love i guess when you think about all the good relationships maby not your family but your friends family and just hope to have that one day love is hard especially when you get with the wrong people but, love is out there somewhere and it'll get easier but, when you meet that person that's right for you don't push them away or deny them trust because you might miss out on somthing amazing.....:)

  31. QUESTION:
    Need advice from other women married to military men...?
    Ok so i have a 2 yr old son and i am pregnant. My husband is in the Army and decided he wanted a divorce. He left me the BAH money for rent but i unfortunately dont have a job since my husband had me quit when i became pregnant and said he would take care of me. The BAH money barely covers rent and utilities along with other shared bills we had. Can i put him on child support on top of what he is already giving me or what can i do?
    f.y.i. i am looking for a job but am also trying to get myself through school and no one is really willing to hire a pregnant woman.

    • ANSWER:
      YOu bet your ass you can get child support. I was an NCO in the Army and had many guys who had children in several places everyt time they were stationed there. Go to the base commander and talk to him. You may have to go to court, but a direct withdraw from his check to your bank account can be done it is called an allotment. He will have no choice about doing it. Make him take care of his kids, and don't let him get away with the minimun he wants to pay.

  32. QUESTION:
    A have question: Women Divorce yesterday her husband,the day is Sunday,SHE tell to I live with her at her Home
    I am asking for advice on what to do in this situation based on what the Bible says, not what you think I should do.
    I am 20 years old,young men and I am a christian,I talk,then she talk about pains put to move, I tell sex in marriage, I tell do she divorce the husband,SHE tell me in day Sunday she divorce the husband, SHE tell to me live with me,Please,I write the chapter of the bible,then she tell to me: live with me,Please,to all christian and born again christian.I be this your friend and I can have a GIRLFRIEND,then She no write to me by email or messege beta,how I can know why she divorce the husband and how it happen,PLEASe help me,,it is imparting to me,and christian,born again christian
    ,I no want to have a wife,no want to have children with her,I can this PREY for her,but no do in action to she by happy,,I will let her sin,but I will bring her to JESUS[YAHSHUA],
    I can't marry her,why then I will sin[adultery], it in, Matthew 5:32 >>----------------------------------...
    New American Standard Bible (©1995)
    but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
    GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
    But I can guarantee that any man who divorces his wife for any reason other than unfaithfulness makes her look as though she has committed adultery. Whoever marries a woman divorced in this way makes himself look as though he has committed adultery.

    • ANSWER:
      Everybody has given you the correct answer, so no excuse

      7 And I saw among the naive , And discerned among the youths A young man lacking sense ,
      8 Passing through the street near her corner; And he takes the way to her house,
      9 In the twilight, in the evening , In the middle of the night and in the darkness.
      10 And behold, a woman comes to meet him, Dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart.
      11 She is boisterous and rebellious, Her feet do not remain at home;
      12 She is now in the streets, now in the squares, And lurks by every corner.
      13 So she seizes him and kisses him And with a brazen face she says to him:
      14 "I was due to offer peace offerings; Today I have paid my vows.
      15 "Therefore I have come out to meet you, To seek your presence earnestly, and I have found you.
      16 "I have spread my couch with coverings, With colored linens of Egypt.
      17 "I have sprinkled my bed With myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.
      18 "Come, let us drink our fill of love until morning; Let us delight ourselves with caresses.
      19 "For my husband is not at home, He has gone on a long journey;
      20 He has taken a bag of money with him, At the full moon he will come home."
      21 With her many persuasions she entices him; With her flattering lips she seduces him.
      22 Suddenly he follows her As an ox goes to the slaughter,
      Or as one in fetters to the discipline of a fool,
      23 Until an arrow pierces through his liver; As a bird hastens to the snare,
      So he does not know that it will cost him his life.
      24 Now therefore, my sons, listen to me, And pay attention to the words of my mouth.
      25 Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, Do not stray into her paths.
      26 For many are the victims she has cast down, And numerous are all her slain.
      27 Her house is the way to Sheol, Descending to the chambers of death.

  33. QUESTION:
    A have question:HElp me PLEASE and PLEASE give me a advice,I really like to by her friend and abaut divorce?
    I am asking for advice on what to do in this situation based on what the Bible says, not what you think I should do.
    I am 20 years old,young men and I am a christian,I talk,then she talk about pains put to move, I tell sex in marriage, I tell do she divorce the husband,SHE tell me in day Sunday she divorce the husband, SHE tell to me live with me,Please,I write the chapter of the bible,then she tell to me: live with me,Please,to all christian and born again christian.I be this your friend and I can have a GIRLFRIEND,then She no write to me by email or messege beta,how I can know why she divorce the husband and how it happen,PLEASe help me,,it is imparting to me,and christian,born again christian
    ,I no want to have a wife,no want to have children with her,I can this PREY for her,but no do in action to she by happy,,I will let her sin,but I will bring her to JESUS[YAHSHUA],
    I can't marry her,why then I will sin[adultery], it in, Matthew 5:32 >>----------------------------------...
    New American Standard Bible (©1995)
    but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
    GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
    But I can guarantee that any man who divorces his wife for any reason other than unfaithfulness makes her look as though she has committed adultery. Whoever marries a woman divorced in this way makes himself look as though he has committed adultery.

    • ANSWER:
      "How is babby formed... how girl get pragnent?"

      http://www.somethingawful.com/flash/shmorky/babby.swf

      Here we go again!

  34. QUESTION:
    men or women.Am i the only one going through this? Tell me about your divorce experience or almost let to one?
    i love my husband with all my heart am still married,(11months), but the way he always puts me off for his family (im tired of him worrying about making his brother happy, than my feeling and emotions), and for everything make it seem like anything else is more important that me(he says his life doesn't evolve around me), and acknowledges what anyone else says, than what i say, and always wants me around when he feels like it, otherwise gives an excuse of he wants to visit his brother cuz he hasent seen him, but freaking works with him, wtf? today i told him straight up its eighter he aknlowledges me as his wife or i want a divorce, and he said he will change, but what if he dosent.PLEASE ANY ADVICE FROM ANYONE THAT WENT OR GOING TROUGH THE SAME.WAS YOUR MARRIAGE SAVED?** i don't mind reading long responses :) MATURE ANSWER PLEASE!!
    i really didn't want to bring up the whole divorce subject, but he really wasn't understanding how much he was hurting me, and by me saying the "d" word, he then said he was going to change. in the beginning (the first 3 months) i told him i understood he was attached to his brother, but i told him now it gotten worse, i told him that it seemed time to cut the umbilical cord! i also told him how scared i was to have a child with him, because what would guarantee me he would push his kid aside.

    • ANSWER:
      Give him a chance...let him TRY...Family is a HUGE part of Everyones lives but he also NEEDS to know that you are still his WIFE--best friend--partner--other half, etc.

      You can't just Give up and Quit so soon...sounds like maybe you are being a bit selfish. Sometimes guys need their Guy friends and a break from their wives/gf's.

      But definetly let him be aware of the consequences of his present actions and if he continues them .. hopefully he will change and come around.

  35. QUESTION:
    Men, need your advice: Does husband want divorce or not? Haven't seen him in 1.5 yrs!?
    It's been 1.5 years now, does he want a divorce or not?

    I haven't talked to my estranged husband for almost a year and I we haven't seen each other and he hasn't seen our son in the same amount of time and has never seen our daughter. I was able to find out his number (previously changed it b/c he tried to get a divorce behind my back) i was mainly wanting to inquire about any divorce papers to be filed and where to send them. I didn't even get to finish my entire message. Why did he sound like he was getting irritated and annoyed? And tells me to stop calling his phone but when I call again to finish my message he answers?

    So if I am giving him what he wants...which may be what I want and finally see it's for the best and tell him that, why is he getting defensive, being mean, and hostile?

    I'm moving on in life in a very positive direction and am finally living and being the woman I know I was created to be. I'm also doing really well with BOTH our young children which he hasn't seen in almost 2 years and hasn't even given me a penny to help take care of.

    He hasn't file as of late.

    Yes, we had problems like any other married couple, but he's the one who made the choice to leave his family to be single again and basically free himself of what it takes to be responsible for a family.

    There have been so many cruel things he has done not only to me, but while I was pregnant with both children.

    Before I met him, I was so goal-oriented and made sure I did what I needed to do to get a job done. Then when we got married, it seemed like he never wanted me to do anything, he always wanted me in the house, etc...I'm sure a lot of you know how THAT goes.

    Now, I have gone back to school and basically have the freedom that you need on a daily basis like drive myself somewhere and leave places when I'm ready to leave. BTW, he has had a history of domestic violence, but was never physically violent towards me.

    He is 17 years my senior. I'm still in my mid 20s. Maybe the saying "things fall apart so better things can fall together" is true. I still have my whole life ahead of me and 2 beautiful kids to raise.

    From a male's perspective...what is going on and why is he acting that way?

    He filed for divorce last Feb. but the case was dismissed. He didn't even amend anything...just let it go. The judge gave him a total of 50 days to amend and make changes to the grounds he claimed and he didn't make any changes. So the judge dismissed it.

    And why hasn't he filed for a divorce again if that's what he really wants?

    BTW, I've already filed child support last year, and he recently has been to court...no word yet regarding the outcome. I don't want a divorce...but also am not comfortable with filing for one right now.

    So does he want a divorce or not?

    • ANSWER:
      WOW, w/ the exception that my hub and I have no children, your situation is so similar to mine. I haven't seen him in over a year and 1/2, except we ran into each other at pizza hut. He said he'd call me to come get the rest of his things, but never did. He filed for divorce, but never asked me to sign the papers. I don't know if he wanst divorced or not. It's weird. I have moved forward in every area of my life but one- relationship status. I am content being single for now while I wait to see what he does. I prayed for a miracle and believe it will happen, but if it doesn't, then I know God has a better plan! Be blessed.

  36. QUESTION:
    Men, need your advice: Does husband want divorce or not? Haven't seen him in 1.5 yrs!?

    i was mainly wanting to inquire about any divorce papers to be filed and where to send them. I didn't even get to finish my entire message. Why did he sound like he was getting irritated and annoyed? And tells me to stop calling his phone but when I call again to finish my message he answers?

    So if I am giving him what he wants...which may be what I want and finally see it's for the best and tell him that, why is he getting defensive, being mean, and hostile?

    I'm moving on in life in a very positive direction and am finally living and being the woman I know I was created to be. I'm also doing really well with BOTH our young children which he hasn't seen in almost 2 years and hasn't even given me a penny to help take care of.

    He hasn't file as of late.

    Yes, we had problems like any other married couple, but he's the one who made the choice to leave his family to be single again and basically free himself of what it takes to be responsible for a family.

    There have been so many cruel things he has done not only to me, but while I was pregnant with both children.

    Before I met him, I was so goal-oriented and made sure I did what I needed to do to get a job done. Then when we got married, it seemed like he never wanted me to do anything, he always wanted me in the house, etc...I'm sure a lot of you know how THAT goes.

    Now, I have gone back to school and basically have the freedom that you need on a daily basis like drive myself somewhere and leave places when I'm ready to leave. BTW, he has had a history of domestic violence, but was never physically violent towards me.

    He is 17 years my senior. I'm still in my mid 20s. Maybe the saying "things fall apart so better things can fall together" is true. I still have my whole life ahead of me and 2 beautiful kids to raise.

    From a male's perspective...what is going on and why is he acting that way?

    He filed for divorce last Feb. but the case was dismissed. He didn't even amend anything...just let it go.

    And why hasn't he filed for a divorce again if that's what he really wants?

    BTW, I've already filed child support last year, and he recently has been to court...no word yet regarding the outcome.

    • ANSWER:
      He does want a divore if he hasnt seen you and has filed. but might be lazy to file again. Go on with your life and Iam sure you will find another guy who will love your kids. My husband loves my son as his own. Good luck with all of this.

  37. QUESTION:
    Why do women have a double standard regarding relationships and dating?
    It may be me but I swear this whole scene has gotten worse since I got back into dating following my divorce. Every women I date lately seems to fit in Girls Nite Out on a regular basis with their schedule. "Want to go out Saturday night?" Sorry Girls night out. That is the night I know I can't expect my girlfriend to be home anytime before the sun rises. The hangover follows the next day. The girls have sleep overs. Sometimes a male friend tags along that might be someone they know or they met at one of the bars they visited during the night.
    "Where were you last night?"
    Out with the girls.
    "Where did you go?"
    Honestly, the night was a blur and I honestly can't remember.
    When the word "honestly" is used twice in the same sentence, I can honestly guess that she is lying to me.
    I decided to call her bluff. Last weekend instead of asking her out, I didn't make any plans with her. On Sunday morning I got a call.
    Where were you last night?
    "Out with the boys"
    Excuse me? Out with the boys, huh? And just where did you and the boys go on this so-called boys night out, huh?
    (Her voice cracked on each huh at ear piercing shrill level. I thought I was talking to Hillary Clinton on the phone. I am woman, hear me whine.)
    "Honestly, the night was a blur and I honestly can't remember."
    Honestly? Honestly? I'll bet you and the boys probably went on a pub crawl and wound up at the Golden Banana for a lap dance.
    "Yeah, the Golden Banana," I said. "Oh by the way, Fabio says hello. He gave me your Jockey for Hers if you want them back."
    The Old Double Standard. Wasn't it Lady MacBeth who called men liars and then killed a man because she suspected him of lying to her? What a tangled web we weave when we venture to deceive. Shakespeare's advice to men about women. Something's never change.
    If it's okay for women to have girls night out, why isn't it okay for men to have boys night out? If they can have other friends of the opposite sex, why can't we? Isn't what's good for the goose also good for the gander?

    • ANSWER:
      there is no double standard, your girlfriend is psychotic

  38. QUESTION:
    Men who have been divorced, separated, or are still married. NEED ADVICE, does he want a divorce or not?
    Please, I need some constructive criticism and advice that is sincere.

    It's been 1.5 years now, does he want a divorce or not?

    I haven't talked to my estranged husband for almost a year and I we haven't seen each other and he hasn't seen our son in the same amount of time and has never seen our daughter. I was able to find out his number (previously changed it b/c he tried to get a divorce behind my back) i was mainly wanting to inquire about any divorce papers to be filed and where to send them. I didn't even get to finish my entire message. Why did he sound like he was getting irritated and annoyed? And tells me to stop calling his phone but when I call again to finish my message he answers?

    So if I am giving him what he wants...which may be what I want and finally see it's for the best and tell him that, why is he getting defensive, being mean, and hostile?

    I'm moving on in life in a very positive direction and am finally living and being the woman I know I was created to be. I'm also doing really well with BOTH our young children which he hasn't seen in almost 2 years and hasn't even given me a penny to help take care of.

    He hasn't file as of late.

    Yes, we had problems like any other married couple, but he's the one who made the choice to leave his family to be single again and basically free himself of what it takes to be responsible for a family.

    There have been so many cruel things he has done not only to me, but while I was pregnant with both children.

    Before I met him, I was so goal-oriented and made sure I did what I needed to do to get a job done. Then when we got married, it seemed like he never wanted me to do anything, he always wanted me in the house, etc...I'm sure a lot of you know how THAT goes.

    Now, I have gone back to school and basically have the freedom that you need on a daily basis like drive myself somewhere and leave places when I'm ready to leave. BTW, he has had a history of domestic violence, but was never physically violent towards me.

    He is 17 years my senior. I'm still in my mid 20s. Maybe the saying "things fall apart so better things can fall together" is true. I still have my whole life ahead of me and 2 beautiful kids to raise.

    From a male's perspective...what is going on and why is he acting that way?

    He filed for divorce last Feb. but the case was dismissed. He didn't even amend anything...just let it go. The judge gave him a total of 50 days to amend and make changes to the grounds he claimed and he didn't make any changes. So the judge dismissed it.

    And why hasn't he filed for a divorce again if that's what he really wants?

    BTW, I've already filed child support last year, and he recently has been to court...no word yet regarding the outcome. I don't want a divorce...but also am not comfortable with filing for one right now.

    So does he want a divorce or not?

    I feel like calling him or texting him to ask what the deal is...but then again people are telling me to leave him alone, do not call or text him.

    I have been calling the circuit clerk every week to find out what the judge ordered regarding the child support but haven't heard anything yet.

    I'm thinking about visiting the state he lives in June not necessarily see him, but my good friends and people from my church who have supported me and continue to support me through all of this.

    Is he in a way trying to "punish" me by not wanting to do anything with his own flesh and blood?

    You sure bet I will do what I need to do to get that child support.

    But does he want a divorce or not?

    • ANSWER:
      He is probably the biggest looser you will ever meet in your life. I am so glad you are getting on with your life.
      Please dont make mistake of going back to him, and upsetting the children again.
      Have you applied for Medicaid and WIC assistance. I work at hospital that does these applications as a courtesy for women and men in need.
      You can also apply online (in Florida, maybe other states)

  39. QUESTION:
    I need advice from divorced women with kids...?
    I'm scared. I got married at 19 years old and I have 2 kids. I'm now 23 and I realize prince charming was a toad. I'm sure that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with this man and I certainly don't want to model "unhappiness is normal" for my girls. But I am scared. I've never lived on my own and I don't have family around to help with the kids. But mostly, I have always had 'adult supervision'. Has anyone ever gone through this? How did you handle it? Hell, I don't even have friends around anymore. I'm just overwhelmed and frightened and I don't know where to start.

    Thanks
    Alot of you are asking for details. He doesn't hit me and he is willing to give me a divorce. It's a complex situation, like all other marriages. I feel like he is controlling. And I also feel like he has little regard for the feelings of others. We want very different things out of life at this point. There was a time when I was willing to compromise to live the life that he envisioned, but I guess I've compromised so much that I just can't do it anymore. No matter how much I change or give up or go along with, it's never enough. Trust me, I have done everything except go to marriage counseling, it can't be saved. This is not the arbitrary decision of a child who woke up and said, "Whoa, is this marriage?" In many ways, cultural differences play a big role in our marital problems. For instance, I have been out with friends only one time in my entire marriage. He doesn't flat out forbid me (cuz that would make him look bad) but I am not allowed to have much interaction w/o him
    By 'adult supervision', I mean that I had more freedom as a teenager. He has always handled the finances and made all the big decisions. If I go down to visit relatives, he insists on going with me. In fact, the one time I went out with my old high school friends, he insisted on making the 2 hour drive with me and waiting at a relative's house with the kids. And now, after living like this, no matter how restricting I may find it, I am kinda scared about being being on my own.

    • ANSWER:
      i wish that you put more details about why he is a toad as i dont like to give advice about divorce unless it has true meritt to leaving, ie infidelity, physical/emotional abuse..etc where there are kids involved.. so i hope your reasoning for wanting out of the marriage is more then "boredom, or that you thought marriage was some romantic novel, or your just wanting to see if the grass is greener on the other side" because the choices you make will affect the children alot more then your concern for seeing an unhappy mother, their lives will Never be the same when u leave, and it doesnt always turn out to be better..for you or for them ...and once the damage is done its not like you can reverse it.. with that said..

      I got married at 18 to my high school sweetheart.. we had 2 kids by the time i was 21 ..by 23 we got a divorce because he couldnt handle the responsibilities that came with being married with 2 children especially one that is chronically ill.. and yes it was extremely scary at first.. knowing 2 kids totally depend on you for everything, to provide for them, to protect them , etc.. but you do what u have to do to make it by.. and once you get settled and into a routine, it becomes normal and its not so scary anymore..

      Not knowing ur situation fully i'll give typical advice apply it where needed.. if u dont have a job, i suggest that u stay where u are, until u can get a job, and save up money, ur going to need money to get into a new place, most places to rent your going to need enough for atleast first and last months rent, sometimes a deposit as well, then your going to need money to have things hooked up like elec, and cable.. to get started..plus groceries.. so make sure u have enough saved up to atleast handle that.. i recommend if at all possible.. because it will be a huge adjustment for you having to be responsible for all bills, and care that you should try and save up as much money so that your not starting out already financially in the hole... make sure u get a place that you can by yourself financially handle by yourself.. because it could be awhile before your awarded child support through the courts, and even then , some guys dont pay like they should, so u want to find something that you can afford on your own.. with out his help.. dont be dependent on his child support if at all possible..

      Something to think about though.. my mother wasnt happy with my father.. she had married him fairly young, although not as young as you or i had gotten married, but not far behind.. she thought the grass would be greener on the other side, and although her gripes about her marriage were all in all trivial , she chose she wanted more out of life.. she left.. my father won custody of us kids.. something she didnt think she'd have to worry about just assumed cause she was mom that we'd be with her.. but she was wrong.. so from the time i was 5 to the time i was an adult i only saw my mom every other weekend and every other holiday .. my mom dated some guys who all seemed like prince charming at first but ended up being bad choices in men, my mom struggled financially on her own for years.. living in not so nice of neighborhood to make it by.. meanwhile my father got his life together with us kids, met a woman and remarried a few years after the divorce.. My mom couldnt stand that there was another woman in our life, she never considered the fact of my father eventually moving on and another mother "role " being in our life.. and my mother became very spiteful where my step mother was concerned.. although my step mother was a great woman who did everything a mother should do for us, and things that my mother didnt for us.. but it caused alot of heartache for us kids because of the hatred our mother had for her.. years down the road .. my mom ended up very hurt because we love our step mother very much and call her mom, my father and my step mother have a great life, one that she wanted to have and see's now that she could of had, if she didnt let her immature thoughts to just have her skip out on a marriage to a man, that was a good man, just she wanted more and couldnt see that the problems they have were really trivial but because of her immaturity she made them out to be more then what they really were, and now almost 30 years later she admits to us kids that it was the biggest mistake of her life leaving my dad, that she lost everything ..

      I really hope your making the right decisions for yourself and your children based on mature, rational thinking, and not just immature thoughts of what you think marriage should be.. because everyones lives will be altered forever, and i hope your ready to handle the fact that your husband wont pine over you forever that he'll eventually move on in his life, and get remarried, and i hope your ready to deal with your children forming attachments to another mother role model in their life.. I had a great life with my dad, and i wouldnt change it even if i could..

  40. QUESTION:
    Need advice from men in their later 30's?
    Guy friend and I ended up having a bit of a love affair... he gave mixed signals... laying next to me saying he doesnt know this weird feeling hes feeling but its a good weird... asking me if I considered him my bf (I said no we havent been out on a real date) then he asks me out on a date for vaelntines day...we went it was fine, but no kiss or anything at end of it.

    He said he realizes he pulls back whenevr he feels close to me.. hes only had two gf's in his life... his life is not ready for a gf... he used to be a lot bigger guy and has some self esteem issues... but likes me. just not love.

    Ok...

    well I was pmsing... we had a talk/email exchange where I needed to know how he sees me in his life...

    He says he sees mne as a friend that at this point he only wants to be friends... this was days after his moment of feeling something... .................ouch!! But I acted ike cool, ok that I can agree with (its killing me inside though.. I was falling in love with him...)...

    Yet we still hang out... he helps me around the house (I am a single mom/ divorced)... hes nevr been married etc... does not date others or go out unless I am around.. (I went on vacation with my kids and he said he did nothing, had no one to call) etc..

    I feel like my life exoerience intimidates him..Hes36, Im 40... maybe my age too? We both liked the sex but now we are not doing it. wejust literally hang out... as friends... I even suggestd fwb but he said he deosnt want to be fwb...

    Hed told me he is a bit passive and shy (he is)... and I dont want to chase a guy... but ive given hints an such and nothing.

    I want more with him.. how do I get hom tp pursue me a little bit... I know he likes me, hes told me and his behaviors show me he is interested -- but holds back...

    He seems a little immature when it comes to men-women things... but he doesnt avoid me or blow me off etc.. he is actually a good guy who tries to do the right thing.etc..

    I dont know what to do... I am going to start dating others so I stop pining after him - but not sure if thats the right thing to do... I like HIM and want HIM.. but hes so damn passive its killing me.

    • ANSWER:
      not trying to be mean but good luck getting a straight guy in his mid 30s to take the time to read that, it's a lot of drama.

  41. QUESTION:
    Men's advice pls -Wife wants husb to divorce her and leave,she doesn't want anything from him. Why won't he go
    Second marriage (widowed) for me, first for him. He has fathered no children, I have two sons. He is from another country, no family here. It's my house. We have our own jobs and own bank accounts. When I married, I loved him more than life. I thought he felt the same to. We were engaged nine months before marriage. Married 4 yrs now.
    I have caught him making plans to meet another woman when he goes home this summer to visit with his family. I found emails and have kept copies. After confronting him and throwing him out, he of course, apologized. I thought we could work through it since "the act" wasn't committed, but after about 6 months my heart has hardened and I don't think I love him anymore, maybe starting to hate him. I have gone to counseling, he won't. I have told him several times to just leave. If he's so unhappy just leave (I can't it's my house and home). He won't. I don't want any money, or anything except what I brought to marriage. I worry over my kids missing him.
    I am hurt and unhappy now. I just want him to go away. I have made an easy out for him, why won't he take it?
    In response to "getdownonurknees". IT IS MY HOUSE. My name and my DECEASED husband's name is on the deed. I've lived there for 14 years and I paid the mortgage in the past and AM still paying it.

    • ANSWER:
      You are going through a bad patch you find out he has been plotting behind your back with another women and he was well and truly found out.
      Your emotions are every where and there is no hard and fast rule as to when one emotion pops up and then goes away for goo or to later reserface.
      What has happenend now is you are still very angry with him for what he did betray you in worst possible way.
      What you have not done by the sound of it is really thrash this out with him being open and honest with one another as to why he found the need to do this.
      My guess and only a guess is YOU did all the talking, shouting, crying ect and he did nothing but sit there and let you rant so now he thinks that because you have said your bit and he has possible said oh sorry he thinks that is it!
      NO it is not it you cant just move on and play happy family your relationship will never be the same again however if you want it to it can be a lot better and stronger.
      Try and get him to talk things through with you and if he wont then tell him it is over and you want him to leave your home.
      Unfortunatly I am affraid he has the attitude give you a while and you will forget and move on. You will never forget however you can forgive but it is not one sided like now it has to be the two of you working together he has not offered you one single step towards the repair so I think you have good grounds to get rid of him if you really want to.
      You will get tough and you will feel you hate him that my friend is natural when the man does nothing to make you feel wanted, safe, loved or secure.
      You cant make or force him to talk but he really needs to know you are serious never leave your home go and see a solicitor to find out your rights and tell him that is where you are going scare the pants off him to show him you mean it.

  42. QUESTION:
    Have you read: Advice to young men: Do not marry, do not have children??
    Advice to young men: Do not marry, do not have children
    ENTERSTAGERIGHT ^ | 11/12/2007 | Stephen Baskerville

    Posted on Tuesday, November 13, 2007 7:08:30 AM by Responsibility2nd

    Marriage is a foundation of civilized life. No advanced civilization has ever existed without the married, two-parent family. Those who argue that our civilization needs healthy marriages to survive are not exaggerating.

    And yet I cannot, in good conscience, urge young men to marry today. For many men (and some women), marriage has become nothing less than a one-way ticket to jail. Even the New York Times has reported on how easily "the divorce court leads to a jail cell," mostly for men. In fact, if I have one urgent piece of practical advice for young men today it is this: Do not marry and do not have children.

    Spreading this message may also, in the long run, be the most effective method of saving marriage as an institution. For until we understand that the principal threat to marriage today is not cultural but political, and that it comes not from homosexuals but from heterosexuals, we will never reverse the decline of marriage. The main destroyer of marriage, it should be obvious, is divorce. Michael McManus of Marriage Savers points out that "divorce is a far more grievous blow to marriage than today's challenge by gays." The central problem is the divorce laws.

    It is well known that half of all marriages end in divorce. But widespread misconceptions lead many to believe it cannot happen to them. Many conscientious people think they will never be divorced because they do not believe in it. In fact, it is likely to happen to you whether you wish it or not.

    First, you do not have to agree to the divorce or commit any legal transgression. Under "no-fault" divorce laws, your spouse can divorce you unilaterally without giving any reasons. The judge will then grant the divorce automatically without any questions.

    But further, not only does your spouse incur no penalty for breaking faith; she can actually profit enormously. Simply by filing for divorce, your spouse can take everything you have, also without giving any reasons. First, she will almost certainly get automatic and sole custody of your children and exclude you from them, without having to show that you have done anything wrong. Then any unauthorized contact with your children is a crime. Yes, for seeing your own children you will be subject to arrest.

    There is no burden of proof on the court to justify why they are seizing control of your children and allowing your spouse to forcibly keep you from them. The burden of proof (and the financial burden) is on you to show why you should be allowed to see your children.

    The divorce industry thus makes it very attractive for your spouse to divorce you and take your children. (All this earns money for lawyers whose bar associations control the careers of judges.) While property divisions and spousal support certainly favor women, the largest windfall comes through the children. With custody, she can then demand "child support" that may amount to half, two-thirds, or more of your income. (The amount is set by committees consisting of feminists, lawyers, and enforcement agents – all of whom have a vested interest in setting the payments as high as possible.) She may spend it however she wishes. You pay the taxes on it, but she gets the tax deduction.

    You could easily be left with monthly income of a few hundreds dollars and be forced to move in with relatives or sleep in your car. Once you have sold everything you own, borrowed from relatives, and maximized your credit cards, they then call you a "deadbeat dad" and take you away in handcuffs. You are told you have "abandoned" your children and incarcerated without trial.

    Evidence indicates that, as men discover all this, they have already begun an impromptu marriage "strike": refusing to marry or start families, knowing they can be criminalized if their wife files for divorce. "Have anti-father family court policies led to a men's marriage strike?" ask Glenn Sacks and Dianna Thompson in the Philadelphia Enquirer. In Britain, fathers tour university campuses warning young men not to start families. In his book, From Courtship to Courtroom, Attorney Jed Abraham concludes that the only protection for men to avoid losing their children and everything else is not to start families in the first place.

    Is it wise to disseminate such advice? If people stop marrying, what will become of the family and our civilization?

    Marriage is already all but dead, legally speaking, and divorce is the principal reason. The fall in the Western birth rate is directly connected with divorce law.

    It is also likely that same-sex marriage is being demanded only because of how heterosexuals have already debased marriage through divorce law. "The world of no-strings heterosexual hookups and 50% divorce rates preceded gay marriage," advocate Andrew Sullivan points out. "All homosexuals are saying...is that, under the current definition, there's no reason to exclude us. If you want to return straight marriage to the 1950s, go ahead. But until you do, the exclusion of gays is simply an anomaly – and a denial of basic civil equality."

    We will not restore marriage by burying our heads in the sand; nor simply by preaching to young people to marry, as the Bush administration's government therapy programs now do. The way to restore marriage as an institution in which young people can place their trust, their children, and their lives is to make it an enforceable contract. We urgently need a national debate about divorce, child custody, and the terms under which the government can forcibly sunder the bonds between parents and their children. We owe it to future generations, if there are to be any.

    Stephen Baskerville, Ph.D., is assistant professor of government at Patrick Henry College and President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children
    Is that you really feel next?
    Not biased at all are you?
    Valerie:
    I will take your word for it since you have no FACTS to back you up.
    These women that go to college.
    Who gives them finacial support?
    If it is their fathers.....OMG!
    Fathers are MEN!!!!
    Dear God!
    Learning: Women tend to change to witches after marriage.

    • ANSWER:
      Hate to say it, but definitely agree. My advice to any young man is DO NOT GET MARRIED, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. You are only setting yourself up for heartache and financial ruin. I am the one who was the single parent (Dad). Wouldn't trade my boy for anything or anyone..but...he deserved a better life than I alone was able to provide for him.

  43. QUESTION:
    I need input from divorced people? (both men and women)?
    My sister-in-law came to see me today and told me that she and my brother are having problems and that she's on the edge of just calling it quits. They're talking about a trial seperation. I'm really worried and I know there's nothing I can do to really help them other than to be supportive. They have two daughters together (ages 3 years and 17 months). My brother is a good man, but he is a little bit of a throw back, he expects her to be a stay-at-home mom (which she would like to be, but they can't really afford it, so she's working part time), he expects her to keep the house clean, and take care of the kids full time while he relaxes after work. She just wants him to be a little more involved with the kids and to not get angry and not talk to her when things like bills come up. I know where they're both coming from, and I love them both so much.

    I guess what I'm really asking is a couple questions rolled into one.
    First, how many of you tried a trial seperation and then it ended up in divorce anyway or did it help things for a little while?
    Second, I'm seriously worried that if my sister-in-law does call it quits my brother my get suicidal on us. He loves strongly even if he shows it poorly. I'm worried that this could drive him down some dark paths. How can I help him?

    When you were going through this what would have helped you from a family member? Just listening? Advice? The number to a marriage counselor? What can I do? If anything?

    • ANSWER:
      I am divorced and it was a very painful time in my life. But I got through it. Here is my advice:
      Your brother and sister-in-law should see a marriage counselor. Therapy is important.

      What can you do? Listen and listen. Be a sounding board. Your advice may not be taken very enthusiastically because it sounds like they both are strong personalities?

      If this does lead to divorce, then your brother should get in a support group - that's what I did and it helped tremendously.

  44. QUESTION:
    I need men and women's thoughts, especially mens:) Thanks?
    Your Resolved QuestionShow me another »
    Men only I need your help:)?
    Hi. I need some men's advice preferably. I am dating a man goign thru a divorce. He is a wonderful man in so many ways. We have been seeing each other for 1 1/2 months now. We met online and actually went to high school together. His divorce will be final in fall. He has a daughter whom is 6yrs old. The marriage has ended due to no affection and intimacy on his ex's part for the last 6 years and she spends and did spend all her time with kid, never with him or even by herslef., etc.... They are not reconciling either.
    Not that ya have the background my ? is we have had sex 1 time now and he wants us to still date just hold off on sex as he wants our relationship based on much more than sex and for us to get to know each other very well.
    I'm okay with it and think it is a great idea. However we have so much chemistry and passion.
    A side note him and his ex wife rushed into things and were married after 9 month

    • ANSWER:
      Sounds like he's made a mistake by sleeping with someone while he's married, but like he's being smart by taking things slowly this time. I've been in his shoes, and a 6 year old will handle a new girlfriend a lot better than a teenager would. But I know the best thing is to go slowly, introduce you to his daughter only after you're sure you're serious and plan to stay in his life for a while - and that just for legal/financial reasons it may be best to not see him at all til fall. (But his attorney would know about that).

  45. QUESTION:
    Good morning, some help from men and women please:)?
    Hi. I need some men's advice preferably. I am dating a man goign thru a divorce. He is a wonderful man in so many ways. We have been seeing each other for 1 1/2 months now. We met online and actually went to high school together. His divorce will be final in fall. He has a daughter whom is 6yrs old. The marriage has ended due to no affection and intimacy on his ex's part for the last 6 years and she spends and did spend all her time with kid, never with him or even by herslef., etc.... They are not reconciling either.
    Not that ya have the background my ? is we have been intimate and he wants us to still date just hold off on sex as he wants our relationship based on much more than sex and for us to get to know each other very well.
    I'm okay with it and think it is a great idea. However we have so much chemistry and passion.
    A side note him and his ex wife rushed into things and were married after 9 months and he doesn't want to rush it again. I agree.
    What are your thoughts men?

    • ANSWER:
      You're about a burger short of a barbecue if think this butt ranger's going to marry you- you're his sex-toy til he can get away from his wife, that is, if he's actually going through a divorce. Have you heard it from her? She may think they're happily married and everything's fine. Could be he's bored and he just needed a little whore to pass some time with but now he feels guilty and doesn't want to sleep with you again.

  46. QUESTION:
    Hi I need some men and women's thoughts please:)?
    Hi. I need some men's advice preferably. I am dating a man goign thru a divorce. He is a wonderful man in so many ways. We have been seeing each other for 1 1/2 months now. We met online and actually went to high school together. His divorce will be final in fall. He has a daughter whom is 6yrs old. The marriage has ended due to no affection and intimacy on his ex's part for the last 6 years and she spends and did spend all her time with kid, never with him or even by herslef., etc.... They are not reconciling either.
    Not that ya have the background my ? is we have been intimate and he wants us to still date just hold off on sex as he wants our relationship based on much more than sex and for us to get to know each other very well.
    I'm okay with it and think it is a great idea. However we have so much chemistry and passion.
    A side note him and his ex wife rushed into things and were married after 9 months and he doesn't want to rush it again. I agree.
    What are your thoughts?

    • ANSWER:
      You're dating a married man. And you're sleeping with him after seeing him for only 45 days. He wants to put the brakes on things.
      I think you're foolish to get involved with a married man in any way shape or form.

  47. QUESTION:
    I'm looking for some men and women's thoughts, especially mens:)?
    Hi. I need some men's advice preferably. I am dating a man goign thru a divorce. He is a wonderful man in so many ways. We have been seeing each other for 1 1/2 months now. We met online and actually went to high school together. His divorce will be final in fall. He has a daughter whom is 6yrs old. The marriage has ended due to no affection and intimacy on his ex's part for the last 6 years and she spends and did spend all her time with kid, never with him or even by herslef., etc.... They are not reconciling either.
    Not that ya have the background my ? is we have been intimate and he wants us to still date just hold off on sex as he wants our relationship based on much more than sex and for us to get to know each other very well.
    I'm okay with it and think it is a great idea. However we have so much chemistry and passion.
    A side note him and his ex wife rushed into things and were married after 9 months and he doesn't want to rush it again. I agree.
    What are your thoughts?

    • ANSWER:
      I agree that a good relationship is based on many things, but good sex and physical intimacy is good too. He may feel that because he is technically still married to his soon to be ex that it would be cheating to sleep with you until the divorce is final. Since you are OK with it there should be no problems.

  48. QUESTION:
    Need Men's Clothing Advice, ex. styles and what to buy and where....?
    I asked this same question once before and got some pretty good answers, I was just looking to see if anyone else had anymore input, (men and women's opinions are greatly appreciated). Can someone please tell me where is the best place online to buy men's clothes? Also where is the best place to get advice on what is hot right now and stuff? I would really like a cool website to shop and like a blog or something for advice or possibly a place to go with both. I am looking to go with a new style since I am still a young man, 29, and am recently divorced, just came out of a 8 year relationship with alot of hurt, and would like to be in tune with the in stuff. I have been out of the dating and single life for quite sometime now and feel really awkward trying to get back into it. Please be as thorough as possible and I would really like to know where to go and look for info, where to shop, and how to stay in with the current trends. I am not looking to spend a hell of alot of money but I know there are many places that have the coolest and have clothes that are expensive and not so expensive. I am just trying to find out how everyone gets there advice and where they all go to stay "cool" so I myself can do the same while also being able to be attractive to women. The style is not important because I am looking for everything from casual, to designer, to going out, and everything in between. Also, maybe a little bit about myself can help with the info. I am a white male. I live in Louisiana. Enjoy going out to clubs, etc. Love music, rock, rap. Love sports, MMA and football and stuff. Drive a Dodge Charger SRT8. Tend to try to attract the 20-28 year old females. I hope this all helps. Thank you all gain.... A
    By the way, I recently shopped at a store called Buckle. I did it online and spent about 00.00. I bought a bunch of jeans and stuff and got a bunch of what I would call fight shirts, like Affliction, Archaic, and stuff like that. I found out that to be some pretty cool stuff, hope I didnt waste my money lol. I also tried that store Express. But the jeans they had were not my size. Help please, any help is great help....A

    • ANSWER:
      a shop u can buy clothes there and buy mens clothes ok???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  49. QUESTION:
    I'd like to have some thoughts form men and women please, thanks:)?
    Hi. I need some men's advice preferably. I am dating a man goign thru a divorce. He is a wonderful man in so many ways. We have been seeing each other for 1 1/2 months now. We met online and actually went to high school together. His divorce will be final in fall. He has a daughter whom is 6yrs old. The marriage has ended due to no affection and intimacy on his ex's part for the last 6 years and she spends and did spend all her time with kid, never with him or even by herslef., etc.... They are not reconciling either.
    Not that ya have the background my ? is we have been intimate and he wants us to still date just hold off on sex as he wants our relationship based on much more than sex and for us to get to know each other very well.
    I'm okay with it and think it is a great idea. However we have so much chemistry and passion.
    A side note him and his ex wife rushed into things and were married after 9 months and he doesn't want to rush it again. I agree.
    What are your thoughts?

    • ANSWER:
      He's doing the right thing and you should respect that. Sounds like you have a good man in your hands.

  50. QUESTION:
    About men/boys, but want women to answer: What coming-of-age sex did you help a young guy experience and why?
    I asked the same question recently and learned of wanting to provide an experience he would never forget, wanting to help an inexperienced friend, ego trip, confidence building, just divorced and wanting sxx, he was naive, shy, cute and various circumstances, being the first for each other, now married ... and so forth. Writing helpful/advice/experience sharing short stories for women. Thanks.
    Thanks Shannon. I was hoping mature people like you would answer and understand I chose this site as it is not for the teenie-bopers but for people older who recall events earlier in their lives.

    • ANSWER:
      About 13 years ago a neighbors son came home from College and was doing odd jobs for various people. He stopped by and we caught each other up on the past 8 months. We had dinner together and ended up spending the night together.

      IN the morning he asked me for some intimate tutoring and I took him under my wing and we tried some things he had wanted to try and I taught him how to do some things which many people never try. There are some things which require trust and he proved to be a gentle and attentive student.

      I'll not go in to the details of what we did but I spent a lot of time teaching him how to nurture and comfort a a woman. I also talked him about being assertive about communicating his wants and needs (which lead to trying the things he wanted to try) and about asking questions when in doubt.

      Our fling only lasted a couple of weeks. But he kept in touch with me for several years and I am really glad that we shared what we did.

      Why did I decide to take that young man under my wing? I think that my reasons were complex and not completely clear to me at the time. The simple answer is that it felt right to me at the time. He was a lovely young man that I had known in passing for a number of years and I had thought he was a nice guy for as long as I knew him. I was in need of someone that would boost my self esteem and get me out of a rut; he did all of that and I am as grateful to him as I know he was to me.


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Divorce Advice For Men

Posted on May 16, 2012 by

When a relationship breaks down it is upsetting for both parties involved but try not to concentrate solely on the negative. It is sad but we have to move on, it is not actually the end of the world. This article will provide you with some good tips for getting through your divorce.

Tip 1 
There is light at the end of the tunnel you just need to get through this difficult period. You have a lot on your plate so make life easier by breaking down your daily tasks. Write things down and set yourself targets. By writing a checklist you will give yourself a sense of achievement once you have completed that goal. You will see that by being organized your mind won´t feel so tangled up and you can still cope with your daily routine.

Tip 2 
Focus on positives in your life, your family, close friends who can support you. Look after your appearance, take time in the morning to dress yourself nicely it will make all the difference to your day and how others respond to you. Take time out, what do you enjoy doing? Whether it´s a walk on the beach listening to the waves or going to see a good movie allow yourself these luxuries. Just because your recent relationship failed this doesn´t mean that you are a failure and therefore don´t deserve the good things in life.

By keeping positive when life throws difficult obstacles at us we will become stronger people. Be realistic about what you are actually dealing with it doesn't have to be all bad. Hopefully you and your ex will become better people and may even get on in the near future.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Great Divorce Advice For Men?
    Can somebody help me for Great Divorce Advice For Men?

    • ANSWER:
      For Legal Divorce Advice For Men, you can contact VakilDesk. com

  2. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice for men ?
    I badly need divorce advice for men to win her ! I mean, it's not fair, I have bought 1 apartment, 1 house and 1 car during our 3 years marriage and now she wants half. She is a lot younger than me, damn it I should have known she was in just for the money. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks God we don't have any kids.

    • ANSWER:
      Mark, here is what you should do:

      1. Move your documents, records and other papers somewhere else, like a friend’s house or your attorney’s office.

      2. Go to the bank and divide the joint bank accounts in half and deposit your half in your own name.

      3. Close all joint credit or loan accounts and notify the banks, charge cards, and others by a certified, return receipt letter that you are no longer responsible for the expenses of your ex.

      4. Retirement funds acquired during a marriage are marital assets that can be divided by the divorce court. So chances are good that your wife will share in anything you contribute now to your pension plan at work or your Individual Retirement Account (IRA). Fill out the paperwork to have your employer stop your contributions to your 401(k) account or other pension plan.

      5. Make a list of everything in the house. Take pictures or video tape everything if you wish. Be sure to date your inventory. Include furniture, furnishings, appliances, clothing and jewelry.

      6. Move any valuables, like collections, jewelry, artwork, firearms, cash, and heirlooms out of the house to a safe place.You can establish a safe deposit box to store your valuables away from the house.

      7. Find a good family lawyer and set up an appointment right away.

      I recommend you check out this link also: http://answersandguides.com/divorce-advice-for-men.php

      Good luck to you my friend !

  3. QUESTION:
    Do anyone have advice for Men going back to college over 40, after divorce, paying child support for 2 kids?
    Over 40 years old, can I really get help and assistant to go back to college as a divorce man paying child support for two children?

    Situation: Filed for divorce in 2008. My divorce have been granted in October 2010 and have not yet been finalized. Pay child support for two children. I have one daughter 13 from the marriage and a one year old son out of marriage. I have over 15 years experience working in accounting. I have been living with my brother and his wife as I was basically homeless and was waiting for my divorce to be finalized. I've been working for one year on a temporary assignement which ended in Nov 2010. I am collecting unemployment and seeking full time work and looking to go back to college. I am seeking advice as to how to best stabilize myself with my responsibilities and to take charge of my education. I no longer want to neglect my education. I have strong knowledge as an accountant and realtor. I have a real estate license as well. Please advise.

    • ANSWER:
      Go to school. There is plenty of assistance for you. The guy I recently broke up with (long story) is 37 and going through a long and drawn out divorce including child support and alimony. His ex wife is taking everything she can...except his desire to grow as a man and make more of his life so that he can continue to support his 3 boys. He started going back to school last year. He makes a good living now, but sees his potential that he could make more with a degree and I am 137% behind him there. If you're worried about financial aid, talk to an advisor at the college. He/she can tell you what is available in your situation. Do it.

  4. QUESTION:
    I really Need advice from MEN re: divorce.?
    The Problem:
    We’ve been married for 1 ½ years now, and everything is either really good, or really bad.
    As soon as the slightest problem comes up. i.e. a bad day or mood in the house, my husband wants a divorce. He’s always saying that, it’s actually to the point where I’m not sure if I can believe him or not, and it’s getting pretty old too. A good example would be last night, we got in a small, very tiny argument about who makes the bed (stupid, I know) and he goes to bed telling me he “can’t take it anymore and wants a divorce”. Can’t take what? We have a great relationship, most of the time that is. LOL.

    So, my question is this… “Why are men like this? What is he trying to ‘say’ to me with this divorce statement?”

    • ANSWER:
      I'd get divorce letters and hand them to him and say 'if you want a divorce that badly, fill these in and let's get it over with'
      Dont let him keep saying that he wants a divorce - what a pillock!!! sorry for being rude about hubby but thats such a pathetic thing to say,

      If he says it again just say 'go crazy mate and get the ball rolling!!!' he'd poop himself if you said that! x

  5. QUESTION:
    Is this good advice for men for them to wait to marry until they can financially support two households? ?
    Given that the divorce rate is between 50 to 70% and for the most part in divorce settlements men are required to pay child support, alimony, in addition to splitting up half or more of the assets acquired during the marriage, isn't the above statement good advice for men to follow because a significant portion of them will have to support two households.

    • ANSWER:
      Maybe good advice for the weak and lazy man who doesn't know how to keep a woman. Or the guys who never really commit to the person they are with and the players and scum who can't keep it in there pants. Really if you have an honest man and woman and they have love for one and another and do not believe in divorce then you would not need this but in reality this is what prenups are for.

  6. QUESTION:
    Need advice about dating men going through a divorce..?
    I was against this idea for a very long time until I met him. I realized that he's a real nice, sincere and genuine guy. His ex cheated on him and he has a 3 yr old daughter with her whom he hardly see. We've known each other for almost a year now. I learned a lot of life lessons since I've known him. I also had a glimpse into his soul and have this deep knowing that he is the one.

    For those who has or is dating someone going through a divorce, what are your challenges? If you could do it all over again, would you date someone who is going through a divorce? What very important lessons have you learned and how has it transformed your life? What helpful advice would you share to those who are new in dating someone who is divorced/going through a divorce?

    Do men going through a divorce eventually starts believing in serious relationships and a second chance for a happy marriage again eventually? What advice could you share. Thanks.

    • ANSWER:
      Step one is always making sure you "see" the current draft of the divorce agreement and the lawyer's name who is representing him.

      Without that, you are dating a separated married man.

  7. QUESTION:
    Need advice from divorced men (with kids) living with or married to a single mom?
    I posted this in singles and dating but get an older crowd response/experiences here... so please help.

    Please give me your age and how long you dated prior to moving in or getting married to the single mom you are with...

    Ok here goes, if you were dating a single mom who wants a positive male role model in her kids life... and not just in sporadic moments..I mean day to day... how or when did you know its time to move forward and actually be that guy...

    Ive been dating a man exclusively for over a year - we are both 40... we recently have talked about the possibility of him moving in with me (I own, he rents and its easier, we considered all other ways - but with my kids ages and having kids home day to day and established here - he only gets his kids one night a week and 2 weekends a month)... and his lease is up at the end of next month... but now it seems he is looking up apartments locally to him (we live an hour apart)... we are both professionals.. the only down side would be his commute to work - and of course he'd coming home to a home with kids most nights..

    I do not want to be selfish with him or put pressure on him - I really do not... I just feel I am doing a disservice to my kids having a man who I mainly see when they are not around - he maybe is with us as a family a couple times a month... and I feel like if I bring up him moving in - though we talked about it briefly - that I am putting pressure on him... however I also feel like there is pressure on me... I want my kids to have a family life with two adults in the home - they DO have a dad who sees them weekly and alternating weekends as well - but when they are home, its just us three - which is fine mostly... but today major meltdown with my son made me realize he needs a male figure in the home.. really he does, I am not trying to sound old fashioned or like I 'need' a man for my needs...)... albeit I do love my bf very much... and we get along great - ok so a few arguments now and then - but very few... .. I hate to end the relationship -- but is this where I am headed?? I mean, I know he gets what I want out of life... I know he understands what I want... and he is not moving in that direction... if I go it will seem like and ultimatum... which I do not want to give him-- I feel torn because I feel like whats best for my kids here is having a man in my life ready for the same family life I want to give them day to day... yet I honestly feel the 40 yr old bf of over a year is not ready for it (I think he is still dealing with his own emotional aftermath of his divorce) -- but I do not want to wake up and look back and say wow kids are now teenagers and look I am still dating a man who lives and hour away... (and I am not talking marriage right now - if ever..) I am talking moving in a forward direction...

    Advice from the other side?
    my kids are 8 years old... twins...

    • ANSWER:
      i here where you are coming from. if he isn't ready for that, then it wouldn't be a good living environment for you or your kids. there is nothing wrong with you wanting a family life, and a father figure for your children. who knows he may never be that guy and may never ever move in. you could easily be wasting your time with this guy, though you love him, he can't give you what you are looking for or what you want or need right now. i don't think it's wrong that if he isn't willing to give you this, you will find someone who can. everyone should be happy in life and live the life they want. tell him exactly what you need now, a boyfriend, lover, father, a man to help raise two children. if he cannot do that now, tell him you are sorry but you cannot wait for him any longer. perhaps he will change his mind, perhaps not. either way you get your answer and can move on..good luck

  8. QUESTION:
    Divorced MEN!!! What advice do you have for both men and women that are looking to get married?

    • ANSWER:
      I am not divorced man, but I can tell you that marriage is not supposed to be difficult with the other person. The situations you are in, can be difficult... like money issues... or the kids are being horrible, but if your communication with that other person breaks down, and you just don't want to talk, there are problems. See these communication problems for what they are RIGHT AWAY and address them immediatly.

      People who talk together alot, don't end up finding someone else to talk to outside of the marriage.

  9. QUESTION:
    Need advice from divorced men!?
    I have been dating this guy for like 3 months. We hit it off strong. Next thing I know, I'm getting this text (he went through a divorce last year)...."look, i know i have been distancing myself from you lately but its not because i dont care about you. but im not fully ready to jump back into a very serious relationship yet, so i guess i got scared and backed off because i could jump into one so easily with you. its wrong for me to back off and im sorry, but i do care and i dont want to stop talking to you."

    Is that just an excuse or could that really be why he is backing off from me? and what should i do? just start ignoring him or what? I know he doesnt still have feelings for her...he only married her because she was pregnant.

    • ANSWER:
      Perhaps something happened between the two of you that reminded him of bad times during his previous marriage. And that's why he backed out on you.

      Nobody likes to make the same mistake twice. And a guy who has made a big mistake in the past is easily scared.

      If you really like him, then try to be as nice as you can with him. And eventually he probably will come around for you. But with a guy like this you'll probably need to walk on egg-shells so to say for some time. Or else he might get scared again.

  10. QUESTION:
    Advice from divorced men please?
    My BF has been divorced now for 2 years. Last year around November he told me that he will always have love for the mother of his child but he's not inlove with her anymore. How do i get this guy to open up to me emotionally...cause frankly i'm getting tired of not knowing where i stand. He also said that he cares for me a lot but he's not inlove with me. Any insight on the matter??
    He doesn't want me to stop seeing him but he also keeps telling me he need time and he's not ready and he doesn't know what he wants.

    Not to be conceited but i think i'm a great catch so why can't he make up his mind.

    • ANSWER:
      He probably does still love (or care a great deal) about his ex. He cannot not see her because of the child involved, and probably sees his ex on a regular basis (purely for the child).

      He's probably scared of starting a serious relationship, maybe a bit of trust issues. Emotionally he's floundering a bit.

      He also really does care alot about you, just afraid to call it love. '

      BTW...alot of guys have problems opening up emotionally. This is going to be a very tender subject for him for a long time.

      Gotta be easy with him or just walk away.

  11. QUESTION:
    Need advice from men please! (Men that have been thru divorce)?
    I have been dating this guy for like 3 months. We hit it off strong. Next thing I know, I'm getting this text (he went through a divorce last year)...."look, i know i have been distancing myself from you lately but its not because i dont care about you. but im not fully ready to jump back into a very serious relationship yet, so i guess i got scared and backed off because i could jump into one so easily with you. its wrong for me to back off and im sorry, but i do care and i dont want to stop talking to you."

    Is that just an excuse or could that really be why he is backing off from me? and what should i do? just start ignoring him or what?

    • ANSWER:
      Has he been screened for depression? Men experience significant problems with it after a divorce. Is he having any problems with seeing his children?
      http://dads-house.org/
      \\

  12. QUESTION:
    I'm dating a divorced man...advice?
    I'm dating a man who got divorced about 4 years ago. He's still getting over the bitterness a bit. He was only married for a few years but she cheated on him. He's not had anything last very long since then. We have a great deal in common and get on well. I want him to know I enjoy his company yet I don't want to make him feel too pressured. Any advice? --we are in our mid/late 30's.

    • ANSWER:
      Just be patient with him and don't pressure him into anything. Just be there for him too. If you be his friend too.

  13. QUESTION:
    dating a divorced man advice?
    He will be completly divocred at the end of the month. However he still lives with his ex and she is a nutcase who follows him and accuses him of hiding money from her. I don't know if i am his rebound girl, I told him i want to take things slow but he calls me non-stop and is already planning vacations for us. We went out for breakfast this morning and all he did was complain about her! I don't know what to do, I like him a lot and will wait till hes completly single. He seems so distant recently What should I do/say to him???? Please help im going insane!
    he also just started wearing a claddah ring on his right hand facing his heart.... but he doesnt want his wife to find out about us....

    • ANSWER:
      Why would you want help from a jerk like me?

  14. QUESTION:
    I need some advice from Christian divorced men/women, serious answers only please?
    I've been divorced about 7 years, my daughter is 9 now. when she was 6 months and my life was crashing down I finally turned everything to the Lord, asked for forgiveness and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. I started dating about 3 years ago and quickly met a nice Christian man. at about 10 months he was having committment issues I guess, so that ended. We remained celibate(although no one believed that) through our relationship. Since that ended 1 1/2 yr. ago, I've been trying to meet Christian men to no avail. My church is small so no luck there. I have dated other men but the talk about the Lord is missing. I recently met a man and I'm embarrased to say that my libido is in high gear. I enjoy his company and the physical component I foresee as a problem. I'm having a very hard time resisting. I miss the companionship and physical aspect of a marriage. I know it would be wrong, but I'm wavering. I'm very attracted to him and I've only seen him three times.
    My former husband left me, after 15 years of marriage and our 9 month old daughter for another woman and got her pregnant. So as far as divorced and not being Christian I cover the Bible's release by infidelity and abandonment.

    • ANSWER:
      To begin with I am not telling you to or not to....I have wrestled with the same and I will tell you as it was told to me and not by the man in question.

      God made humans, he knows our flaws, he knows what we are capable of and that is why Jesus died on the cross. To reconcile his creation to him because none were without sin. Consider....everything that is a sin...now do you live a sinless life? No, no one does. Ok....when did the day of salvation occur? The day Jesus Christ died on the cross. What sins did he die for? All the sins of the world.....were they all comitted at the time he died? No. Salvation is a gift that none should boast. Do you think (and no man can actually know the mind of God) , but do you think the Creator of the universe has nothing more to do than see who is doing What with who? Hmm? God is the only one who can in his mind judge you and the reasons behind what you do or don't do. We can try our best and should; but we are not with out sin and we never will be. Is this physical sin as bad as a sin that would be used in the name of God to benefit one's self by a deceitful way? I don't think so. but I'm not God.....It is not all black and white and you have to decide for yourself. There is a difference in being a run around and having a significant other in your life. Again God created us, who better knows how our nature is? Your decision...but think about it, and choose with your peace of mind and heart.

  15. QUESTION:
    advice Married men and new women?
    Is it wrong for a woman to be talking romantically (not having sexual relations) to a man going through a divorce? I just want some honest opinions please . . .

    • ANSWER:
      Is it wrong no, but not very smart. When a man or woman is going through a divorce their emotions are crazy. The person going through the divorce will look for an emotional attachment elsewhere. I think that you should back off, until he is completely over the soon to be ex.

  16. QUESTION:
    Newly divorced mom needs advice from divorced couples men and women here my background?
    Been divorced 1 yr married for 8 yrs with 6 yr old son.Bitter divorce found out ex was cheating with old gf and left me for her.Things are better now i'm still resentful but try to be nice for my son and ex does the same. here's my question what do you and your ex do as far as parent/teacher conferences go? Go together or at different times? What about birthday parties or halloween do you and your ex do joint parties or does he do his own thing?My ex lives in the same town as us and i would say we have an "average divorce" meaning we don't want to kill each other but i'm still resentful for what he did to me and he wants as little contact with me as possible.I think we should do some of these things together but i know my ex will not.He is a great dad and i know he will do all this things on his own.So please just let me know how you all handle this issues. Oh yes he is no longer with the gf he left me for but a new one who i do not get along with so this is half the problem.

    • ANSWER:
      Time to move on kiddo. Let the anger go and just concentrate on your childs best interests. You will both be better off for it. Every day, it will get better and easier, always does. Personally, I rarely did much with my ex although it never would have bothered me to do so. She had issues with being anywhere near me. I always did my best to keep the kids first on my list for normalcy in their daily lives. It paid off in that they are pretty well adjusted now and seem to be generally happy. Just go with the tone of the moment, do what feels right to you.

  17. QUESTION:
    I need marriage advice (men and women please)?
    I've been married almost 5 years, together 8...the last 3 years have been an uphill battle for me. We have 2 beautiful children and he is an amazing father in that I have been very blessed.

    However, our relationship is barely breathing (at best). We don't ever really talk unless I force it and I hate fighting so I usually don't unless it's important. He's distant, all he wants to do is sit in front of the tv and watch sports or play ps3. We both work full time jobs and I don't ask him to cook or clean or do much really. I pay all the bills, I do it all. This is not a man bashing event, I assure you I love him very much.

    My problem is that in the past year especially i've asked him to please communicate with me, acknowledge me, just anything. He says he will and he never does. We LIVE together and there have been weeks 2 or 3 that have gone by without so much as a kiss (not because i haven't tried)?? He's way too chill and at home to be having an affair it's just like he doesn't care? I have tried talking, crying, begging him to come to counseling with me, i'm just not sure I can do this for 3 or 4 more years i'm 25 and i've been with him so long I don't want to be 45 and still feel the way I have for these past few years. I need attention, affection, I kind of feel like that's a requirement for marriage. His response is always just that he's tired and he's trying. I am not a princess or a demanding wife, but I feel like i'm dying somedays like WE are dying. Any advice? Suggestions? We've discussed divorce but I feel ridiculous filing for divorce because my husband ignores me...does this make sense to anyone else?

    • ANSWER:
      You will wake up at 45 sadly and feel worse than you do now, if things don't change. He has to love you and care enough about the marriage to change his ways. But here it is in a nutshell. Why would Mr Thoughtless, give up Mrs Thoughtful? he wouldn't...would he? So this is on you're shoulders, because you're the one that's not happy and I feel for you.

      You don't have to divorce him but he does need a wake up call. So move out for a short time. Do it while he's out and leave him a heartfelt letter as to why you left. Stay with a friend or family members and do not let him sucker you back till YOU feel he finally gets it. Make him sweat.

      Good Luck

  18. QUESTION:
    I have a crush...on a married/divorced man. Any advice?
    He's married but they're in the process of getting a divorce (and they have a kid together). I don't know what came over me, but I always told myself that anyone who's married (no matter what period) is OFF LIMITS! So I like him, he's funny and whatnot. The only times I see him are at work. I don't really flirt or whatever with him, but lately I find myself really enjoying his company and liking him. But this is about the third time around where I've told myself no no no, and no again. Every time I think I'm over it, I'm not.

    Any advice? I'd like to remain his friend/co-worker, and nothing more and nothing less. It was a harmless crush before, but like I said, lately I've been feeling more for him.

    • ANSWER:
      ask his wife if he's funny at all. remember they are in the PROCESS of getting a divorce. there are still a lot of things that can happen. what if they will change their mind and give their marriage a second chance? gir! wake up and stay away from this man. what is wrong with us people. we know it is wrong but we still dive through the fire and play.

  19. QUESTION:
    I need some advice men... I picked some stupid freakin fight for no reason.?
    Ok here is my problem. Generally I never ask for help, but... desperate times calls for desperate measures.

    I was recently on match.com. I went there with all the good intentions in the world. I thought it would be a great way to connect with someone before connecting with someone.

    I am used to dating men... er... 20 years and older, divorced, educated, very very reserved. I have never been in love, never cheated on, no daddy issues... only one bad experience which everyone has had.

    Well I met someone around my age... 2 years older. Saw him last week. Really liked how he looked, the sound of his voice, the way he walked even.. and I dunno what happened but after that I was looking for every excuse in the book to up and go....

    Today he mentioned his female friend (a single mother) normally I could care less... but it was like a big white flag saying THERE is your reason... so I picked some stupid fight... and felt guilty the whole time... and told him I didnt want contact. I do, but at the same time this whole age this has me freaked out. Is he ready? Will he stick around? Is there anything in common? I know with all new relationships there is always that chance they wont... but the age this has me scared out of my mind.

    I feel terrible, I acted less mature than a 5 year old, I am guilt riden, I didnt mean it.. and I think he was someone I would have loved to get to know... I acted like a complete crazy person and I am always the rational one...

    What do I do now?

    • ANSWER:

  20. QUESTION:
    What advice would women give to men particularly their sons if they're bitter or scorned due to a divorce?
    Some of us went into the marriage with the best intentions. However, it didn't work out and we may have gotten an unfavorable outcome from the court system.

    I personally am a divorcee. My ex committed adultery multiple times and one of those times was with a close family member. I had to move with my mother thereafter to pay for the house we were living in and my child support for my biological daughter. Shortly after this, I got a vascectomy because I never wanted a child I fathered to be used against me in court. I myself am financially crippled due to it. Due to lack of finances, I have no love life.

    I already know many on this forum will say stop whining and that it's the price of a bad choice. I just had to ask the question, though if you had a son: How you women would deal with situation? What if he asked to live with you in his economic hardship?

    • ANSWER:
      I'm sorry you had such a lousy thing happen to you. A close friend of my Dad's lost his daughter after a breakup - his exgirlfriend simply moved to Alaska, and refused to be found. It was a terrible experince for him, as he was a very devoted father. I think it took him a long time to trust women again and jump into the dating world.

      If my son went through something like this, he would always be welcome at home again. All of our children would be. Adultery is a heartbreaking thing. Just because it's common doesn't make it any less painful.

      Two households will always be more expensive than one. There is just no way to get around it. Everyone is poorer after a divorce, and it is worst of all for the children. I hope that you are able to stay connected to your daughter through all of this somehow. Can you pick her up from school once in a while and spend some time together? Perhaps you can pick her up at her grandparent's house? It may be difficult to work out if you can't stand to see your ex, but do try to find a way.

      Best Wishes

  21. QUESTION:
    Seriously speaking, what is the meaning of Marriage or Common law relationship in the West now for Men?
    When Marriage Certificate can be cancelled at anytime without any reason. No false divorce. And the man would have to split half of his property, salary for child support etc...(the divorce industry), with just a VAWA claim, the divorce court would have suck him dry.

    So did similar thing happen in common law relationship.

    He can be charged with rape/ DV any time his spouse feels bore. That's worse than living alone: he doesn't have to worry all the time about jail.

    He can only have sex if his wife let him. And if he can't perform immediately, that would be ground for divorce.

    He can't ask her to do any thing & She can demand him to do anything: that's the HIDDEN contract, if such condition is not meet, she can comfortably file for divorce.

    He has to live by her way or the highway. But not vice versa.

    Etc....

    If you examine CAREFULLY today relationship pre-set up by the laws, whichever you turn, the man will loose.

    There is NO BACK UP SYSTEM for him if the relationship fails: ALL he has, is to rely TOTALLY on the character of his spouse. If he starts the new relationship from scratch, he may run into the same trouble. And still has o pay for the previous relationship.

    Wat feminists advice men? "ou have to know and look careful at the woman's character before you enter a relationship". But how can he do that? Few men are psychologist specialized in Women Behaviour, or psychic reader??

    That is ALL of his BACK UP SYSTEM??

    On the bargaining table, he must demonstrate a respectable income/ career/ height requirement/ health, sweet talking, pleasing, flower, etc....you name it.

    While she only needs to represent herself. Notice that the BURDEN of child bearing/ rearing is only an open OPTION for women nowadays. No man would be in a position to demand it.

    In the final analysis, marriage or common law contract for Men in the West is nothing BUT a slave contract, which the slave have to submit to his Master.

    Neither did single man fare better.

    Women have many OPTIONS/ CHOICE nowadays, but where is Men's OPTION?

    If he strives for a degree/ solid career before marriage, he loose his youth and his emotional/ sexual well-being satisfaction.That is if he's strong enough to go without women.

    If he didn't do it, he has no bargaining chip: He is undesirable, looser.

    He can't pursue what he dream of because of constant financial burden / emotional stress in relationship.

    While women can have her cake & eat it too.

    How on Earth has this men's MISERY befallen upon us?

    Your thought, pls.
    @KIA: yeah right?? That's what my beloved feminist sistah told me. Oh, yeah, 500 000 years! Satisfy?
    @Kailey:
    1/ women have the legal sytem protected her as A BACK UP system if relationship fails, no matter who's fault. Men don't.
    2/ Common law marriage is automately assigned in Canada, Sweden, etc...whether the man agree or not.
    3/ What make you claim to understand Misandristic "Laws" better than me?

    But thanks for your usual feministic warp logics.
    @Mama Outlaw: I am not Arabic. But I was lucky enough to be born in a culture that vigourously teach how to be a man. Unlike Western culture who only created mostly Feministed Males.

    My anxiety is based on reality and experience. Thanks for the concern.

    • ANSWER:
      you read everything that i ever had on my mind dude(you are a girl right) and the only resort is to never date or get married, also if you think that's bad look at this that is going on in india

  22. QUESTION:
    advice on dating a man with two girls?
    Hi thanks for the responses to my previous question re this...I just genuinely want some advice about divorced men and their daughters..aged 11 and 15. I do not have kids and have never dated a man with children, but I've always gotten along great with them....I guess I just want to do this right and respect everyone involved because I care about this man...I guess sometimes I'm just a bit confused, because this is all new to me and I want to understand...

    • ANSWER:
      From experience I'd advise you to go slowly. Develop a relationship with the daughters independent from your relationship with the father.

      Realize that some fathers are very protective when it comes to their daughters and the daughters can sometimes feel jealously toward another female entering into their fathers life. If jealousy occurs, realize it could be caused by the perception that you will take away attention from them. Be mindful of the need for him & his daughters to spend time alone so they don't feel a need to compete for his attention.

      Again, just move along slowly and gently address things as they come up.

      If you find out that he allows his girls to run his life and relationships - run as fast as you can

  23. QUESTION:
    I really need advice, Men Please answer too!?
    I knew a guy about 10 years ago we talked for about two years, i don't know why we stopped taking, i ended up getting married and having 3 children, but i always thought about him, needless to say I found him again and we have been talking. I am in the middle of my divorce and moving. He calls me every 3-4 days and we talk about anything we have been talking for about 2 months now. He told me from the beginning that he wanted to take it slow. Well last night he called and said, He has been thinking about how to say this without hurting my feelings, he just said I need to slow down and not rush things. He knows how I feel about him (I love him). He said He cannot be my whole world but he can be apart of it. He just kept saying I need to slow down and not rush this. He also said I need to figure out what I want and be happy with myself before he could make me happy. Maybe I am thinking to much into to this, but I can't help but think I am going to lose him again. I told Him that I was sorry and I feel like i got a second chance with him and don't want to lose it this time. know that he has been hurt in the past by another girl. I just don't know what to think, am i making more of this than need be? After talking about that we just talked like normal, and finally he told me good night sweet dreams and he will talk to me later, Good Night.

    • ANSWER:

  24. QUESTION:
    Men, need your advice: Does husband want divorce or not? Haven't seen him in 1.5 yrs!?
    It's been 1.5 years now, does he want a divorce or not?

    I haven't talked to my estranged husband for almost a year and I we haven't seen each other and he hasn't seen our son in the same amount of time and has never seen our daughter. I was able to find out his number (previously changed it b/c he tried to get a divorce behind my back) i was mainly wanting to inquire about any divorce papers to be filed and where to send them. I didn't even get to finish my entire message. Why did he sound like he was getting irritated and annoyed? And tells me to stop calling his phone but when I call again to finish my message he answers?

    So if I am giving him what he wants...which may be what I want and finally see it's for the best and tell him that, why is he getting defensive, being mean, and hostile?

    I'm moving on in life in a very positive direction and am finally living and being the woman I know I was created to be. I'm also doing really well with BOTH our young children which he hasn't seen in almost 2 years and hasn't even given me a penny to help take care of.

    He hasn't file as of late.

    Yes, we had problems like any other married couple, but he's the one who made the choice to leave his family to be single again and basically free himself of what it takes to be responsible for a family.

    There have been so many cruel things he has done not only to me, but while I was pregnant with both children.

    Before I met him, I was so goal-oriented and made sure I did what I needed to do to get a job done. Then when we got married, it seemed like he never wanted me to do anything, he always wanted me in the house, etc...I'm sure a lot of you know how THAT goes.

    Now, I have gone back to school and basically have the freedom that you need on a daily basis like drive myself somewhere and leave places when I'm ready to leave. BTW, he has had a history of domestic violence, but was never physically violent towards me.

    He is 17 years my senior. I'm still in my mid 20s. Maybe the saying "things fall apart so better things can fall together" is true. I still have my whole life ahead of me and 2 beautiful kids to raise.

    From a male's perspective...what is going on and why is he acting that way?

    He filed for divorce last Feb. but the case was dismissed. He didn't even amend anything...just let it go. The judge gave him a total of 50 days to amend and make changes to the grounds he claimed and he didn't make any changes. So the judge dismissed it.

    And why hasn't he filed for a divorce again if that's what he really wants?

    BTW, I've already filed child support last year, and he recently has been to court...no word yet regarding the outcome. I don't want a divorce...but also am not comfortable with filing for one right now.

    So does he want a divorce or not?

    • ANSWER:
      WOW, w/ the exception that my hub and I have no children, your situation is so similar to mine. I haven't seen him in over a year and 1/2, except we ran into each other at pizza hut. He said he'd call me to come get the rest of his things, but never did. He filed for divorce, but never asked me to sign the papers. I don't know if he wanst divorced or not. It's weird. I have moved forward in every area of my life but one- relationship status. I am content being single for now while I wait to see what he does. I prayed for a miracle and believe it will happen, but if it doesn't, then I know God has a better plan! Be blessed.

  25. QUESTION:
    Men, need your advice: Does husband want divorce or not? Haven't seen him in 1.5 yrs!?

    i was mainly wanting to inquire about any divorce papers to be filed and where to send them. I didn't even get to finish my entire message. Why did he sound like he was getting irritated and annoyed? And tells me to stop calling his phone but when I call again to finish my message he answers?

    So if I am giving him what he wants...which may be what I want and finally see it's for the best and tell him that, why is he getting defensive, being mean, and hostile?

    I'm moving on in life in a very positive direction and am finally living and being the woman I know I was created to be. I'm also doing really well with BOTH our young children which he hasn't seen in almost 2 years and hasn't even given me a penny to help take care of.

    He hasn't file as of late.

    Yes, we had problems like any other married couple, but he's the one who made the choice to leave his family to be single again and basically free himself of what it takes to be responsible for a family.

    There have been so many cruel things he has done not only to me, but while I was pregnant with both children.

    Before I met him, I was so goal-oriented and made sure I did what I needed to do to get a job done. Then when we got married, it seemed like he never wanted me to do anything, he always wanted me in the house, etc...I'm sure a lot of you know how THAT goes.

    Now, I have gone back to school and basically have the freedom that you need on a daily basis like drive myself somewhere and leave places when I'm ready to leave. BTW, he has had a history of domestic violence, but was never physically violent towards me.

    He is 17 years my senior. I'm still in my mid 20s. Maybe the saying "things fall apart so better things can fall together" is true. I still have my whole life ahead of me and 2 beautiful kids to raise.

    From a male's perspective...what is going on and why is he acting that way?

    He filed for divorce last Feb. but the case was dismissed. He didn't even amend anything...just let it go.

    And why hasn't he filed for a divorce again if that's what he really wants?

    BTW, I've already filed child support last year, and he recently has been to court...no word yet regarding the outcome.

    • ANSWER:
      He does want a divore if he hasnt seen you and has filed. but might be lazy to file again. Go on with your life and Iam sure you will find another guy who will love your kids. My husband loves my son as his own. Good luck with all of this.

  26. QUESTION:
    I need some advice (men only please.)?
    Hey guys <3
    Been divorced going on 2 years now and have had a few dating experiences since then, then I gave up because I couldn't find a good decent man. A few weeks ago my friend from 10 years ago messages me first. Asked me out to dinner and coffee. He treated me like a lady (that was a first.) I finally decided to let the guy chase me, and it was nice. He called me everyday, texted me several times a day. He told me he was starting to like a LOT and he hoped I felt the same about him. He asked for another date the other day and told me he missed me etc. He showed every sign of being interested and I thought God there was a reason he came back into my life, friendships can grow into more. I thought this guy/friend was amazing. Finally I found a good Christian guy that likes me in return. As I felt my walls were finally coming down last night he says he doesn't know if he is ready for a relationship. He had to end it before it progressed. I felt so lied to. I don't want to be immature to him or about him for he is a friend and I thought was going to be more. I am having a horrible time adjusting to this news. I was completely blind sided. Many men have showed interested while I dated them but this one gave more...in his gestures, his comments, everything. I am completely and utterly blown away by this. I don't know what to think. I need some advice here...What do you think happened?
    Please no immature comments , tx!
    Thanks so much <3 Steph

    • ANSWER:
      You have to be careful with guys.Some guys will act the part just to sleep with you.They will be the perfect gentleman and then once they realize that you are looking for a serious relationship they will back off because all they wanted was sex not commitment.Im not saying that was his reason but its very possible.If he isnt ready for a relationship then what was he ready for? He was ready for something.Christian or not that doesnt mean he's innocent.Nice guys do exist im one of them why do you think im on here? lol The best advice i can give you is never fall in love with a guy unless you are 100% sure he is interested in you and not just sleeping with you.Even if they act like the perfect gentlemen it doesnt mean they are nice guys it means they are trying to make you fall in love with them to get you into bed then they will tell you afterwards that they are not interested in a relationship and break your heart.This is why its important not to fall for a guy so quick or they will just exploit you.

  27. QUESTION:
    How do I get a cheap divorce without using a divorce attorney?
    I know that divorce for men is not easy. My partner and I are done, so how do I leave my ex without spending all my money on a divorce lawyer? Is there a way to get a free divorce? Any divorce advice that will help me win my divorce is greatly appreciated.

    • ANSWER:
      Hey Greg,

      I have been divorced once already and am going through my second divorce, this time without a divorce attorney. A cheap divorce for men is tough, and knowing how to get a divorce without breaking the bank is even tougher. I just came across http://newdivorcetactics.com/ and there is some great advice for men and women planning a divorce here. This site is filled with divorce tactics and strategies that will allow you to learn how to move on, and keep the divorce attorneys from stealing everything you and your ex have accumulated. I love my kids and get along with my ex, but not enough to go bankrupt in the process. Hope this helps you figure out how to get a divorce!

  28. QUESTION:
    Dating advice for men ?
    I am in my mid 40's and I just went through a divorce. Is there any website on dating advice for men ? I don't know where to look for, I'm not such an internet person. Thank you in advance.

    • ANSWER:
      WantsMillionaire.com, a quality website for excellent men at your age. And there are so many great women registered on this network. I'm one of the women there too. :)

  29. QUESTION:
    Men's advice pls -Wife wants husb to divorce her and leave,she doesn't want anything from him. Why won't he go
    Second marriage (widowed) for me, first for him. He has fathered no children, I have two sons. He is from another country, no family here. It's my house. We have our own jobs and own bank accounts. When I married, I loved him more than life. I thought he felt the same to. We were engaged nine months before marriage. Married 4 yrs now.
    I have caught him making plans to meet another woman when he goes home this summer to visit with his family. I found emails and have kept copies. After confronting him and throwing him out, he of course, apologized. I thought we could work through it since "the act" wasn't committed, but after about 6 months my heart has hardened and I don't think I love him anymore, maybe starting to hate him. I have gone to counseling, he won't. I have told him several times to just leave. If he's so unhappy just leave (I can't it's my house and home). He won't. I don't want any money, or anything except what I brought to marriage. I worry over my kids missing him.
    I am hurt and unhappy now. I just want him to go away. I have made an easy out for him, why won't he take it?
    In response to "getdownonurknees". IT IS MY HOUSE. My name and my DECEASED husband's name is on the deed. I've lived there for 14 years and I paid the mortgage in the past and AM still paying it.

    • ANSWER:
      You are going through a bad patch you find out he has been plotting behind your back with another women and he was well and truly found out.
      Your emotions are every where and there is no hard and fast rule as to when one emotion pops up and then goes away for goo or to later reserface.
      What has happenend now is you are still very angry with him for what he did betray you in worst possible way.
      What you have not done by the sound of it is really thrash this out with him being open and honest with one another as to why he found the need to do this.
      My guess and only a guess is YOU did all the talking, shouting, crying ect and he did nothing but sit there and let you rant so now he thinks that because you have said your bit and he has possible said oh sorry he thinks that is it!
      NO it is not it you cant just move on and play happy family your relationship will never be the same again however if you want it to it can be a lot better and stronger.
      Try and get him to talk things through with you and if he wont then tell him it is over and you want him to leave your home.
      Unfortunatly I am affraid he has the attitude give you a while and you will forget and move on. You will never forget however you can forgive but it is not one sided like now it has to be the two of you working together he has not offered you one single step towards the repair so I think you have good grounds to get rid of him if you really want to.
      You will get tough and you will feel you hate him that my friend is natural when the man does nothing to make you feel wanted, safe, loved or secure.
      You cant make or force him to talk but he really needs to know you are serious never leave your home go and see a solicitor to find out your rights and tell him that is where you are going scare the pants off him to show him you mean it.

  30. QUESTION:
    Confused by men...advice?
    So I have been seeing this guy for a month we spend 3 - 4 days a week together and I might sleep over 2 of the nights. We have fun, go out, chill out, But Fri night comes around and he tells me all these sweet things that I never expected, how he wants me to be his and he wants to take care of me and make me feel safe . He told me I would be good for him. I didnt really say much because It caught me of guard.
    i am on my way to getting a divorce and have been seperated from my husband for 8 months. So yesterday comes and we are texting and I said to him Drive safe my love. Now If anyone who knows me I call a lot of my friends my love. And the I test do you want to be my love, not really meaning what he is thinking. So he texts back..It is a little early for me to be having that type of conversation. I am lost here? What did he mean on Fri by sayin all that and not I feel silly cause thats not how I meant it....
    Advice and what did he mean by what he was sayin on fri? Is he fallin for me or did I mis understand?

    • ANSWER:
      wanting to be with someone and talking about love is two different things. yes he prob misunderstood what you meant and just saw the word love and freaked out a lil. later on explain what you meant and follow that up with a response to his earlier Convo since you kinda left him hangin.

  31. QUESTION:
    Need advice!! Dating a divorced man with a son?
    I have a friend who is going through a messy divorce. Given our friendship, I fell into dating him, which I have realized is probably not the best idea. I am going to put a hold on our relationship until the divorce is final...however, I am now apprehensive about the relationship period. I love his son, he's 6mths old. But the wife is crazy, as crazy as it comes and I feel that she will make our lives unbearable if she can. There is a possibility that she will get deported as she doesn't have stay in the US. This man is at least 85% of the things I want in a man. If he didn't have this baggage, I'd be deliriously happy. I have very little dating history so I really donno what to do. I have issues being with a man who would be with such a lunatic for so long...why I keep asking. Advice please!

    • ANSWER:
      This man needs you at this time. Don't run on him now. He needs you.

  32. QUESTION:
    Any great advice books out there for recently divorced/separated men?
    My father is having a hard time. My mom left him in August, and not surprisingly, he's upset, confused, depressed, lonely, etc... He is trying to date and apparently is acting clingy and well...needy to these ladies. I told him to try and be alone for awhile...after all, he was married for 30 years to my mom. I want to get him a good book on how to try to handle himself right now. He is 53 years old. Any suggestions?

    • ANSWER:
      I'm sure you wouldn't ask if he wasn't, but does your father read books? Send him to the library or bookstore/coffee shop and tell him to find one. Never know who he might bump into there.

      I would imagine after 30 years, he is lost. Poor guy. This is an insane world to be lost in.

  33. QUESTION:
    Can you help me witth some man advice?
    my cousin was telling me that she has no luck in men. she's been through a rough divorce and she recently started dating a man that kept telling her he wasn't ready for a relationship but then tells her that he's seeing someone else that he's getting serious with. so now she feels like its her fault like there's something wrong with her. she feels like she's destined to be alone. what kind of advice would give her?

    She's a really sweet person, and she doesn't deserve to feel so down on herself can someone please help her out?

    • ANSWER:

  34. QUESTION:
    I Need Men's Clothing Advice (Everyone please help, ex. men and women)?
    I was looking for some advice on men's fashion. Can someone please tell me where is the best place online to buy mens clothes? Also where is the best place to get advice on what is hot right now and stuff? I would really like a cool website to shop and like a blog or something for advice or possibly a place to go with both. I am looking to go with a new style since I am still a young man, 20-30, and am recently divorced, just came out of a 8 year relationship with alot of hurt, and would like to be intune with the in stuff. I have been out of the dating and single life for quite sometime now and feel really awkward trying to get back into it. Please be as thorough as possible and I would really like to know where to go and look for info, where to shop, and how to stay in with the current trends. I am not looking to spend a hell of alot of money but I know there are many places that have the coolest and have clothes that are expensive and not so expensive. I am just trying to find out how everyone gets there advice and where they all go to stay "cool" so I myself can do the same while also being able to be attractive to women. I would love info from both men and women alike so I can know what to do. The style is not important because I am looking for everything from casual, to designer, to going out, and everything in between. Thanks for your info in advance..... A
    Also, maybe a little bit about myself can help with everyones information. I am a white male. I am 28 years old. I live in Louisiana. Enjoy going out to clubs, bars, etc. Love music, rock, rap. Love sports like MMA and football and stuff. Drive a Dodge Charger SRT8. Tend to try to attract the 18-28 year old females. I hope this all helps. Thank you all gain.... A

    • ANSWER:
      I recommend looking at Men's Health Magazine [1] for advice ranging from topics like style to fitness to relationships. Also, GQ Magazine and askmen.com [2] are great too; askmen.com is an online magazine/resource for men, by men, on all topics.
      -For a man your age, I recommend clothing stores such as Martin + Osa [3], Gap [4], and Express [5].
      -askandyaboutclothes.com [6] is a great site based on helping men look their best. It gives tips on posture, and if you look at the other articles, shows you what colors are best on your skin tone.
      -Good luck!
      -PS: Here is an article [7] I found on looks for everything from casual to going out, and everything in between.

  35. QUESTION:
    Please give me men advice.?
    Does this dude like me at all? Im an adult, but dumb in this department.
    I like this guy at church. He is 11 years old than myself.... and has never been married. I am going through a divorce and have an infant child and he knows that. At church he stares at me from across the church (large congregation) and I can see him doing it. When I up at the front praying he seems to find himself standing only a few feet away from me (comes over from the opposite side of the church). When I say hi to him He says hi, a tiny bit of small talk. But seems shy or scared. He is over 30 years old and I dont understand why he is still acting this way. We saw each other in public and talked for 2 hours joking and kind of flirting... Whats his deal?

    Oh yeah and whenever my soon to be ex's sister and husband come near he talks to other ppl but avoids me. And then in private he will say hi or just stare at me from across the room.

    Please. Stalker.. RIGHTTT>

    • ANSWER:
      Oh yeah- he likes you.

      But he doesn't like the 'semi-married you'

      He stares at you- probably because he's attracted to you. And let's be honest, church is where you're going to have the highest concentration of people just waiting to condemn you both- for hooking up before you were even divorced or for making a play for a woman who's still married.....

      He's not a stalker- you're just not 'available' yet.

  36. QUESTION:
    Advice on a divorced man?
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. When I met him he was going through a divorce. He did not tell his now ex-wife about me until the divorce was 100% final which was recently. I just met his children for the first time last month. I still have not met his ex wife. Am I crazy for thinking she should have known about me a long time ago? We practically live together and are very serious. I do not think she knows the seriousness of our relationship. They get along well and speak everyday. Was it wrong for him to wait so long to tell her? He says he wanted to wait until the divorce was final because he did not want to hurt her and there was a chance she could still take his retirement money (once he retires) if she was angry with him.

    • ANSWER:
      It sounds like he was thinking of you, not wanting to get you implicated in anything. But, keep your eyes open.

  37. QUESTION:
    Divorce Advice???
    I was recently married last month. I found out that she was secretly emailing another man with plans on filing for an anullment. She was going to do this secretly and suprise me with it . I also found that she was looking for an apartment. Also she has been having extra activities, what they are I dont know. Mysterious phone calls. Leaving in the middle of the night. We have a home, I pay the mortgage but she is on the deed. How will the affect the home. Could she take it? What is the easiest way out of this?

    Thanks
    No, at this point I don't trust her. I could never do that again. I am the elder, we are three years apart. It does seem like some sort of plan. I left out the details like she wanted me to cosign on her auto loan. Not to mention, she just basically stop speaking after Christmas. She didnt have any words for my daughter.

    • ANSWER:
      What is up with all the secrets on her part? It sounds like she had plans a long time ago. I would say follow what your gut instinct tells you. I don't think you trust her, is this correct? Is she much younger than you? Or is she older than you?

  38. QUESTION:
    Why do women seek out other women for advice on men?
    Think how stupid that is!!
    These women maybe married but the fact that they are married whether they admit to it or not only occurred when the man was ready.
    And no type of female maneuvering can cause the trigger to be squeezed.
    Sure by being sweet and talking to MEN so that you can understand men will help.
    However, the more unsavory the laws of divorce get the less likely that trigger will be pulled.
    Of course I guess all women could marry short people.
    Brent P: Women do not want nice guy losers. What are you?
    The reason I asked this question is because I see the advice women give and some of it is correct except it missed the key piont....You cant make him or trick him into it. There are somethings you cannot control.

    • ANSWER:
      Because they want to to told what they want to hear (usually 1-he loves her or 2-he's a jerk) and don't want to deal with realty.

  39. QUESTION:
    POLL for divorced men and woman with children - Need your advice!?
    Would you feel comfortable emailing your ex wife/husband on their fiance's email account to communicate about your children? Or would you rather email your ex on their own personal email account? My exhusband wants me to email him on his fiances account and I would prefer not to since she gives him poor advice all the time because she's insecure and HE just does not seem to understand. Unfortunately he and I are not getting along very well and try to communicate as little as possible over the phone. It's very sad because I am a very nice person and he just refuses to get along. Anyway....what would you do about the email?

    • ANSWER:
      As a divorced Mom of two it is absurd for you to have to e-mail him on her account. Issues regarding your children do not regard her therefore she should not have access to those e-mails. Refuse to send any more messages to him via her e-mail. Send it directly to him or do not send at all. Sounds like either she's getting a kick out of having that type of power or he's whipped or a combo of both.

  40. QUESTION:
    Question for Men about how you date...advice needed?
    Been dating a divorced man for a couple months, once a week. I asked him last time I spoke with him what he was thinking about out situation. That I wasn't looking for anything serious right now, but eventually I would. I was basically making sure he wasn't using me for sex and that's it.

    He responded that he hadn't thought about us or where it was going. That he was just seeing where things lead. How should I take that? We ended up going out to dinner that night and had a great time, but is he basically telling me he's not interested or is he wanting to take things slow??

    • ANSWER:
      I think he has enough experience that he is just seeing what happens. There is no point in planning ahead just see how it develops. I think he seems pretty smart and would rather make sure your not gonna hurt him cause it seems as if he has already gone through that once.

  41. QUESTION:
    Need advice from men who are dating single moms...?
    Please give me your age and how long you have been dating (exclusively) the single mom you are with...

    Is she wants a positive male role model in her kids life... and not just in sporadic moments..I mean day to day... how or when do you know its time to move forward and actually be that guy...

    Ive been dating a man exclusively for over a year - we are both 40... we recently have talked about the possibility of him moving in with me (I own, he rents and its easier, we considered all other ways - but with my kids ages and having kids home day to day and established here - he only gets his kids one night a week and 2 weekends a month)... and his lease is up at the end of next month... but now it seems he is looking up apartments locally to him (we live an hour apart)...

    I do not want to be selfish with him or put pressure on him - I really do not... I just feel I am doing a disservice to my kids having a man who I mainly see when they are not around - he maybe is with us as a family a couple times a month... and I feel like if I bring up him moving in - though we talked about it briefly - that I am putting pressure on him... however I also feel like there is pressure on me... I want my kids to have a family life with two adults in the home - they DO have a dad who sees them weekly and alternating weekends as well - but when they are home, its just us three - which is fine mostly... but today major meltdown with my son made me realize he needs a male figure in the home.. really he does, I am not trying to sound old fashioned or like I 'need' a man for my needs...)... albeit I do love my bf very much... and we get along great - ok so a few arguments now and then - but very few... .. I hate to end the relationship -- but is this where I am headed?? I mean, I know he gets what I want out of life... I know he understands what I want... and he is not moving in that direction... if I go it will seem like and ultimatum... which I do not want to give him-- I feel torn because I feel like whats best for my kids here is having a man in my life ready for the same family life I want to give them day to day... yet I honestly feel the 40 yr old bf of over a year is not ready for it (I think he is still dealing with his own emotional aftermath of his divorce) -- but I do not want to wake up and look back and say wow kids are now teenagers and look I am still dating a man who lives and hour away... (and I am not talking marriage right now - if ever..) I am talking moving in a forward direction...

    Advice from the other side?

    • ANSWER:
      Always put your children first,

  42. QUESTION:
    Pisces man advice?
    Pisces Man--have been emotionally supporting Pisces man thru divorce. Have become friends. Seems to be a mature Pisces. Shy guy. Has show consistant interest in me over several months. Have developed friendship. Flirted a little. Eventually asked to call--asked for pic. Responded more enthusiastically to pic than I was expecting. All of a sudden wife wants to reconcile. She has had several affairs and played some really nasty mind blowing stunts. He has been blown away--but now seems to be struggling even though he admits--he doesn't think reconciliation would work. I continue to be supportive--as a friend--I think we kind of know that we like each other--we have said some amazingly nice things to one another--any pisces insight out there. I know that logically he knows--he's done--but is stuggling none the less. He will need to figure it out on his own--but I would really appreciate a little help. Thanks!

    • ANSWER:
      For your own sake, I think you should just be his friend, and make sure that you are keeping that "friendship line" in your own head very clear. This way you won't get hurt. I wouldn't be more than friends with him while he's going thru this, or you may be the one getting crushed in the end.

      Pisces do need time to work thru their problems; and that time needs to be alone. They retreat off by themselves when the going gets tough. It seems like they're escaping the world, but they're really just working thru things in their minds.

      All the best to you.

  43. QUESTION:
    Outside of game, there isn't a lot of relationship advice for men being generated?
    and I saw this on Pelle Billings Gender Liberation beyond Feminism site and I thought I'd post it here....

    "You may not have learned it in school, and your parents may not have taught you, but relying on traditional gender roles to get you where you want is uncertain at best. In this day and age we need to turn to individual negotiation, something that men especially need to start becoming aware of. Women have already made this transition to a much greater extent, thanks to the women’s movement. Women are more aware of their choices, and evolutionary speaking women have always had to think about how good a deal they can get when interacting with men.

    Men, on the other hand, still believe that they need to perform their traditional duties in every area of life, and are rarely fully conscious of what they offer and what they get in return. If you are a man reading this, I therefore offer you this checklist of things to become aware of in your everyday life:

    * Do you help your female friend repair stuff or do you help her move or carry things that she finds heavy? If you do, then you should fully expect her to come to your house to cook and clean every now and then.
    * Do you buy drinks or dinners for women when dating? If you do, then what are you getting in return, financially? If the answer is nothing, then why are you doing it?
    * Do you really want to spend ,000-100,000 on a fantasy wedding? Or is that her fantasy, and her wish? Would she let you buy something of equal value from money that she has brought into the marriage?
    * As long as family courts regularly award custody to the mother, it makes sense for every man to have a prenuptial agreement, so that you have the financial power after a divorce to compensate for her having power over the children.
    * Do you even want to get married? Do you need to get married to satisfy what you’re after? Or is it enough for you to live with a woman and raise kids together?"

    I think that information like this can help some of the guys that turn up here feeling perhaps short changed, confused and sometimes a little angry.

    What are your thoughts Gender Studies?

    Pelle Billing is a swedish MRA http://www.pellebilling.com/
    My take on individual negotiation is that nothing is off limits. You can certainly marry a woman, give her the wedding of her dreams, and then support her for the rest of your life. The question is: What are you getting in return? Are you getting your money’s worth? If you feel that this way of thinking is crass and unromantic, then you are the one to stand corrected. Love is free. Romance is free. No money is needed for two people to talk, kiss or make love. Everything that we have been made to believe is necessary for romance (flowers, expensive dinners, an expensive car, an expensive wedding) has no natural connection to either romance or love. And by the way, have you noticed what gender has decided what to call romantic?
    Again, nothing is off limits. You can do anything you want, including traditional romantic gestures. But start by asking yourself why you are doing it, and what you are getting in return. Becoming conscious in this ways is not unromantic, it simply means leveling the playing field with women, and having the chance to face women as their equal.

    • ANSWER:
      Specifically on the topic of weddings:

      Most couples now are living together before they decide to get married; they have established themselves as a couple, have established and maintained a household and quite frequently have joint bank accounts. These days, most couples are paying for their own weddings.

      IDK if people are really looking at dating as such a cut and dry equal exchange though. I know when I do something nice for my partner Im not expecting anything but for him to say "Thanks". That's pretty much it.

      At any rate, no, there isn't a ton of advice for guys out there. The bulk of the relationship advice market is geared toward women 19-28 and dumped in Cosmo. Men have.......hmmmm.....Im not sure. Ive never read Maxim, is there anything in there of substance? It does seem like the PUA approach has the most accessibility and results oriented methodology. PUA isn't really anything more than applied psychology

  44. QUESTION:
    In need of men advice?
    Well, here i am 27 and divorced single for 5 years which is great by all means, but I really haven't dated much because of what i have been through and my outlook on men has become tainted. i am very picky in whom i chose to date which isn't all that bad, right? When it comes down to men, I seem to find the older men and the freakyish men are attracted to me and I can't figure out for the life of me why that is. I'm 5'5 with dishwated blonde hair and blue eyes, fit too. When i find a guy that i enjoy being with they seem to find excuses to putting me off or seem to not be into me. i am a professional artist working in a big city, i can be intimidating at most times and very shy. I guess i need to nkow where i'm going wrong in dating? Is it my attitude because of what i have been through? Oh and i'm not very affectionate either and i could care less about sex because i have cists that keep coming back and are very painful. Is it the sex factor or affectionate part too?

    • ANSWER:
      I think it is a combination of the sex factor and the past relationship. Guys now a days wants to now they are wanted by there significant other. We love to have sex. We love the attention. Maybe if you keep trying to find the right guy it will happen. My wife found me and she has indemetriousous, which are the cist that keeps coming back. This is very painful for her to have sex with me. She has had several surgeries to try to keep the pain down. I myself am very happy with her and have respected the fact that this is painful. I'm a very patient guy who will wait until she is ready for me. There are other things you can do to keep him happy too. I would suggest keep trying to find the right guy who will understand the situation, of course meeting him half way to explain your situation helps too. Good luck and I wish you well on your health issue.

  45. QUESTION:
    Men who have been divorced, separated, or are still married. NEED ADVICE, does he want a divorce or not?
    Please, I need some constructive criticism and advice that is sincere.

    It's been 1.5 years now, does he want a divorce or not?

    I haven't talked to my estranged husband for almost a year and I we haven't seen each other and he hasn't seen our son in the same amount of time and has never seen our daughter. I was able to find out his number (previously changed it b/c he tried to get a divorce behind my back) i was mainly wanting to inquire about any divorce papers to be filed and where to send them. I didn't even get to finish my entire message. Why did he sound like he was getting irritated and annoyed? And tells me to stop calling his phone but when I call again to finish my message he answers?

    So if I am giving him what he wants...which may be what I want and finally see it's for the best and tell him that, why is he getting defensive, being mean, and hostile?

    I'm moving on in life in a very positive direction and am finally living and being the woman I know I was created to be. I'm also doing really well with BOTH our young children which he hasn't seen in almost 2 years and hasn't even given me a penny to help take care of.

    He hasn't file as of late.

    Yes, we had problems like any other married couple, but he's the one who made the choice to leave his family to be single again and basically free himself of what it takes to be responsible for a family.

    There have been so many cruel things he has done not only to me, but while I was pregnant with both children.

    Before I met him, I was so goal-oriented and made sure I did what I needed to do to get a job done. Then when we got married, it seemed like he never wanted me to do anything, he always wanted me in the house, etc...I'm sure a lot of you know how THAT goes.

    Now, I have gone back to school and basically have the freedom that you need on a daily basis like drive myself somewhere and leave places when I'm ready to leave. BTW, he has had a history of domestic violence, but was never physically violent towards me.

    He is 17 years my senior. I'm still in my mid 20s. Maybe the saying "things fall apart so better things can fall together" is true. I still have my whole life ahead of me and 2 beautiful kids to raise.

    From a male's perspective...what is going on and why is he acting that way?

    He filed for divorce last Feb. but the case was dismissed. He didn't even amend anything...just let it go. The judge gave him a total of 50 days to amend and make changes to the grounds he claimed and he didn't make any changes. So the judge dismissed it.

    And why hasn't he filed for a divorce again if that's what he really wants?

    BTW, I've already filed child support last year, and he recently has been to court...no word yet regarding the outcome. I don't want a divorce...but also am not comfortable with filing for one right now.

    So does he want a divorce or not?

    I feel like calling him or texting him to ask what the deal is...but then again people are telling me to leave him alone, do not call or text him.

    I have been calling the circuit clerk every week to find out what the judge ordered regarding the child support but haven't heard anything yet.

    I'm thinking about visiting the state he lives in June not necessarily see him, but my good friends and people from my church who have supported me and continue to support me through all of this.

    Is he in a way trying to "punish" me by not wanting to do anything with his own flesh and blood?

    You sure bet I will do what I need to do to get that child support.

    But does he want a divorce or not?

    • ANSWER:
      He is probably the biggest looser you will ever meet in your life. I am so glad you are getting on with your life.
      Please dont make mistake of going back to him, and upsetting the children again.
      Have you applied for Medicaid and WIC assistance. I work at hospital that does these applications as a courtesy for women and men in need.
      You can also apply online (in Florida, maybe other states)

  46. QUESTION:
    I need some advice from men...?
    I recently split from my husband a week ago and he's seeing someone else and claims he doesn't want anything else to do with me. I've accepted it as I have filed for divorce...does anyone ever think i'll get over him and find someone else?

    • ANSWER:
      Alot of men like to move on but it kills them when a woman they were with starts dating. Just let that go and dont be scared to try new people. You dont have to react just cause you know he's dating though, wait till your ready and make sure eerthivng is motivated by you and only you!

  47. QUESTION:
    I need advice from men (LOL)?
    Story 2 long 2 tell. Separated over 6months. We said we'll go 2 da courthouse 2gather to file for divorce. However everytime I say lets go. He say he can't take off work? Do he really want a Divorce?Please try to just answer the question, really its a long story. I know we still love each other, just can't live togather any more. It may sound crazy to some. Other may understand. Please Help

    • ANSWER:
      Well your man don't have the money to pay for a divorce that's why he doesn't show up.

      He's broke.

  48. QUESTION:
    I need advice for men (LOL)?
    Story 2 long 2 tell. Separated over 6months. We said we'll go 2 da courthouse 2gather to file for divorce. However everytime I say lets go. He say he can't take off work? Do he really want a Divorce?Please try to just answer the question, really its a long story. I know we still love each other, just can't live togather any more. It may sound crazy to some. Other may understand. Please Help

    • ANSWER:
      You will just have to tell him to 'make time', so you can both get on with your lives.

  49. QUESTION:
    I need some advice from men that have possibly felt this way or done this, and women can help too!?
    I told my husband i wanted a divorce, but we've been together 8 years and 1 year married, things were just going wrong, well after i told him i wanted a divorce i realized i made a mistake and i wanted my husband back b/c i wanted to work on things, we have a 3 year old daughter and we've been together for a while like i said, well after i told him i wanted a divorce and he ended up contacting me after 3 weeks, and we got back together, i found out that for the 3 weeks he had slept with someone else not once but 3 times, and all kinds of other stuff, i need to know why a man would do this?? is it b/c he doesn't love you, is it a rebound relationship?? He tells me he made a mistake and that im his world, and he is truly sorry he wishes he could take it back, but im just curious to why a man would do it?? and to women if you have ever been in a situation like this, tell me how to deal with it, I mean i told him i wanted a divorce, but why would he do this??? please help!!!

    • ANSWER:
      Men rebound because they just dont share the emotions like we do. I'l bet it "meant nothing" for him to have sex with that someone. I would be hurt, as you seem to be, but if you truly love him and think he is sincere, maybe you can work things out. i would be a little concerned that he could erase his feelings so easily.

  50. QUESTION:
    Advice on dating a man going through a divorce? (kind answers only please :) ?
    I have been seeing a man going through a divorce now for over 2 months. He has been separated from his wife for over 6 months. He has two little girls and his wife is trying to get full custody of them for no good reason. He takes care of the girls 5 days of the week and is a great dad. My boyfriend has to stay on his toes at all times b/c you never know what crazy antics she will come up with next. We were friends before we started seeing each other more, we did not mean for it to evolve into a romantic relationship so fast and I think both of us were surprised. Everything was going well but we were definitely getting closer emotionally. Then the other day he said he thought we needed to "slow things down" and not have anymore sleepovers. He said he really cared about me and was so lucky to find someone like me, but he felt like when he wasn't around me everything felt so stressful - that I was like a "drug" to him.

    Now we have agreed to see each other only on weekends for a while because he said he was "emotionally overwhelmed". I said that this only concerned me because in the past men have not been truthful with me and when a man says "we can only see each other on weekends" it typically raises a red flag in my book. He said he was sorry and that was not the case here, I am the only one he is seeing. He has never lied to me and I trust him so I took his word. Just wondering if anyone has any advice on this situation and whether or not it is normal for him to want to "slow down" and whether he is doing this for the good of our relationship. I do think he really likes me and I really like him that is why it hurts so much right now not to see him often. I'd appreciate any advice and please do not be mean, I know many think dating men when they are only separated is dumb but I can't help who I fell for so please be kind!
    he also talked to his therapist about "making more time for me" during all this which I think is positive?

    • ANSWER:


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Divorce Advice For Fathers

Posted on May 14, 2012 by
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Divorce Advice For Dads

Posted on May 11, 2012 by

DISCLAIMER: The following is NOT legal advice, nor is it a substitute for legal advice. If you are in Family Court you will need legal advice, so please see a lawyer.

As an adult child of divorce, I've realized that there are certain principles that can earn a divorced dad the right to hold Mom, her lawyer, custody assessors/evaluators, Family Court Judges, Appeal Courts and Politicians accountable to the proper standard.

I call this aDivorce 101a. Following these principles will ensure that "the best interests of the child", your child, are being met in Family Court. However, dads must FIRST hold themselves accountable to these same standards and principles.

When a family unit ends due to divorce, the "First Principle" is the Four Stages of Coping: denial, anger, grieving and acceptance. Acceptance means acknowledging the loss and being able to move on

Second, Communication is key. This involves learning how to understand and express the emotional pain of divorce without resorting to aggression or violence.

Third, Education is vital. Believe solutions exist and you will begin to see them. Books, tapes, professionals, support groups, self-help resources provide ideas. Learn what to do and not do to avoid losing contact with your children.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    family advice; divorce; dad?
    i dont really know what to say. i guess i just want to tell my story. my parents were divorced when i was born. they've always hated each other since and put me in the middle. my mom remarried to a nice guy when i was about 8. i like him. my dad on the other hand married a "fobby" asian woman from thailand, who in my opinion only married him so she could come to the united states. anyways, i found out a few days ago that shes leaving him because she misses home and is unhappy. my dad is letting her go. despite my dislike for her, i feel bad for my dad. hes 50 now and dating is tough. especially when you've been divorced twice. i dont really know what to do now. any advice? how can i help him?

    • ANSWER:
      You can feel bad for him, and love on him. But he's a grown man, and he has to live his own life. Nice that you feel for him!

  2. QUESTION:
    Divorced dads- any advice??????????????????????
    I post a lot of BS questions, but this is for real. I'm currently separated from my wife of 3 yrs. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and a 6 wk old daughter. My daughters are absolutely the love of my life. I can't handle the idea that this may damage my girls in a way that could have far-reaching consequences in their lives. How can I stay close to them emotionally? I want them to have a normal relationship with me and I love them more than anything. I would stay with my wife if I thought it would be better for them- would it?
    Kurious, No we don't still bang. Gestation in humans is 9 months. Think about it. Other than that- pretty funny answer.

    • ANSWER:
      Just stay in their lives. Girls love their daddies. They will want to be close to you if you are available to them - both physically and emotionally. This will be especially important as they get older.

  3. QUESTION:
    divorced dad needs advice regarding visitation schedule for 8 yr old son.What is best for my son?
    I get my son every other weekend and every tuesday and thursday after school and thursday he sleeps over and i bring him to school the next day. His mom has him when i don't. We have beening doing for 5 yrs and it works out great but now that his in school i wonder if this is the best for him. What i mean would it be better to have his mom keep him during the week so he can have the same routine for school nights and i could get him every weekend?At my house he has to sleep on the couch in the living room at his moms he has his oun room. On tuesday when he goes home at 8 it only gives us 2 hours by the time his homework is done and we eat its time to bring him home to his moms. I would miss not seeing him all week and he would miss me too I just feel hes being shuffled around from one place to anouther. My ex is fine with ether way.

    • ANSWER:
      Ask your son how he feels...at 8 he should probably have an opinion.....and after all his feelings are what really matter to you.

  4. QUESTION:
    PLEASE SOMEONE I REALLY NEED Divorce Advice :'(?
    Okay so my parents are getting divorced and i just cant handle it cause im so used to seeing them together and living with them together and now were selling the house and going there separate ways but my dad never wanted to do this my mom just randomly started saying how she was gunna take her own house to my dad and stuff and my dads really hurting bad and hes always the happy one who makes me think of things so positive but lately hes been so negative and it just hurts really bad, and my mom was saying how she didn't want me and my brother living with her and all this bullshit and how i could see her once every 2 weeks or something like that i was like are you kidding me and i was like crying to her and she didnt even seem to care she just had thissmirkk on her face! ughh, my dads like the last person to deserve this. hes the nicest guy iv ever met honestly. Anybody have good advice ? cause i try not to break down infront of him cause i want him to think its gunna be okay and that ill be okay and stuff, im just so broken and i dont no how to handle it my brothers really upset and mad at my mom and my dads always sad i just dont no what to do or how to think of things. someone please give me some advice or even some advice to give for my dad cause hes taking this really hard. my dad kept saying things like you guys will always have a roof over you head as long as i live and it just really hurts. PLEASE I NEED ADVICE IM SO CONFUSEDD RIGHT NOW :'(

    • ANSWER:
      Well you should live with your dad. That's what I would do. I would live with him and try to cheer him up, like tell him that you'll always be there for him and that it'll be all right. Don't be afraid to cry because he already knows that you're sad and hurting, he knows you're crying on the inside already so don't be afraid to show it. I really can't give you an answer of why this happened to you and your dad, why your mom suddenly felt that she'd be better on her own but everything happens for a reason. Everything will be okay. After the shock and sadness is over, you'll find a new way of living life perfectly fine without your mom always with you. Just don't worry about it too much, it's really between your parents. Ask your mom why if you want but personally if she doesn't seem to care about anything you do or say to her, I wouldn't even bother talking to her.
      Hope this helps!
      ~Gwen.

  5. QUESTION:
    How can I tell if my dads gay? Does anyone have a gay dad and have advice?
    I really think he's gay. My mom and dad are divorced and he sent my mom a text one time and it sounded like he has a partner that's a male. I didn't see the texts but no one has any closure on it if it's for sure or not. And I'm going to be living with him for a year while some guy is going to be there too Wich is really creepy. I'm 14 and I really need advice or help. Thanks :)

    • ANSWER:

  6. QUESTION:
    Advice on dating Divorced dads?
    I am dating a divorced man who has 2 small children. I know some background information on him as well(plays softball with cousin) and not to go into details of his previous marriage, but he wasn't at fault, and to top it off he has a crazy ex. Im keeping this quiet, its only been a month, and I know when she finds out who i am and that I am dating her ex she is going to attempt to cause trouble for me. My question however is, he is now NEW to the dating scene again, we're both looking for the same thing: Long term relationship/marriage/kids, he seems a bit rusty in the dating area which is understandable. How do I work with this? Im trying to learn how to adjust to the fact that his schedule changes ALL the time where he has 50/50 of the kids and is going to be receiving full custody as well. Any advice? Has anyone dated a divorced father to have it actually last? What steps did you take?
    I can assure he's not sleeping with his ex. He has a restraining order on her, and I actually am aware of the "truth" im friends with her niece. Her parents, siblings and other relatives have refused to have any contact with her now because of the things she has done to herself, how its affected her kids and everything else. He told me he was looking for something serious before we met. I met him through my cousin and started talking on the phone with him. We haven't even had sex or anything yet.
    Well, thats why im keeping everything quiet, we both agree that its best. I haven't even met his children, nor do I agree it to be appropriate to go over there and meet them yet until things really develope. My questions was REALLY revolved around advice on dating a divorced guy, not the ex.

    • ANSWER:

  7. QUESTION:
    divorced dad needs advice from other divorced parents how much contact do u have with your exwife?
    i'm a dad to a 7yr old son matt who is my life.i have joint custody with my exwife and we split our time with him 50/50.my question is how much contact(email,phone calls ect) do you have with your ex?the problem is my ex hates my new wife(for no good reason) and which in turns makes my new wife want me to have nothing to do with her except for real emergencies about my son.please i don't want anyone to tell me how to deal with my wife or exwife.

    • ANSWER:
      I am sorry but I am the 2nd wife to a man who's first wife calls everyday about something...They have a child together but the calls have NOTHING to do with the daughter and seems more like her not willing to let go. She will call from her cell on the way to work and call from her work - call from her house with stuff that has nothing to do with anything. I agree talking about the child but everyday contact with the ex is not needed nor is it healthy for anyone. Yes - speak to your child everyday - call and talk to him or her but speaking to the ex is not needed and can and will hurt your existing relationships. Esp if your ex wife does not like your new wife for you to continue to be an enabler - and by that I mean you are enabling her to continue to control some aspects of your life - to her will cause problems. I would suggest saying to the ex...I will call and talk to Matt but there really is no need for us to communicate daily unless there is an issue and lets both make a promise to keep each other informed in regards to that. Copies of school schedules can be made...ball game schedules and etc..it is not her place to call and tell you every detail as it is not yours to cal her with every detail.

  8. QUESTION:
    Need some advice from single dads or divorced dads?
    Just need some insight I guess. I have been dating my BF for 4 years, 2 of those years he was overseas. He has a daughter who is 7.

    My problem is I don't feel he is comfortable really having me around when he has her. This last year he just started asking me to spend the day with them and a few nights I spent the night. But she slept in the house and we slept in a RV outside.

    Things are crazy right now, he doesn't have is own place since he just got back. So he's living with family, I am also living with at this time. He says things will be different when we get a house.

    I have told him that I would like to spend more time with them when he has her. I think he feels guilty because he has been a way, and wants to give her his full attention, which I get. But sometimes I think I'm stupid to think things will really be different once we get a house. He talks about a future together, but at the same time it seems like enough time has gone by that we should be past this point. I never wanted to push him when it came to his daughter, but after 4 yrs, whats the problem.

    • ANSWER:
      In all honesty, things have been "unsettled" w/the living arrangements for awhile now. You really haven't had a place to call your own which I'm sure has made it rough. You said you've been dating 4 yrs., but actually he was away for1/2 that amount of time. She was only 3 when you two first got together, & that's a pretty young age. It's really just been lately she's old enuf to understand what's going on & that he now is back for good. Things still aren't settled having to live w/family, but I just feel once he gets the feeling of being settled, having a place of your own, you're going to see things change, & for the better. Give him a chance for you to get out on your own & at least get yourselves settled. Other things should start to fall into place too. It is hard to live a "normal" life when things have NOT been "normal". I'd say to wait a bit longer, you've gone this long already, just wait for the last of it to get together & then you'll be able to make a better judgment of how things actually are going to be. You've invested 4 yrs. already, I'm sure you can hang in just a bit longer for things to plane out & get more on a level keel. You've hung in this long you CAN make it just a bit longer. I DO wish you all the best...:)

  9. QUESTION:
    divorced dad needs legal advice regarding visitation requirements?
    Ok i share joint custody with my exwife but she is the custodial parent who i pay child support to. I get my son every other weekend.The problem is i need to go away on a work issue and need to switch weekends with her but she has "plans" and refuses to help me out. My question is can she "legally" make me get my son that weekend? I have asked everyone i know to help me out but no one can watch him and i can't take him with me. The only problem i see is we signed in our custody agreement what days we would be responsible for.Can she still hold me to it?

    • ANSWER:
      Unfortunately yes, this must be a fresh divorce. Give it time.

  10. QUESTION:
    Songs to help me with my parents divorce?Advice/comments?
    Im 15 and my parents are going through a pretty bad divorce.
    My dad left my first week of high school, but I still see him once a week... I love him still and stuff.
    But Im angry with him. Im angry for him leaving my mother and I out in the cold and LYING to me that my mom was kicking him out when it was him who just up and left...
    I wish I could tell him, I wish I could tell him how mad I was...He even thought my birthday was on a different day than it actually is....
    Any songs you guys no about this?
    Or any advice/comments about this?

    • ANSWER:
      well he sounds like a liar, i been throught the same at 16, and i found out that my dad was more than a liar, telling how you feel to someone who lies to you, it's equals to absolutely doing nothing. Think of it, correct me if i'm wrong, but i find it difficult to think of someone who loves you, he's really honest with you, but in this situation he decided to lie. My father did the same i told him how i felt, and he blame everything on my mom, but it wasn't like that, and that's another story, you'll have to think smart on this one, and maybe grow up, sorry. Things like this make you grow, but only if you decide to change or enlarge the way you think, and accept some things from now on. Good luck!

      please answer mine

      http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhtsOcM393MY_rt1220cyKnsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100222175614AAbiX7T

  11. QUESTION:
    Divorced dad needs advice regarding x-mas gifts?
    My 8 yr old son lives with me 40% of the time. I wanted to buy him gifts that he would be able to leave at my house so he had stuff to play with when he came over(ex. legos,ps2 games, etc.). Well all of the stuff he wants is stuff that would be hard for him to leave just at my house( gameboy games,IPOD, guitar ect) and in the past things like these get brought to him moms house and get "left" there. So dads what do you do for x-mas when your divorced? Should I get the stuff he wants knowing they will just end up at my exwifes house?

    • ANSWER:
      I think you need to think about what he wants. He's only 8. Put yourself in his shoes... he gets a shiny, wonderful, awesome present. He loves it and then... he can't take it back to his mom's house to play with it (where he lives 60% of the time). That's not fun at all and frankly. Don't you want him to enjoy the present to the fullest extent?

      I don't think it matters where he has it. Do you? He can always bring it with him if he really has fun with it. My ex-boyfriend's family had this situation with his two step siblings. They had to keep "dad's presents" at "dad's house" and "mom's presents" at "mom's house." It was so ridiculous and they hated every bit of it.

      I don't want to say that it's selfish to want the toys you give him at your house, but you do have to consider his 8-year-old mentality. I understand that you want him to have things when he goes and visits you so he can feel more at home, but in reality, separating his life that much (down the toys) just makes it feel quite the opposite. Trust me... I know from my two friends when they were teens.

      A good compromise (for yourself) would be to get him maybe a few presents that he can take home and such and maybe others that he has to keep at your house. Such presents like bedroom decorations are things that would probably have to stay at your place.

      Good luck. Divorce is tough! I'm glad you're thinking about your son and being considerate.

  12. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice please help?!!?
    a little but of a long story so here i go...well my boyfriend's mom is trying to get a divorce from his dad...for a while now,well its been four years! they both live in her moms house...and well his dad is lazy,drug addict,spends whole lot of money!! he used to work but got laid off for drugs .k a month ago she found someone and they are so happy together but she wanted to do it right so she asked for a divorce and HE declined saying he's needs the medical .and threatening her so than he said i will not bug u and ur boyfriends if i can stay she said no! she felt bad..because he has a heart disease and diabetes that put her in debt and (shes also paying his social security bills & has no reason to not be working)! so anyhow i want to help the only thing i advised her is to take all the money out of the bank she did, but he says she needs to pay him half ? that thats what lawyer said? any body got advice?

    1) he says he cant work but he can..!!(doctor says he can)
    2) he says hes in pain to get morphine shots?
    3) charges everything and she pays the bills!!
    4) threatens her life everyday
    5) if he wants half ,doesn't it mean he gets half of the bills?
    6) shouldn't he have to pay for his own social security bills?(under his name?)
    any advise? i told her today is her chance kik him out!! and call th cops!!
    7) hes brainwashing her saying she should feel sorry for him?
    it is my problem i live there!! shes my boyfriend's mom & i care for her deeply..!! and i don't want anything bad to happen!!
    geez...
    the reason theres a bill is because he asked for it! saying he was to ill to work..but he isn't so they sent the check She used it to pay his medical bills and than a week later they cought his lie and asked for it back but shes paying it which he should right?

    • ANSWER:

  13. QUESTION:
    need help and advice on dads?
    My parents divorced when i was nine. before they divorced i was a daddies girl through and through, but mum did most of the looking after. so what most would say kinda typical.
    when they split we moved the same day that they told us, into some guys house (now my stepdad) i saw my dad every weekend and one evening during the week. the divorce upset me as much as any other kid and i still saw my dad frequently so beside the divorce there wasn't really any problem. i was then moved primary schools as we had moved away from home.
    but then things just went down hill. we stopped seeing my dad during the week, this was mainly my fault as i had extra clubs and things that tied me down. and then as my step dad had children we changed the arrangments to every other weekend seeing my dad so that we got a weekend with my mums family. my mum and dad faught all the time, over the phone, on the door step face to face. it would be so embarrasing as my dad didnt really care wether he shouted the street down. (my dad has anger problems and often lashes out)
    comunication then changed. the responsibility then moved to me to look after my siblings when we went away and to comunicate between them but there were still the odd text wars.
    my dad then started dating this woman who hadnt got any children and didnt really understand how to look after me my brother and my sister who was only two. but we still saw dad. they then married and my dad moved out of his house and into hers. our stuff was boxed and just pilled in her back room till they had sorted a room for the three of us. (one room for three)
    she didnt treat us great. the weekends they didnt have us they went out and the weekends they did were always 'spring cleaning' weekends and visiting relatives. but we never really got the time with our dad. at the time i didnt really care, as a kid i didnt really understand the value of being hugged.
    i was always independant but as i have grown (now 17) i am now completly independant and hardly speak to mum and stepdad. i have never really had a relatioinship with my stepdad at all, but my younger siblings have more connection as they were younger when they met him.
    any way, my dad and stepmum have now got two other children and i have a sat job so hardly see him he often works weekends and havent really been seeing him regularly for about three years sinces there children arrived. ive gone from a complete daddies girl to not really bothered. when he says sorry i cant see you, then i dont really feel sadness or anything i just brush it off. similarly when i see him i just feel like hes company but not my dad. :( its really bad when i come to terms with that but its just they way i feel, like hes not my dad anymore.
    since then i have had some really bad experiences. i had a teacher in high school who for about three years looked after me and always picked me for his group. we were quite good friends and i enjoyed being in his company. when i left school and didnt see him i was shattered. but i reckon he wasnt bothered. im just another student.
    few months later i add a friend on facebook who attends a badminton club i go to. just a random add on facebook but he then started chatting to me online like mates, he works from home so does have the time.
    he and his wife have never had kids and are pasted that stage now. but when me and him started texting we got really close. we told each other every thing, gave each other help on everything. we met up and hugged and chatted. but he then said he cant be my friend anymore cause its affecting his relationship with his wife cause he started seeing me as his kid and similarly he looked after me so i guess i needed him. but that was that he said no more. i was devestated. cried for hours and still feeling the hurt that he left. felt like my heart has sunk. i felt more for him than my own dad. and now that its been a week since speaking to the friend im worried that im never gonna have that with my dad :( :( i need him but at the same time i want my friend and not my dad.
    i harldy speak to people anymore, im so shy. at home i spend my life in my room and harldy socialise, been made worse in the last week. im not a particlarly social person but its getting me down cause i feel all alone.
    especially since all the focus has always been on my younger siblings and there loss of a father role. cause there younger and did have the time before they split up. i feel like ive been brushed aside.
    now that ive rambled my life story to you could you please help to offer some sort of explanation. :( :( i feel depressed

    • ANSWER:
      Hey huni, sorry you grew up like that. I suppose it's confusing when you are so young. Not really knowing what's going on or most importantly why. But you are a grown woman now and thankfully independent, maybe it's time to get closer with your mum again. You could go shopping on the weekend or invite her to tea. You can try to ask her what exactly happened between your parents and have to understand. Tho you mention your dad's anger problem, that could be a major factor. You no longer depend on them so start a brand new life for yourself, go out with friends and find a hobby. I must caution you about 'adding' people on FB you barely know, especially married ones! They might be a great friend, but they can't be your best friend simply because they are obliged to somebody else. Maybe soon you find a great guy, close to your age that you share values and interests with and you will be very happy indeed. You need to find closure about the past and mum can help you understand many things.
      Cheer up and look ahead, not backwards..

  14. QUESTION:
    Parents are most likely getting a divorce?Advice?Please read everything.?
    So my parents are 8 years apart,and they've been married for around 9-10 years. At first,they were happy.Im 13 and my brother is 10.

    They fight constantly,mostly over money and my dad coming home late.Its hard for me and my brother,because they scream at eachother and say horrible things,and now my brother and I are fighting even more,all the time,and it just kills me. My mom is almost always in a bad mood,and she drinks every night. My dad is always at his restaraunt,and then he'll call every night to just check up on us,and soon after he always talks to my mom,soon shes screaming and just hangs up. We're also kind of low-middle class,and 2 days ago he took 900 dollars out of my moms bank account because he couldnt pay rent.

    We're always struggling with money and thats the main reason they fight.Every ay she blows up at him,and then he yells back. We're probably way too loud for the neighbors.

    My mom said they would get a divoce when I went to college to make things easier,but what about my brother? My dads kind of the outcast in the family,we dont see him that much and he annoys us alot.But i still love him so much.A few minutes ago they fought again over him coming home after midnight last night,and they threatened divorce again.And this time the tone was dead-serious. Im just scared of coming home one day to find someone missing.

    My family is falling apart and I cant do anything about it.Someone who was sweet enough to read all of this,thank you so much.Any advice or experience?Please help me.

    • ANSWER:

  15. QUESTION:
    Need divorce advice for a friend?
    She's the primary breadwinner and has a child. The husband went back to school while the mother worked, so he was a stay at home dad, but was planning to get a job now that he's finished school. She's been told by her lawyer and his lawyer that she will probably have to pay alimony since she has been the one working. Is this true? Is there anyway around this? He's finished school, but hadn't found a job yet...

    • ANSWER:
      Yes, she will likely have to pay him alimony. The specifics will depend on where she lives, and the laws in that jurisdiction.

      Where I live, how much she will have to pay will depend on their respective incomes, so if he does get a job earning as much as her, she will no longer have to pay alimony. If he gets a job earning much more than her, she could claim spousal support since she supported him through school, thereby allowing him to get the training to get a high-paying job. The length of time she'll have to pay alimony will depend on the length of their marriage.

  16. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice?getting back into the workforce?
    I have been married what will be 5 yrs soon, I am 25 yrs old going on 26 and my husband is 35 yrs old.I have a daughter who is 5 yrs old from a previous relationship and a son who will be turning 2 yrs old(he shares the same dad as my daughter).Our divorce is a bit ugly he cheated we seperated i cheated in retalition which is how my son was concieved and we tried to make it work but that never happened.I worked for about 2.5 -3 years during our marriage as a community college proffesor(adjunct) and HS history teacher.But have now worked at all for the last 2 yrs except for some babysitting jobs and helping out at my friends bakery.I wont be able to get a job as a teacher this time of year so i need a fill in?My friend offered me a job as manager/ a cake decorator at her bakery for .50 4-5 days a week,sometimes sat.mornings, 6-8 hrs.She said the days and hours vary by seasons.Do i take the job?even though its not a job i would normally take?
    Her manager another friend of ours is on maternity leave and wont be able to come back till april- may?So this could work out well?

    • ANSWER:
      Well - it sounds like you have a friend that's trying to do what they can to help you out.

      What I would likely do in this situation is see if I could get something in a school system (maybe substitute teach?) If you aren't having luck there - then try talking to your friend.

      Let her know you'll take the job - but that you are looking for other things in your field...See what she has to say.

      Besides - look at the bright side - you'll be exposed to something new - you might find that you like it. You really don't have much to lose.

  17. QUESTION:
    how is this right? abuse and divorce. advice?
    my best friend has been in an abusive marriage for a lil over a year now. I have witnessed him hurting her several times and have even had to pull him off of her! The last time he hurt her, she finally left him and went to stay with me. Since then they have talked a few times but he is blaming everything on her. On monday he came over to their house (he was staying at his dads) she reached for the phone while they were arguing and he twisted her wrist really hard he does this often (she still has nail marks from the last time) so when he did that she smacked him and he left. She found out today that he filed for a domestic violence petition AGAINST HER! it says he is scared for his life in it! I mean REALLY!!?? She is a college student in her junior year, before they got married he agreed to support her while she attened college fulltime many people witnessed him saying that. She finally wants to file for divorce now, what in your opinion should she put as the grounds for divorce? do you think she can get spousal support from him? by the way we live in the state of WV. any opinions what she shoudl do?

    • ANSWER:

  18. QUESTION:
    My parents may be getting a divorce. Advice?
    I’m 14 years old. I have 4 siblings. My parents of 15 years of marrige told me yesterday, Saturday, they were getting a divorce. I did NOT see this coming at all and neither did my mom. Neither of them are cheating on eachother and there are no drug/alcohol issues at alll in my family. My parents are both Christians and were raised in Christian homes. (I also go to a prive Christian school) We go to church every Sunday. My family has been beyond blessed with a very nice big house, expensive cars, and 2 vacation homes. We going skiiing every year around Christmas time and have always taken a nice vacation during the summer.
    They’ve been getting into arguments more this past year, but none of them were ever even a big deal, just like little disagreements here and there. They’ve been going to counseling for a while now, but I guess it’s not working. Last saturday my dad told my mom he wanted a divorce, then the next day, Sunday, he told her he didn’t want one any more, that he was in love with her and he couldn’t. (as this point I had not been told) One week later (yesterday Satuday) he told her he wanted one again..this is when I was told. I cannot stop crying, I don’t want them to divorce. I’ve talked with my mom and told her how I was feeling, and she doesn’t want the divorce either. She doesn’t know if he’s gonna change his mind again or if she can take this “I change my mind” thing. My mom doesn’t want me to tell anyone (like my friends or something) idk if this is because she doesn’t know if its official or what. She says shes gonna do everything she can to make the divorce not happen, so I know she is trying to fix things. I’m just not sure how to take it all in right now. I’ve known people who’s parents have divorced but never ever ever did I think it would happen to me. It’s all so sudden. The word ‘divorce’ never even crossed my mind. I’ve praying and praying to God that he’ll give me strength through whatever happens and to help me trust in him throughout this whole process. I know my parents love me very very much and want whatever is best for me. If the divorce does go through, they have made it both their priority to make life as normal as possible, with as little change as possible. They are even talking about us taking a trip to NYC together this next month. Is this a sign of them tring to work together and eventually work it all out?
    All in all I know that whatever happens, it is in God’s will. In the Bible it says God won’t give you more than you can handle, so I know that through him I can handle anything.
    If you have any advice, please write below. Thank you.

    • ANSWER:
      Hi Sweetie. It's good to hear from a bright, young Christian these days, your parents have done a good job raising you. It's only natural that you would be confused and hurt with this 'news' of possible divorce. Your Dad seems like an intelligent man, but also confused himself. He's a little "wishy-washy" about something of this magnitude. It would be my assumption that the fact that your parents are both Christians they're not going to jump into something like divorce, unless it's the last resort. Planning a family trip would be (to me) an effort to get things back to normal... to a certain degree. However, whatever they decide may seem devastating to you, but things will work out for all of you eventually. Also, it's important that you understand that this is in no way any fault of yours, and they do both love you very much. Also, when a couple decides to divorce, you should not lay blame on either party. One may voice his oppinion first (such as your Dad) but that doesn't mean that he's to blame. Nor is your Mom.... sometimes things just don't work, no matter how hard you try to fix them. Keep praying and try not to dwell on this too much. Get back into your daily life and routine with your friends and if this does happen, remember that you are not alone, lots of kids have divorced parents ( a LOT). Also you are old enough to understand that both your Mom and your Dad deserve to be happy, even if it's not with each other. I feel that even if they do divorce, they will remain friendly to each other and alway care for one another. If you think about it, that's really all that matters. They will never stop caring, no matter what. You will adapt to whatever life brings, and you will be fine. God Bless you !

  19. QUESTION:
    My mom will probably die unless I go against my dad...advice please?
    I know this is kind of long but if you could please spare some of your time and read it it would really help. I'm 16 years old and the oldest of 4. Our parents are just starting the divorce process. My dad has given her plenty of chances in the past to agree to something that will keep her on his health insurance plan, but she won't agree to his terms. My mom is irresponsible (she got a DUI when she totalled our car last year with me in the passenger seat) and immature most of the time, she always tries to tell me and my siblings stories about our dad when he's not around and tries to turn us against him. Needless to say, I favor my dad over her.

    She (and this is confirmed by doctors) has the beginnings of ovarian cancer. If she doesn't get it taken care of, it will turn into ovarian cancer. She has a crappy job and no insurance so if she gets sick she won't be able to get treatment unless she somehow stays on my dads plan. She told me to try and get him to agree to her terms, which I'm sure include more than just health insurance. I don't want her to get custody of us or for my dad to have to pay her more than is necessary, but I don't want her to get sick either. She says he won't listen to her, and it's true that he always takes my opinions into consideration, though I'm not sure that extends to something of this magnitude even if I did try and help her. Any advice or tips? Please don't say "let her get sick". I know she's made mistakes, but my youngest brother is only 8 and I don't want him growing up without a mom.

    • ANSWER:
      I have a similar relationship with my parents in the sense that they try to turn me against the other parent. They always talk to me about personal fights between them and try to get me involved. Its really frustrating because I so badly want to help but that is totally inappropriate in a parent/child relationship.

      The best advice I can give you is to stay out of it. They try to make you feel like its your business... but its not. This is between your parents. They will work it out. I know its tempting because you care about them but it is not your role to play mediator.

  20. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice, need to change things before it closes?
    Im looking for some one that can help a low income Dad near the end of a divorce. I signed a mediation order for 50% parenting time and shared legal custody. Now I regret it! But I can not afford the 5k retainer to turn it around. The mom has many issues that are just getting worse! Every thing she is doing is just under the radar for CSD to be able to do any thing.

    Im in Oregon and have used Modest Means for a lower rate for billing but still 5k retainer? I cant do it and cant afford any changes atm!

    Does any one know who I could turn to?

    • ANSWER:
      Make an application to have it revised and explain your situation to a legal aid.

      Take that mentally insane slapper to the cleaners.

  21. QUESTION:
    husband...marriage/divorce advice needed?
    I don't know what to do. I've been with my husband 10 years and I think I want a divorce. It all started when I found out a bunch of lies he told me when I was pregnant (about 5 years ago). My husband is very controlling, jealous, manipulative. I'm torn. I want the best for our daughter...he is a good dad. I know if I leave him, he'll freak out. He's threatened me & told me he'll make my life hell if I ever leave him. He has a job in law enforcement & has a lot of friends that will "keep an eye on me". I'm afraid if I ask for a divorce it will get ugly & I'll need a restraining order. I don't want my daughter to live in all that drama. Should I just put up with him for the sake of my daughter. I feel selfish if I leave him because I'm only worrying about what I want. Any advice?

    • ANSWER:
      Wow,
      this is some serious stuff.
      I think you need more reliable and professional advice than you can find here on Yahoo but I'll tell you what is on my mind in regards to your situation anyhow.

      Restraining order ..yes
      His threats to you go beyond scary.

      His controlling manipulative ways will most likely not change unless he goes for serious intervention.

      He may seem like a good Dad to your daughter but would a "Good Dad" or even a "good" person carry on this way in general? His ugly side is sure to manifest itself at some point as the pressures of parenthood arise over the years. Especially the terrible teens. When your daughter is no longer this angelic little bundle and starts to oppose her abusive Dad, then he will in all probability treat her the way he is treating you now. An abuser repeats his offensive behavior to other people over time.

      Speaking from experience stuffing your feelings for your daughters sake will take an unholy toll on you. Both psychologically and physically. Spiritually too.

      Control is not love. And Love is not control. I don't know what he thinks he is doing but by threatening you like this, he sounds like he is a Terrorist and you are his hostage. A horrible place to be.

      I don't know which is best for you...namely to leave fast quick and in a hurry or take it slower and get yourself "set up" and prepared to leave. Whichever you choose keep yours and your daughters safety in mind before anything else. First things first.

      Either way get in touch with support groups and womans groups who can help lead you safely out of this hellish maze. More than likely you will have to do this down the road anyway. You might as well prepare for it now. A leopard doesn't change it's spots. The abuse may go under ground for a while but it emerges again as suddenly and forcefully as before. The only question remaining is how long you want to subject yourself and your daughter to it.

      You are up against a lot. Yes, there is always the possibility that he will change over time, but the statistics are against it. It will have to be a judgement call yourself as to assess the positives of remaining opposed to the negatives.

      I really do wish you well. You are a brave soul. Hang in there and hang tough. You are not responsible for his cruelty. That is a brain glitch and character flaw that he alone is responsible for. And he alone needs to change his abusive and controlling behaviors. Going through life feeling unsafe with him is not the life that God meant us to lead. He never intended us to be "hostages" to anyone. Follow your truth. Your gut is telling you that something serious needs to be done about this. That truth will set you free.

      Good Luck, and may God bless you and your daughter.

  22. QUESTION:
    Husband threatening divorce. Advice?
    My husband has been very irresponsible with money lately, spending almost 0 on music related items within days. The credit card is nearly maxed, so I took it and put it away until he can pay it off. He gets paid on Thursday so I planned to give it back Thursday morning when I know he can pay it off.

    Normally, something like this wouldn't concern me so much, but his dad is arriving on Friday and we have to pay 5 for a mattress for him to sleep on, and I'm due in 2 1/2 weeks with our second child, so you can see where my concern about his spending is coming from.

    I feel very sad to say that I do not trust my own husband not to spend money or to keep his word. I really wish I could say that, but I can't. Two days ago he waltzed into the bedroom at 10pm and announced he had spent 0 (before taxes, shipping and exchange rates) on vinyl records, just days after he spent 0 on two other vinyl records. He said it was okay because he wouldn't be spending anymore money on music related things until after Christmas. I knew I couldn't trust him, and I was right, because he turned around and bought some music tonight.

    Well, he discovered his credit card was missing. I told him I have it, it is in our bedroom and he can have it back on Thursday morning when he can pay it off. It is 0 away from maxed out. This apparently isn't good enough for him, as he began sulking, throwing a fit, started a huge fight and is now threatening divorce, claiming he'll be in contact with lawyers in the morning if I don't give the credit card back tonight.

    He says he can no longer trust me. He has also called me a neglectful mother (we have a 20 month old daughter), an untrustworthy wife, and now I'm apparently a thief and I'm cheating on him (which I am not, never have and never would).

    I love him, and I took his card to protect our family and make sure that we have that money available for emergencies only, but now he wants to leave me and get a divorce. He's already walked out on us twice since yesterday.

    I don't know what to do. Any advice?
    Short, yes I am sure he is not bi-polar.

    As for calling a lawyer, I can't and won't do that. I made a vow and I love him. I fight for my marriage, even if it means another round of counselling for us.

    • ANSWER:
      I don't see why women are so controlling

  23. QUESTION:
    im causing my parents divorce...Advice?
    My name is Nichole, i'm 16 and have 2 brothers and one sister. Both my brothers are grown and off to college. So it's just me and my sister who is 17. We both did competition and basketball cheerleading since we were little. Well last year, during football season my sister was a high flier for our squad. We did this routine PLENTY of times but this time when they through her in the air, they didn't catch her....well they did but the cradle broke. Long story short, she almost got paralyzed (i don't know what it's called exactly but one of the bones in her spine are in but almost slipped out and if it had've happened again or any other way she would've be/been paralyzed. I kept cheering that season, my mom didn't like it but she still let me, my squad ended up getting 9th in the Nation and Scholarships started pouring in for us. During basketball season they still let my sister be on the sidelines and help out with the basketball players and cheerleaders going everywhere but couldn't physically do anything. That's when the fighting first started with my parents, my mom didn't want his doing ANYTHING dealing with sports again but my dad said he wanted us to not be scared. Well competition season is starting again and my coach wants me to go in my sisters place, I don't mind and my dad says he wont stop me but my mom says shes going to leave my dad if he lets me do it. He said he will so she left and has been gone for a week. I feel like complete CRAP because my mom told me last night when she called me that i'm selfish and i'm the reason for the reason for the divorce. Now i don't know what to do, I LOVE cheerleading but i love my parents too. The way i see it, i only have this year and next year to get to the 5th spot in the nation and the WHOLE squad gets guaranteed spots in any college they wants cheer squad. I'm crying so hard right now i don't know what to do...Advice

    • ANSWER:
      You have a selfish and inconsiderate mother...that is what you should be crying about.

      Your mother is the one acting like a selfish spoiled little child. The problems with your parents relationship run much much deeper than this wee little argument, your mother is using this little argument as a "reason" to leave because she lacks the courage to sit down with your father and discuss the REAL reasons why she has left.

      It is not your fault. And it is not your dad's fault. Your mother is making a mountain out of a molehill because, just like a child, she is angry because she did not get her way. And again, she is using this as a excuse for leaving when the real reason most likely will never be known.

      Parents make decisions all the time. And quite often one parent will make a decision and over rule the other parent...in your case your father is overruling your mother's sudden overprotectiveness and the irrationality she is showing in dealing with HER fear.

      Keep on following your dreams, pursuing your goals...you only get to live through high school one time. Don't worry about your mom too much, she is an adult and hopefully she will start acting like an adult. Talk to your dad so he can confirm what all the answers are saying...it is not your fault no matter how much your mother tries to make it your fault.

  24. QUESTION:
    I'm causing my parents divorce..advice?
    My name is Nichole, i'm 16 and have 2 brothers and one sister. Both my brothers are grown and off to college. So it's just me and my sister who is 17. We both did competition and basketball cheerleading since we were little. Well last year, during football season my sister was a high flier for our squad. We did this routine PLENTY of times but this time when they through her in the air, they didn't catch her....well they did but the cradle broke. Long story short, she almost got paralyzed (i don't know what it's called exactly but one of the bones in her spine are in but almost slipped out and if it had've happened again or any other way she would've be/been paralyzed. I kept cheering that season, my mom didn't like it but she still let me, my squad ended up getting 9th in the Nation and Scholarships started pouring in for us. During basketball season they still let my sister be on the sidelines and help out with the basketball players and cheerleaders going everywhere but couldn't physically do anything. That's when the fighting first started with my parents, my mom didn't want his doing ANYTHING dealing with sports again but my dad said he wanted us to not be scared. Well competition season is starting again and my coach wants me to go in my sisters place, I don't mind and my dad says he wont stop me but my mom says shes going to leave my dad if he lets me do it. He said he will so she left and has been gone for a week. I feel like complete CRAP because my mom told me last night when she called me that i'm selfish and i'm the reason for the reason for the divorce. Now i don't know what to do, I LOVE cheerleading but i love my parents too. The way i see it, i only have this year and next year to get to the 5th spot in the nation and the WHOLE squad gets guaranteed spots in any college they wants cheer squad. I'm crying so hard right now i don't know what to do...Advice

    • ANSWER:
      your mother just cares so much about you and she doesnt want you to get hurt. you need to talk to your parents because that is ridiculous parents divorcing over something like that! you need to talk to you mother and father and try to make them realize that they are doing wrong. dont worry your parents shouldnt divorce im sure they will realize that they are doing wrong and will eventually agree on something so talk to them good luck!

  25. QUESTION:
    My dad always advice me unmarried is also good,u may quarel with ur wife daily some end up divorce,u may not..?
    have children also , if u have children can u say for sure ur child will not grow bad and can u sure they will look after u when u are old, some ppl also send their parents to old folks home.why is he saying all these to me?

    can anyone help me to solve mystery.?

    • ANSWER:
      There is no mystery . I think several marriages today is unhappy . The reason is when people are attracted to each other they do it for the wrong reasons . Because of looks and because a person is good looking . These are not permanent and when things change ( because of business failure or getting old ) people change

      Unless you can Transcend this trap ( look beyond these things and marry because of looks and SUITABILITY with your character you will maybe have same problem

      Children used to be an asset but nowadays you cant really rely on them . It means that unlike before nowadays children don't care about parents when their old .You father fears you will be the same and send him to a home later so he talks like this .Edward many parents say this but dont really mean it ! My parents once or twice said it when i was young once or twice but never meant it .Just trying to make you understand they need you when old and DONT ever forget them

  26. QUESTION:
    Parents getting divorce. Advice?
    So i never thought i would be askeing this question. casue my parents both came from a divorced family and they said they would never do this to theor kids.

    So like i am scared they are not sure if they are. but my dad was your mom asked for a divorcec they have been marride for 17 years!
    rigth now i think this divorce is my fault because i haven't been that good for like the last week.
    so can you help me?

    • ANSWER:
      If your parents are getting a divorce it is not your fault and don't blame your self. They are going through things right now that you probably have no clue they are going through and regardless of that they both love you and always will the best thing for you to do is love your parents unconditionally and don't take sides and try to stay out of there problems you will just get hurt and will end up regretting it later in life like stated early by someone else get Fireproof it might really help them and you

  27. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice PLEASE for young NY mother...?
    Hello Community.

    I have a co-worker that is going through a very tough time and I offered to help and support her as best I can. I am reaching out for any advice that anyone can provide, either through legal experience, or from personal experience.

    My co-worker is in her mid 20's, and has two children. She has been married for seven years, and the marriage has failed a very long time ago. Her and the husband work opposite shifts so as not to have too much contact with one another, and when they are home together, he watches sports in the basement and has no involvement with the wife or the kids.

    One of their children is not in the best health (little things, like ear infections, asthma, etc.) and has been hospitalized several times over the past year. Through these hospitalizations, the father has never once come to visit or been present. The father takes little/no part in the children's lives (unless its to take the very young son to a sporting event, that the son does not want to go to).

    The wife claims that her only reason for sticking in the marriage is because she wants the children to grow up in a home, with parents, with some sense of normalcy (even if its just an illusion). The children know that something is off, but both mom and dad are in the home, so they are happy.

    The father makes the family income, and a decent one, and doesn't really want the wife working. However, for the past 4 years, she has been a part time bartender at a very high-end banquet/event hall. This past year she also took on a second part time job working in an educational institution. She says that she makes good money, and she is able to provide opportunities for her children because of it (summer recreation programs, karate and music lessons, family outings, taking the kids to local amusement parks, etc.). Prior to this, the father would deny them money for this type of common "kid-stuff", claiming that it was a waste. Again, the father takes no part in any of these activities.

    Anyway, the wife states that the time has come to make some changes. Her husband is not supportive of her. He is a "momma's boy", and is at the whim of his mother and father, who live just around the corner. The in-laws will criticize and demean the wife, and the husband always sides with the parents. The in-laws have begun to do this to the children as well, and again, the husband always sides with the parents. Unfortunately, the wife is from out of state, so she has no family of her own to turn to. Just the husbands (which is a lost-cause). While the wife has the noble intentions of sticking in there for the sake of the children, and preserving the family unit, she says that the children would likely be better off if they were not in such an environment. It takes an incredible toll on the wife, which in turn takes a toll on the children.

    What is this woman to do?? I am saddened by her situation, and am looking for some guidance or support to offer her. Above and beyond the recommendation of seeking professional legal advice (which she will likely do over the later summer months), are there any red-flags or obvious circumstances here that anyone can spot?? For example, if she divorces, she wants custody. Her life is about her children. But is she at risk because she is has a title of "bartender"? Also, would the children go to the father because he makes a higher income? Can she do anything job-wise that would improve her situation and chances?

    Is there any problem with the fact that she is from the other coast? Would she be able to pack her bags and bring her children out there to live, or does that violate some law? What conditions would she have to meet in order to be favored for custody? Also, at what point in a marriage is a wife "vested" for any of the husband's benefits/retirement/wages/etc? Since she has been married for 7 years, is it better for her to stick in the marriage for a few more years to claim some benefits?

    I have little knowledge of NY divorce law, so I am looking for any kind of guidance or suggestions that would help this wife/mother out. She will eventually see a lawyer when time permits (she wants to do it in secret, and can only do-so when she knows the husband will be away for a while), but in the mean time, ANYTHING would be appreciated to offer up to her!!!

    Thank you all for your time and understanding!!

    • ANSWER:
      well you've asked allot of tough questions - but here is what I can tell you
      the courts normally side with the mother when it comes to custody and the fact that her title is "bartender" should not negatively impact her - a brief explanation of venue where she works should be all that is necessary -
      when it comes to custody - the courts will now also ask the children what their preferences are - and give some credence to that - the older the child the more weight their desire carries - her biggest problem as you've outlined it will be her desire to "leave the state" with the children - this, the court will probably have a hard time with unless the father and she can work out some shared custody arrangement - such as holidays and summers in NY - and the balance on the west coast - of course paying for travel then becomes an issue to be negotiated
      The court will ALWAYS favor an agreement worked out between the principles - in fact most divorce settlements are worked out rather than decided by the court (approximately 98% in New Jersey)
      So - back to the leaving the state issue - the other way around it (and probably the best way) of course is to work out a custody agreement based on staying in NY - then after some time going back to the negotiating table and asking the court to support moving out of state due to "work opportunities" or "marriage opportunity" (the courts usually do not fight these arguments too much)
      If she were to "just leave" - and go to the west coast, the court would more than likely order her back.
      As far as vestment - the laws in every state are somewhat different - but the way it works in general is the longer you are married - the longer and more alimony you can collect-
      for instance in New Jersey - after 10 years of marriage a woman (or man) can collect alimony for life - assuming she never re-marries or changes her income level relative to their former spouse -
      after 7 years there is a percentage of "entitlement" -
      AND - don't forget child support - the courts use a very clear and well defined formula for calculating how much child support should be paid - again every state is different - and if you go online you can probably find the NY child support formula and calculate approximately what the court would award

      good luck to her - and to you for helping her

  28. QUESTION:
    I need parent divorce advice :'(?
    on Christmas we were driving to my grandmas when this black pickup threw there puppy out the window, hes really young maybe around 9 months. we brought him to our house and asked my dad if we could keep it and he said he'd think about it. he started to act like he really liked the dog/puppy and so we (my sister, mom and me) thought we were going to be able to keep it so we all decided it was okay to get attached to it. we took our other dog, Kodi, to the vet for his shots and when we got back we asked my dad where the dog was and he told us that he took it to the Humane Society/pound. he didnt even try to discuss it with us about whether we could keep it or not and he kept on being really mean to me and my mom about it (my sister was at her guy friends house brian.) me and my mom both cried so hard while my dad was still screaming at us and I ended up throwing up blood 4 times. after that I've been dizzy ever since and keep falling over and Im afraid to tell my parents that because Im afraid they'll get mad at me or somthing. then tonight me, my mom, and my 'dad' went to Walmart, me and my mom went to the car while my dad paid and I started crying about the dog again and when he got back he was screaming at me again and he drove out of the parking lot Really fast and my mom started yelling at him to slow the F down and he didnt listen and almost got into a crash. than he told my mom that he wants a divorce and now I fell like its all my fault and I dont know what to do. and now my keyboard is soaked cuz I cant stop crying. I dont know what to do. how do I deal with my parents.
    They never fight and it really shocked me for him to say that, It would have been a lot easier if I saw this divorce thing coming but I didnt. someone please help me. also some of this stuff is just copy and pasted from me and my boyfriends chat, just to let you know.

    • ANSWER:
      all i can tell you it is not your fault maybe they were having problems before parents dont let children know about their problems so it wont make them feel like its their fault its ok youll be fine and its not your fault

  29. QUESTION:
    Parents at the verge of divorce? Advice would be great.?
    Basically, long story short, my mom "thinks" my dad is having an affair with another woman. It's really hard to keep this short but, my mom has told me all her evidences, proofs etc. for me to see that my dad is cheating on her. I personally can't say she's right though, because I haven't seen my dad with the "other woman" with my own eyes, but her reasoning seems legit.

    Now as for my dad, whenever a heated argument sets up, he decides to leave the house and to go to his brothers house (my uncle). After a couple of days, you know when things are cooled down, my dad will come back. But everything starts over again, they start arguing and shitt. omg. It's really a shame because my dad keeps coming back, but then he's forced to leave so things dont get worse. Sometimes I feel like my mom has to bring up the situation every single time, in a bad way. Like they'll never sit down, and have a mutual conversation.

    Well really, this has been going on for a while and I really don't know what to do. My dad has told me in person, that he doesn't have a woman. Straight to my face, real talk, he doesn't. Then my mom, is telling me all this legit proof, and its convincing me my dad is actually having an affair, or had one. I really don't know what to say, should I tell my mom to just forgive and forget, so things will get better? Or should they really have a divorce? I'm just scared that if they do, it might be the wrong decision. But I'm up for anything.

    What should a 15 year old kid do to try and help things with my parents, or then again, should I just leave this crap alone. It hurts me because my 7 year old sister has to watch this, and it's going to be an emotional scar for her when she grows up.

    • ANSWER:
      There is nothing you can do in this situation and judging by what Ive read, it sounds like your mother is the problem, not your dad....

  30. QUESTION:
    My first time on here I need marriage/divorce advice what to do?
    My wife and I have been together for 6 years married for 3. We started out as friends and than began our romantic relationship. I am in the Military and work between 45-65 hours a week as an instructor. My wife has been in school up until two months ago full time now she is working 4 full days and sometimes one partial. We are both in school she is taking 2 classes I am taking 4. I am very determined to solidfy my career and education while we are still young, early 20's. I intend on opening my own business full time after the military, my wife has been aware of this since before we even talked about marriage. I do construction projects once in while on the side. My wife complains about the time I spend away but when we are together all she does is talk on the phone, text, talk about how she wishes I were different than I am. We have gone to marriage counseling. I have gone to counseling on my own to work on my communication and interpersonal skills. My wife had an ex that she used to talk to that I was ok with. However he began calling late at night and I asked her to respect it and stop. Than I found her crying to him after one of our arguments this was hard for me to swallow but she said she just felt comfortable with him but she wouldn't talk to him anymore if I told her not to. I did and than I caught them text and talking to each other as soon as I left for a field training excercise. We had a big blow out fight and she agreed to not talk to him anymore. I believe her about this but now its constant complaining about something. She doesnt cook so I work cook and do dishes most nights if not eating out. Also she is just controlling over everything lately the last 10 months or so she will just come in and turn off what Im watching on Tv and just act rude.My father has MS and went to the hospital last week. My wife new this and after she got home that night after I got the news that my dad wasn't doing well she came in complained that I had left some books on the floor. She also wouldn't return my families calls I feel a wedge between me and my family the longer that I am with her. I am frustated beyond belief. Our arguments get worse because we fight and she tries to engage me physically.In addition to calling me names and throwing things. I am in no way shape or form trying to paint the picture that I am an angel or without fault in the relationship because I have definitly had my share of mistakes and shortcomings. I love my wife but I don't know. Now that I am done writing this novel about my life LOL the question that I need answered is how do I know if its time to get a divorce and if so are people really better after divorce or do they just fake the funk. I am a christian as is my wife neither of us come from homes of divorce so this is uncharted terrritory. Thanks for reading this I never open up like this I hope yall can help me.

    • ANSWER:
      I do not think you should jump into divorce. Why don't you try some temporary time apart? Stay with a friend for 2 weeks or so. Don't be in contact with her, shut your phone off. Explain to her that you love her dearly and are trying to save your relationship with her but taking a little break to re-vamp yourself and clear your head and allow her to do the same.

      Take a trip with friends maybe. Go visit your family and stay with your dad. Stay in a hotel. Whatever you feel comfortable with. I recommend no less than 2 weeks, just so you can really and truly have time to clear your head, feel what it feels like to be apart, and see if that is what you can deal with. If you miss her, that may be a sign you just need to work on some things. Everyone goes through it in long-term relationships. If you enjoy being away and don't feel the urge to be with her or re-connect, then that is a sign that things are really creeping to a bad direction and maybe a permanent seperation is in order.

      She is probably going to object to this and have all kinds of nasty things to say about it, even be hurt. Don't allow that to stop you, because she needs to respect you too and respect your efforts to heal this. A lot of times i have seen this sincerely help a couple. They realize if they truly want the relationship or they are better off without it. 2 short weeks to a month may be all it takes, and then you may totally re-connect again if you both sincerely take the time to search yourselves and figure out what you BOTH do wrong.

  31. QUESTION:
    Family/Divorce Advice.?
    Ok my mom gets really mad when I call my stepmother mom, because she says I only have one mother and all this other stuff.
    I feel bad for her when she gets mad and upset, and I do understand her. and my dad asked me to call her mom.

    Should I still call my stepmother mom???
    Plse help... thx.

    • ANSWER:
      I understand your mom being upset because she is your only mom. Your dad has no right to ask you to call her mom. Come up with a clever name for her. Like my step grandaughter calls me NONIE. Thant is just what she picked. Or call her another name maybe you and her and your dad can decide on. Your stepmom is not your mother. You know that and we all do. So as I said be creative and come up with another cool name. Good Luck. By the way dad shouldnt pressure you like this. I am sorry your going through this.

  32. QUESTION:
    Divorce Advice? What the !@#$ can I do????
    My husband and I live AND work together- we both commute to NJ from PA. We have a 5 yr old daughter(who is visiting grandparents til july 16th.) Our lease doesn't end until March - we are living as roomates (with me on the couch), my 10 yr old son (from another marriage) is staying w/ us for the summer...I feel so completely trapped. I couldn't possibly afford to have a place on my own AND support our daughter when she gets back, so I can't move out. He WON'T move out - not that I could afford the house on my own anyway. I cannot get away from this man, he is making me insane. Hostility is high, I can't sleep at night, I keep having to "run away" on the weekends (when my son is with his dad) just to get away from the house for a day. I'm at a loss here. I can't quit my job OR move out and we are NOT going to reconcile. I'm trapped like a rat, and he is loving it. I wouldn't post such personal issues, but I need some serious advise-my counselor doesn't even have any solutions to offer
    My son is staying with us during the week - coming to work w/ me. I can't go to a shelter anyway, I'm not in danger - except maybe from going nuts.
    Unfortunately, as low-paying as it is, I have yet to find a better job and, sorry, but NO I CANNOT afford a place. Where I live, its easily 800 and month for a 1 bedroon apt. I only get paid 2x that a month. My husband makes 3x's what I do, so HE can afford to live where he wants and support our daughter. So how do I explain that to a judge. Maybe I should just go w/o her until I can get on my own two feet?

    • ANSWER:
      All you can do is start budgeting and saving your money and then file for divorce. Also, start shopping around for a divorce attorney. Many of them offer free or cheap consultations, and they may have some good advice for your specific situation.

      In the meantime, start looking for another job. You can't continue to work with the guy, and you may be able to find something that pays better, thus getting you out from under his thumb. Also, start keeping a journal of everything he says and does that contributes to the problem. You will want to be able to recount everything that has happened when you finally do get your day in court.

  33. QUESTION:
    i need some advice about my dads room partner?
    this is a very long story that i am going to try to make short:
    my parents are divorced and my best friend lives next door at my moms house. My friends dad, jeff, was a lawyer that made good money, but one day he just couldn't take it anymore. he just snapped!!! without even telling anyone, he took his car and drove across state, slept in his car and went crazy. My best friend was miserable.

    After about 2 months, he came back but still wasn't right. He refused to go see a doctor and won't do anything to help himself. His wife was trying to help but he didn't accept it. so he drove away again. My dad felt bad for him and since my dad and him were best friends, my dad offered him a home at his house. to sleep on the couch. (as i mentioned my parents are divorced so i go to my dads house week on and week off) I was mad at my dad because i can't even type how much wrong, horrible things he did to his family and his kids. (one being my best friend)

    a few days later, Jeff and his wife had to go to court and the court stated that he was not safe for his kids to be around. i felt so bad for my friend because how would you like it if you weren't allowed to see your dad.

    After a long long time, he was allowed to see his kids again.
    not to mention even though he got fired from his job, but still has lots and lots of money, and he went to therapy, he is still sleeping and living in my house.

    I want him to leave out house and move to another country i hate him so much. he was so cruel to my best friend that i can never forgive him. he used stuff in our house without asking, he is so disrespectful of my stuff, and when i asked my dad if he could make jeff leave he said that because it is his house, he makes the rules.

    i want jeff out of my house really bad..
    i am begging for some advice here. please help!

    • ANSWER:
      Your dad is doing what he thinks is best for his friend and sometimes people need a friend to stick by them when everyone else gives up or judges in a negative way without knowing all the details.

      Life can be hard sometimes especially (believe it or not) for wealthy people because money can cause more issues then what people realize so that w/ other life dilemmas can be more difficult than one might realize

      You should not waste time hating someone who has some issues, it really isn't your place to judge. I understand he hurt your friend and some other people but as you grow through life you will want some Grace given to you for mistakes or things you may do. I promise you that everything happens for a reason and you should hug your Dad for taking care of that person who really needed a good friend ~ he stepped up to the plate and for that you should respect him

  34. QUESTION:
    I think my parents are getting a divorce?! Advice!?
    Ok so tonight is the first night I actually heard them talking about this. They woke me up and I heard the noise so I opened my door and heard my dad saying "we NEED to talk about this putting these problems away isn't going to solve anything please talk to me our relationship is falling apart" my mom: "just get away i'm not going to talk to you right now I need to live somewhere else I want to go to my moms" and they kept at each other and my mom seems on the verge of tears and I thinky mom just left and it the middle of the night!? Do you see a dicvorce on the future or am I jumping to conclusions here

    and they always seemed so happy but it seems like they have been hiding their problems for awhile now

    • ANSWER:
      You have a nice opportunity to ask dad that in the morning, over a quiet sunday morning breakfast together. For mom to run out on him like that, means dad will probably like having someone to talk to in the morning.

  35. QUESTION:
    im 14 and going through a divorce for the 3rd time....any advice? ?
    so my life is pretty depressing. im amazed me and my boyfriend are doing well since all relationships ive witnessed have ended horribly. my mom and dad divorced. there was a few violent fights i saw between them. my mom remarried to this other guy. they divorced and he beat her up and i was hit in the process. now my step mom and dad are divorcing due to her cheating. its pretty bad. any advice, sympathy, help?

    • ANSWER:
      I think YOU should have a say in things, as your parents are a poor judge of themsleves

  36. QUESTION:
    Advice with choosing which parent to live with?
    My parents got a divorce about three years ago, and ever since I have been deciding who I'm going to live with part time. It is joint custody, but I am tired of going back and forth! I love both of my parents equally, so it's very hard to choose.
    The thing is my mom and I don't get along very well. We used to have the best bond until my parents split up and it only went down hill from there. My mom doesn't even let me hang out with boys, which I have a problem with because a lot of my friends are guys. I don't like her house either! I have a MAJOR fear of roaches and I always see some when I'm there.I don't want to hurt my mom either! She has a boyfriend who I love almost as much as my own dad, he is very nice to her and to me. He takes us on trips and takes us out to eat as well. I'm happy for her, but that's all she talks about anymore! Plus her boyfriend is my dads exfriend of 20 years! They are only ex-friends because my mom and him started 'dating'!!!
    I am 13 in 16 days( I think haha!(: ) so I am old enough to chose. It's one of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life! I just need some guidance and advice.
    My dad on the other hand is more.. chill. He lets me do pretty much what I want (as long as it's not dangerous,drinking,smoking or anything in that nature! Which I have NO interest in doing at all!) He actually lets me hang out with boys. He lives in the house that I was brought home from the hospital in too. I have all my pets there, a pool, neighbors that I have known since I was born, a lake right across the dirt road, a trampoline, and I'm much more comfortable there.I can talk about almost anything with my dad since the divorce happened. I used to be a mommys girl and just all of a sudden changed? When it's my moms time I always end up at my dads house, and a fight happens(not physical) Between my mom, dad and me!
    Please help me! I know you can't decide for me, but if you were me then what would you do? Also I'm SUPER scared to go infront of a judge to say who I want to live with!?

    • ANSWER:
      take my advice; live with who you get along with best.
      and even if it eventually changes, you're allowed to switch houses whenever you want.

      so based on your description, i'd live with your dad.

  37. QUESTION:
    Parents might get divorce, need advice?
    I dunno, my parents might get a divorce? They dont even share their money anymore, its been like this for FIVE months. My mom makes more than my dad, my dad doesn't work that much cause hes sick. He makes 700 dollar monthly from the government. Im only 14, if they have a divorce, where is my dad suppose to go and how can he live with just 700 a month? He has to pay like 100-300 for medicine monthly too. Thats like 400-600 dollars he has left? Should I listen to them argue? I try not to but it just happens. Should I talk to them about it or leave them alone and let them talk it out themselves?
    Thanks..

    • ANSWER:
      i wouldn't interfere. many parents are getting divorced nowadays. i'm sure that your parents aren't exactly very happy when they argue, so maybe getting separated is for the best. as for the money situation, don't worry i'm sure that everything will turn out okay, and i'm sure that your parents don't want you to be worrying about money, so try not to think about it.

      i'm sorry about the situation your in, so best of luck to you and i hope your dad feels better!

  38. QUESTION:
    Should my parents divorce? please i need advice!?
    i am 14. my mom and dad fight and have a lot of problems between each other. one day my dad finally called it quits. he said he wanted a divorce, later that day me and him were talking and he told me he doesnt want to live alone. he said he was having second thoughts about the divorce. my dad also smokes. i dont wanna see my dad when hes old and he smokes and lives in a tiny apartment, i just couldnt be able to live with myself. i would live with my mom becuase she is much closer to me. i want them to be happy. i also want/dont want a divorce because of my dads smoking. i dont wanna live with that anymore but i dont want him to live alone. i dont want them to stay together and be unhappy or apart and unhappy. would a divorce be best? im not trying to control the realationship, i want to know whats best. ALSO for teens with divorced parents, do you have a dad similar to mine? and what was it like for you and how do you feel now?

    • ANSWER:
      I really doubt that it would be up to you anyway.

  39. QUESTION:
    Parents going through a nasty divorce. Need advice?
    OK, so here's my story... Short version, cuz its getting late... Basically my mom has disowned me for the past year or 2, and its like she's trying to bring my whole family (dads side) down, not just ending her relationship with him. She stopped talking to me mainly cuz she knows i'm siding with my dad, its really sad when you think about it, but the truth is I dont want a relationship with her anymore anyway. All I know is this has been going on for almost a year since she served my father, and nothing has happened yet, unfortunately everyone is still living in the same house... Dad sleeps in his office (in the house) on a fold-a-way bed... That's also his kitchen. He lives out of that one room... I hide in my room, and thats the only room I use, its horrible... Let me tell ya some of the stories about my mom, and then you can formulate your own opion, I think it can speak for itself.

    1) I'm gonna start from the beginning here, from when we stopped talking. About 1 1/2 years ago, I lost my mom's cell phone. I apologized to her, but honestly could not afford to just run out and get her a new one either, so there really wasnt much I could do except truly apolgize. Well, I did offer to get a new one within the month, but that wasnt good enough for her. My dad then told both me and my mom, that if this was her attitude then I shouldn't replace it at all, and also it was technically dads phone since he paid for all the lines on the family plan. Mind ya that mom never used the phone anyway, it was always turned off, and usually never charged. But she wanted to prove her point, so for the next several months thats all I heard from her, since I never did replace it. Like my dad said, it would have been a waste of money. Honestly, even before that we had a strained relationship, but not to the point where we didnt talk.

    2) Fast foward to her birthday, a few months later. I was working that day. She knew I was going to be working and told me not to worry about taking off, that we'll do something another day or whatever. Well, before I left, she was bitching about something, I dont even know, but I left my gift on her bed. When I came home that night, I found out she had a temper tantrum like a 2 year old cuz my dad decided to do the cake the following night when I'd be home, and also cuz it was the wrong kind of cake, cuz she had gallbladder problems and couldnt have fat. And I was an inconsiderate bitch to even think about buying it for her. I told her that the following year I'll buy her a salad, and write happy F-ing birthday with the fat-free dressing... I mean, please.... First off, I thought she could have some fat, just not overdo it, I didnt know it had to be a fat free. And any normal considerate mother, would have just said, "THanks for the thought, but I really shouldn't be eating that, you guys enjoy it." or something to that effect, or maybe offer to go out and pick out something else that she can have, but no she has to act like a 5 year old instead. Needless to say, her gift was back on my bed, still unopened. Unfortunately I threw out the reciept, so I couldn't return it, but instead just kept it for myself.

    3) Now all this above was still almost a year before she served my dad, but I think even back then she was talking about it, and knew she was going to divorce him, so thats the whole point. She brainwashes my sister into thinking that my father is a POS and a deadbeat dad, and all she does is curse him out in front of her. She's only 15. MEanwhile, my mom will be bitching/cursing my father out, and my sister is right beside her cheering her on... How can you do this to your 15 y/o daughter???

    4) Now more recent. Too many stories in between. But I think your starting to get the idea. Anyways, my cousin's wedding was a few weeks ago. I was soooo scared cuz I was afraid she was going to have some sort of outburst there and start a scene cursing at my father or something, and I was honestly really surprised that nothing happened. THat is until my father got a call from my uncle the next day. Now to backtrack, my mom was bitching about needing money for a hotel, etc since it was in NJ, and we're in NY (still only a 3 hour drive, and me and my dad did it w/o hotel, but whatever) for about 2 months prior. My dad just ignores her when she starts, but in the end gave in since it was the only way my sister could go. MY mom said she couldnt afford to go otherwise, and she wouldnt let my father take my sister out of state, so it was the only way she could go. So anyway in the end, my dad gives her 200 for gas/tolls/hotel, etc. So what does she have the nerve to do we find out??? SHe put in the card, thats right 25, w/ a nasty note saying what a POS husband he is for not giving her more money. Now the whole reason why she wanted to go to wedding was to not let my cousin down, please......

    4 or 5 what am i up to???) Some of the things she comes up with that are all lies anyway are really starting to scare me, cuz my dad could go to jail for them. I know the case will go to a judge eventually, cuz my mom is going to fight and fight until the end. Now you go to court and its her and my sister who will be testifying for my mom (although like my boss said, they dont usually involve the children on the stand, but my dad says she might, shes almost 16, actually she will be 16 by then, the court date right now is sept. 18, her b-day is on the 6th) and then me testifyng for my dad. It's her word against ours. I mean, what if the judge takes her side, since theres no way of proving it really one way or anohter. My mom is really good at putting on a front esp. if she can get something out of it. (sidenote just the other day she was bitching for about an hour straight before she realized my dad wasnt even home... HEr reaction?? "You mean I was yelling and bitching all that time for nothing, the POS didnt even hear me???" Yeah, priceless.... It shows her true colors... Anyway, some of the things shes accusing him of:
    - Physically abusing her. I mean thats so easy to "prove" its ridiculous. All ya need to do is have a bruise from something else, and noone can tell where it came from, and besides courts always side with the mothers.
    - Not providing food for my sister - First off, my dad does keep food in his office and he locks it when he's not home, hence why my mom is complaining. However, theere is another room called a KITCHEN!!! Besides everytime my dad offers to cook for her its either "Yuck i dont like that" or "im on a diet" - please shes 16 years old. She won't eat a burger cuz it has too much fat, but she doesnt think anything of eating an entire box of oreos cuz sometimes you gotta cheat, so whatever...
    - porn on computer - Now my moms trying to accuse him of being a micheal jackson cuz some gay porn somehow got on there a few years back.. He said he did not download it and it probably came as part of a virus from aol cuz he used to get a lot of crazy emails. He stopped using aol and hasnt had any problems since. He also said this porn was in one of my moms folders, so very possible she did it to plant it against him.

    She has also said numorus things against my uncle and my grandmother, including wishing death upon them. MY grandmohter is 75 years old, nearly deaf/blind, wheelchair bound, diabetic, evertying, but shes a "hopeless bitch that wants everyone to wait on her hand and foot". SHe says her mother is an angel cuz she always worked 3 different jobs to support family. Oh please!!!!!!!!!!!! BTW, i dont talk to her side of family at all anymore cuz they're all the same way.

    She also wants to get my uncle/grandma supbeonad (sp?) for all the money my dad borrowed against them or whatever. LIke my dad said, is this a divorce case or a criminal case???? BUt with all the things my mom is accusing him of, it could very well be both.

    Has anyone else been through such a nasty divorce... I really need advice. I feel soo depressed lately. And yes, that was the short version, lol.... I could go on and on, believe me.
    I actually just copied and pasted the above from my myspace group I created. I wrote that a couple weeks ago. Anyway, after rereading it I realized I had a few words on there that were inappropriate and i want to apologize.

    Also, just want to thank anyone who actually read that, I know it was quite long, lol. I think lately its been bothering me more cuz its been a year and still nothing happening, and im just soooo sick of listening to her all the time, just yelling and cursing... Its gotten to the point where we dont even talk anymore, and in some ways i feel kindda guilty. I mean she is my mom right?? BUt at the same time idk if i can ever forgive her, or if i even want to.

    BTW, my myspace group is http://groups.myspace.com/teensofdivorcedparents if anyone has a myspace account, please join. It's meant as a support group for any age, not just teens (btw, im 23), and would even appreciate it if i got a few divorced parents themselves to join to give us their perspective...
    My mom was talking about my grandmother on my fathers side. She' the one thats diabetic, etc. I love my grandmother, shes the complete opposite of that cranky impression that you got. BUt my mom is constantly making comments about her b/c she lets everyboody wait on her hand and foot, etc. The one that works three jobs and is so "perfect" is my mom's mom. And she has the same nasty personality as my mom, yelling and cursing everyone out. THey're not happy unless they're angry.

    Although I'm not ready to make mend with my mom yet, I do appreciate the different perspectives. The thing is it does go farther back than just the divorce. The divorce and the way shes acting about it was the last straw, but the relationship was declining for a lot longer. And according to my dad, this has been her personality even before they were married (except instead of cursing my father, it was aimed at others), but she was always a negative person.
    Thanks for the advice everyone, like I said i'm not ready to mend the relationship yet, but it does help see the other side, a little, i guess....

    BTW, my dad cant move out because then its abandoment and my mom would get everything, cuz my dad left her. They're still legally married, papers havent been signed yet. I probly could afford to move out, but would only be able to afford the bare essentials and plus it wouldnt be fair to my dad to leave him,. So basically theres nothing we can do...

    • ANSWER:
      As a stranger, obviously any advice I could offer may not be the right advice. I just thought, though, I'd put down some miscellaneous thoughts....

      Such a nasty divorce? The world is full of them.

      As a stranger, when I read your story I knew I should reserve judgment because I only saw your side of the story, and there's a saying that goes like this, "There's one side. There's the other side. And then there's the truth." Sometimes if people are very mature and objective it can be possible for them to present the truth, which includes both sides; but neither divorcing couples nor their children are usually so objective. So - just as its right that I reserve judgment - you should try to dial it back on some of the judgments as well because - honestly - you don't know what has gone on between the two parents that has made them kind of crazy like this.

      You and your sister should not have been exposed to all of this. Your parents (your mother, I guess) should have made it a point to tell you and your sister it is between her and your father, and you should just try your best to not get involved in the nastiness.

      You and your sister, too, should refuse to get involved in the nastiness. If you could tell them both, "Look. This is way too much for me. I only want to talk about stuff that isn't about the divorce or any fights with you."

      When people are fighting one of the best ways to get past that is to have a "cease fire". Agree that nobody will talk about the stuff that brings up a fight or upsets someone and just agree to talk about neutral stuff. This isn't the ideal situation, but it is a good way to at least be able to talk with family members without fighting. After a while, you start to build up time together that isn't horrible, and you can start to kind of heal from any past anger between you.

      No fixing of any relationships can get done while everyone continues to fight and make things worse. You need that "cease fire" time to at least stay connected in the ways that are not related to the stuff that upsets everybody.

      Much of the stuff you described that people have fought over is stupid stuff - small stuff. That kind of bickering goes on when people are upset and getting a divorce. Sometimes, too, that kind of bickering is part of the reason for the divorce. So some of it is just kind of stupid and should be forgotten.

      The accusation of abuse thing probably wouldn't hold up in court if its true that your mother mouths off at your father. Its possible he could have struck her some time out of anger (or more than once), but "official abuse" is a pattern, and the victims of abusive husbands don't dare to yell back at them.

      The porn on the computer? Even if your father did download it and didn't want to admit it, I don't think porn on the computer is a big enough deal for a judge to think much of it unless there's more to that story than you know about.

      If your grandmother is elderly and has diabetes and is blind and deaf, anyone who understands how awful it is for an elderly person to watch her abilities to take care of herself and get around slip away, never to return, understands that elderly people can be depressed and b-----y very easily. Your mother knows the woman your grandmother was before she lost her more able years. People with diabetes can be in horrible, horrible, pain. Give your grandmother a pass. I'm pretty sure she's not too thrilled to be hopeless or to need other people to do things for her. If she did work three jobs that probably tells you she's not someone who is too happy to be so helpless now.

      It is really important for kids to reserve judgment and blame in divorce because they don't always know what has gone on between their parents, how stressed out or panicked or angry or shocked or whatever else the parents are as a result of whatever has gone on. When a parent has been treated really poorly or else knows something awful about the other parent, he/she has to figure out what, if anything, to tell the children. Sometimes if that parent says nothing a child can go on and continue admiring her parent without ever knowing what bad thing that parent may have done. If, though, the parent decides to tell the child a little or what has gone on in order for the child to understand that the divorce is something there's little choice on; then what it amounts to is a parent "bad mouthing" the other parent, and everyone knows that's not good. Sometimes I think a parent may tell a child a little so that the child doesn't blame that parent for getting a divorce without trying to save the marriage, but even if a parent only tells a little what happens is the child still doesn't know the whole of it but then has also had holes punched in her admiration of that "faulted" parent. Parents don't know what they should do when it comes to how much to tell the children. If they don't tell them anything at all the kids are left to form opinions and judgments that are probably wrong in one way or another.

      There is one point about something about teenage brains and the brains of people in their early twenties: A PBS special showed how a certain part of a young person's brain isn't quite developed completely until the twenties. It is the part of the brain that helps a person understand the emotions and intent of what other people say or do or express. A young person can think a certain facial expression is angry when its really sad. Something a parent says can seem as if she means one thing when, really, she meant something else or said it for a different reason. Bear that in mind, as well. There is a chance that you and your sister aren't quite interpreting some of what is done and said entirely correctly.

      When the case gets to court the judge will throw out stuff that isn't relevent. There's the chance the judge may order a guardian ad litem (an attorney or a social worker or both, or in some courts it can be anyone the court decides on). The role of this person would be to make sure that your interests and your sister's are given the appropriate attention. A judge could suggest counseling for any or all of you as well. If that doesn't happen, it may not be a bad idea for you to ask your father or mother if you could go see a counselor who will help put all this in perspective for you.

      It strikes me as a little odd that your father hasn't moved out of the house, but I know sometimes money is an issue. Men who don't move out of the house, though, are often men who can come across like victims and sweety-pies when - really - they are so strong-willed and maybe even selfish and arrogant that they refuse to do what would be better for the kids environment and just go stay somewhere until the judge decides who gets to stay in the house and who has to leave. I'm not at all saying this is your father. I'm saying it could be, based on how most men operate during a divorce.

      The court will help/make your mother and father straighten all this out, stop putting it on your sister (who, as you say, is under 18). Hang in there. This phase of it all is about to end soon. It is lousy that your parents have stayed in the same house, fighting, for all this time with you and your sister around.

      Life is short. Try to let all past anger go and just remember that things get nasty and rotten when people are having such a rough time. Try not to write off all your relatives because of this. People aren't perfect. They do what they think is right at the time or what they have no other choice but to do or what anger or upset made them do. Be a little forgiving. You'll be glad you were.

      Good luck. Don't forget, too, that soon you'll be building your own grown-up life on your own. Learn from what you've been through.

      One more thing: If you've been fighting with your mother and giving each other a hard time she may have just gotten to the point where she felt she had to give up trying to be close. I seriously doubt she wants to "disown" you. She is probably very sad about the troubles between you and her. Try a cease fire. Just talk about pleasant stuff. See what happens.

  40. QUESTION:
    Parents are thinking about divorce, what to do?
    Parents are thinking about divorce, what to do?
    I'm 13. My mom and dad hate each other, but they're not getting a divorce for my sake. sometimes, somethign really minor and small happens that really doesnt matter much, and my dad says "WOW THIS IS WORTH DIVORCING HER OVER!" and gets really mad.... it makes me so sad and stressed and i wish they would stop. just now, my mom said that she should go live in a different house so that she wouldnt have to deal with my dad cause hes so "humiliating." i knoq what she means and hes mean to me too sometimes, but it makes me rly sad :( i dont know how to deal with it.. she always talks about him, like telling me abt their fights and stuff and its rly annoying and i hate it so much... i wish she would stop but when i ask she just says "WELL THATS HOW HE IS ITS TRUE" and keeps talking, only to ANNOY ME. thats the only reason... she does **** like that, just to annoy people... my dad does too. my dads advice about life is: "if someone is mad already just make them more mad" and it annoys me a lot... when i tell him its wrong he just goes, well if theyre already mad, why not make them more mad? and im like dad youre ******* retarded... i feel so angry writing this i wanna punch someone... this year, thought would be better because i dont wanna be full of myself but i got a little more popular. so i thot it would be all great but i hate everything and everyone and i wanna die... the only thing that can calm me down is when i think of my good friends... and i only have like 3 good friends... im so pathetic i dont even have that many friends i thought it would be nice if guys liked me or something cause guys never liked me before.. but it sucks and i hate everything and i feel terrible and the wrong guys like me....
    please help?

    • ANSWER:
      Hey girl, I'm really sorry about how your parents are fighting and everything, I know how it feels to have parents who don't love each other/hate each other in the same house.

      I know it's hard, but tell your parents how this is affecting you. Ask for them to either try to work it out (with marriage counseling), proceed with divorce, or separate/move out so that it won't be so hard on you. It's hard even for adults to think about how their actions affect other people; they're human after all, and there's a lot of emotion and hurt involved here on their sides too.

      In some cases, it would be better if the parents divorce. Having them stay together, although it would be wonderful if they could make up, would be harmful toward you and them. They both need to move on and find some happiness in their lives. Just because they won't be together anymore doesn't mean they won't be your parents. They'll still love you 100% and will be in your life. No one ever stops being a parent.

      I know you're feeling really angry towards them, and you think that they're saying things only to annoy people. When people are hurt and angry at each other, they tend to be more irritable and lash out harsher than usual. Don't think that they've stopped loving you. When they heal and move on, things will get better, trust me :)

      Have you thought about peer counseling? I know my school has that program where students volunteer to talk about each other's issues at home/life/whatever. Try talking with your school counselor too, they could refer you to someone who could help you. Talk to trusted adults, friends, siblings, extended family, whoever you can trust. It feels much better to let it out. And don't base your self-worth on how popular you are or how many parties you're invited to or how many friends you have. People at your age change very easily and switch friends all the time, and by the time you're moving out for college it won't matter any more because you will have found your true friends by then. Trust me, I'm a senior in high school waiting to get out and it's not the QUANTITY of the friends you have, but the quality. One friend that would be there for you whenver you need her is much better than 50 friends who won't listen to your problems because they don't care (I hope this doesn't happen to you though :]). And don't worry about the guys; they are so immature at this age and they're not worth your time. You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you to start dating when you're older and more experienced with life. I know it's hard to grapple at this age, but just wait it out and try your best, things will get better :)

      Sorry this is really long, but I wanted to take the time to help you out <3

  41. QUESTION:
    I need advice for a divorcing dad?
    Here is my friends situation - his wife was in jail for theft - they are living via federal aid right now - she gets out of jail and comes home - they get in a fight cause she keeps doing this - and she takes the kids and leaves. Now she is claiming abuse -no, there is no abuse, and trying to cause him grief and not let him see his kids. What can he do? He can't afford a lawyer to get a custody hearing or anything. Any advice - we are in Omaha, NE - btw. Thanks

    • ANSWER:
      Take it to family court. Call social services and they should be able to help him to get visitation rights or at least point him in the right direction to start some type of legal visitation schedule. He has every right to be with and see his children. There are generally lawyers/mediators for the kids who can help in this type of situation as well.

  42. QUESTION:
    Advice about my parents getting a divorce ?
    My parents are getting a divorce soon and I actually kinda agree with it. My dad always makes us(my mom,sister and I) my dad does everything for his self while my mom does everything for me and my sister first and there are also other reasons. I think this will be the best for everyyone. But can you guys please give me some advice?
    I'm 13 and in 7th grade and my sister is 11 and in 6th grade.

    • ANSWER:
      Divorce is always hard, I can't tell you it isn't. But I can tell you that it will be okay, and in the end, it's the best for everyone.

      My parents divorce was a complete shock to me, and it hit me really hard. But I got through it with the help of family and friends. Talk to your friends about it, you don't want to keep your emotions bundled up. Know that it's good to cry. The day my parents told us, my friend brought ice cream over and we just sat in front of the tv watching Friends and eating ice cream. It was still new so it hadn't hit me yet, but just being with my friend helped so much.

      Go out and do something with your sister. I don't know how close in age you and her are, but that doesn't matter too much. If she is little, take her to the park and play with her. If she is older, take a walk, or go to the mall. She is the only person that is in the same position as you are, and talking with her will really help.

      Try not to get involved with the fighting. Parents often accidentally try to sway their children to one side or the other, do not do go along with it. Talk to one of your friends, see if you can stay at her house if they ever get in a big fight and you want to leave for a while.

      If you want to talk, or need help with anything else, just email me.

  43. QUESTION:
    My parents might divorce? Any advice?
    Okay, I am 13 years old. My mom and I were sitting on the couch one day, and my mom said she might divorce my father, because "He is not exciting."....... My mom is 50 years old. I really don't think 50 might be the most "exciting" point of her life, don't you think? I am 100% sure that we don't have any financial problems and they haven't been fighting. It's just that, my mom... well.... thinks my dad is, boring...? I really think that it isn't a good reason, but let me just say, it's MY OPINION. I said to her, "You know, I'm pretty sure no one wants to marry you at THAT age" She said, "Well, you see many 60 or 70 year olds get divorced today" And then, I stood silent for a while.

    Then, she asked me, "Will this affect you?" I answered with a simple, "I don't know," because I haven't really thought about it. But, now, I think it is a really BIG deal. I don't want my parents to divorce. And, I don't consider my dad "boring" at all. I know I'm not in the position to do this, but... I'm stuck in my own mess.

    Any advice?

    • ANSWER:
      My parents split up when I was 11, and were officially divorced when I was like 13 or something. Now I'm 16. My situation was a little different than yours though (alcoholism, etc). Just remember, that this is your parents decision, and if they are not happy together anymore, than there is nothing you can do about that. Don't try and lie to either of them, and be honest with how you feel. In my opinion, your mom should not have told you behind your dad's back, before talking with him. Hang in there pal :)

  44. QUESTION:
    divorced dad needs mature advice regarding "toxic" ex wife?
    I'm getting remarried next week and my gf is very excited about being a stepmom to my 8 yr old son. The problem is my exwife who is possessive of our son and very jealous of my gf.She has already been a problem with my gf's involment with our son and its only going to get worse once we get married. I have joint custody with my exwife and see my son every other day and have to deal with my ex often. I really want to take the high road with my ex(for my sons sake) so whats the best way to handle my gf becoming my son's new stepmom without making waves with my exwife? Divorced moms what would piss u off if your ex got remarried?

    • ANSWER:
      I think if you are fair to all parties (ex-wife, son, fiance) you should be right. I don't know why your wife is so possessive/jealous, perhaps you cheated on her, abused her, planned to re-marry too soon...point I'm making is that I don't know you or your situation intimately. If you are reasonable then I'm sure you'll be fine.

      I am a step mum to my husband's child, I have my own child from a previous marriage, and we have a child together. I follow these 'rules.' I am always polite when I need to speak with my husband's ex. (who is also very protective of her son). My husband makes all the arrangements, and negotiates with her directly, so the only time I need to see her is the occasional time at change-overs, or on the phone if she calls and my husband isn't available. I have the same arrangement with my ex.

      I feel (and he agrees) that it is important that he is always there for his son at changeovers unless something extreme and unavoidable happens to prevent him from being there. When my step-son is with us I do not try and be his Mum but I also don't try to be his best-friend (that would really piss his mother off)! We adhere to the disiplinary measures that my husband and I have agreed to for all our children, there are definately times when I need to discipline his son on my own but this never involves any kind of emotional or other violence.

      We have fun together as a family, and also chill-out time as a family. We do not spoil him (any more than our other children), and I certainly didn't earn my step-sons affection or respect this way. My husband has regular and significant one-on-one time with his son. I either take the other kids out for the day, or he will take his son out for the day. I think it is important to find a balance this way.

      Never argue in front of your son, either with your new wife, or your ex. Always be friendly and polite at changeover times (if you can't be, get a communication book and write to each other, or email, making sure your son can't access what you write)! Sit down with your new wife and work out the practicalities of how things will work. Basically, be fair and logical.

      Things are not always easy or smooth going for my husband and I, however life never is and I love my family just the way it is. I think I have earned my husband's ex's respect, but this took a long time and to be honest I wouldn't have respected her much if she had trusted me right off the bat anyway!

      Be fair to your ex. I know from experience that being a single Mum isn't easy. If your son is happy and healthy then she is doing a good job. No parent is perfect. Your son will ultimately benefit from having many different people in his life, and I'm sure you'd agree that he could never have too many people loving him and looking out for him!

      Good luck!

  45. QUESTION:
    Divorced Dad needs daycare advice?
    I've been divorced for about a year and a half. I am ordered by the court to pay 0 monthly for my son and cover 100% of my child's medical expenses (she refuses to attend any appointments). My exwife does have sole custody of my son, but I do have visitation rights. Up until recently I as able to provide my son with an excellent daycare, paying 50% of the bill. Unfortunately my son was turned away from the daycare due to behavioral issues that I'm attempting to seek help for. The problem is she now has her Mother watch him and demands money every two weeks to offset expenses. I have no problem paying as usual, however she won't supply a copy of the contract or receipts for any payments i give her. I requested a copy of a contract so I would know exactly how much I was required to pay. My problem is she has cut off contact with me and will no longer accept payments, what kind of legal issues could I face later on if the courts get involved?
    There is no court order requiring that I pay any daycare, I just pay 50% of it because I try to do what's best for my son.

    • ANSWER:
      You need to keep records of everything, and I mean everything you have or do and what her responses are. Cover your rear end. If you're paying money you have the right to know what you're paying for. Talk to your lawyer, but I would imagine that she's obligated to show you a contract at least. I know she doesn't have to provide receipts and since you're court ordered to pay you might find little help, but try the lawyers and keep records, I can't stress that enough!!

      **EDIT**

      If you're not court ordered to pay, then stop until she can come up with some proof. From the sounds of it you're taking care of your part and she's taking advantage of that. Keep doing what you're doing, but don't let her milk you and use your son as bait, and I know women do it, I've seen it. Take care of your son the best you can and be the best father you can be, but don't let her walk on you, you and your son deserve better than that.

  46. QUESTION:
    kids in the middle of a divorce situation?
    Concerned about the kids, Mom is not allowing dad to see, talk to, or take the kids anywhere unless dad pays all of mom's bills. Dad living at separate residence, dad paid for mom's education and mom refuses to even look for a job. Dad paid for mom's resume to be professionally done, mom has left it untouched for over a month.
    dad wants kids and time with them, mom uses kids as weapons against dad.
    Any advice?

    • ANSWER:

  47. QUESTION:
    need advice, Divorce and Parents!!?
    So my parents have been divorced since i was like two, but issues on visitation have always been horrible. For example just 3 months i saw my dad for the first time in 4 years. (he lives in europe). I forgive my dad mostly beacuse it was my mother who (perhaps) made it perposibbly hard to come see me. But a guess in my head i still question why he didnt come to see me in the US. He says its beacuse hes not going to conform to her everywish like thats going to hurt his pride, and this still hurts me. I suppose i forgive him beacuse he did apolgize the way we had to grow up and for that i praise him since my mother apologized for the situation she always seems to feel sorry for her self about ( the divorce, its not thats shes not sympathetic, but that i dont think she fully realizes that maybe the after math of the divorce on her kids was greater than the pain of the divorce she experienced or in any case maybe easier to accept since she actually had a choice.) Anyway we were planning on visiting him this summer again, (in the contract established when i was little we visit every other christmas and summer, which i already think is harsh beacuse it forces me to stay a whole year away from him). But i was also going to see the rest of his family whom i am very close to. my dad confronted my sister, who is almost 16 (were twins) about her feelings towards my two little half siblings who are under 2 yrs of age. (she had seemed really uncomfortable with them and was not really making an effort,) he was very sypanthetic and expressed that under the same conditions he could understand her having aprehension towards his wife and kids(they got married way after the divorce) but she kept blaiming him for other stuff and edging around the questions saying he was "trying to change her". he asked my mom if it would be better to come visit her and to have alie not go this summer as a suggestion. by mom took this as a uninvitation although to be honest i think he was trying to keep the interests of everyone in mind. my mom took this as a lack of judgment and know wont let me go. ( i have an 18 yr bro, but i guess that doesnt matter since he can go if he wants to.)
    Also I have always wanted to move in with him, i remember being little and wanting this as well, i didnt just fling this on my mom. I feel like her the only thing that holds me back is missing my dad, and although i may be missing my moms side of the family over there i hate the feeling of coutnign down the weeks till i go and then coming back and starting it all over again. I feel like I just need that father daughter time to connect before i do go off to college etc. and to establish a more father daughter relationshpip instead of the uncle niece relationship we seem to have going on now. I dont even know now if were going for summer. But these feelings seem to dominate my life and i HATE it. What should i do,. My mom obviously doesnt want me to go, but i know my dad while allow me to move back , visit anytime my mother, etc vs over here were it is a constant struggle. Thanks, I know its hard to know unless ur in the situation but i need some unbaist help.
    *my mother never apologized for the emotionally pain she has caused.
    Also want to clarify that I am 16, and that I am thinking about moving in with my dad...but as of now it seems that my mom well try everything to edge around the question and I'm sure once ive made my decision if there is anyway i can actually convince her to let me go!

    • ANSWER:
      You are living in a dream world. Your father had visitation and chose not to use this time to visit with you and your siblings. Now, he blames your mother for his failures. This is the oldest cop-out in the world. As far as the conversation he had with your mother about this summer's visit, unless you were present you don't know what was said. It appears that your father behaves badly and you seem to be enabling him. Don't do that! As long as you do, he will continue to be a sporadic part of your lives because he knows you will continue to forgive him and blame your mother. I am certain that you need a father/daughter relationship but he has chosen to make this difficult. I fail to see why you think your mother owes you an apology. Your father chose not to visit you for 4 years because of a pride issue. I think the most mature thing you can do at this point is to sit down and discuss this rationally with your mother and listen to her point of view without defending the man who has failed to live up to his responsibilities as a father.

  48. QUESTION:
    please help me, i need advice, divorce..moving house? :'(?
    ok so a while ago my mum and dad sat me down and told me that a few years ago my dad had had a relationship with another woman, it upsets me just to think about it. so they are getting seperated. but mum said they would stay civalised (for example they both came to my dance show last night). so i'm really not coping well with it, then i caught mum looking at a house on the internet and i liked it so she said that one day we might have to consider moving so i was up for looking at this house. it was okay but i wasnt thinking serriously. and now we're looking at two houses and right now all the family are tidying the house so we can put it on the market after our holiday in 5 weeks. i know i will sound selfish, but i just want advice cos i'm breaking down. i LOVE LOVE LOVE my house, its a huge barn and my bedrooms gorgous, we have a lovley garden and its my home. the other houses we've been looking at look nice but i cant see myself living there. i dont want to move and neither does my brother. plus another problem is, we booked a holiday a year ago and my mum and dad are STILL both coming on it. is this weird? please just give me some words to help me :'(
    thanks xxxxxxxxxxxxxx oh and i'm 14 <3

    • ANSWER:
      some times the changes is good in our life, so, get move and try just for a year, you going to have a new friends, and all different around you, so god look

  49. QUESTION:
    My parents are getting a divorce...any advice? 10 PoInTs BeSt aNsWeR!!?
    My parents fight all the time. When they fight, my dad starts to drink. I hate it when he does because once he was really drunk and was looking to start a fight with my mom so he pushed her on the wall, and my mom fell on the coach/floor. I started having bad nightmares at night...but that was like 9 months ago. I never told anyone, and I'm not planning to. I love my dad, he could get moody, he buys me stuff, he's funny, and i don't want him for what he gets me. my dad makes the money for the family, he's the head boss of a constustion company, and my mom is a stay-at home parent. They ALWAYS fight about money. The argue and yell really hard. My mom and i are both models...everyone thinks i have the best life and blah blah blah but i dont. My parents both asked me if they should get a divorce...when i was like 11..i'm 13 now. I always kind of feel pressured to answer when they ask me something bc i understand where they are both coming from...but its hard. I have 2 older brothers, one 17 and the other 20. But my 20 year old brother always works, and my 17 year old bro always works too, so when there gone...that's the time my parents decide to fight. I devolped like getting nervous real easy from all there fighting...if that even exists or makes sense....Anyways today they had another fight, This was one more serious. My parents both agreed to get a divorce. And now there fighting over who's gonna have who. I really want to stay with my mom (i like her just alittle more) than my dad. My dad would start to drink when he comes back from work..and i don't need any of that...and my mom doesnt drink or anything like that..she's the only person i could talk to about girls, periods, and all those stuff. But my dad says that all of us are gonna stay with him and he asked me who do i wanna go with...i hesitated and didnt say anything. My mom says whoever wants to stay with whoever lives with them. But i don't wanna be apart from my siblings...Im really scared...any advice for a 13 year old...? Thanks sorry for it being long.

    • ANSWER:
      It looks like the divorce will happen and it seems like it will be better for all.

      The siblings will all see each other always. I mean your older brother are of age basically.

      Choosing is tough. Why don't you just go to a room and just come out and let your parents know you flip a coin and it was for mom. Your only doing this because you want everyone to feel good because it is unnecessary otherwise.

      You have a head on your shoulder and a heart where it needs to be.

      Make sure you always make your parents proud either by school, job or even Modeling

      Peace and Love

  50. QUESTION:
    Getting Divorce need advice?
    Single father needs advice?
    I am new to this. So I have 6 daughters 2 sons. I have full custody of them. There mom and I right now are separated it has been over a year now. She has a little angry issue and she works all kinds of hours she is a detective and a lawyer.
    We are not divorce yet. I still love her. But i have to think about the kids.
    My 6,8,12 year old daughters are daddy's girls, i think my 4 year old will be one.

    My daughters are 2 years old, 4 years old, 6 years old, 8 years old, 12 years old, 14 years old,

    My sons are 16 years old and 10 years old.

    Since I am a single dad of 8. I have many question.
    1.Is it ok for my 12, 8, and 6 year old girls to sleep in my bed?
    2.My 12 year old and 8 year old and 6 year old want me to help them wash there hair when they take a bath. Is that ok?
    3.Is it ok for me to dress my 12 year ,8 year, 6 year olds get dress they always want me to help them. Is it ok?
    4.Is it ok for me to put makeup on my 2,4,6,8,12 year olds?
    5.How can i get my 14 year old daughter to understand that It is not my fault that there mom left?

    I am ok with letting my daughters sleep with me when they need to.
    i am ok with getting them cleaned and dressed. I am trying to keep them happy.

    My question are.
    1. Is it ok for my 12,8,6 year olds to sleep in my bed?
    2. Is it ok for me to help my 12,8,6 years old take a bath?
    3. Is it ok for me to help get them dress?
    4 is it ok for me to put makeup on my 2,4,6,8,12 year olds?
    5. How can i get my 14 year old daughter to understand that It is not my fault that there mom left?
    I will do anything to keep my kids happy? Not getting back together with there mom
    6 how can i get my wife to sign the divorce papers
    they don't see there mom that much. She get supervise visits. She is living at the police station
    my 12,6,8 year olds want to anything without me near them. I have taken them to someone to talk to. but that did not help

    • ANSWER:
      You ARE in a tricky situation, Dad!-

      Wean the girls to their own beds or encourage them to share beds with each other (keep their single beds though, they will get on each other's nerves).

      If the littlest ones insist on sneaking into your bed, sleep in pajamas, and let them bring their own blankets. Lay under your own and let them lay under theirs, then put them back in their beds when they fall asleep.

      No, 12 and 8 year old girls do not need help bathing. The best approach may be to help wash hair at the sink right before or after bathing.

      No, they do not need help dressing. If they do, they can help each other. If they really need your help, they are certainly old enough to put on t-shirts, etc on their own.

      2, 4, 6, and 8 are very young for make up! Chap stick and clear or light pink nail polish, go crazy!!! Anything else, bad idea- even if they beg!! (Glitter can cut your eyes if you're not careful, so watch the 2 and 4 year olds.)

      It has to be very difficult for these little ladies (and gents) to "lose" their mother at these ages; in ways they can't even articulate. With so many, be careful to find a little uninterrupted one-on-one time with each of them at least once per week. Even if it is only 30 minutes. It WILL matter, even if it does not seem so outwardly. This may be the root of the "dress me", "bathe me", "bed time" routines.

      I do not know anything about your household, your children, or your relationship with their mother; but, try not to say anything negative about her mom in front of her even if she probes. If she is blaming you she will be looking to fuel her fire, especially if she is a "mama's baby". Try to work in positive comments about mom so she doesn't have so much ammo. Treat her like all the "daddy's girls" because she probably feels like an outcast right now, even though you aren't attempting to make her feel that way.

      If she has spent 13-14 year 'allied' with mom, she has just lost her best friend in the world, and YOU represent the enemy because you were already everyone else's favorite. She probably figures "If he doesn't like mom anymore, it won't be long before he doesn't like me anymore either because I'm like her." {The mind of the teen-aged girl is quite like that, I've been one.}

      Good luck!


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Divorce Advice Ct

Posted on May 9, 2012 by

While marriage lays the foundation for two people bonding together as one, divorce is the process where the couples decide to separate. After many years of marriage when couples just realize that the relationship is not working on anymore, that is the time they decide to get divorced. The process of getting separate and living alone may require you to complete various legal formalities, upon completion of which you are legally no more bonded in the relationship of marriage. However, there is something very interesting called uncontested divorce in Connecticut. This is something that helps the people get divorced in a very easy and simple way. The divorce happens in the Connecticut superior court.

An uncontested divorce in ct happens when there are no financial or property issues in dispute. And also there is no dispute about the custody of children or any other thing between the partners. Such individuals need not attend any case management conference. However, there are certain parameters that apply to uncontested divorce in ct. Both the individuals should have lived separately for more than a year and both the individuals agree well on the division of any kind of assets between them. All the division of the assets including the custody of children is well agreed upon by the individuals. Also, either of the individuals must have been living in Connecticut for more than a year now and in cases of domicile, before filing the divorce either of the spouses must have returned back to the state with the intention of making it a permanent residence.

Uncontested divorce in Connecticut is one of the most peaceful and quick way for couples getting separate and following different paths for their lives. A 90-days period known as 'cooling period' is also provided to the individuals during which they can negotiate with each other before the divorce is finalized. Upon completion of the cooling period, couple receives a notice from the court confirming the dissolution of their marriage. After that they need to reach to an agreement on the terms and conditions of the division of assets and liabilities, and also the child support.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    I need some advice on divorce in two states CT and PA?
    My girlfriend is trying to get divorced so she can retain full custody of her child and I need some advice on how and what to do and if anyone knows a good lawyer, we are short on cash and need help. He is abusive and controlling and he has put out threats to me and my girlfriend and he has had a restraining order but it just lifted. PLEASE PLEASE we need help. I want this to happen so that I can adopt her and we can be a family and not have this to deal with on a day to day basis. Also he stalks her and that's why she ran away from him with her child. If you can help that would be appreciated. Thank you

    • ANSWER:
      In order for you to adopt her child you usually need the biological father to sign over his parental rights. Since he's abusive, its not likely that he will. If you cannot afford a lawyer, contact legal aid and ask how this parental rights can be waived, I have heard of it in some cases such as yours.
      No one wants to leave a child in the custody of, or around an abusive person. I do believe there are ways to waive him signing over his rights and allow you to adopt, however most states require you two to be married first.

  2. QUESTION:
    Divorced/w.o. money (Clifton Ct., s. of New Haven) female w. 2 daughters: Ex hubby RICH TURK-advice needed?
    Divorced/w.o. money (Clifton Ct., s. of New Haven) female w. 2 girls: Ex hubby RICH TURK-problems advice needed

    Details:
    Female friend/impoverished in Connecticut-divorced a millionaire Turk who hides his assets.... she from NY originally.
    He copied daughter's keys late nite 4 his ex-wife's apartment & when mother at work in a menial job, stole lots of her jewelry, belongings. One daughter says mom's things are in dad's rich home now with his new GF

    His new GF also entered friends' apartment and stole bankbook w. inheritance of tens of thousands, forged her name and closed bankbook/took out all $.

    Last thing: he bounced child support, leave for Turkey for 5 weeks, My f. friend went to bank where they tried to arrest her for trying to cash a bad check, the one he had bounced on her.

    This woman is so stuck, cannot afford legal rep to charge him with felonies change divorced terms to move back to New York where her few friends and family live. She is SO stuck.

    Are there legal options provided pro bono to charge the Turk father, her former husband with crimes, 2 enter with cops HIS home while he is out of the country to recover he belongings, and chare him with felonies and change divorce agreement to let her to NY to move with kids and have total custody?

    • ANSWER:
      If you really want to help your friend, encourage her to get directly involved in the issues related to her divorce and related issues.

      She needs the help of a competent attorney. There are numerous resources for women who need assistance in navigating the family court system. Second or thirdhand information is rarely helpful or accurate.

  3. QUESTION:
    Got a double whammy going on here with a pending divorce/separation and employment need some advice?
    So I have been unemployed for 8 months now and have already started going back to school as of this past March because I haven't been able to find employment in my already established undergrad degree...

    My soon to be ex wife cheated on me a few months back and we are also going through a separation/divorce... Due to economic reasons of both my wife and I not currently being employed we have been living together...

    This is pretty premature but I have been asked to come in for an interview within the Department of Justice that I applied some months ago too for a Federal GS position... The position however is in CT and we are currently in OH...

    How can I make this transition as easy as possible on my children because my wife has already made it clear she is staying here and that she will fight me tooth and nail if I try to take the kids... I also think it will be beneficial to the kids not to uplift them from what they know as well as for myself while I am establishing myself in a new job and a new area

    Please don't think I am abandoning my kids I have been trying very hard to find work here in Ohio but there are just zero jobs in the Midwest and our states unemployment rate currently is around 11 to 12 percent and probably higher considering all those whom have run out of unemployment benefits...

    I have made it clear to my wife that I will take the job if they offer it as it will offer financial stability for the family (even if we are separated/divorced) as well as benefits which we need...

    I am looking for advice from people who may have been in something a little similar to this as far as moving out of state for a work from a separated family... Any advice would be greatly appreciated...

    Thank in advance

    • ANSWER:
      I'd say take the job. Get the divorce.

      Nobody deserves the kind of emotional abuse that a cheater dishes out. It's too bad about the kid situation.

      However: sometimes, cheaters just make empty threats. They are abusers, and they manipulate people by various means. Lying, and threats are the most common. It's possible she won't fight for custody. Or she may not fight as hard as she's saying. (but, unfortunately, not likely).

  4. QUESTION:
    Divorce in NY/CT? No kids and no assets?
    I've been living in a different state from my "husband" for the last 18 months. We have no kids, and no assets as we both rent our own apartments. Besides misc furniture that I am happy to part with, we only have one joint credit card and his bank account has my name on it. We were married in california 4 years ago if that matters. How do I go about filing? I left him 18 months ago because he was controlling and emotionally abusive. Nothing has gotten better, and i want out! How do I go about filing? Do I need to be legally seperated or can we get around it if I can prove that we've lived apart in different states? Also, how do we split the credit card without getting lawyers involved? Any advice or information i may need to know would be great! Thanks
    Oh yeah, I don't want to seek alimony, I just want the papers and to go our seperate way. Can he come after me for alimony if I file? And what happens if the divorce is contested on his part?

    • ANSWER:
      Where you got married doesn't matter (see your state law on this to be sure). Where you've lived for the past 6 months (or domicile/residency requirements according to state law in the state which has the proper jurisdiction) does. Where he and you last lived as a married couple does (involving different states--see your state law). Some states require grounds (not sure which). Most states recognize some form of irreconcilable differences as grounds. Some states require Separation Agreements for ID divorces. Some states have legal separation, some don't. The best way to just get out with him to agree is uncontested grounds (irreconcilable differences, aka ID).

      Hope this helps. It isn't legal advice, because I'm not licensed in any state but Tennessee and so don't say it is legal advice. Thanks. Hope this helps.

  5. QUESTION:
    Question about divorce, child support & custody in CT...?
    Husband quit his job, left out of town and selling drugs to support himself, because he didn't want me to put him on child support cause he wanted to come in to an agreement with me...He's mad, and to begin with he got served at his employer- the courts only have that address to contact him....The court should be sending me a calendar- letting me know when's my court date for the divorce....If my husband doesn't show up for court, would I still get my divorce? I filed for sole custody as well, would I get it? What would happen about child support- if he's not working and I filed for that as well??? Do they bag him when he do get employed, and start taking all that child support he owes? I know in the meantime- for as long as he dont work I'm not going to get child support, but don't he get into some type of trouble and he's making things worse??? Thanx any advice would be appreciated, I'm trying to prepare myself and at least know some of the things to expect. Thanx so much....

    • ANSWER:
      Greetings! I had all of my child custody done in the grand state of CT, so I will try to help you out as best I can. First of all, your hubby is scummy for quitting his job to avoid paying support, and this tactic won't do him good for long. If your husband does not show up for your appointed court date, he will be in contempt---that is serious business. You getting granted a divorce without him present is unlikely. Sole custody is CT is almost impossible to get. You will get Sole PHYSICAL custody, but unless this man is a serious danger to the kids, he will be awarded joint LEGAL custody which means he has a say in all decisions regarding the kids and he will have visitation privelages. CT takes the side of fathers more and more these days and awards chance after chance even when the guy is a deadbeat. I have been there and it SUCKS and it isn't fair! Once you file for child support, the state will get on him for it. The Attorney General will order his wages to be garnished once he is employed. They will not accept his "under the table" schemes. They can suspend his driver's license, take his tax returns from him, and basically make his life a living hell if he doesn't comply. From the date you attend court, they will start keeping track of what he owes you and you will be reimbursed accordingly once he does start working. Financially, it will be in your favor, but be prepared not to be awared sole custody and to catch guff from the family services unit about his rights as a father. It's difficult and I wish you lots of luck!

  6. QUESTION:
    How to get my wife to file for a divorce?
    My wife will not file for divorce. Not to be petty but my funds are extremely tight right now. I'm trying to get my life together noo actually I rather not pay the cost. We have been married 6 months no children, no property established nothing. She called having sex with someone else on the phone. I have recorded pretty much on everything negative she had done. Infedility, physical...etc. etc. Is there anything I can do any tricks to get her to file??? I'm worried because pretty soon my income will skyrocket and don't her to be entitled to anything. We both live in seperate states her in N.C. Me in CT. Advice please.

    • ANSWER:
      Are you serious? Haven't you ever heard of "Google"? Come on! You've only been married SIX MONTHS. She isn't entitled to A DIME, thankfully because you have no kids.

      If you've lived in CT (much smarter to be in the North than South, that's for sure) long enough to establish residency, you file for legal separation, state that there are no assets to be divided and no marital issue (children), give your "last known address" while togther (whether she still lives there or not, better if NOT) as her address, wait the proscribed months (no more than eighteen, generally) and have it stamped final.

      In the meantime, I suggest you take out an advertisement in the Public Notice section of the Bumblefluck North Carolina Gazette stating something to the effect that "I, John Q. Yankee, am no longer responsible for the debt of my former wife Cindy Sue Skankbag as of (date you left her)." This way, her creditors can't try to come after you for any debt she accrued before you could divorce her.

      Filling fees for legal separation are minimal. Contact your local Family Court clerk for additional information.

  7. QUESTION:
    A victim of Domestic violence filing for sole custody in CT area?
    Can anyone give me some advice??? I'm filing for a divorce and sole custody of my children, how much of a chance do I have to get sole custody of kids??? Is there anything I can do to increase the chance of it happening? How does that work? The father is violent and have criminal cases with me for putting his hands on me, and on top of that he has a real messed up record from the past, what is the possibility that the judge approves me the sole custody? Can anyone that has gone through this or knows someone that has gone through this give me their opinion and advice? I'm in CT State. Thanks
    Wouldn't the criminal cases come up in the divorce court? I know they're 2 different courts but dont they have the same system?
    I have a protectec order/restraining order against him, doesn't that helps, also can I get a public defender instead of a lawyer to win the case?

    • ANSWER:
      Get copies of the police reports and a good lawyer

  8. QUESTION:
    How do I deal with an early mid-life crisis?
    I have had a decent career as a Manager at an Ad Agency or printing company. I’m divorce and I have a 4 yr old daughter. I live in CT, but I’m dating a woman that lives in MA. I’m on the verge of moving to MA with her. In some ways this is good; I get to start my life over. But I feel like things could fall part if I don’t have a plan. My concern is the stress in my life. Lots of changes are stressful as is my job. It pays well, but I know its affecting my health. I’m looking forward to a change. If I can find a way to support myself in Massachusetts, I would be happier. But, I’d really like to do something else, but dread having to go back to school and take a pay cut to re-establish myself in some other career. Ideally I’d like to have a business of my own, but what is that? Any advice on how I can find some stability on my life and be content would be appreciated. I have this great opportunity to start over; I just don’t want to stumble around in life blindly.
    No religious answers please
    I certainly live up to my responsibilities as a dad and my daughter is my first priority. I love her and she loves me. But, I only get to see her every other weekend. You have no idea how hard that is on me. I would be living about an hour and fifteen minutes from her, so no big deal. I think I will be an even better dad if I get my own life in check.

    • ANSWER:
      Well, be proactive and start looking for a job in MA before you make the actual plans to go. The cost of living isn't that different, and you will be sharing expenses, so that helps.

      Personally, I have started over as you are right now, but alone, so it is great that you are gratful for the support that you have in your girlfriend. I too took a pay cut and walked away from a stressful job that had me working all kinds of crazy hours and it took me 4 years to come back - ALONE, but I am back. I would say you need to follow your heart and look for something that will pay the bills, give you enough extra to splurge on yourself and your girls (GF & daughter) and give you peace of mind. They are out there, trust me.

      As far as a mid-life crisis, darlin' you aren't out there boffing every young thing and not taking care of your respnsibilities, so this isn't what this is, it is just a turning point in your life.

      Good luck, and remember, it is all about enjoying the journey, not how much is accumulated along the way.

  9. QUESTION:
    Should we buy this house? Please help! Need financial advice.?

    Hi all, I want to ask Suze Orman this question, but she's not around so i'm asking you.

    I was wondering if we should buy this house. It's in a good part of the country (Cheshire, CT) known for good schools and not going downhill anytime fast. The house can easily be appraised at 5K even in this bad market. We can buy it for 0K.
    Here's our financial breakdown: We have K in cash (although I would only put 10% down) and have excellent credit.
    We gross 0K/year. My husband puts 20% into his 401k and I put the max into a Roth IRA per year. After everything we bring home 00/month.
    The house will cost 00/month (PITI included) and our bills can easily be 00/month. This leaves 00/mo for gas, food, extras, vacations, EVERYTHING. We will never be able to save again. We will be the working poor. Did I mention we will never save again? BIG problem for me personally.
    So let me ask you, what would YOU do? We don't like budgets particularly. We're not extravagent but we do want what we want when we want it, you know? We like to invest, save, and live a little. The problem, this house will be all the "living" we're going to do for a while.
    I should mention that we currently live in this house now (renting - will be sold to us after owner finalizes divorce). It's a great house, and we do like it a lot. It's full of our stuff and the thought of moving again is overwhelming.
    So, again, what would you do? I'm looking for good financial advice.

    We're in our mid-30's. Shouldn't we be saving more?

    This is a big, beautiful house. It's been completely redone and is on 2 acres. 0K doesn't buy anything in Cheshire, maybe a small, beat-up piece of crap. Really, even the ugliest houses are 0K. This is definitely the BEST thing around for the money, DEFINITELY.

    Also, we already live here. We rent the house that i'm speaking of. We're all moved in and everything. It will be ours to buy when the owner gets a divorce.

    • ANSWER:
      With your incomes and the amount of money you have as a down payment, you should be able to qualify for this home fairly easily.

      Based on the scenario you have given, if you are offered the opportunity to buy it at that price, especially if you can make the purchase and keep the amount of money you have going into your 401k and your Roth IRA, you should not hesitate to buy the home.

      Your 401k and your Roth IRA is a big part of your savings and it looks as though you have put a lot of thought into your future. Since you already live in the home, it appears to be a very good proposition, especially if the property can appraise at the dollar amount you suggested.

      It's great that you calculated your payments to include your taxes and insurance. With your income and your down payment, you should do just fine.

  10. QUESTION:
    Should we buy this house? Need good financial advice!?
    Hi all, I want to ask Suze Orman this question, but she's not around so i'm asking you.

    I was wondering if we should buy this house. It's in a good part of the country (Cheshire, CT) known for good schools and not going downhill anytime fast. The house can easily be appraised at 5K even in this bad market. We can buy it for 0K.
    Here's our financial breakdown: We have K in cash (although I would only put 10% down) and have excellent credit.
    We gross 0K/year. My husband puts 20% into his 401k and I put the max into a Roth IRA per year. After everything we bring home 00/month.
    The house will cost 00/month (PITI included) and our bills can easily be 00/month. This leaves 00/mo for gas, food, extras, vacations, EVERYTHING. We will never be able to save again. We will be the working poor. Did I mention we will never save again? BIG problem for me personally.
    So let me ask you, what would YOU do? We don't like budgets particularly. We're not extravagent but we do want what we want when we want it, you know? We like to invest, save, and live a little. The problem, this house will be all the "living" we're going to do for a while.
    I should mention that we currently live in this house now (renting - will be sold to us after owner finalizes divorce). It's a great house, and we do like it a lot. It's full of our stuff and the thought of moving again is overwhelming.
    So, again, what would you do? I'm looking for good financial advice. Thank you!
    We're in our mid-30's. Shouldn't we be saving more?
    This is a big, beautiful house. It's been completely redone and is on 2 acres. 0K doesn't buy anything in Cheshire, maybe a small, beat-up piece of crap. Really, even the ugliest houses are 0K. This is definitely the BEST thing around for the money, DEFINITELY.
    Also, I already live here. We rent the house that i'm speaking of. We're all moved in and everything. It will be ours to buy when the owner gets a divorce.

    • ANSWER:
      I think you answered your own question a couple of times. You'll have a house but you won't be living or saving. You'll be existing without a safety net.
      Is a house worth giving up all your other enjoyments in life. You're in your 30s - do you have children or plan to have children? If so, I'd say this is a definite no based on the financials.

      Awfully tempting - but it's better to move if you can't drastically lower the price to fit better in your budget.

  11. QUESTION:
    How can I raise money for my parents?
    Please note, I'm not going to ask you people for money. I'm not trying to scam anybody. I just want to help my parents out. My mother owns a nail salon shop that was pretty ricy when created. She practically made it from scratch (Except for the actual building of course). But's it's doing really bad. Her employees, only about 6, never stop fighting with each other and just the other day, 3 quit and one quit without telling my mother. She just went off and didn't return to the shop. My mother is losing alot of money and her shop will most likely be on the market.

    My Dad lives in a por area (Bridgeport CT). It used to be a busy industrial city in WW@, but it's lost the title of "Backbone of CT". Now it's just been a rundown city for the past 20 years. He lives in a 4 room apartment (Rent) with his brother and wife. Mom and Dad divorced 5 years ago. Ever since then, things have gone down hill. Anyway's, they need some money and I want to help. Please give some advice, thank you.

    • ANSWER:
      Get a job and give the money to your mother or offer to help at the salon !!

  12. QUESTION:
    Debt Consolidation (Wallingford, CT)?
    Please advise me on my best options. I am a single mom struggling to the point that I cannot even take my kids to McDonalds. I am recently divorced and since divorcing have incurred the following debt, (I receive child support but even so):
    Discover Credit card 1: ,334.59 (pay off a month)
    Chase Credit card 2: ,008.00 (pay off a month)
    Sovereign Bank loan 3: ,560 (pay off 9.52 a month)
    Credit Union car loan 64.00 (pay 5.46 a month)

    I own my own home and pay a mortage of 43 a month.
    The balance on the mortgage is 1,145.00.

    What are my options here? I was wondering if I should sell the house and buy a multi-family or should I refinance? I am not particularly happy with the home I have and moving to a condo is a possibility. I would welcome any advice that would help me cut down on monthly payment. Is there a way I can spread the payments over a longer period, etc.

    Advice from knowledgable people welcome.

    Credit is good, maybe excellent.
    1 second ago - 3 days left to answer

    • ANSWER:
      What is the APR on these cards? If they're pretty high, you can go through a debt consolidator and they can help lower the APR's. Credit card companies tend to like to deal with consolidators more than the public. They feel confident in lowering them because they feel that there is a better chance in you paying them off. I am almost finished off my last card. I have about seven months to go before I am out of credit card debt.

  13. QUESTION:
    Can someone please give me some advice?
    Okay, I'm fourteen and I'm so lost and confused, i have no idea what to do with life. When i was about three i moved from my birthplace, new milford ct to danbury ct, then to spirngfield mo, then to st louis mo, then my mom (my parents divorced when i was about two) moved to orlando fl to live with her parents and i went with, and my brother dustin joined the military so he left for bootcamp in texas. so it was me, my mom, lil bro and grandparents then we got kicked out and we were homeless for about 4 months so i had to come live with my dad because i was missing so much school, and two summers ago i went to see her and her boyfriend's cousin was staying with us, and im not going to get into detail but he did something VERY bad to me, and she didnt do anything, she let him keep living with us, and i told my big brother who called the police so i got taken away to live with my dad right away, then i went back to see her last summer and besides the usual shit like her drunk ass boyfriend and barely getting by money wise, trailer to trailer, she didnt even say sorry. THEN i came back here to ct and im with my dad and my mom went back to fl to live with her parents and my brother was deployed to afghanistan. im so confused and depressed idk what to do, nobody recognizes what im going through except my big bro and hes not even here, and im so scared for him, and my mom and lil bro im scared for too because im not there to help them, my little brother is like a son to me i basically raised him i fed him from birth and i changed him i did laundry and i hate myself because i know if i never said anything about what happened i couldve been there to help, but idk i cant deal with this anymore i was seein a therapist but i just quit and idk someone plz help me im so confused and lost with everything plz

    • ANSWER:
      I'm sorry you've been through so much at sucha young age. My best advice to you would be to go back to therapy and work out a plan with your therapist.

  14. QUESTION:
    Should I move to new york from CT?
    I've been living in Connecticut my whole life and i'm not happy there. I'm a sophomore in high school right now and I have a ton of friends in school but no one that I really connect with. I don't see people outside of school and my best friend is turning into the kind of person i don't want to be around anymore. I'm so bored here. My dad moved to new york city after my parents divorced and he said i could move there and start a new life. I love NYC, and basically grew up there when i wasn't home. Do you think its a good idea to move to new york? I've been told that its a great place to live and it'll be easy for me to make friends and meet people because there are more sophisticated, fun people here. Need advice please! Also if you could list some public high schools that would accept me junior year that would be great.

    • ANSWER:
      Public high schools are very hard to enter after 10th grade. Most of the good schools do not want to take kids after 10th grade.

      Take a look at this blog post from insideschools.org

      http://insideschools.org/blog/2011/01/11/looking-for-an-alternative-check-out-these-transfer-high-schools/

      Also, you should take a good look at the insideschools.org website. They have tons of info about NYC public schools, including info about moving to NYC and really detailed reviews of every school in the NYC public school system.

      Good luck.

  15. QUESTION:
    my wife and i are getting divorced after ten years...?
    hi, i live in new canaan, ct and my wife and I just mutually decided to get a divorce. we are both surgeons so we are never home, but that's not the problem...we also have 8 year old twin boys, and a 6 yearold daughter.

    is a therapist neccisary in our oppinion?

    how do you break it to the kids?

    should you spoil the kids?

    any other advice?

    • ANSWER:
      Being a Child from a Divorce I can tell you that divorce is very difficult for children. Everything that they(the children) held true about the world suddenly comes undone. Stability is very important in a childs life and loving,caring parents that love each other is more important. First I would say that careers are not as important as a loving family. Looking back you will see this though you may not be able to see it now. Divorces that lead to hurt feelings,angry words and hostility definitely do not help the children. Neither does living in a home where both parents fight all the time.
      Therapy may be necessary for the children and could prove helpful but trying to replace LOVE with gifts is a no win situation and is sometimes used a weapon by one or both parents to win affection of the children. Children do not need to be spoiled. Children need to be loved.
      How to break the news??? That is a hard one. Since they are not too young to grasp this concept and since it is more common in these times we live in I would suggest getting some advice from a Divorce counselor on how to do this. In my own opinion though it is very,very,very and I can't stress this enough that You let the children know that it is not their fault for what is happening. Children need to know that they didn't cause this problem because the children will sometimes blame theirselves for causing the divorce. You must be absolutely clear to them that they did not cause this.

      Any other advice?? I would suggest seeking a marriage counselor or if you are religious person a very good Preacher,Priest,Rabbi,Minister that has experience in counseling troubled marriages. I would suggest remaining in a loving marriage and getting some more advice from others that have lived through a divorce. You probably didn't get married in one day so why hurry into a divorce. Take your time and take some time to rediscover your spouse. Who knows what you think you are looking for is right there before you. There are so many that would trade a loving family for all the riches in the world. To me there is nothing more important than a loving family.

  16. QUESTION:
    Family feuding over Fiduciary - not the game show : (?
    My dad passed away 6/9/08. My dad had put some money away for my mom - he had the accounts in both their names (they were divorced - none of them dated anyone else - they helped each other a lot and got along fabulously this go around) - First, did the executor have the right to take mom's name off those accounts and just lump them in? Keep in mind, she was only named in the will, we haven't been to court yet. Also, is it difficult to get a new fiduciary? The current executor is a mess & I think she has taken money to buy things without consulting us (2 daughters & then my brother & I - like 2 teams). We have been refused access to the checkbook and basically everything regarding the estate. Since there are 4 beneficiaries (2 and 2 again), we have been trying to meet as it is convenient for everyone & vote on what is to be done when. Lastly, if you own a quarter of a house, do you have to pay rent to live there?? We are all in CT, so I need CT advice - please don't waste my time with crappy one line answers, etc. Thank You!
    THANKyou ALL very very much!! You have all given me answers to at least some of my issues : ) The only problem I have now is how can I choose the best answer?!? Can I vote for you all?? : )

    • ANSWER:
      So sorry to hear about your father.

      I agree with the other answerers - Get to an attorney fast -

      An administrator and executor only has legal access AFTER the letters of administration have been issued by the court.

      If someone is raiding joint accounts and emptying them, it's not only illegal, it may be criminal - The attorney will know. Generally, it all depends on the terms of the will, if there is one.

      When your father died all accounts in his name should have been frozen until a court order issued. If it was a joint account with your mother, only your mother should have had access to that money.

      As for the rent on the house, if there is a mortgage, you should continue to make payments on it. So, yes, you should continue to make your rent payments at least until you have title to 1/4 of the property. Again, ask the attorney to explain the situation - it's too complicated to explain in a forum like this.

  17. QUESTION:
    Green Card to Citizenship: Sham Wife?
    Forgive the brevity of this story: I married a forgein girl I loved in college. We never consummated our marriage sexually. She was pregnant by a guy before our marriage. The baby is NOT mine. I was mad and left her, but we never got divorced. I was a sucker for her hardship stories and I agreed to apply for a green card, for her benifit, and she got one. After that I heard little from her for 4 years. We have recently have been in contact with eachother via phone. She is now eligibe for USA citizenship, and is asking for my personal information (all the stuff she lost in Katrina).
    She has a green card. I'm reluctant to give her my personal info. I am hoping she can apply with no further obligation on my behalf. I want nothing to do with her or her child, and have started my own new life, but can't afford to divorce her. Question: If she obtains citizenship, will I be obligated to her or her child (who does not have my last name), finacially? I CT, she TX
    Advice Please!
    Just a follow up with a few more details:
    My name is not on the child's birth certificate.

    The child was born in MI.

    We were married in NM.

    I believe she does not stay in one state for long (to her advantage), as she tells me it takes her a year to be "legal" in a state (ie LA) before we can file for a divorce.

    She does not oppose our divorce, but either timing or finances seem to inhibit the ball from ever start rolling.

    Thanks for your responses, even though they have made me physically ill.

    • ANSWER:
      The question you are asking has really nothing to do with her citizenship status. It does not matter if she is a green-card holder or a naturalized citizen. The laws regarding support are the same.

      You say that she lives in Texas. Under Texas law, a woman's husband at the birth of a child is the legal father of that child. You could be held responsible for the support of her child.

      Also, Texas is a cummunity property state. Any property owned by a husband and a wife is equally theirs.

  18. QUESTION:
    Marrying while going through custody fight?
    My fiance and I started dating about 7 months before his ex wife started a new thing about custody. They divorced a few years ago and had an agreement that they would share custody (well she didn't really agree..the court made the agreement). She tries to make my fiance's life a living hell. Anyway, she is now trying to take the kids out of the country and the burden of proof is on her to say why it is better than them staying here. She doesn't know about me and my fiance doesn't know who she is dating. That is just the way she is. I was slowly introduced to the kids and just moved in officially about 2 months ago. The kids really like me and I really care about them. We have no issues there. We want to get married and think it will look better in the courts eyes if we are married rather than just living together. Would it affect his chances of keeping the kids here if we get married? He has to fill out a form that says who is living there and this is the first time anyone has ever asked him. He obviously doesn't want to lie so he needs to put down if I am there. We mainly just want to know if it actually does look better in the courts eyes if we are married and living together instead of just living together. Would this affect his chances of keeping the kids here? He is torn up about this. She brought this up out of nowhere after 3 years and we were already engaged at the time she started this. We really just need advice. This is in CT by the way. Thanks in advance.
    They are not old enough to say they don't want to go because from what I understand you have to be 12 or 13 for the judge to let the kids be heard and they aren't that old yet.

    • ANSWER:

  19. QUESTION:
    marrying while going through custody fight?
    My fiance and I started dating about 7 months before his ex wife started a new thing about custody. They divorced a few years ago and had an agreement that they would share custody (well she didn't really agree..the court made the agreement). She tries to make my fiance's life a living hell. Anyway, she is now trying to take the kids out of the country and the burden of proof is on her to say why it is better than them staying here. She doesn't know about me and my fiance doesn't know who she is dating. That is just the way she is. I was slowly introduced to the kids and just moved in officially about 2 months ago. The kids really like me and I really care about them. We have no issues there. We want to get married and think it will look better in the courts eyes if we are married rather than just living together. Would it affect his chances of keeping the kids here if we get married? He has to fill out a form that says who is living there and this is the first time anyone has ever asked him. He obviously doesn't want to lie so he needs to put down if I am there. We mainly just want to know if it actually does look better in the courts eyes if we are married and living together instead of just living together. Would this affect his chances of keeping the kids here? He is torn up about this. She brought this up out of nowhere after 3 years and we were already engaged at the time she started this. We really just need advice. This is in CT by the way. Thanks in advance.
    I'm sorry but did you read the question? I said we were dating for 7 months before this new custody issue was brought up. We have been together for a year and are looking to get married. Custody was resolved and then 3 years after custody was resolved, she introduced this new issue about taking them away. We weren't "shacking up". We have only been living together for 2 months. Please don't assume things unless you read the question properly. We were looking into when is the right time to get married - before/after the situation is handled.
    Also, I want to add that we didn't lie about it. The court never asked in these 5 months that this new custody issue is going on. This is the first time they asked and I said we do not want to lie! So, we will write that I am living on the paper but we were planning if now is the right time to get married with this court issue going on. That's it! It is so frustrating when people don't read the whole question and make rude remarks about things that just aren't true!

    • ANSWER:

  20. QUESTION:
    spousal abandonment?
    while i was at work my wife packed up and left with my kids. we've been having issues and decided to separate and divorce after the school year was over for the kids which is in June. We have 4 kids and we agreed that the boys would remain with me. This is the second time in 3 months that she has done this. I don't understand how a mother can create so much instability for her children without good cause. I'm not a saint I will admit that but I have never abused her so I'm not understanding her need to flee and abandon the household especially when we have already decided to separate once the kids were finished with school. Can she take my kids like this? Is there anything I can do to make her bring my kids back to me? She will not even tell me where she is taking them. Three months ago she fleed to CT and we live in GA. I have not a clue of what her intentions are but I just want my kids back. Any advice???

    • ANSWER:
      Get legal advice quick...based upon her poor and unstable track record you should have a very good case to get custody of your kids and stop the roller coaster ride. My heart goes out to you. Call a lawyer, or free legal aid or the county court and get some help quick. Also, if you have a way to reach her (cell phone, etc.) I would try and stay in constant contact with her...and kill her with kindness if you can possibly stomach it...as your best bet is to be able to have a handle on her (she doesn't sound too stable) and to try and find out where your kids are. Good luck and stay strong!

  21. QUESTION:
    Would YOU be upset about this? SERIOUS answers only?
    Ok so I work night shift and I was at work Wed night when I had this horrible pain hit in my left side (I've had a kidney stone before and that's what it felt like). I toughed it out from 9pm to 2am until I finally went to the ER (I'm an RN and work in hospital). So I was in the ER for 2.5 hours they gave me some pain meds and did a CT scan which did not show a stone but they said it wouldn't if the stone had already passed. Anyway so I went back up to my unit and laid down in an empty room for a bit to sleep of the pain meds so I could drive home (I live an hour away). My husband comes home last night and I told him what happened. First words out of his mouth "Well how much is THAT going to cost us?" Not "Are you ok?" He come completely unglued and told me I was just a baby and that going to the ER was unnessecary. He finally stormed out. We haven't spoke since. I can't even stand to be in the same room as him. First off we have money...we aren't rich by any means but we live comfortably. I also have good insurance through my work. So paying my bill will not be an issue. This may seem like a minor issue to some of you but it's not like this is the first time something like this has happened. To me...I feel like it's the last straw and I'm sick and tired of being treated like I'm a piece of sh*t. He treats me like I'm just an expense..not his wife. Sometimes I don't even feel like I'm treated like a human being. He has never hit me....could he be capable of it...probably if he was mad enough. I just don't know what to do anymore. Talking to him does little good. He doesn't listen to me. He acts like he is so superior over me and I shouldn't have any say...what he says is right and that is that. I have considered leaving him. We have 2 small children which makes that a bit more complicated. I would really like to go to counseling...but again I don't think he would agree to that especially since it costs $$$. But maybe if I either gave him that option or a divorce maybe he would reconsider since a divorce in the long run would be much more costly than a few counseling sessions. Does anyone have any SERIOUS advice. What should I do? Has anyone dealt with someone similar? How did you handle it? If you have read all of this (sorry it's so long) thank you for your time.
    Lexi...no I'm not a dr. hopper. My last ER visit was 2 yrs ago (my last kidney stone) and I only go to the dr. when absolutely necessary and it's the same doc

    • ANSWER:
      He is trying to control you (and succeeding). If this behavior offends and/or scares you (as it should), get yourself (and your children) out. Look into resources you might have access to NOW. It'll just be a matter of time and/or circumstances before he uses stronger methods to control you. Resisting may set him off.

      If he'll go with you to counseling, great. But be careful not to threaten him with anything (such as leaving, divorce, taking the children, etc.) so that he is not forewarned if and when you decide to escape. However, you might also consider taking a self-defense course, saving up some $$$ in an account only you know about to finance a quick exit if necessary, stow away a bag of necessities and legal documents and similar stuff that you can snatch up in a hurry as you make your exit if it ever comes to that.

      Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst.

      I wish you the best of luck....

  22. QUESTION:
    Vindictive ex-wife using religion as a weapon against her children – HELP!?
    What (if anything) can my BF and I do to stop his vindictive ex-wife from telling their kids horrible stories about us? His ex-wife left him for (get this) another WOMAN! This is also her SECOND divorce. She has since become very religious - she is not public about her girlfriend who is also very religious and goes to the same church. She is telling her kids that “daddy is a very bad man who is going to go to hell because he doesn’t believe in God like I do and is living in sin with his girlfriend.” The divorce decree states that we can live together (some decrees say you can’t.) It also states that neither party can interfere with the others relationships nor living arrangements (i.e. she can’t stop us from living together etc.) We live in CT – not sure if this differs by state.

    She also is saying stuff like “Daddy doesn’t need you like I do – he has his girlfriend, I only have you.” Also tells her stuff like “Daddy loves his gf more than he loves you” etc.

    It’s just wicked what she’s doing. If I were a smaller person, I would tell the child EXACTLY what is going on and that it is the ex that is the sinful one! My bf and I are religious – perhaps not as ‘by the book’ as she is, but it’s not like we are devil worshipers like she is making out!

    Has anyone been successful in riding this storm out? Any advice greatly appreciated!

    • ANSWER:
      Unless she's interfering in your boyfriend's right to see his children, I'm not sure there's anything you all can do. There have been mean parents, bad parents, manipulative parents since time immemorial, and your BF's ex is clearly no different.

      I also have to wonder how someone so religious can not only be divorced twice but have left her second husband for a woman, but that's not something to bring up with the kids.

      I assume the kids are telling you what their mother is saying, and if they ever tell you she's pulling the "daddy doesn't love you" bit, you can certainly say that isn't true. And you can assure the kids that you love them too. You and the boyfriend have to try not to badmouth the ex to the children.

  23. QUESTION:
    Angry Ex even more angry over a sleepover?
    My fiancé and I have been dating for 3 years; we live together and plan on getting married in the fall. My fiancé shares 50/50 custody of a lovely 10 year old boy with his ex wife. Last night my fiancé had an unexpected overnight business trip (still within CT, but on the other side of the state.) This was the first time his son and I have been alone together all night. This morning, the little boy ran and told the ex what a wonderful time he had with me, the fun cookies we baked and movie we watched while Daddy was away – he even asked if Daddy could go away more often! Well, the ex completely flipped – she is angry as heck with my fiancé, saying he is irresponsible and should never have left his son alone – that he should have dropped they boy off with HER for the night instead of leaving him with “that woman!” The ex left my fiancé for another person over 5 years ago. She is single now, but angry as heck. She has never liked me, even though I had NOTHING to do with their divorce – I think it might be because I have such a good relationship with her son – who knows! We do live together, and are getting married soon, so I do not understand why she is so angry. She is threatening to go back to court and sue for full custody etc. What advice do you have to help ease this situation – were we in the wrong? This sounds like an overreaction to me!

    • ANSWER:
      Look, no doubt the child is in great hands (is safe and comfortable with you) and had a great time. BUT the reality is that your fiance has 50/50 custody with his ex and you don't (I know it sucks but it's the truth). Even if the child had a 100% better time with you and everything could not have been better, what happened presents a real danger to your fiance's custody arrangement and he is simply thinking 100% with his heart and 0% with his brain. With your fiance out of town e.g. (when he does not have custody of his child because he is not there), 100% of the child's custody is with the child's mother. Your fiance had no legal right to leave his child with you without advising his ex and getting her permission. In other words what he did was really not in compliance with the custody agreement and his ex has legitimate grounds to contest the custody arrangement, or, at the least have your fiance found in contempt of the order (he knows what it is and did not follow it). For your fiances sake, his child's sake and for your sake (because you are probably wonderful people) your fiance must use his brain to think or at least to communicate with his ex before he does something like this. This is not about you and not about your fiance. It's the poor child that's going to suffer the consequences of your fiance's unthinking behavior (e.g. he has to think about the custody order and not just rationalize his behavior...he is a parent for gods sake)

      Imagine if his ex decided that while she had custody to work out of town and left the child with some guy your fiance did not like for an entire week and your fiance who should then had custody was not only not returned custody of his child during the week, he was NEVER told his child was living alone with his ex's fiance until afterwards. Your fiance would be pissed and have every reasonable expectation that a court would find her in violation of the Custody agreement. (As an aside I know you are his fiance and not just some woman. But, being a fiance is not the same as being his wife. At that time you will be his stepmother and have a different legal status)

      Was your fiance in the wrong....YES. Is it an overreaction.... probably to you and your fiance and to me (because the child had a great time and all was fine)...but in a court of law NO. The best you can do is to defuse the situation before it should get to court, because what happened should never have happened (sorry, but he had no legal right to do what he did). How to defuse it? Figure out what will make amends in her mind.

  24. QUESTION:
    I am a trained accountant, I have no desire to work any longer and like to call chat lines for young chicks.?
    I'm a 31 year old divorced male who owns a home in NJ but is living in his mom's basement in CT. I don't need to work, I don't like to work, I don't like to do much. I like young girls and I don't have many interests in life but I'm awesome. Some might call me a loser. I like to sleep a lot. I don't really like the chat line but I like thinking about the idea of having a hot chick on the other side of the line that I can sleep with. I'm a binge drinker, not an alcoholic. What should I do with my life? I don't think I will live another 37.5 years. Ideally I'd move to Utah and become a polygamist.

    These are the words, verbatim, from my dear friend. I want to help him but have been unsuccessful to date. He needs to help himself but doesn't know how to, because he doesn't give a hoot about anything right now.

    Please give him some advice.

    • ANSWER:
      He doesn't need help!! This is a very intelligent person you are talking about who has chosen a life-style that he enjoys best. Tell him you'll help him pack his bags for Utah.

  25. QUESTION:
    Leaving emotionally and sometimes physically abusive husband?
    I moved out to Illinois with my husband in 2006. We just had a baby in Nov & my mom came out to help is. He did not like this & was not very nice to my mom. When I tried to fix things he would just get mad and say we should get divorced. He says mean things all the time to me (like what do you do during the day while I am gone, get a part time job if you want any spending money, pull your weight around here, you make me crazy) and is every so ofter physical w/ me. He also says the money is his ( has not done this in like 2 weeks), he says he has to know what I am spending b/c he pays the bills but now I have been doing them with him b/c heaven forbid anything would happen to him I would have to know what is going on with the bill. I am not money hungry and I do not go shopping a lot but if I want to buy something that is not too expensive why should I feel like I can't without his approval. My husband also does not like me decorating anything in the house without his approval too, and our house has been bare for 3 years now. He is buying a 00 office set but he won't get a shoe rack for the garage so we can put our shoes outside. I also don't think he likes me having a close relationship with my parents, he wouldn't even let me stay a bit longer in CT ( we found out the doctor found a spot on my mom's pancreas and appt was a little later that week) when I went there in Feb to get some rest b/c he was hardly helping me out with the baby. My problem is my family lives in CT and I live all the way out here. I don't want to live out here all alone with no support. Also in Illinios I would probably only get child support for the our baby with would only be 00 a month and right now I am a stay at home mom. I would have to find a job paying at least per hr to be able to give our baby the life she deserves. If I would be able to go back and live in CT my mom stays at home and would be able to take care of our baby & I would take that accelerated nurses course to make a better life for us. My husbands family also lives on the east coast in MA (about 1 hr from my parents). I have been to a lawyer and they say I have a better then 50% chance of getting back home b/c of everything, but I am still scared the a judge might say I have to stay in Illinios. He is now going to couseling with me but only after I almost put a retainer down for the laywer. He is still making me cry every day and I am finding it very hard to be attracted to him now b/c of everything that has went on. I do love him but I do not know if the damage has been done. I need some advice on what I should do please let me know. If you want anymore deltails please feel free to e-mail me at johnston_amy79@yahoo.com.

    • ANSWER:
      I am so sorry you are going threw all this! It is so hard to be in a relationship with someone who is so full of themselves they do not even consider their mates feelings or well being. He sounds like an awful person. Will your family help you out until you get on your feet? I know how it feels to be stuck. I know my family would want to help but would be unable too. I would say get part time job and save as much as you can so that when you do leave you have a bit of a cushion. Also since he is paying all the bills can you get spousal support? look into that.

  26. QUESTION:
    psychotic depression - seeing and hearing things. SCARED!?
    Ok, so I was diagnosed with depression in 2009 and managed to I suppose beat in summer 2010. However I relapsed in 2011 and it's gotten worse. I haven't slept a full night in 5 months, I see and hear things that aren't there. I constantly have a headache and it WILL NOT GO. I can't describe what it feels like, it feels like my brain comes out of my skull for a split second and then goes back in.
    My doctor knows all of this. I' ve had a CT scan and it came back negative. I'm on 40mg of Citalopram, 20mg of Omeprozol and 10mg of Temazepam for my sleeping.
    The Temazepam hasn't worked. The citalopram has, however I hate feeling dependent on them so I've stopped taking them. (I know that's dangerous)
    I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. However I feel as though i'm going crazy.
    I see people, black cats, shiny objects, black objects, shadows.
    I hear conversations in empty houses, knocks, bumps, whispers and growls.
    It didn't used to bother me, but it is now and i'm starting to get scared about being on my own.
    I've had my eyes tested for eye floaters and my eyes are healthy. I don't know whats going on with me, I feel alone as no one understands how I feel and how scared i'm getting worse.
    I don't know what to do or feel. I recently considered cutting myself and I have planned how I would kill myself. I also think im delusional, I feel responsible for my parents divorcing eventhough everyone tells me it isn't my fault. However i'm convinced its true.

    Please I just want some opinions on how I can calm myself down, or just advice in general.
    Thanks.
    I've never taken drugs.
    I don't drink excessive amounts of alcohol.
    Depression/post-natal depression run in my family.
    I'm the only one with this.

    • ANSWER:
      You need to go back on ur medicine! not taking it could be causing this if it was happening before u stopped taking ur meds then u might ask ur doctor for different medications it is possible for psyc meds to have these kind of side effects.

      I really think u might want to be hospitalized, im not saying ur crazy but being checked into a mental ward helped me so much and I really think u need the intense therapy that u can only get in a mental ward. this can also help Keep u from killing ur self. I really hope u tell ur parents everything and tell them that u think it is time to take a more extreme step to help u. nothing good comes of killing or attempting to kill ur self u are in my thoughts

  27. QUESTION:
    Divorced/w.o. money (Clifton Ct., s. of New Haven) female w. 2 daughters: Ex hubby RICH TURK-advice needed?
    Divorced/w.o. money (Clifton Ct., s. of New Haven) female w. 2 daughters: Ex hubby RICH TURK-advice needed

    Details:
    Female friend/impoverished in Connecticut-divorced a millionaire Turk who hides his assets.... she from NY originally.
    He copied daughter's keys late nite 4 his ex-wife's apartment & when mother at work in a menial job, stole lots of her jewelry, belongings. One daughter says mom's things are in dad's rich home now with his new GF

    His new GF also entered friends' apartment and stole bankbook w. inheritance of tens of thousands, forged her name and closed bankbook/took out all $.

    Last thing: he bounced child support, leave for Turkey for 5 weeks, My f. friend went to bank where they tried to arrest her for trying to cash a bad check, the one he had bounced on her.

    This woman is so stuck, cannot afford legal rep to charge him with felonies change divorced terms to move back to New York where her few friends and family live. She is SO stuck.

    Are there legal options

    • ANSWER:
      She doesn't need money to charge for felonies, only a report to the cops and proof of wrong doing if possible. Have cops subpoena his bank records and other financials such as his portfolio of investments.


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Divorce Advice

Posted on May 7, 2012 by

I am sometimes contacted by women who are desperate for a second chance in their marriage, but not only are their husbands not granting them this second chance, they are also demanding a divorce.

This is a difficult situation because it places the wife in a distinct position of weakness that can be very hard to overcome. Often, your mind is telling you that if you can just get your husband's attention and even a tiny "in," you can then convince him to postpone all of these talks of divorce until you can work things out. The problem though, is that if your marriage is at this dangerous place, your husband has probably stopped listening to you and no longer views you as someone with whom he wants to have deep conversations or to work things out.

I remember when I was in this situation myself and I used to say that talking to my husband during that time was like talking to tree. I would get no reaction whatsoever or just one syllable responses that were meant to sent me on my way and waste no more of his time. I was able to get past this though and I think you can too.

If Your Husband Won't Give Your Marriage A Second Chance, Stop Asking For It: Before you think I've lost my mind for saying that, please hear me out. I believe that the chances are good that your husband has put your voice in block out mode. And, I also know from experience that this situation is so frustrating that it can drive you to act in very desperate and unbecoming ways. Before you can stop yourself, you may find yourself engaging, threatening, and begging. All of these things, of course, drive your husband further away and take you even further from your goal.

One way to stop this cycle is to completely change course. This may not seem like it is the right thing to do and it may even sound risky. But, please trust me when I say that I can not count how many people this has worked for. And, think about it, your current plan is not working either, so what do you have to lose?

Putting Distance Between You To Eventually Bring You Closer: When I say distance, I don't mean physical distance in terms of miles or separate households. Instead, I mean distance from the tension and the desperate situation that is under your roof. The tension needs to abate and the opposing sides you're on need to come together, so you can't continue on the way you are.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice?
    My friend is in a really bad marriage right now her husband has been known to hit her and be very mentally abusive. She came by today and ask me to go to her county and file for divorce with her because he has been taking a flash light and a gun and searching every inch of the house everyday like ten times a day. He is on drugs or something but she cant even sleep so she is staying with me for a while. What would be the best way for her to go about this she is scared that he will try to come over here and hurt her and my family. He is a pshyco andvery capiable of it. So my question is what should she do and can she file for divorce in a different county from where they live. Will a restraining order really work for her if she lives here. Please any advice would be great.
    by the way he has no idea she is even thinking about the divorce and that scares her even worse
    what scares me is i am afraid that he will come to my house and demand to know where she is at and if i dont tell him he will harm me and my family

    • ANSWER:
      My advice is both for her safety and yours - monday morning, go to your police department and ask about filing an order of protection.. usually one can be filed at the courthouse and can be granted immediately.. at my courthouse there was a "legal advocate" who helped fill out the papers and stood with me before the judge. I was in and out with one in a matter of hours... Then she will need to go to the police dept where she lived, where she works, and any other places listed in the order of protection and have them make a copy of it to keep on file. She needs to keep this with her at all times.

      Immediately she needs to contact a Women's abuse shelter (listed in the phone book) and go there.. they have security and a safe place for her.. trust me, these women know how to provide for her safety and to help her with counseling, and help her get back on her feet.

      But, she needs to leave your home. I know it's harsh, but many times husbands fly off and attack the people that are housing the wife because in his mind, if you weren't there, she'd be home and it's your fault. You don't want us to read about your family on the news.. you've seen it yourself too often.. Be her friend.. but don't risk your family for her..

      And, the women's shelter is experienced in how to help her with this.. Best of luck and you, your family, and your friend are in my prayers.

  2. QUESTION:
    Divorce Advice?
    I need some advice. I need to know how to get a divorce from my ex without him. B/c he will not send the papers back.

    • ANSWER:
      It all depends on where you live. Do you have a lawyer? If you do, call her and ask for her help. There are ways of pushing it through the court without him there. If you don't have a lawyer call the courthouse or the DA's office and ask. I'm sure there are people there who are able to help.

      I know that in Alabama you can divorce someone without them even knowing. It happened to several people that we knew. But like I said, just call and explain what your situation is and ask for some advice.

  3. QUESTION:
    divorce advice?
    Here goes:

    Guy meets girl, have 1 kid, get married and are married for 5 years where upon 2 more kids arrive. Marriage breaks down and wife files for divorce.
    There are no assets worth mentioning and both are unemployed. The husband is a student and has large student debt.
    What could the wife realistically aim to receive from the husband in terms of maintenance etc and what variables are relevant in this issue.. All children live with the wife abroad but within the EU.

    Tricky one huh

    • ANSWER:
      Hate to be mean or have one foot in reality ......

      So hubbie has student debt - studied to better himself - so should have good job - both umemployed - they are both parents ...... let me think

      " no sorry honey, you can't have dinner tonight because daddy is paying off his debt and mommy can't work cause who the hell pays the child care ......"

      My verdict and am sure an unpopular one:

      - Sort the cr*p out and stop being so selfish
      - Forget the divorce - both of you need to grow up , get jobs , pay debts and look after your children - they are the important ones in this little dilema
      - Do what you need to do for those children

      Your concern over maintenance should be your last concern - first worry if you pay none - where will they live, what will they eat and what will they wear???

      Sorry to sound bitter - but I was one of those children , caught in the tangled web of love , money and parenting!

  4. QUESTION:
    Where can I find free legal advice , or talk to a real person about divorce advice, need someone who knows law
    My aunt was recently surved with divorce papers, but befor her husband informed her, he had a family member remove their kids from the home and took them to another city, this cant be legal, I need some advice to give her, legal, or course.
    Located in Arizona.

    • ANSWER:
      http://www.azleg.state.az.us/SearchResults.asp?SearchedFrom=%2FArizonaRevisedStatutes.asp&SearchPhrase=Divorce+and+Child+Custody&Scope=%2Fars

      Site about child custody in the State of Arizona

      http://www.azleg.state.az.us/SearchResults.asp?SearchedFrom=%2FArizonaRevisedStatutes.asp&SearchPhrase=Divorce&Scope=%2Fars

      Site about Divorce Laws for the State of Arizona

  5. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice with a minor child involved?
    Im splitting up with my husband of 17 yrs. we have a 12 yr old daughter. Im a house wife and my husband kicked me and my daughter out we have no money and i really need to speak to a divorce lawer can anyone give me any advice please!

    • ANSWER:
      You should not have left the home unless you had a place to go. You should have filed a restraining order on him and had him removed. That would have given you time to get things in order. Your best bet is to stay with family, file for child support. (Yes, you can file right now. You are seperated) Also while you are at it, look online for free do it yourself divorce papers. I know there is a site called Self Help in Las vegas Nevada that has those forms online for free. Just white out Las Vegas and put your juristiction. Filing for child support costs nothing. While you are at it, print the form to file the papers for free. Forgot what it was called, sorry. Think it is something like Exparte....Gotot your local child support enforcement (DA) and file for the support. Costs nothing. They will set up a hearing for you and contact numbnuts to serve his papers. Good luck and i hope your family helps you. I just couldn't imagine being out alone with my children.

  6. QUESTION:
    Where can I find free legal advice on divorce?
    I live in NY and need some help figuring out where the hell I start with this process. We've only been married 6 months, no kids, no real assets. We agree that the marriage is over, and don't want to spend hundreds of dollars on a divorce. Where can I find some free legal advice, someone that can point me in the right direction?

    • ANSWER:
      I agree with Michelle D, find an attorney who offers free consultations. Also, if you live near a law school, see if they offer any programs where the law students work Pro Bono.

      Plus, there is a ton of research material on the Web. Just make sure you do your homework if you are going to try and do it,Pro Se. NY has some pretty archaic Divorce Laws.

  7. QUESTION:
    Where I can get legal advice on divorce?
    I am 32 years old woman, I am not happy with my husband, I need some legal advice on divorce. Is there any site where I can discuses with a advocate to get legal advice on divorce.

    • ANSWER:
      The best form of divorce in India for Hindu/Christian/Civil marriages for the time being is " Divorce by mutual consent" where both husband & wife file joint petition for divorce in the Family Court of the district where they both reside or their marriage was solemnized.
      The process of divorce by mutual consent is quite simple but require their personal presence in the Family court twice, firstly when they file such joint petition although through their lawyer(s) and their joint statement get recorded, this is the first motion.
      After six months the statutory time as provided under the various matrimonial Acts for above mentioned form of marriages, second motion takes place when once again both of them appear and record their joint statement,followed by the Family judge inquiring from them issues being settled by them such as custody of child, permanent alimony and maintenance, settlement of joint properties, return of Stridhan to wife etc, on being satisfied all such issues have been settled between them by their free and wilful consent and same exist for the dissolution of marriage, the order for such dissolution is made then and there itself followed by drawing of decree of divorce the certified copy of which they both apply and get for use in future.

      In case there is no settlement between them for divorce by mutual consent, than a longer process by filling unilateral divorce against the other can be taken whose detailed discussion is not possible here in this forum.

  8. QUESTION:
    Just wondering,has anyone ever been helped by the marriage and divorce advice they received here?
    Has anyone made any big decisions after getting input from the yahoo community ?

    • ANSWER:
      I think that askers deeply know what they should do in their situation. Personally, I came here with some issues and used the search tool to find out how other people addressed similar situations. No big decision though. But I remember one day I was really angry with my husband and by reading one of my contact's comment, I backtracked on what I planned as a reaction.

  9. QUESTION:
    Where can i go to get legal advice on a divorce?
    I need someone to look over divorce papers before i get them notarized and sent out. I do not have a a lawyer. His lawyer drew up the papers and sent them to me. I do not want to hire a lawyer. I just want someone to to read through them and give me advice.

    • ANSWER:
      If he has a lawyer, you do need legal help. If you can't afford any there are free to low cost attorneys in almost every state.

      Herb

  10. QUESTION:
    Where can I get some free legal advice re divorce?
    I'm trying to save my marriage after my husband had an affair, not sure how things will turn out. Hoping for the best. But in case not- where can I get some legal advice about divorce in California? I have some money, he has none, and since he is at fault here I am not happy with idea of having to give him half of my money too if he leaves. I've heard in California everything just gets split no matter who is at fault. Any data,links, advice are greatly appreciated! Can't afford a lawyer right now...

    • ANSWER:
      Forget hiding money, all that stuff is tracked. Google your County Family Law Center. I just finialized my divorce in California, January 16, 2010. Cost me about ,500 for my part, don't know what the ex-wife spent. We were supposed to do it ourselves, but I received the divorce summons unexpectedly.

      My lawyer charged me 0 per hour, the Senior Paralegal was 0 per hour. They bill you for every minute of their time, including when the other lawyer argues with them. They write excessive letters to bill you for them and my wife's lawyer was so obvious, even I could see he was intentionally screwing things up to stir up trouble and billing revenue. I began scanning his letters to my own lawer and sending them to my ex-wife. She began to see he was stirring the pot and she got things moving along pretty good after I began that.

      Everything in California is no-fault divorce, everything is straight forward and the rules are not bent. Try your County Family Law Center, as the divorce business is so huge, they have moved it all to special building centers away from the superior courts.

  11. QUESTION:
    where can i get free divorce advice?
    i have some basic questions that i need help with about filing my own divorce. like do i need to fill out the part about support if i just want to continue the order that we have now and when do i need to file the fee waiver (with the divorce papers or before?) is there any websites that can help that i don't have to pay a question for?

    • ANSWER:
      I have heard of a fee waiver but you have to have extenuating circumstances in order to get a "free divorce". Nothing is free these days....all states require you pay a filing fee to file the papers in their courthouse and make them legal.
      If you currently have an agreement between you and your husband then you need to include a copy of the agreement, preferably a notarized copy, with the divorce papers. You do not need to make another agreement, its not necessary.

  12. QUESTION:
    My sister needs free advice about divorce?
    My sister just came to stay with me. She is trying to divorce her husband, but doesn't know where to start. We live in Pennsylvania. She is a stay at home mom, with a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old. She needs free advice on what to do and how to start. Can anyone help?

    • ANSWER:
      With kids she will need a lawyer, call one today.

  13. QUESTION:
    Is there anyone who can give advice on the question in the marriage/divorce section- to web divorce advice?
    I posted a question about divorce advice, looking for more input from experienced couples - for picking up the pieces of a broken heart. (thanks)
    look in marriage and divorse for my complete question.
    I sincerly appreaciate everyone's advice, THANKS.

    • ANSWER:
      The heart is a funny thing. It is only mended through time. There is no other way to make heal it, unfortunately. The one thing you CAN do however, is keep remembering WHY you are no longer together and reinforce those ideas. Now that you have a single life, you need to get out and do the things that you haven't been able to do for a while. Whatever you used to find pleasure in, but just couldn't find the time. Bowling, pool, hiking, camping, etc.. those are good distracters to help you along with the tenderness.. That's how I got over my relationship turmoil, and I hope this truly helps you in your journeys..

  14. QUESTION:
    I am preparing to represent myself in court for the finalization of my divorce, Any advice on preparation?
    Preparing for a hearing seems overwhelming, does anyone have any advice from their own experiences.

    • ANSWER:
      If you're going without an attorney, consider consulting with a custody/divorce coach. It's not really all that expensive and you can share your experiences with others in your same spot.

      It can be really intimidating, particularly if you're going up against someone who has an attorney. Get really familiar with your state's divorce and custody laws so you can articulate yourself as best you can.

  15. QUESTION:
    I am getting a divorce, any advice on how to deal with the loneliness?
    We really didn't match and I think that we are going to better off without one another. But I am so scared of being alone. Any advice on how to get used to be alone? I am not really as we have two kids, but I will miss the comfort and security of having a husband, even if it was a bad one. I don't want to rush into the sack with some other guy, so if that is your advice, please, leave it unsaid.

    • ANSWER:
      I got a couple ideas for you....hang out with your girlfriends, make mini-trips, and/or pick up a hobby (Crafting, collecting, writing....whatever it may be). Good luck...divorce is a struggle and make sure you are doing the right thing!

  16. QUESTION:
    How can I seek legal advice in for a divorce.?
    I received divorce papers in the mail from my estranged husband who is currently in prison. I want to know if I can possibly receive advice from a lawyer. I am not currently working so it would have to be free.

    • ANSWER:
      Most lawyers give a free consultation. You can always look this up online also. My daughter has been divorced two times and has done it from the internet. You can google this for more information. I am not sure of the website, but I do know it is out there somewhere. Good Luck.

      mb

  17. QUESTION:
    Does anyone know where i can get free lawyer advice for divorce?
    (if it makes a difference this is for colorado)........i just need to ask some questions but i am not using a lawyer for my divorce...so are there any that offer you free lawyer advice? Thanks....Serious Answers Only PLEASE

    • ANSWER:
      Google Free Legal Advice- Divorce and similar things and you should get a lot of good hits.

      Here is one I came up with that might be a good place to start:
      http://www.ptla.org/links/services.htm

      And another for the forms you'll need:
      http://www.divorce-forms.com/COLORADO-DIVORCE-FORMS.html

  18. QUESTION:
    What is your best advice to parents and kids of a divorce for what they should and should not do?
    If you could have told your parents what they should have done and should not have done when you were a child of divorce what would it be? If you were to give your best advice to the kids about to go through it what would that be?

    • ANSWER:
      FOR PARENTS:
      * Never blame your children for your divorce
      * Be age appropriate when it comes to explaining divorce to them and never lie to them
      * Plan with your ex-partner on how to effectively carry out child custody (how and what time you will transfer the kids, how you and your ex-partner must talk in from of them, etc.)
      * Never disrespect/mistreat your partner in front of the children, be civil at all times
      * Make an effort to attend the extra-curricular activities of your child (school, recital, etc.)
      * Always show that you love and will take care of them no matter what

      FOR CHILDREN:
      * Never think that the divorce is your fault
      * Never try and fix your parents up; let them handle their personal matters, as should you
      * Find trustworthy friends to talk to and share things about your situation
      * Channel negative feelings in a positive manner, i.e. do not turn to drugs/bad company/alcohol for solution, challenge yourself to rise to the occasion
      * Respect your parents at all times

  19. QUESTION:
    Advice for filing for divorce in Maryland?
    I am going to file for divorce today. My spouse and I have been separated for 12 months and 1 day. Does anyone have any advice? Our home is undercontract and we have no children.

    • ANSWER:
      The cheapest, quickest, and easiest way to file for divorce is by filing your own uncontested divorce forms. In an uncontested divorce you have full control over the divorce terms (who gets what). You can learn more and get a kit that includes everything you need to file your own divorce at the website below.

  20. QUESTION:
    Advice for divorce. No children and I am Miserable and young?
    I am looking at advice about going into a divorce, I do not have kids and am not happily married and things continue to get worse. She has mentioned it a few times, but thinks children will make things better and I do not agree. We have a house together and I have done so much work and put so much money into from deployments to Iraq and now in college, How do you think that would work out ? ANy advice on what to do ?

    • ANSWER:

  21. QUESTION:
    Legal Advice on Divorce in Texas Concerning Child Support?
    My friend is going through a divorce. It will be over Sept. 8th. His ex got a lawyer to draw up the papers. He received his papers yesterday and they set his child support at 0.00 a month for 2 kids. They didn't even ask for his pay stubs or call his work to see what he makes. Is there any way he can get this changed before Sept 8. How is the amount for child support set? Who does he need to talk to in order to get this lowered a bit?

    • ANSWER:
      Overall, as the divorce progresses you can expect that unless you are awarded full custody that you will be paying some amount of child support. Even if you have a joint custody arrangement then it is still possible to owe child support. In a joint custody situation where it is truly, a 50/50 split the parent who makes more will owe the other parent some child support that is determined based upon the state guidelines.

  22. QUESTION:
    Can you give me some advice on my parents divorce?
    So... my parents are getting a divorce. Its just so frustrating. I hate my father. Its his fault. I don't know what to do. I keep yelling at him and running from home to my friends house. I'm scared and hurt. And I feel like its all my fault! What can I do? I just don't want to feel this anymore. I'm just so...I can't even describe it! Can you give me some advice?

    • ANSWER:
      I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time right now. I can feel the hurt and pain that this has inflicted on you. I wish that I could protect your from this hurt but I can't and the only way to the other side is through it. The best way to handle this is to love both of your parents even if it is your dad's fault. He still loves you and nothing will ever change the fact that he is your dad. Forever his blood flows through your veins. You don't have to agree with everything your dad does but remember he is human and he makes mistakes just like you do. Tell your parents how you feel...don't run away from your feelings. Ask the questions that you want to know and don't stuff them inside. The more you communicate the easier it will be.

      Good Luck

  23. QUESTION:
    My friend is a marine and needs some advice on the divorce process?
    My friends ex- wife filed for divorce and he's worried that he will live in the barracks. They have 2 kids together and he's currently paying child support. I would appreciate it if I can get some facts down so I can tell my friend. Thank you!

    • ANSWER:
      I am a military spouse, and he wont have to live in the barracks if he is e4 and up because he can get this stuff called BAH (basic allowance for housing) and live off base, if he contests the divorce (which i advise he does) then she will be waiting on funds and support until they settle and she will have to find her own place, which means he will most likely get custody since hes the one with the stable income and stable job. it depends on if she works and if she can get a hold of his command officer to drag his name thourhgh the mud.
      he needs to talk to legal

  24. QUESTION:
    TOP 3 Worst Advice Given on Marriage and Divorce?
    What are some of the worst advice you have read or heard from a friend or read on Yahoo Marriage or divorce?

    It could be a repeated piece of advice that doesn't work, or just one big rare piece of advice that was so bad, that its almost epic!

    So give the class your Top 3 (or more) and why.

    Thanks in advance.

    • ANSWER:
      1) Don't go to bed angry.
      Why not - -a good night's sleep can give you some perspective.

      2) Try to work it out (when the spouse is an addict or an abuser)
      Who needs that in their life? Do what you can but know when to draw the line.

      3) You're man doesn't love you if he watches porn.
      Not true - he'd love for you to watch with him.

  25. QUESTION:
    Need advice for a divorce involving an international marriage?
    Hi,

    I married a South African woman in 2007 in South Africa and we have lived in the UK ever since. I am Spanish. We're going through a divorce and I would like to know if once we are not married any longer she will be allowed to remain in the UK since her visa was granted on the basis that she was married to me.

    Many thanks,

    Javier.

    • ANSWER:
      If she possesses a work permit, it is possible that her visa may be validated.

  26. QUESTION:
    How do you feel about your divorce, and what advice would you give?
    For example, is there anything you wish you had done differently at all?

    • ANSWER:
      Don't get Married for a Kid =) young&dumb...

      My son is happy.

      Her and I get along way better when I only see her a few times a week

      =)

  27. QUESTION:
    I'm looking to get a divorce can anyone share some advice?
    Ok I am looking to unfortunately get a divorce but I need some advice n how to go about this. Here's the situation...I live in Florida and my husband lives in NC. We got married in California which neither of us have ever lived there...only visited and in the heat of the moment got married. We have no children and really no assets that we share together. Where and how do I get this divorce going without spending a ton of money. If at all possible would love to avoid a lawyer. Thanks!

    • ANSWER:
      it will be so simple because you dont have children or assets. If both of you agree on the divorce it makes it a peice of cake. In WV you can get a divorce like that for 500 dollars. Call your local lawyers and get more info

  28. QUESTION:
    Advice about my parents getting a divorce ?
    My parents are getting a divorce soon and I actually kinda agree with it. My dad always makes us(my mom,sister and I) my dad does everything for his self while my mom does everything for me and my sister first and there are also other reasons. I think this will be the best for everyyone. But can you guys please give me some advice?
    I'm 13 and in 7th grade and my sister is 11 and in 6th grade.

    • ANSWER:
      Divorce is always hard, I can't tell you it isn't. But I can tell you that it will be okay, and in the end, it's the best for everyone.

      My parents divorce was a complete shock to me, and it hit me really hard. But I got through it with the help of family and friends. Talk to your friends about it, you don't want to keep your emotions bundled up. Know that it's good to cry. The day my parents told us, my friend brought ice cream over and we just sat in front of the tv watching Friends and eating ice cream. It was still new so it hadn't hit me yet, but just being with my friend helped so much.

      Go out and do something with your sister. I don't know how close in age you and her are, but that doesn't matter too much. If she is little, take her to the park and play with her. If she is older, take a walk, or go to the mall. She is the only person that is in the same position as you are, and talking with her will really help.

      Try not to get involved with the fighting. Parents often accidentally try to sway their children to one side or the other, do not do go along with it. Talk to one of your friends, see if you can stay at her house if they ever get in a big fight and you want to leave for a while.

      If you want to talk, or need help with anything else, just email me.

  29. QUESTION:
    need some advice regarding divorce between american and egyptian?
    I'm an american citizen.. my husband is egyptian. we were married in egypt under Sharia law. however i feel my husband has mislead me about many things and now i question his motives behind our marraige. our marraige is legal in the usa since we filed the necessary paper work.. is it possible for me to get a divorce from the us without allowing my husband here?

    • ANSWER:
      If you get divorce from US, it won't be recogonised in Islam. You shall still be married to him Islamically.

  30. QUESTION:
    Any advice on getting over a hard divorce?
    I'm having a hard time getting over a painful divorce. He walked out on me and the kids I spent half of my life with him. I treated him really well. I even worked so he could stay at home with the kids. He now likes to remind me of how much he wants to sleep with other girls, parties all night, and sleeps until 1. While I have all of the responsibilities and bills. Any advice to get through this? I have no will to fight anymore.

    • ANSWER:
      Oh wow, you sound like he really tore you down. And it's hard when your heart is broken and smashed.

      Well, darling, lift up your head!!! Support is here...

      I did well after 2 divorces. I refused to give up -- I fought hard and won! The kids are grown -- all have great jobs and I'm so proud of 'em. So work hard to love those children of yours.

      The ex? All yours has is up all night, with girls and 'fun'--yeah right. He tells you this stuff because he's really:

      1. Dying inside. He regrets what he did and doesn't wanna come back.
      2. He's a fool. He's gonna get (or has already) herpes, HIV, hepatitis or even worse. Crabs are no fun.
      3. He's a jerk. He's missing the best years of the children's life he will NEVER get back.

      He's missing it. He's missing his family life. He's regretting it. And believe me he cries every nite.

      No, don't take him back, because he's a fool. And he will cheat on you again...so...

      Find a good man out there who will love and cherish you and treat you the way a woman should be treated. And there are men out there. Just don't give up.

      Love yourself and pray. Take good care of yourself so you have the strength to take care of the children. When they are in school, get your girl buddies and exercise and run around the block. Make meals fun for the kids and take time to read them stories before they go to bed. Try not to have a sad face in front of them and cry like I did in the shower. Put on that happy face and they will not worry about you, ok?

      You can do it! I did--I'm proud of you!!!!

      xoxoxoxoxo

  31. QUESTION:
    I need advice from people who went thru a difficult divorce and struggled for while to find a new love?
    I was married and got a divorce. But at the time I thought it was the best for both of us. She has a new partner and I'm here alone. I was in a deep depression for a while, but I'm slowly coming back. But now my heart seems to be struggling to open up to new girls that I meet. Any advice from people who went thru this?

    • ANSWER:

  32. QUESTION:
    i need divorce alimony related advice how, when, where to pay ?
    I am deciding to fill divorce paper but i am not definite about alimony. How much amount i have to pay and how court will decide because it is uncertain for me.

    • ANSWER:

  33. QUESTION:
    I am seeking a divorce, and need some advice on grounds of unreasonable behaviour?
    I have been told I need to give 6 reasons for the unreasonable behaviour and I am not sure what to put. My husband is an alcoholic and this is the reason, plus all the verbal abuse I received from him. Also my health has suffered greatly becuse of it. My husband also went out on 2 dates whilst I was living with him because I told him it was over and instead of fighting for me, he did that and just drank. Any help would be great, thanks.

    • ANSWER:
      Unreasonable behaviour can be anything if both parties agree it to be unreasonable, thus quoth my barrister when I divorced. I didn't contest her reasons although it didn't feel right, it was a means to an end.

      The judge is looking for evidence that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. That doesn't require 6 incidents. Let's be honest, one serious assault would be enough!

      His alcohol abuse and inability/refusal to control it should be sufficient however I am sure you could remember 6 incidents when his drinking caused you "pain"?

      Has he embarrassed you in the company of family and/or friends? (That is 2 if both!)

      Has he verbally abused you?

      Threatened you albeit whilst drunk?

      Have you had to cancel an appointment due to trying to help him or his inability to attend?

      Money is always a good one. Has he ever caused hardship due to drinking? With held money from you because he spent it on drink?

      If the answer to any of these is yes and if you have more than one for each category you are home and dry.

      I can't help thinking though that his behaviour whilst drunk and unwillingness to address it would constitute unreasonable behaviour of sufficient magnitude to trigger a divorce.

      I assume he is contesting it otherwise you are home and dry. Now you can fight about the money. Remember that the division of assets has nothing to do with conduct.............

  34. QUESTION:
    Due to a recent divorce; I need home advice-?
    Due to a recent divorce, I need advice; I have an outstanding home equity of ,000 and the present home mortgage is 0,000 and the home is valued at 5,000, what would be the house payment if I was to keep the house. Would I be better off selling? Is there a way to figure out what the hosue payment would be?

    • ANSWER:
      There are mortgage calculators available online that you can plug in your information and get rough payments.

      If you had 30 years remaing on the 250k at 6%, your monthly payment would be 00.39.

      As for your HELOC (Home Equit Line of Credit), how much have you spent of it? You might be able to pull 50k out, but how much have you actually used?

      If you owed the full 300k and were able to refinance it into a single 30 yr fixed loan at 6%, you'd see a monthly payment of 00.50 and possibly be charged for PMI.

  35. QUESTION:
    Practical Divorce advice: How the hell do I start over?
    I am in the air about how to literaly go about leaving my husband and starting over in a new city (I have been suffocated by my current home for years-- this town is too small for the both of us!).

    I mean, how much money will i need to even TALK to a lawyer? We dont have kids, but we have 2 cats, one pregnant. I'd like to keep them both + offspring , does a normal divorce case even handle animals? I have no hangup s about my stuff. He can keep everything we bought together. I just want what I came with and neither of us has lots of money to fight over so thats that. Do i even NEED a lawyer? Can I move before the divorce is final and do the paperwork by mail? Is it rude to send out a divorce announcement? (Just kidding, kind of.)

    Is there someone who will just talk to me about it? How was your divorce?

    • ANSWER:
      Sorry to hear you are facing this. It won't be an easy journey.
      Yes, you can fight for custody for the cats.

      I would suggest you to look into Legal Aid. You might even qualify for free services.
      Here are a couple of links for you to look at.

      http://www.ptla.org/links/services.htm

      http://www.lsc.gov/about/grantee_links.php

      Hang in there.
      Best wishes for you.

  36. QUESTION:
    dedicated husband and father needs divorce advice.?
    I think my wife wants to leave. I don't want to break up my family, and I have tried just about everything, counceling ext... but she does not even try to make it work.
    I told her If that is what she wants I will take 100% responsibilty of or 3 year old son. all she has to do is support herself. we have about 10,000 dollars in debt, witch she should be half responsible for. We have been married for 6 years, and she has stayed home with our son for 3. I wish we could work this out, we had a good marriage, and I love her more then anything. I don't want to fight over my son, both are good parents, and want to raise and see him as much as possible. but right now I am looking for advice if we do divorce.

    • ANSWER:
      Divorce IS hard on kids. There's no lying about that. My parents divorced when I was two. My first husband and I divorced when our child was 1 1/2. The important thing to do is always do what's in the best interest of the child. The divorce isn't there fault so don't let them feel as though it is (tell them it's not their fault). Another important thing to remember is that children often feel as though they're in the middle of their parents with each pulling an arm. Please, don't do this to your child - regardless of who gets custody. My parents did nothing but fight and as a result, I listened to nothing but put downs about the other. Don't do this either. Regardless of how you feel about your "ex," this person is still your child's mother and they don't need to hear all the negative.

      As far as custody goes, you'll want to seek the advice of a lawyer and petiton the court of custody. Unless she doesn't want the child and agrees to let you have custody, or there's a good reason for her not to, most courts will award custody to the mother. This isn't your fault and doesn't mean the court thinks your a bad father. Just be there for your son, pay child support, and visit and call as often as you can.

      I'm not sure what kind of advice you're looking for so I hoped this helped. Good luck! I hope you marriage works out.

      In the meantime, do what you feel is right. If you're not ready to give up on your marriage yet - then don't.

  37. QUESTION:
    Negative or right on? Marriage/Divorce advice?
    I had a legal meeting earlier this week where a contract attorney made a statement about marriage. We were signing some certificates defining ownership in a corporation and he asked if either partner was married as those spouses would need to be included on the stock certificates. Both men were married but didn't want to include their spouses and possible separations were pending.

    He said, "As soon as you're planning a wedding, you need to consult a divorce attorney. Leave a retainer and explain the financial situation, this way when the inevitable happens, you're prepared"

    • ANSWER:
      his divorce lawyer buddies also tell their clients how they need a contract attorney on retainer. it's a back-scratching business.

      cynicism is supposed to be cool and lots of marriages fail. but that's too cynical for me. my parents will be celebrating their 42nd anniversary this year, and i'm on my 15th.

  38. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice for women ?
    I need divorce advice for women so I can protect myself financially and create a workable custody arrangement. Where should I start ?

    • ANSWER:
      Abie, Divorce advice for women can be confusing. It's not "happily ever after," after all. Surviving divorce is one thing, but living to tell about it is another. Consider this:

      1. Know who to listen to. While divorce advice for women is plentiful, beware of what you take.

      2. Listen to your attorney. Do everything your attorney or judge tells you to do during the divorce.

      3. Be a parent first. Don't live on the wild side during your divorce.

      4. Stay calm in court. Don't blurt out or cause confusion.

      5. Keep the parent relationship open. If you have children or are going through a custody battle, don't demean the other parent.

      6. Go to true friends. Open up and share with them.

      7. Realize that you go through an array of feelings before, during and after divorce. Divorce ddvice for women to just get over it, move on, or the like is not going to help your heart.

      8. Take time even when you think you don't need it.

      If you want to more information I suggest you check this out:

      http://answersandguides.com/divorce-advice-for-women.php

      I wish you Best of Luck !

  39. QUESTION:
    can anyone give me some divorce advice?
    My husband and i split up nearly 7 years ago,We have four kids,get on ok,but he is settled with someone.i have tried to divorce him a few times,but he wont sign the papers! i have even had them served to him, at his work!!i dont want anything off him,so it should be straight forward!just wondering if anyone had any tips,apart from obviously talking to him,that didnt work!

    • ANSWER:
      Why hasn't your lawyer filed for Abandonment. In that case, he wouldn't have to sign anything, you simply have to post something in the paper as a matter of public record. 4 kids.... Good Luck!

  40. QUESTION:
    I need some advice for going through a divorce?
    Well, it's official that my husband and me are getting a divorce. He moved away 6 months ago, never sent money to support me or our 3 yr. old son, and I believe he cheated on me. I'm at the beginning of this (haven't even filed papers yet) and I need advice from people who have been through this (especially with kids). What am I going to feel? What got you through it? Anything would be great to know. Thanks!

    • ANSWER:
      Divorce is a very tough thing to go through. I have been there. You will have moments when you will question everything and if you did the right thing. Some days you will feel lonely and other days you will be fine. Do not find comfort in other men. Avoid dating for awhile. Your child can be your biggest strength. Focus on the two of you and rebuilding your life. Work hard and always show your child love. I divorced many years ago and I used that experience to try and better myself...not only for me but for my son, who was also 3 at the time. I built a career and kept my focus on my son and getting him raised and I made sure that he had a good life. He is now 23 and is in the Air Force and is going to school to get his M.D. It was hard...sometimes very hard. Keep busy and find comfort in family and friends. Only allow positive people in your life and trust in God. Best of luck to you and your child!!

  41. QUESTION:
    Great Divorce Advice For Men?
    Can somebody help me for Great Divorce Advice For Men?

    • ANSWER:
      For Legal Divorce Advice For Men, you can contact VakilDesk. com

  42. QUESTION:
    Good Link for legal advice on filing for Divorce?
    Anyway know of a good site for information on filing for divorce? Do I have to get a lawyer?

    • ANSWER:
      Sometimes you need a lawyer, but there are times you can file yourself.

      I'd check out

      http://www.diylegalinfo.com

      they have alot of information/links for this kind of stuff.

      Hope this helps!!!
      (sorry to hear about the divorce)

  43. QUESTION:
    help. My husband filed divorce papers and I have nobody to give me advice. I need advice.?
    forty y.o. together 20y, married 9y.
    No kids.
    Own a house equal share I am in it.
    California.
    I have some of my own income enough basically to feed myself but this is CA.
    He has a secret (he's making it secret) woman encouraged him to file the papers.
    I'm Christian (he's nonbeliever) so nobody gives me any divorce advice, just marriage advice but clearly this isn't helpful.

    Help What do I do??
    Len -- right, I became Christian 4 y ago; he didn't like it.

    • ANSWER:
      Go to church and get involved!! Then, keep a close relationship with Jesus and ask him to send you someone right! DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME!
      God is allowing this for a reason, for you to be able to find that person you can pray together, have the same beliefs, and raise children the way God intended. This is a Gift from God, take it!
      Sell your half and part ways!

  44. QUESTION:
    Divorce Advice and Custody Help for single father.?
    I currently have custody of my little girl, and am about to go into a divorce. My estranged wife has decided that she wants to drive out here and take my daughter to the other side of the USA. How can I stop this from happening, and what advice do you have in regards to maintaining the current living arrangement?

    I currently have a job, a house, and stable living conditions. She is living with her friends, is not stable, but can sound logical as heck.

    Bill

    • ANSWER:
      Hire a lawyer. No matter what the cost. But don't alienate your daughter from her mother. She will resent you for it. Your daughter should have a HEALTHY relationship with both of you.

      FYI....This is in regard to the person above. If the biological (other) parent takes the child & runs, and there has been NO custody hearing that has taken place, it's not kidnapping.

  45. QUESTION:
    My soon to be x wife just filed for divorce. Does anybody have any advice?
    I don't want a divorce but there is nothing I can do.

    • ANSWER:
      If you have resigned yourself to the fact there is nothing you can do, just realize that the marriage you once had is now just a busness transaction. Whether you are on good or bad terms with your EX you need to step back and look at the dissolution of your married assets as a cold and calculated transaction. (If you do not the legal system will for you).

      This is where legal and financial advisors can help should you be tied into the emotions of the divorce.

      Beyond that fact, ensure that you have a good group of family, friends, and/or support groups around you to support you through this process. The emotional toll can be heavy. Regardless you will recover and continue on living.

  46. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice for men ?
    I badly need divorce advice for men to win her ! I mean, it's not fair, I have bought 1 apartment, 1 house and 1 car during our 3 years marriage and now she wants half. She is a lot younger than me, damn it I should have known she was in just for the money. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks God we don't have any kids.

    • ANSWER:
      Mark, here is what you should do:

      1. Move your documents, records and other papers somewhere else, like a friend’s house or your attorney’s office.

      2. Go to the bank and divide the joint bank accounts in half and deposit your half in your own name.

      3. Close all joint credit or loan accounts and notify the banks, charge cards, and others by a certified, return receipt letter that you are no longer responsible for the expenses of your ex.

      4. Retirement funds acquired during a marriage are marital assets that can be divided by the divorce court. So chances are good that your wife will share in anything you contribute now to your pension plan at work or your Individual Retirement Account (IRA). Fill out the paperwork to have your employer stop your contributions to your 401(k) account or other pension plan.

      5. Make a list of everything in the house. Take pictures or video tape everything if you wish. Be sure to date your inventory. Include furniture, furnishings, appliances, clothing and jewelry.

      6. Move any valuables, like collections, jewelry, artwork, firearms, cash, and heirlooms out of the house to a safe place.You can establish a safe deposit box to store your valuables away from the house.

      7. Find a good family lawyer and set up an appointment right away.

      I recommend you check out this link also: http://answersandguides.com/divorce-advice-for-men.php

      Good luck to you my friend !

  47. QUESTION:
    What advice would you give to a woman about to start a divorce?
    This is for everyone who has been through a divorce.
    I am going to court to file for divorce this week.I need all the help and advice i can get.Thanks.
    no i do not have a lawyer.
    I can't afford it since he spent all the money we had.

    • ANSWER:
      Be firm but fair, especially if there are children. Expect the worst from him but hope for the best. Don't beat yourself up. He who is without sin....Get into counseling or self help books or anything that will help you discover what happened, how much of it was your responsibility and learn your lesson of how to not repeat the same mistake again. Do not be desperate for another relationship. Take time to chill with yourself. Learn about yourself and learn to love yourself, which is hard to do when you go thru this sort of thing. Don't give up on the idea of marriage and love. Cry, if you need to. If you just want to. When you are dividing things up, ask yourself what things are really worth the energy fighting about. Most things are not. Most of the things you will fight about are replaceable. Children are not. Never give up the fight for your kids if you think you are the best choice for them. And never use the kids as weapons. Your kids will know and it will come back to bite you later. Hang in there. Unfortunately, you don't really know who you married until you divorce them.

  48. QUESTION:
    How does everyone sleep since everyone is giving advice in marriage and divorce?
    I feel bad for the ignorant young person who has no common sense... Do you?

    • ANSWER:
      They should know the truth... maybe the next generation will have a chance.

  49. QUESTION:
    Stuck In A Love Triangle and Need Advice? Wanting to Date After Divorce But Don't Know How?
    We are casting for a new reality television talk show pilot that will address various dating and relationship dilemmas. Please send us a message if you are seeking advice. Serious inquiries only, we will only be casting until the last week in May.

    • ANSWER:

  50. QUESTION:
    Inexpensive divorce advice?
    Don't have much money and looking for good accurate advice on divorce involving spouses adultery.

    • ANSWER:
      How to Get an Inexpensive Divorce
      1.
      1

      The best way to have a cheap divorce is by not having one at all. If you feel your marriage is survivable, then take the steps and efforts to salvage it. Go into relationship counseling and talk to your partner. Above all else it might help save your family from divorce.
      2.
      2

      If it cannot be salvage, being civil with each other and going through mediation is the cheapest way to get a divorce. Dragging out a divorce, or any court hearings, is always costly for both sides. If personal items, money in savings accounts and other joint holding can be quickly negotiated between the two of you, then you'll certainly cut down the price of the divorce.
      3.
      3

      There are a few things you can do in order to limit the divorce lawyer fees if you choose to get an attorney. Find one that will accept a flat rate for the entirety of the divorce. This is especially critical if it will go on for awhile.
      4.
      4

      Factor in taxes. Splitting stock portfolios and other assets may look like a fair deal to begin with but after capital gains taxes be completely different. Always speak to your lawyer or tax accountant before making these kinds of splits.

      Ask A Lawyer Online NowLaw.JustAnswer.com
      12 Lawyers Are Online! Ask A Legal Question, Get An Answer ASAP

      Free Divorce Formswww.RocketLawyer.com/Online-Divorce
      Online Divorce Settlement Agreement Absolutely Free. Create-Save-Print.

      Need Divorce Help?FindTopLawyers.org
      Get a Case Evaluation with a Top Attorney in your Area. 100% Free!

      Divorce Secrets For Womenwww.DivorceStrategiesForWomen.com
      Find Out Exact Steps What To Do To Divorce Him and Win

      Ads by Google
      Tips & Warnings

      *
      Mediation and cooperation is by far the most affordable way to get a divorce
      *
      If children are involved, both parties must have a sit down to
      *
      Avoid using any children as barricades to negotiation. Save both you and them from the emotional grieve as best you can.


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Divorce Advice

Posted on May 4, 2012 by

When a relationship breaks down it is upsetting for both parties involved but try not to concentrate solely on the negative. It is sad but we have to move on, it is not actually the end of the world. This article will provide you with some good tips for getting through your divorce.

Tip 1 
There is light at the end of the tunnel you just need to get through this difficult period. You have a lot on your plate so make life easier by breaking down your daily tasks. Write things down and set yourself targets. By writing a checklist you will give yourself a sense of achievement once you have completed that goal. You will see that by being organized your mind won´t feel so tangled up and you can still cope with your daily routine.

Tip 2 
Focus on positives in your life, your family, close friends who can support you. Look after your appearance, take time in the morning to dress yourself nicely it will make all the difference to your day and how others respond to you. Take time out, what do you enjoy doing? Whether it´s a walk on the beach listening to the waves or going to see a good movie allow yourself these luxuries. Just because your recent relationship failed this doesn´t mean that you are a failure and therefore don´t deserve the good things in life.

By keeping positive when life throws difficult obstacles at us we will become stronger people. Be realistic about what you are actually dealing with it doesn't have to be all bad. Hopefully you and your ex will become better people and may even get on in the near future.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice?
    My friend is in a really bad marriage right now her husband has been known to hit her and be very mentally abusive. She came by today and ask me to go to her county and file for divorce with her because he has been taking a flash light and a gun and searching every inch of the house everyday like ten times a day. He is on drugs or something but she cant even sleep so she is staying with me for a while. What would be the best way for her to go about this she is scared that he will try to come over here and hurt her and my family. He is a pshyco andvery capiable of it. So my question is what should she do and can she file for divorce in a different county from where they live. Will a restraining order really work for her if she lives here. Please any advice would be great.
    by the way he has no idea she is even thinking about the divorce and that scares her even worse
    what scares me is i am afraid that he will come to my house and demand to know where she is at and if i dont tell him he will harm me and my family

    • ANSWER:
      My advice is both for her safety and yours - monday morning, go to your police department and ask about filing an order of protection.. usually one can be filed at the courthouse and can be granted immediately.. at my courthouse there was a "legal advocate" who helped fill out the papers and stood with me before the judge. I was in and out with one in a matter of hours... Then she will need to go to the police dept where she lived, where she works, and any other places listed in the order of protection and have them make a copy of it to keep on file. She needs to keep this with her at all times.

      Immediately she needs to contact a Women's abuse shelter (listed in the phone book) and go there.. they have security and a safe place for her.. trust me, these women know how to provide for her safety and to help her with counseling, and help her get back on her feet.

      But, she needs to leave your home. I know it's harsh, but many times husbands fly off and attack the people that are housing the wife because in his mind, if you weren't there, she'd be home and it's your fault. You don't want us to read about your family on the news.. you've seen it yourself too often.. Be her friend.. but don't risk your family for her..

      And, the women's shelter is experienced in how to help her with this.. Best of luck and you, your family, and your friend are in my prayers.

  2. QUESTION:
    Divorce Advice?
    I need some advice. I need to know how to get a divorce from my ex without him. B/c he will not send the papers back.

    • ANSWER:
      It all depends on where you live. Do you have a lawyer? If you do, call her and ask for her help. There are ways of pushing it through the court without him there. If you don't have a lawyer call the courthouse or the DA's office and ask. I'm sure there are people there who are able to help.

      I know that in Alabama you can divorce someone without them even knowing. It happened to several people that we knew. But like I said, just call and explain what your situation is and ask for some advice.

  3. QUESTION:
    divorce advice?
    Here goes:

    Guy meets girl, have 1 kid, get married and are married for 5 years where upon 2 more kids arrive. Marriage breaks down and wife files for divorce.
    There are no assets worth mentioning and both are unemployed. The husband is a student and has large student debt.
    What could the wife realistically aim to receive from the husband in terms of maintenance etc and what variables are relevant in this issue.. All children live with the wife abroad but within the EU.

    Tricky one huh

    • ANSWER:
      Hate to be mean or have one foot in reality ......

      So hubbie has student debt - studied to better himself - so should have good job - both umemployed - they are both parents ...... let me think

      " no sorry honey, you can't have dinner tonight because daddy is paying off his debt and mommy can't work cause who the hell pays the child care ......"

      My verdict and am sure an unpopular one:

      - Sort the cr*p out and stop being so selfish
      - Forget the divorce - both of you need to grow up , get jobs , pay debts and look after your children - they are the important ones in this little dilema
      - Do what you need to do for those children

      Your concern over maintenance should be your last concern - first worry if you pay none - where will they live, what will they eat and what will they wear???

      Sorry to sound bitter - but I was one of those children , caught in the tangled web of love , money and parenting!

  4. QUESTION:
    Where can I find free legal advice , or talk to a real person about divorce advice, need someone who knows law
    My aunt was recently surved with divorce papers, but befor her husband informed her, he had a family member remove their kids from the home and took them to another city, this cant be legal, I need some advice to give her, legal, or course.
    Located in Arizona.

    • ANSWER:
      http://www.azleg.state.az.us/SearchResults.asp?SearchedFrom=%2FArizonaRevisedStatutes.asp&SearchPhrase=Divorce+and+Child+Custody&Scope=%2Fars

      Site about child custody in the State of Arizona

      http://www.azleg.state.az.us/SearchResults.asp?SearchedFrom=%2FArizonaRevisedStatutes.asp&SearchPhrase=Divorce&Scope=%2Fars

      Site about Divorce Laws for the State of Arizona

  5. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice with a minor child involved?
    Im splitting up with my husband of 17 yrs. we have a 12 yr old daughter. Im a house wife and my husband kicked me and my daughter out we have no money and i really need to speak to a divorce lawer can anyone give me any advice please!

    • ANSWER:
      You should not have left the home unless you had a place to go. You should have filed a restraining order on him and had him removed. That would have given you time to get things in order. Your best bet is to stay with family, file for child support. (Yes, you can file right now. You are seperated) Also while you are at it, look online for free do it yourself divorce papers. I know there is a site called Self Help in Las vegas Nevada that has those forms online for free. Just white out Las Vegas and put your juristiction. Filing for child support costs nothing. While you are at it, print the form to file the papers for free. Forgot what it was called, sorry. Think it is something like Exparte....Gotot your local child support enforcement (DA) and file for the support. Costs nothing. They will set up a hearing for you and contact numbnuts to serve his papers. Good luck and i hope your family helps you. I just couldn't imagine being out alone with my children.

  6. QUESTION:
    Where can I find free legal advice on divorce?
    I live in NY and need some help figuring out where the hell I start with this process. We've only been married 6 months, no kids, no real assets. We agree that the marriage is over, and don't want to spend hundreds of dollars on a divorce. Where can I find some free legal advice, someone that can point me in the right direction?

    • ANSWER:
      I agree with Michelle D, find an attorney who offers free consultations. Also, if you live near a law school, see if they offer any programs where the law students work Pro Bono.

      Plus, there is a ton of research material on the Web. Just make sure you do your homework if you are going to try and do it,Pro Se. NY has some pretty archaic Divorce Laws.

  7. QUESTION:
    Where I can get legal advice on divorce?
    I am 32 years old woman, I am not happy with my husband, I need some legal advice on divorce. Is there any site where I can discuses with a advocate to get legal advice on divorce.

    • ANSWER:
      The best form of divorce in India for Hindu/Christian/Civil marriages for the time being is " Divorce by mutual consent" where both husband & wife file joint petition for divorce in the Family Court of the district where they both reside or their marriage was solemnized.
      The process of divorce by mutual consent is quite simple but require their personal presence in the Family court twice, firstly when they file such joint petition although through their lawyer(s) and their joint statement get recorded, this is the first motion.
      After six months the statutory time as provided under the various matrimonial Acts for above mentioned form of marriages, second motion takes place when once again both of them appear and record their joint statement,followed by the Family judge inquiring from them issues being settled by them such as custody of child, permanent alimony and maintenance, settlement of joint properties, return of Stridhan to wife etc, on being satisfied all such issues have been settled between them by their free and wilful consent and same exist for the dissolution of marriage, the order for such dissolution is made then and there itself followed by drawing of decree of divorce the certified copy of which they both apply and get for use in future.

      In case there is no settlement between them for divorce by mutual consent, than a longer process by filling unilateral divorce against the other can be taken whose detailed discussion is not possible here in this forum.

  8. QUESTION:
    Just wondering,has anyone ever been helped by the marriage and divorce advice they received here?
    Has anyone made any big decisions after getting input from the yahoo community ?

    • ANSWER:
      I think that askers deeply know what they should do in their situation. Personally, I came here with some issues and used the search tool to find out how other people addressed similar situations. No big decision though. But I remember one day I was really angry with my husband and by reading one of my contact's comment, I backtracked on what I planned as a reaction.

  9. QUESTION:
    Where can i go to get legal advice on a divorce?
    I need someone to look over divorce papers before i get them notarized and sent out. I do not have a a lawyer. His lawyer drew up the papers and sent them to me. I do not want to hire a lawyer. I just want someone to to read through them and give me advice.

    • ANSWER:
      If he has a lawyer, you do need legal help. If you can't afford any there are free to low cost attorneys in almost every state.

      Herb

  10. QUESTION:
    Where can I get some free legal advice re divorce?
    I'm trying to save my marriage after my husband had an affair, not sure how things will turn out. Hoping for the best. But in case not- where can I get some legal advice about divorce in California? I have some money, he has none, and since he is at fault here I am not happy with idea of having to give him half of my money too if he leaves. I've heard in California everything just gets split no matter who is at fault. Any data,links, advice are greatly appreciated! Can't afford a lawyer right now...

    • ANSWER:
      Forget hiding money, all that stuff is tracked. Google your County Family Law Center. I just finialized my divorce in California, January 16, 2010. Cost me about ,500 for my part, don't know what the ex-wife spent. We were supposed to do it ourselves, but I received the divorce summons unexpectedly.

      My lawyer charged me 0 per hour, the Senior Paralegal was 0 per hour. They bill you for every minute of their time, including when the other lawyer argues with them. They write excessive letters to bill you for them and my wife's lawyer was so obvious, even I could see he was intentionally screwing things up to stir up trouble and billing revenue. I began scanning his letters to my own lawer and sending them to my ex-wife. She began to see he was stirring the pot and she got things moving along pretty good after I began that.

      Everything in California is no-fault divorce, everything is straight forward and the rules are not bent. Try your County Family Law Center, as the divorce business is so huge, they have moved it all to special building centers away from the superior courts.

  11. QUESTION:
    where can i get free divorce advice?
    i have some basic questions that i need help with about filing my own divorce. like do i need to fill out the part about support if i just want to continue the order that we have now and when do i need to file the fee waiver (with the divorce papers or before?) is there any websites that can help that i don't have to pay a question for?

    • ANSWER:
      I have heard of a fee waiver but you have to have extenuating circumstances in order to get a "free divorce". Nothing is free these days....all states require you pay a filing fee to file the papers in their courthouse and make them legal.
      If you currently have an agreement between you and your husband then you need to include a copy of the agreement, preferably a notarized copy, with the divorce papers. You do not need to make another agreement, its not necessary.

  12. QUESTION:
    My sister needs free advice about divorce?
    My sister just came to stay with me. She is trying to divorce her husband, but doesn't know where to start. We live in Pennsylvania. She is a stay at home mom, with a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old. She needs free advice on what to do and how to start. Can anyone help?

    • ANSWER:
      With kids she will need a lawyer, call one today.

  13. QUESTION:
    Is there anyone who can give advice on the question in the marriage/divorce section- to web divorce advice?
    I posted a question about divorce advice, looking for more input from experienced couples - for picking up the pieces of a broken heart. (thanks)
    look in marriage and divorse for my complete question.
    I sincerly appreaciate everyone's advice, THANKS.

    • ANSWER:
      The heart is a funny thing. It is only mended through time. There is no other way to make heal it, unfortunately. The one thing you CAN do however, is keep remembering WHY you are no longer together and reinforce those ideas. Now that you have a single life, you need to get out and do the things that you haven't been able to do for a while. Whatever you used to find pleasure in, but just couldn't find the time. Bowling, pool, hiking, camping, etc.. those are good distracters to help you along with the tenderness.. That's how I got over my relationship turmoil, and I hope this truly helps you in your journeys..

  14. QUESTION:
    I am preparing to represent myself in court for the finalization of my divorce, Any advice on preparation?
    Preparing for a hearing seems overwhelming, does anyone have any advice from their own experiences.

    • ANSWER:
      If you're going without an attorney, consider consulting with a custody/divorce coach. It's not really all that expensive and you can share your experiences with others in your same spot.

      It can be really intimidating, particularly if you're going up against someone who has an attorney. Get really familiar with your state's divorce and custody laws so you can articulate yourself as best you can.

  15. QUESTION:
    I am getting a divorce, any advice on how to deal with the loneliness?
    We really didn't match and I think that we are going to better off without one another. But I am so scared of being alone. Any advice on how to get used to be alone? I am not really as we have two kids, but I will miss the comfort and security of having a husband, even if it was a bad one. I don't want to rush into the sack with some other guy, so if that is your advice, please, leave it unsaid.

    • ANSWER:
      I got a couple ideas for you....hang out with your girlfriends, make mini-trips, and/or pick up a hobby (Crafting, collecting, writing....whatever it may be). Good luck...divorce is a struggle and make sure you are doing the right thing!

  16. QUESTION:
    How can I seek legal advice in for a divorce.?
    I received divorce papers in the mail from my estranged husband who is currently in prison. I want to know if I can possibly receive advice from a lawyer. I am not currently working so it would have to be free.

    • ANSWER:
      Most lawyers give a free consultation. You can always look this up online also. My daughter has been divorced two times and has done it from the internet. You can google this for more information. I am not sure of the website, but I do know it is out there somewhere. Good Luck.

      mb

  17. QUESTION:
    Does anyone know where i can get free lawyer advice for divorce?
    (if it makes a difference this is for colorado)........i just need to ask some questions but i am not using a lawyer for my divorce...so are there any that offer you free lawyer advice? Thanks....Serious Answers Only PLEASE

    • ANSWER:
      Google Free Legal Advice- Divorce and similar things and you should get a lot of good hits.

      Here is one I came up with that might be a good place to start:
      http://www.ptla.org/links/services.htm

      And another for the forms you'll need:
      http://www.divorce-forms.com/COLORADO-DIVORCE-FORMS.html

  18. QUESTION:
    What is your best advice to parents and kids of a divorce for what they should and should not do?
    If you could have told your parents what they should have done and should not have done when you were a child of divorce what would it be? If you were to give your best advice to the kids about to go through it what would that be?

    • ANSWER:
      FOR PARENTS:
      * Never blame your children for your divorce
      * Be age appropriate when it comes to explaining divorce to them and never lie to them
      * Plan with your ex-partner on how to effectively carry out child custody (how and what time you will transfer the kids, how you and your ex-partner must talk in from of them, etc.)
      * Never disrespect/mistreat your partner in front of the children, be civil at all times
      * Make an effort to attend the extra-curricular activities of your child (school, recital, etc.)
      * Always show that you love and will take care of them no matter what

      FOR CHILDREN:
      * Never think that the divorce is your fault
      * Never try and fix your parents up; let them handle their personal matters, as should you
      * Find trustworthy friends to talk to and share things about your situation
      * Channel negative feelings in a positive manner, i.e. do not turn to drugs/bad company/alcohol for solution, challenge yourself to rise to the occasion
      * Respect your parents at all times

  19. QUESTION:
    Advice for filing for divorce in Maryland?
    I am going to file for divorce today. My spouse and I have been separated for 12 months and 1 day. Does anyone have any advice? Our home is undercontract and we have no children.

    • ANSWER:
      The cheapest, quickest, and easiest way to file for divorce is by filing your own uncontested divorce forms. In an uncontested divorce you have full control over the divorce terms (who gets what). You can learn more and get a kit that includes everything you need to file your own divorce at the website below.

  20. QUESTION:
    Advice for divorce. No children and I am Miserable and young?
    I am looking at advice about going into a divorce, I do not have kids and am not happily married and things continue to get worse. She has mentioned it a few times, but thinks children will make things better and I do not agree. We have a house together and I have done so much work and put so much money into from deployments to Iraq and now in college, How do you think that would work out ? ANy advice on what to do ?

    • ANSWER:

  21. QUESTION:
    Legal Advice on Divorce in Texas Concerning Child Support?
    My friend is going through a divorce. It will be over Sept. 8th. His ex got a lawyer to draw up the papers. He received his papers yesterday and they set his child support at 0.00 a month for 2 kids. They didn't even ask for his pay stubs or call his work to see what he makes. Is there any way he can get this changed before Sept 8. How is the amount for child support set? Who does he need to talk to in order to get this lowered a bit?

    • ANSWER:
      Overall, as the divorce progresses you can expect that unless you are awarded full custody that you will be paying some amount of child support. Even if you have a joint custody arrangement then it is still possible to owe child support. In a joint custody situation where it is truly, a 50/50 split the parent who makes more will owe the other parent some child support that is determined based upon the state guidelines.

  22. QUESTION:
    Can you give me some advice on my parents divorce?
    So... my parents are getting a divorce. Its just so frustrating. I hate my father. Its his fault. I don't know what to do. I keep yelling at him and running from home to my friends house. I'm scared and hurt. And I feel like its all my fault! What can I do? I just don't want to feel this anymore. I'm just so...I can't even describe it! Can you give me some advice?

    • ANSWER:
      I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time right now. I can feel the hurt and pain that this has inflicted on you. I wish that I could protect your from this hurt but I can't and the only way to the other side is through it. The best way to handle this is to love both of your parents even if it is your dad's fault. He still loves you and nothing will ever change the fact that he is your dad. Forever his blood flows through your veins. You don't have to agree with everything your dad does but remember he is human and he makes mistakes just like you do. Tell your parents how you feel...don't run away from your feelings. Ask the questions that you want to know and don't stuff them inside. The more you communicate the easier it will be.

      Good Luck

  23. QUESTION:
    My friend is a marine and needs some advice on the divorce process?
    My friends ex- wife filed for divorce and he's worried that he will live in the barracks. They have 2 kids together and he's currently paying child support. I would appreciate it if I can get some facts down so I can tell my friend. Thank you!

    • ANSWER:
      I am a military spouse, and he wont have to live in the barracks if he is e4 and up because he can get this stuff called BAH (basic allowance for housing) and live off base, if he contests the divorce (which i advise he does) then she will be waiting on funds and support until they settle and she will have to find her own place, which means he will most likely get custody since hes the one with the stable income and stable job. it depends on if she works and if she can get a hold of his command officer to drag his name thourhgh the mud.
      he needs to talk to legal

  24. QUESTION:
    TOP 3 Worst Advice Given on Marriage and Divorce?
    What are some of the worst advice you have read or heard from a friend or read on Yahoo Marriage or divorce?

    It could be a repeated piece of advice that doesn't work, or just one big rare piece of advice that was so bad, that its almost epic!

    So give the class your Top 3 (or more) and why.

    Thanks in advance.

    • ANSWER:
      1) Don't go to bed angry.
      Why not - -a good night's sleep can give you some perspective.

      2) Try to work it out (when the spouse is an addict or an abuser)
      Who needs that in their life? Do what you can but know when to draw the line.

      3) You're man doesn't love you if he watches porn.
      Not true - he'd love for you to watch with him.

  25. QUESTION:
    Need advice for a divorce involving an international marriage?
    Hi,

    I married a South African woman in 2007 in South Africa and we have lived in the UK ever since. I am Spanish. We're going through a divorce and I would like to know if once we are not married any longer she will be allowed to remain in the UK since her visa was granted on the basis that she was married to me.

    Many thanks,

    Javier.

    • ANSWER:
      If she possesses a work permit, it is possible that her visa may be validated.

  26. QUESTION:
    How do you feel about your divorce, and what advice would you give?
    For example, is there anything you wish you had done differently at all?

    • ANSWER:
      Don't get Married for a Kid =) young&dumb...

      My son is happy.

      Her and I get along way better when I only see her a few times a week

      =)

  27. QUESTION:
    I'm looking to get a divorce can anyone share some advice?
    Ok I am looking to unfortunately get a divorce but I need some advice n how to go about this. Here's the situation...I live in Florida and my husband lives in NC. We got married in California which neither of us have ever lived there...only visited and in the heat of the moment got married. We have no children and really no assets that we share together. Where and how do I get this divorce going without spending a ton of money. If at all possible would love to avoid a lawyer. Thanks!

    • ANSWER:
      it will be so simple because you dont have children or assets. If both of you agree on the divorce it makes it a peice of cake. In WV you can get a divorce like that for 500 dollars. Call your local lawyers and get more info

  28. QUESTION:
    Advice about my parents getting a divorce ?
    My parents are getting a divorce soon and I actually kinda agree with it. My dad always makes us(my mom,sister and I) my dad does everything for his self while my mom does everything for me and my sister first and there are also other reasons. I think this will be the best for everyyone. But can you guys please give me some advice?
    I'm 13 and in 7th grade and my sister is 11 and in 6th grade.

    • ANSWER:
      Divorce is always hard, I can't tell you it isn't. But I can tell you that it will be okay, and in the end, it's the best for everyone.

      My parents divorce was a complete shock to me, and it hit me really hard. But I got through it with the help of family and friends. Talk to your friends about it, you don't want to keep your emotions bundled up. Know that it's good to cry. The day my parents told us, my friend brought ice cream over and we just sat in front of the tv watching Friends and eating ice cream. It was still new so it hadn't hit me yet, but just being with my friend helped so much.

      Go out and do something with your sister. I don't know how close in age you and her are, but that doesn't matter too much. If she is little, take her to the park and play with her. If she is older, take a walk, or go to the mall. She is the only person that is in the same position as you are, and talking with her will really help.

      Try not to get involved with the fighting. Parents often accidentally try to sway their children to one side or the other, do not do go along with it. Talk to one of your friends, see if you can stay at her house if they ever get in a big fight and you want to leave for a while.

      If you want to talk, or need help with anything else, just email me.

  29. QUESTION:
    need some advice regarding divorce between american and egyptian?
    I'm an american citizen.. my husband is egyptian. we were married in egypt under Sharia law. however i feel my husband has mislead me about many things and now i question his motives behind our marraige. our marraige is legal in the usa since we filed the necessary paper work.. is it possible for me to get a divorce from the us without allowing my husband here?

    • ANSWER:
      If you get divorce from US, it won't be recogonised in Islam. You shall still be married to him Islamically.

  30. QUESTION:
    Any advice on getting over a hard divorce?
    I'm having a hard time getting over a painful divorce. He walked out on me and the kids I spent half of my life with him. I treated him really well. I even worked so he could stay at home with the kids. He now likes to remind me of how much he wants to sleep with other girls, parties all night, and sleeps until 1. While I have all of the responsibilities and bills. Any advice to get through this? I have no will to fight anymore.

    • ANSWER:
      Oh wow, you sound like he really tore you down. And it's hard when your heart is broken and smashed.

      Well, darling, lift up your head!!! Support is here...

      I did well after 2 divorces. I refused to give up -- I fought hard and won! The kids are grown -- all have great jobs and I'm so proud of 'em. So work hard to love those children of yours.

      The ex? All yours has is up all night, with girls and 'fun'--yeah right. He tells you this stuff because he's really:

      1. Dying inside. He regrets what he did and doesn't wanna come back.
      2. He's a fool. He's gonna get (or has already) herpes, HIV, hepatitis or even worse. Crabs are no fun.
      3. He's a jerk. He's missing the best years of the children's life he will NEVER get back.

      He's missing it. He's missing his family life. He's regretting it. And believe me he cries every nite.

      No, don't take him back, because he's a fool. And he will cheat on you again...so...

      Find a good man out there who will love and cherish you and treat you the way a woman should be treated. And there are men out there. Just don't give up.

      Love yourself and pray. Take good care of yourself so you have the strength to take care of the children. When they are in school, get your girl buddies and exercise and run around the block. Make meals fun for the kids and take time to read them stories before they go to bed. Try not to have a sad face in front of them and cry like I did in the shower. Put on that happy face and they will not worry about you, ok?

      You can do it! I did--I'm proud of you!!!!

      xoxoxoxoxo

  31. QUESTION:
    I need advice from people who went thru a difficult divorce and struggled for while to find a new love?
    I was married and got a divorce. But at the time I thought it was the best for both of us. She has a new partner and I'm here alone. I was in a deep depression for a while, but I'm slowly coming back. But now my heart seems to be struggling to open up to new girls that I meet. Any advice from people who went thru this?

    • ANSWER:

  32. QUESTION:
    i need divorce alimony related advice how, when, where to pay ?
    I am deciding to fill divorce paper but i am not definite about alimony. How much amount i have to pay and how court will decide because it is uncertain for me.

    • ANSWER:

  33. QUESTION:
    I am seeking a divorce, and need some advice on grounds of unreasonable behaviour?
    I have been told I need to give 6 reasons for the unreasonable behaviour and I am not sure what to put. My husband is an alcoholic and this is the reason, plus all the verbal abuse I received from him. Also my health has suffered greatly becuse of it. My husband also went out on 2 dates whilst I was living with him because I told him it was over and instead of fighting for me, he did that and just drank. Any help would be great, thanks.

    • ANSWER:
      Unreasonable behaviour can be anything if both parties agree it to be unreasonable, thus quoth my barrister when I divorced. I didn't contest her reasons although it didn't feel right, it was a means to an end.

      The judge is looking for evidence that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. That doesn't require 6 incidents. Let's be honest, one serious assault would be enough!

      His alcohol abuse and inability/refusal to control it should be sufficient however I am sure you could remember 6 incidents when his drinking caused you "pain"?

      Has he embarrassed you in the company of family and/or friends? (That is 2 if both!)

      Has he verbally abused you?

      Threatened you albeit whilst drunk?

      Have you had to cancel an appointment due to trying to help him or his inability to attend?

      Money is always a good one. Has he ever caused hardship due to drinking? With held money from you because he spent it on drink?

      If the answer to any of these is yes and if you have more than one for each category you are home and dry.

      I can't help thinking though that his behaviour whilst drunk and unwillingness to address it would constitute unreasonable behaviour of sufficient magnitude to trigger a divorce.

      I assume he is contesting it otherwise you are home and dry. Now you can fight about the money. Remember that the division of assets has nothing to do with conduct.............

  34. QUESTION:
    Due to a recent divorce; I need home advice-?
    Due to a recent divorce, I need advice; I have an outstanding home equity of ,000 and the present home mortgage is 0,000 and the home is valued at 5,000, what would be the house payment if I was to keep the house. Would I be better off selling? Is there a way to figure out what the hosue payment would be?

    • ANSWER:
      There are mortgage calculators available online that you can plug in your information and get rough payments.

      If you had 30 years remaing on the 250k at 6%, your monthly payment would be 00.39.

      As for your HELOC (Home Equit Line of Credit), how much have you spent of it? You might be able to pull 50k out, but how much have you actually used?

      If you owed the full 300k and were able to refinance it into a single 30 yr fixed loan at 6%, you'd see a monthly payment of 00.50 and possibly be charged for PMI.

  35. QUESTION:
    Practical Divorce advice: How the hell do I start over?
    I am in the air about how to literaly go about leaving my husband and starting over in a new city (I have been suffocated by my current home for years-- this town is too small for the both of us!).

    I mean, how much money will i need to even TALK to a lawyer? We dont have kids, but we have 2 cats, one pregnant. I'd like to keep them both + offspring , does a normal divorce case even handle animals? I have no hangup s about my stuff. He can keep everything we bought together. I just want what I came with and neither of us has lots of money to fight over so thats that. Do i even NEED a lawyer? Can I move before the divorce is final and do the paperwork by mail? Is it rude to send out a divorce announcement? (Just kidding, kind of.)

    Is there someone who will just talk to me about it? How was your divorce?

    • ANSWER:
      Sorry to hear you are facing this. It won't be an easy journey.
      Yes, you can fight for custody for the cats.

      I would suggest you to look into Legal Aid. You might even qualify for free services.
      Here are a couple of links for you to look at.

      http://www.ptla.org/links/services.htm

      http://www.lsc.gov/about/grantee_links.php

      Hang in there.
      Best wishes for you.

  36. QUESTION:
    dedicated husband and father needs divorce advice.?
    I think my wife wants to leave. I don't want to break up my family, and I have tried just about everything, counceling ext... but she does not even try to make it work.
    I told her If that is what she wants I will take 100% responsibilty of or 3 year old son. all she has to do is support herself. we have about 10,000 dollars in debt, witch she should be half responsible for. We have been married for 6 years, and she has stayed home with our son for 3. I wish we could work this out, we had a good marriage, and I love her more then anything. I don't want to fight over my son, both are good parents, and want to raise and see him as much as possible. but right now I am looking for advice if we do divorce.

    • ANSWER:
      Divorce IS hard on kids. There's no lying about that. My parents divorced when I was two. My first husband and I divorced when our child was 1 1/2. The important thing to do is always do what's in the best interest of the child. The divorce isn't there fault so don't let them feel as though it is (tell them it's not their fault). Another important thing to remember is that children often feel as though they're in the middle of their parents with each pulling an arm. Please, don't do this to your child - regardless of who gets custody. My parents did nothing but fight and as a result, I listened to nothing but put downs about the other. Don't do this either. Regardless of how you feel about your "ex," this person is still your child's mother and they don't need to hear all the negative.

      As far as custody goes, you'll want to seek the advice of a lawyer and petiton the court of custody. Unless she doesn't want the child and agrees to let you have custody, or there's a good reason for her not to, most courts will award custody to the mother. This isn't your fault and doesn't mean the court thinks your a bad father. Just be there for your son, pay child support, and visit and call as often as you can.

      I'm not sure what kind of advice you're looking for so I hoped this helped. Good luck! I hope you marriage works out.

      In the meantime, do what you feel is right. If you're not ready to give up on your marriage yet - then don't.

  37. QUESTION:
    Negative or right on? Marriage/Divorce advice?
    I had a legal meeting earlier this week where a contract attorney made a statement about marriage. We were signing some certificates defining ownership in a corporation and he asked if either partner was married as those spouses would need to be included on the stock certificates. Both men were married but didn't want to include their spouses and possible separations were pending.

    He said, "As soon as you're planning a wedding, you need to consult a divorce attorney. Leave a retainer and explain the financial situation, this way when the inevitable happens, you're prepared"

    • ANSWER:
      his divorce lawyer buddies also tell their clients how they need a contract attorney on retainer. it's a back-scratching business.

      cynicism is supposed to be cool and lots of marriages fail. but that's too cynical for me. my parents will be celebrating their 42nd anniversary this year, and i'm on my 15th.

  38. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice for women ?
    I need divorce advice for women so I can protect myself financially and create a workable custody arrangement. Where should I start ?

    • ANSWER:
      Abie, Divorce advice for women can be confusing. It's not "happily ever after," after all. Surviving divorce is one thing, but living to tell about it is another. Consider this:

      1. Know who to listen to. While divorce advice for women is plentiful, beware of what you take.

      2. Listen to your attorney. Do everything your attorney or judge tells you to do during the divorce.

      3. Be a parent first. Don't live on the wild side during your divorce.

      4. Stay calm in court. Don't blurt out or cause confusion.

      5. Keep the parent relationship open. If you have children or are going through a custody battle, don't demean the other parent.

      6. Go to true friends. Open up and share with them.

      7. Realize that you go through an array of feelings before, during and after divorce. Divorce ddvice for women to just get over it, move on, or the like is not going to help your heart.

      8. Take time even when you think you don't need it.

      If you want to more information I suggest you check this out:

      http://answersandguides.com/divorce-advice-for-women.php

      I wish you Best of Luck !

  39. QUESTION:
    can anyone give me some divorce advice?
    My husband and i split up nearly 7 years ago,We have four kids,get on ok,but he is settled with someone.i have tried to divorce him a few times,but he wont sign the papers! i have even had them served to him, at his work!!i dont want anything off him,so it should be straight forward!just wondering if anyone had any tips,apart from obviously talking to him,that didnt work!

    • ANSWER:
      Why hasn't your lawyer filed for Abandonment. In that case, he wouldn't have to sign anything, you simply have to post something in the paper as a matter of public record. 4 kids.... Good Luck!

  40. QUESTION:
    I need some advice for going through a divorce?
    Well, it's official that my husband and me are getting a divorce. He moved away 6 months ago, never sent money to support me or our 3 yr. old son, and I believe he cheated on me. I'm at the beginning of this (haven't even filed papers yet) and I need advice from people who have been through this (especially with kids). What am I going to feel? What got you through it? Anything would be great to know. Thanks!

    • ANSWER:
      Divorce is a very tough thing to go through. I have been there. You will have moments when you will question everything and if you did the right thing. Some days you will feel lonely and other days you will be fine. Do not find comfort in other men. Avoid dating for awhile. Your child can be your biggest strength. Focus on the two of you and rebuilding your life. Work hard and always show your child love. I divorced many years ago and I used that experience to try and better myself...not only for me but for my son, who was also 3 at the time. I built a career and kept my focus on my son and getting him raised and I made sure that he had a good life. He is now 23 and is in the Air Force and is going to school to get his M.D. It was hard...sometimes very hard. Keep busy and find comfort in family and friends. Only allow positive people in your life and trust in God. Best of luck to you and your child!!

  41. QUESTION:
    Great Divorce Advice For Men?
    Can somebody help me for Great Divorce Advice For Men?

    • ANSWER:
      For Legal Divorce Advice For Men, you can contact VakilDesk. com

  42. QUESTION:
    Good Link for legal advice on filing for Divorce?
    Anyway know of a good site for information on filing for divorce? Do I have to get a lawyer?

    • ANSWER:
      Sometimes you need a lawyer, but there are times you can file yourself.

      I'd check out

      http://www.diylegalinfo.com

      they have alot of information/links for this kind of stuff.

      Hope this helps!!!
      (sorry to hear about the divorce)

  43. QUESTION:
    help. My husband filed divorce papers and I have nobody to give me advice. I need advice.?
    forty y.o. together 20y, married 9y.
    No kids.
    Own a house equal share I am in it.
    California.
    I have some of my own income enough basically to feed myself but this is CA.
    He has a secret (he's making it secret) woman encouraged him to file the papers.
    I'm Christian (he's nonbeliever) so nobody gives me any divorce advice, just marriage advice but clearly this isn't helpful.

    Help What do I do??
    Len -- right, I became Christian 4 y ago; he didn't like it.

    • ANSWER:
      Go to church and get involved!! Then, keep a close relationship with Jesus and ask him to send you someone right! DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME!
      God is allowing this for a reason, for you to be able to find that person you can pray together, have the same beliefs, and raise children the way God intended. This is a Gift from God, take it!
      Sell your half and part ways!

  44. QUESTION:
    Divorce Advice and Custody Help for single father.?
    I currently have custody of my little girl, and am about to go into a divorce. My estranged wife has decided that she wants to drive out here and take my daughter to the other side of the USA. How can I stop this from happening, and what advice do you have in regards to maintaining the current living arrangement?

    I currently have a job, a house, and stable living conditions. She is living with her friends, is not stable, but can sound logical as heck.

    Bill

    • ANSWER:
      Hire a lawyer. No matter what the cost. But don't alienate your daughter from her mother. She will resent you for it. Your daughter should have a HEALTHY relationship with both of you.

      FYI....This is in regard to the person above. If the biological (other) parent takes the child & runs, and there has been NO custody hearing that has taken place, it's not kidnapping.

  45. QUESTION:
    My soon to be x wife just filed for divorce. Does anybody have any advice?
    I don't want a divorce but there is nothing I can do.

    • ANSWER:
      If you have resigned yourself to the fact there is nothing you can do, just realize that the marriage you once had is now just a busness transaction. Whether you are on good or bad terms with your EX you need to step back and look at the dissolution of your married assets as a cold and calculated transaction. (If you do not the legal system will for you).

      This is where legal and financial advisors can help should you be tied into the emotions of the divorce.

      Beyond that fact, ensure that you have a good group of family, friends, and/or support groups around you to support you through this process. The emotional toll can be heavy. Regardless you will recover and continue on living.

  46. QUESTION:
    Divorce advice for men ?
    I badly need divorce advice for men to win her ! I mean, it's not fair, I have bought 1 apartment, 1 house and 1 car during our 3 years marriage and now she wants half. She is a lot younger than me, damn it I should have known she was in just for the money. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks God we don't have any kids.

    • ANSWER:
      Mark, here is what you should do:

      1. Move your documents, records and other papers somewhere else, like a friend’s house or your attorney’s office.

      2. Go to the bank and divide the joint bank accounts in half and deposit your half in your own name.

      3. Close all joint credit or loan accounts and notify the banks, charge cards, and others by a certified, return receipt letter that you are no longer responsible for the expenses of your ex.

      4. Retirement funds acquired during a marriage are marital assets that can be divided by the divorce court. So chances are good that your wife will share in anything you contribute now to your pension plan at work or your Individual Retirement Account (IRA). Fill out the paperwork to have your employer stop your contributions to your 401(k) account or other pension plan.

      5. Make a list of everything in the house. Take pictures or video tape everything if you wish. Be sure to date your inventory. Include furniture, furnishings, appliances, clothing and jewelry.

      6. Move any valuables, like collections, jewelry, artwork, firearms, cash, and heirlooms out of the house to a safe place.You can establish a safe deposit box to store your valuables away from the house.

      7. Find a good family lawyer and set up an appointment right away.

      I recommend you check out this link also: http://answersandguides.com/divorce-advice-for-men.php

      Good luck to you my friend !

  47. QUESTION:
    What advice would you give to a woman about to start a divorce?
    This is for everyone who has been through a divorce.
    I am going to court to file for divorce this week.I need all the help and advice i can get.Thanks.
    no i do not have a lawyer.
    I can't afford it since he spent all the money we had.

    • ANSWER:
      Be firm but fair, especially if there are children. Expect the worst from him but hope for the best. Don't beat yourself up. He who is without sin....Get into counseling or self help books or anything that will help you discover what happened, how much of it was your responsibility and learn your lesson of how to not repeat the same mistake again. Do not be desperate for another relationship. Take time to chill with yourself. Learn about yourself and learn to love yourself, which is hard to do when you go thru this sort of thing. Don't give up on the idea of marriage and love. Cry, if you need to. If you just want to. When you are dividing things up, ask yourself what things are really worth the energy fighting about. Most things are not. Most of the things you will fight about are replaceable. Children are not. Never give up the fight for your kids if you think you are the best choice for them. And never use the kids as weapons. Your kids will know and it will come back to bite you later. Hang in there. Unfortunately, you don't really know who you married until you divorce them.

  48. QUESTION:
    How does everyone sleep since everyone is giving advice in marriage and divorce?
    I feel bad for the ignorant young person who has no common sense... Do you?

    • ANSWER:
      They should know the truth... maybe the next generation will have a chance.

  49. QUESTION:
    Stuck In A Love Triangle and Need Advice? Wanting to Date After Divorce But Don't Know How?
    We are casting for a new reality television talk show pilot that will address various dating and relationship dilemmas. Please send us a message if you are seeking advice. Serious inquiries only, we will only be casting until the last week in May.

    • ANSWER:

  50. QUESTION:
    Inexpensive divorce advice?
    Don't have much money and looking for good accurate advice on divorce involving spouses adultery.

    • ANSWER:
      How to Get an Inexpensive Divorce
      1.
      1

      The best way to have a cheap divorce is by not having one at all. If you feel your marriage is survivable, then take the steps and efforts to salvage it. Go into relationship counseling and talk to your partner. Above all else it might help save your family from divorce.
      2.
      2

      If it cannot be salvage, being civil with each other and going through mediation is the cheapest way to get a divorce. Dragging out a divorce, or any court hearings, is always costly for both sides. If personal items, money in savings accounts and other joint holding can be quickly negotiated between the two of you, then you'll certainly cut down the price of the divorce.
      3.
      3

      There are a few things you can do in order to limit the divorce lawyer fees if you choose to get an attorney. Find one that will accept a flat rate for the entirety of the divorce. This is especially critical if it will go on for awhile.
      4.
      4

      Factor in taxes. Splitting stock portfolios and other assets may look like a fair deal to begin with but after capital gains taxes be completely different. Always speak to your lawyer or tax accountant before making these kinds of splits.

      Ask A Lawyer Online NowLaw.JustAnswer.com
      12 Lawyers Are Online! Ask A Legal Question, Get An Answer ASAP

      Free Divorce Formswww.RocketLawyer.com/Online-Divorce
      Online Divorce Settlement Agreement Absolutely Free. Create-Save-Print.

      Need Divorce Help?FindTopLawyers.org
      Get a Case Evaluation with a Top Attorney in your Area. 100% Free!

      Divorce Secrets For Womenwww.DivorceStrategiesForWomen.com
      Find Out Exact Steps What To Do To Divorce Him and Win

      Ads by Google
      Tips & Warnings

      *
      Mediation and cooperation is by far the most affordable way to get a divorce
      *
      If children are involved, both parties must have a sit down to
      *
      Avoid using any children as barricades to negotiation. Save both you and them from the emotional grieve as best you can.


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Divorce Actuary

Posted on May 2, 2012 by

Disability can bring a lot of hassle and inconvenience to you and your loved one as well. You could lose your income or worse result to your death. The good news is you can be qualified to avail of disability benefits under the law of your state.

If you are a spouse of a disabled employee who has their paid social security taxes, you are eligible to avail of social security spouse benefits. Here we will look at the basic principle of how spouses can available of disability benefits.

Determining your social security benefits can be easy. In fact, you do not even have to go out of your house. If you have a personal computer, all you need to do is log on to the Internet and check out what the search engines have for you. There are trusted websites that focus on social security disability. You can also check out the official website of the Social Security Administration (SSA).

Current, divorced, or former spouses are entitled to receive benefits if the marriage lasts for a minimum of ten years. However, although the law allows workers to avail of benefits for up to five spouses, each marriage should have followed proper divorce.

Since age 70 is the latest age for retiring and because pre-teen marriage is not recognized in any state, the number of successive benefits will not be more than five in a ten-year period. The non-working spouse may be eligible to receive benefits only upon application of the disabled worker.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Can an actuary be used when dividing 401k assets between parties divorcing?
    I would like to know when dividing a 401K when one of the parties is the primary, other than using a Qualified Domestic Order to divide the asset, can an actuary be used to calculate the future monies that would be due for the spouse that is the non-primary party. In other words, the husband works and gets a 401K and his wife files for divorce and she is a homemaker... how does the wife figure out how much money would be due to her in the future?

    • ANSWER:
      You don't need an actuary but you do need to get a Qualified Domestic Relations Order. Said order is simply a direction by the courts to transfer $X amount of money from person A's account at JOB Corp into an account created for alternate payee (spouse). You can't make the transfer (and subsequent distribution) without the QDRO no matter who calculates the split.

      Now, how to calculate the split??? 401k assets should be treated no differently then any other....add up all of the assets and split them how you see fit. You don't do a future split...it's all present value. That's why you don't need an actuary. Generally assets are split 50-50. If the account is 10,000 and the assets are split 50-50 then 5k goes to spouse and 5k stays with hubby. Gets more complicated if it's 50-50 as of a certain date or if there were premarital assets involved but a good consultant can do it easily enough. The reason you don't do future value is because by definition a 401k is a defined contribution plan. The future value is dependent upon the investment prowess of the account holder. So, you split the money and let the spouse decide if he/she wants it for retirement and invests it or wants it now and takes a distribution.

  2. QUESTION:
    Are women leveraging a man's larger sex drive so the women can escape the workforce?
    Do women mostly see men as merely a MEANS TO AN END to escape the workforce themselves so they can live in more leisure than if they had to fend for themselves? Or marry into a certain lifestyle that they are either unable OR unwilling to provide for themselves, which also means having more free time and leisure to enjoy LIFE? Is this what women see men as? Well, a woman CANNOT do this unless there was a man to enable this slothlike behavior, otherwise she'd have to work.

    Women realize how much money they can win for themselves through divorce, which started in the 1970's. Or scheme their way into getting child support as a substitute to employment.

    So, what this means, is that a woman (young women) can marry a RICH WELL TO DO MAN who works very hard, school and professionally, while she may be both unable and unwilling to earn that same amount of money herself. She prefers to only marry men who would let them stay at home, or give her a 80K lifestyle when she can only earn an hour, which is less stress. Both scenarios would mean that the woman can live a stress-free lifestyle with the necessities of life PROVIDED for her when she doesn't want to do it herself, much like the 1950's model of working husband and stay-at-home wife.

    But unlike the 1950's stay-at-home wife, they could not have stolen alimony if she chose to file for divorce unilaterally, and it was impossible to get a divorce back then.

    Not so however. Some women, usually stupid lazy women (but beautiful), elect to conform to this old-fashioned lifestyle because THEY HATE WORK and they enjoy living in a house they didn't pay for. They are usually the same women who demand that a man pays for all of her dates, buys her a wedding ring for thousands of dollars, and pays for clothing from places like Saks Fifth Avenue and Tiffany's, when she just works minimum wage. What is she offering on the table in exchange for the man paying for all her meals, food, rent, etc? Well we know. It's something that men want the most, and value the most. Which make's a woman's life EASY since she does nothing but lay down.

    It metastasizes into that she wants her ENTIRE LIFE AND BILLS paid for.

    All because men have stronger sex drives then women do, and all because women are charging men for sex in another fashion then traditional in-call prostitution. But it's prostitution by it's definition, exchanging sex for goods, or in this case, exchanging sex for money (HER bills, her expenses).

    How? Well, if she is young and beautiful, she shoots for higher, like the lawyer and CEO and the actuary, etc. And if she didn't allow the man to have sex with her, he would stop paying for it and stop paying her bills and life expenses (food, rent for her free house). Waltzing in the American dream by a man, which is WHY WOMEN LIKE MONEY and why a poor man will have zero luck in the dating world.

    Love is only to escape employment from the woman's end. Or scale it her own employment dramatically.

    We all HATE WORK. Society casts a blind eye to women who use their vagina & sex to escape the workforce. I mean, for what other reason can a woman marry up and a man can't marry up? A man who cannot make it in the real world is homeless or starving, and a woman who is lazy and stupid (but young) is living the inverse of a man in the same position, that is living in relative luxury without working in a job (because a man is paying all the bills, while she just sits at home all day). While low-income men WORK and have a lesser quality of life than HOUSEWIVES WHO DON'T WORK AND LIVE IN LUXURY.

    Men are going to say, DUH, of course this is so obvious. Well, if that's so, NOT ONE woman will admit that this is her plan if it is that obvious. Would that effectively make "lazy women of leisure" prostitutes in disguise, with a stake in denying their own prostitution?

    • ANSWER:
      Most of the women I know paid their way through college, picked a profession, enjoy their work, and would never stay home unless they had small children, and then only for a few years, until the children went to school. The nasty assumption that most women are lazy gold diggers, or worse, prostitutes, is your interpretation of women's "true" nature, and thankfully, the majority of rational men and women assume that most women and men want to do something meaningful with their lives, whether it is working inside the home, outside the home or a combination of the two. Women who are poor and uneducated have no "opportunities" to be lazy gold diggers prostituting themselves for a "life of leisure".


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Divorce Activities For School Counselors

Posted on April 29, 2012 by

Children coping with divorce have difficulty because their perceptions of reality are forced to change. To understand their challenge, I have created a concept to help children and parents visualize the dilemma they face when confronted with these changes. It is called the aLifeline;a that is, we live on a continuum which begins at birth and ends at death. Wherever we are at on the continuum, we tend to base our present beliefs and our future expectations on our past experience. Thus, we lead our daily lives needing the security of our past perceptions.

For children who are born into relatively healthy homes, life patterns are learned from their family and environment. They learn to anticipate tomorrow's outcomes, based on today's experience. The evidence from the past provides them with a picture of what will come next and makes them feel secure. When divorce occurs, they cannot incorporate the new information into their secure picture of the future. They feel at first as if they are floating aimlessly without an anchor.

Although there are healthy ways to tell children about divorce, children's Lifelines are compromised as they receive this new information. Children's past perception - that their mother and father loved each other - is called into question. Their assumptions that they will continue to live in their home with their parents, is altered. They feel like they have nothing left to base their now on. Thus parents need to help them regain their base and rebuild their Lifeline.

Following is a conversation you might have with children to help them cope:

  1. Reconstruction of the Lifeline starts with a simple drawing. Draw a straight line ________ with an arrowhead on the left side > representing birth and an X on the right side representing death. Explain, aWe don't know how life will play out anymore than we know the end of a story in a book or movie. But generally we have a beginning,a you point to the arrow, aand an end,a point to the X.
  2. Then draw a dot on the line, aLet's say this is where you are on your Lifeline. You live everyday with an understanding of your world based on what you know about how things work in our family, at school, with friends, and in your activities.a
  3. aWhen we told you that we were divorcing, you might have felt scared. You might have asked yourself, did mom and dad ever love each other? It could have made you question your past and feel that what you believed to be true just wasn't true.a Then erase the line to the left of the dot. aIt might have made you feel that your past wasn't really true.a
  4. aAnd I'll bet that you also might have felt confused about the future. You have always lived with us in the same house and community. And you probably can't imagine what it would feel like if it were different. So it feels like your future is unknown.a Then erase the future line. Add, aI understand that it might feel like everything has changed. The past doesn't feel the same because you question what you thought. And the future doesn't seem the same because we will have two homes and mom and dad won't be married.a
  5. Finally you can help your child redefine and redraw the past. aYes, it is true that much has changed with the divorce. And sometimes when we have something big in our lives change it feels like everything is different. Let's take a moment, however, to look at what stays the same.a Draw a staggered line - - - - - from birth to the present. aIf we look at the past, we can be sure that mommy and daddy loved you. And we both loved each other for many years. We know that Grandma and Grandpa love you. Can we be sure about that?a A child might say, aYes.a Then draw a little bit more of the lifeline. aWe can also agree that you have many good friends at school and that you like many activities. We could agree that we've had good vacations too. We like our community and we live in a nice neighborhood where you have enjoyed playing and running around with friends. Am I correct so far?a Draw a bit more of the staggered line. aOkay, now you draw in more of the past and tell me about it?a As she tells facts about her life, she draws in more of the Lifeline. Although the line is never perfectly solid, she begins to visualize that even though her parents are divorcing, not everything is lost and she feels a bit more steady.
  6. Now you help her redraw the future. Say, aIf we were to look at what does not change in the past, then what do you think will carry over to the future?a She might say, aI'll still have my sports.a And you say, aYes, you will. So let's draw some of that in.a And she continues to list those things that will remain the same. Some children will remain in their home and at their school. They will have the same friends and activities. These are anchors for children coping with divorce. As the child draws in more of the Lifeline from present to future, she gains stability. You might say, aIt's true that we cannot control or predict the future and this might make you feel uncomfortable. But we always have things that remain the same in the face of change and those things can make us feel safe and secure.a

Although some children need more in depth processing when faced with their parents' divorce, many children respond well to the Lifeline framework. It gives parents and children a common language.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Do I have a chance for West Point or USAFA?
    Hi, I know that you would probably say that I do not know what I am talking about after
    you read my status, but plz just try to hear me out cuz I'm really serious.

    My question is going to be fairly long so
    if you are impatient I advise you to hit the back button. :(

    First, please don't say anything about the needing a nomination
    cuz I already have that sorted out. :)

    I am an Asian. (Korean to be exact), Female, and have a
    permanent residency (not a citizenship) in the States.
    But I am going to have my citizenship in less then a few months.
    Korean is my first language, English is my second language.
    I can also speak fluent Chinese and a semi-fluent Japanese.

    I'm living in Germany right now but attending an American high school.
    I used to live in China and attend a Chinese high school
    during my freshman and sophomore year.
    When I became a Junior I moved to
    another Chinese high school due to family problems
    and then moved to Germany in my second semester of Junior year.
    So basically I've never been to the States in my life.

    Ok, for those of you who might not be aware, Chinese education is SERIOUSLY hard.
    I swear to god, all of the subjects that they teach in China is
    a lot harder than American's AP classes.
    And I know this because right now I am taking AP calc, AP bio and AP physics.

    Usually Chinese schools don't go by letter grades
    but go by number scores like 90..80..etc
    but my American school counselor helped me
    convert my grades in the Chinese school to letter grades and GPA.

    So my GPA up till now is........

    freshman - 3.42
    sophomore - 3.08
    Junior - 3.86 (weighed, I took AP chem in 11th grade but didn't pass the exam)

    and overall my cumulative GPA is 3.32
    I know, I know....My GPA is no where close to
    the average GPA of students who usually apply to WP or USAFA~ :(

    I took the the SAT only once and got a 1890.
    I've also taken Chinese for the SAT subject test and got a 800.
    I am planning to take a Math level 2 for SAT subject test and
    have another go for SAT1 this Nov 6th.

    Furthermore, I took HSK, which is sort of like an
    official language assessment test for Chinese and got level 10 (the highest is level 11)

    For extracurricular activities....

    Sophomore year
    1.Head of the propaganda department for the Student Government.
    2.Volunteer for the 2008 Beijing Olympics&Paralympics.

    Junior Year
    1. taught Chinese migrant children, English in China for 3 months.
    2. volunteered at a local hospital for a week.
    3. head of the Korean Culture Club
    4. member of the Student Government
    5. member of the Aristo Club
    (It's just a club that plans out major school events like prom and parties)

    Senior
    1. member of the FBLA (Future Business Leaders for America) club

    .............and that's about it.

    Fitness requirements are my very weak points
    because I'm not a very outdoor person..:(
    But I really do want to get in to the academy so I am training my butt off.

    I am aware that my chances of getting in to WP or USAFA are pretty very low..
    but I just wanted to ask for other people's opinion of what you guys think.

    Do you think if I train really really hard and
    get an average score on the Candidate Fitness Assessment,
    I stand a chance of going in to either of the academies????

    I think I can write a pretty good essay cuz
    I've had a pretty bumpy life through out my high school years.

    Parents divorcing...
    moving to 3 different high schools...
    Moving to different countries etc...lol
    but that's pretty much all the advantage that I think I MIGHT have..

    Oh, and by the way, my stepdad used to be a master sergeant but
    he's retired now and working for American Forces Network (AFN).
    Thanks to him, the high school that I am atteding right now is
    one of the Department of Defense Dependents Schools.
    Do you think this would help me in anyway??

    You know, for instance if your parent is working at a college,
    it's really easy for you to go to that college then other students...
    Something like that.

    I would REALLY be grateful it if anyone can give me a
    HONEST and REALISTIC opinion of what they think. :)
    Thanks!!!!!

    P.S: If academies are too far-fetched, then any hope of a ROTC scholarship?? :)
    @redleg Uh, HELLO? Did you read the part 'But I am going to have my citizenship in less then a few months'???
    Seriously...read the question before you answer.

    • ANSWER:
      If you already have a nomination that is a first step. If living abroad only a vice presidential nomination is typically available. The vice president can have five cadets he nominated and were charged off to him at West Point and five cadets he nominated and were charged off to him at the Air Force Academy at any point in time. For each vacancy due to graduation or otherwise he can appoint ten candidates to compete for the appointment. If your step dad has adopted you then an automatic Presidential Nomination is available but only 100 Cadets may be appointed based on a Presidential Nomination.
      The Academies admit based on a whole person score: Academic Composite(60%); Extracurricular Composite(20%); Admissions Panel(20%)=CFA+ Interview+Essay+Letters of Recommendation
      Academic Composite = PAR + Sat or Act
      PAR(prior academic record) = Weighted Gpa + Class rank based on Weighted Gpa corrected for competitive level of high school measured by percentage of students continuing on to 4 year and 2 year colleges.
      It will be difficult to evaluate the Gpa but 11th grade is the most important year. I am not sure if you mean the final in AP Chem or the AP exam. I don't see how you could have a 3.86 Gpa if the class was failed so I assume you mean that you did not receive a 3,4 or 5 on the AP Exam. This calls into question the grade receives in the class but there could be circumstances such as having switched schools mid year and if you did not take Chemistry in China. This will need to be explained in the application. On its face the PAR looks substantially below the average, this can usually be compensated by Sat scores substantially above average but an 1890 is below average at West Point or the Academy, so overall the Academic Composite is probably not going to be competitive. Varsity athletic participation is expected with over 90% participation, over 80% having earned at least one varsity letter and two thirds having been named team captain; but, I am not sure if sports are even offered at the Chinese high schools that were attended. Language ability in Koean, Chinese and Japanese and having lived in China are what would make your application stand out since these are all critical languages but there might be a concern that you could meet the physical aspect of a West Point or Usafa education if you are speaking of working hard at this point to be able to get an average score on the CFA. Check the Class Profiles to see the academic and extracurricular accomplishments of candidates who successfully competed for a nomination:
      https://admissions.usafa.edu/RRC/Class_of_2013_profile.pdf
      https://admissions.usafa.edu/RRC/Class_of_2013_profile.pdf
      Afrotc and Rotc scholarships are awarded base on a similar whole person score as used by the academies. Chances depend on the competition for Afrotc/Rotc scholarships at the university and Afrotc depends on the stated major since the overwhelming majority of Afrotc high school scholarships are awarded to technical majors. Chinese, Korean and Japanese are approved as technical majors at specific universities. There are also Express Afrotc In College scholarships available in these specific languages once enrolled at a college. An Express Scholarship is not competitive. Meet the stated qualifications and the scholarship is available.
      Good Luck!

  2. QUESTION:
    How can I not obsess over every guy who accepts me?
    I am 14. I have been teased since Kindergarten and i'm still getting teased. I am adopted, I was abused by my biological parents. They where drug addicts, alcoholics, and They had mental problems. Anyways I have new parents and I have a hard time because they just divorced they costantly yell fight and argue in front of me. My mom and dad talk crap about eachother...Anyways I am depressed and sometimes suicidal. My boyfriend has helped me through alot of it. He cares about me protects me understands me and does everything he can to make me happy. However he recently told me that I obsess over him way to much (I think I do to.) I can't help it really all I want is him my life revolves around him. He is the only thing stopping me from killing myself. Anyways I know I need help. I go to the counselor at school she doesn't understand me. My mom and dad refuse to get me help they just tell me that I am normal and that I stop doing all this for attention. Anyways I realized that if I kept busy I didn't think about my boyfriend as much and I was happier. But I can't participate in any after school activities and I am really bored. I just would like help please. Thanks. Also my parents hate my boyfriend they think he is a bad influence on me. even though I know that he cares about me and everything.
    Oh yeah I should mention that I am 14 and so is my boyfriend we are in 9th grade. This is our 2nd year of highschool. Yea our schools are messed up but I am used to the school im at so yea...
    My boyfriend knows I can't help it and he knows my past. Anyways I think about the future alot. I don't live in the now. All I think about is moving out getting a job getting married having kids etc...you know. Truthfully I think I am mature for my age. my mom thinks I am too mature and she thinks I should stop thinking about the future..

    • ANSWER:
      So many questions, so many thoughts.
      I think you need to go swing on the swings more after school, look at the clouds and think.
      You need some fun............your life is too serious for 14, tho your past is sad and your present and you do sound a bit wise...........you need to skip more and laugh with the wind and talk to flowers...............
      Watch Shirley Temple movies and talk to God about all this, moan at him if you want..he can handle it.

      Laugh as much as you can
      at yourself and others

      you will be okay
      you sound like a survivor
      and someone who knows what they need to do............

      deep breaths
      feel the wind on your face

  3. QUESTION:
    Taking Custody From My Soon To Be Ex?
    My ex has physical custody of my son and daughter. I have split legal custody of both. I see my daugter every day (my son is in school) many things have happened since the divorce started. She tried everything in her power to stop me from seeing them. She made a scene at the bus stop the first day of school to the point where my son turns white. She puts my son in every after school activity so when my weekend comes we dont have time to spend together because of all of the activities going on. She follows me everywhere I go with the children in the car. I asked the court to have her seek counseling. She did and I met with the counselor as well. The counselor states it is in the best interest of my children for them to come and live with me (I live in the same district nearly 2 miles from the mothers home) I have never been bitter towards her when it comes to the children. I allow them to call their mother any time they wish. My girlfriend and I have been living together for 8 months now (her in my home) she is a school teacher (no not my sons either). When my girlfriend sees the ex and she has my daughter she always acts kind and tells her to go and say hi to mommy. (During my parental time) so as you can see we are doing the right thing. She however has cut all communications from me with my son since school started. She never answers my phone calls or has my son returne them. The counselor will testify that she is going to distroy my children emotionally. Do you think this will carry weight in the court room? PS My ex picked the counselor (female) in case your wondering.

    • ANSWER:
      I don't think this will carry any weight in court, especially since you are living with your girlfriend. Your children should not have anything to do with your girlfriend. It should be quality time spent with children and father only. You are putting them through emotional stress as well, even though they don not let you know..

  4. QUESTION:
    My 5 year old seems depressed?
    I got a divorce about 2 yrs ago when my son was 3yrs old and his father and I have a very mature relationship for the kids sake, we do not speak negatively about each other to the kids. We both have significant others now, he is living with his girlfriend and her son which is my sons age, and i am engaged and just had another baby with my finance. My son says he loves everyone in his family including my fiance and my ex-husbands girlfriend, but he just seems so angry and depressed whenever he is at home with me and my fiance, and his brother and sister, he only talks about how he wants to be with his daddy and how he misses him and that i don't let him see him enough he sees him on his weekends and one time during the week, he is now in kindergarten and aftercare with my ex-husbands girlfriend son, and plays t-ball for activity after school but lately he is getting into so much trouble at school the guidance counselor has all ready had to speak to him for pinching another little boy and saying bad words and it has only been 3wks since school started, and it seems like everytime i pick him up from aftercare he is upset cuz the little boy left all ready with my ex-husbands girlfriend so im not sure if it makes him confused as to why is it that only she picks her son up and not him too if they live together, my question is this normal after 2yrs for him to still be going thru this with me and my ex-husband or is it something that with all the changes going thru his life is causing these problems i just feel like i don't know what to do anymore it breaks my heart as a mom to see her child look so unhappy at his age and im wondering if i should let him stay with his father for a while and come and see us on the weekends or if that is a bad idea

    • ANSWER:
      It's normal, because it's now when your son is understanding what divorce means for children. I think it won't matter with whom he is living because he'll feel the absence of one of his parents. You should try to let him sleep to his father's home for a week to see if things get better for him. You both parents have to talk a lot with him about happiness & harmony between the 2 families. Probably, he's just jealous that there is a boy like him living with his father... It's just my littler thought

  5. QUESTION:
    What do you do if your like is terrible? (13 yr old girl)?
    My life is terrible. And everything I do feels fake. I get good grades, have a lot of [shitty] friends, and do a ton of activities. But...

    okay. First, my mom cheated on my dad and they divorced. Then my mom bought a bar and is wasting all of our money and is never home. Then my dad got a drinking problem. Then a guy moved into our house and he touches me. And then i got attached to someone who lives across the country and I can't stop thinking about them. And my life is terrible but no one gets it and I can't tell anyone. I cry myself to sleep every night! And i'm under all this stress to get good grades and do everything right and I can't do it all anymore.

    im 13, if that helps. and i want to tell someone, i just cant.

    and IM WORRIED if i tell my school counselor it will go on my record and affect my chances for boarding school, which im applying to. also im worried it will get out and im president of my school and i dont want bad stuff to get out about me.
    because i dont know what to do
    Rachel... because they don't want a messed up kid, they want a perfect kid

    • ANSWER:
      * Truthfully, that cannot effect your chances of getting into boarding school. Because you're being sexually abused at home, and your dad has a drinking problem and your mom is never home they won't let you in? That's all the more reason to let you in. And they can't put that all on your record, it will just say you visited the counselor. It can't get out unless you open your mouth. You can actually have the counselor sent to jail for opening theirs.

      You need to see the counselor. This life is not fair for you.

  6. QUESTION:
    Killll mee, noow ! CADET CLASSES? My mom won't let me have a social life !?
    I have the strictest mom EVER. SHE'S MAKING ME TAKE CADET CLASSES.
    What the fuck is that? Some military shit? Apparently the purpose of the Army Cadet movement is not to train soldiers, but to "Build better Citizens". The cadet activities today are geared to develop self-discipline, self-reliance, physical fitness and other use skills for young Canadian men and Women. Many of the activities are military origin and the program of personal and social development is based on discipline, but the overall objectives go far beyond learning how to master any one particular skill. -______-
    The Royal Canadian Army Cadets are not part of the Canadian Forces, but they're enrolled in the Cadet orgsnization, are trained on a voluntary basis and are not obligates to serve for any specific time ...
    Instead of letting me take Track classes, something ai actually have a passion for, shes making me take CADET CLASSES ? Kill me, now.
     
    Like seriously, you legit don't even know how strict my mom is. She literally treats me like I'm 9. I'm not aloud to go to birthday parties if there's gonna be guys there. I'm not aloud to go to the movies (unless she knows my friends parents really well and I only have one friend like that), friends houses, library, anywhere really. How does she expect to meet my friends' parents if she won't let me go to their house or let them come to mine? I only go to school, church and dance. And I follow my mom everywhere else cause I have no choice. She says I'm too close with friends ?! I seriously can pass for a 15 year old so, I could take the bus .. But noo, she says to wait till I'm like 16 or something. Not to mention, last time I had a sleepover was when I was like 8, I'm not aloud to have a boyfriend till I'm 18 and I can't have a cell phone until I'm 16. I'm responsible, I get good grades and I tried calmly discussing, Nothing worked. She controls what I do on MY computer that my dad bought me.
    I was on the "Shows" part of MuchMusic cause I was about to watch an episode of Degrassi that I missed, but I wasn't really on it, only the Tab was open because I was on Facebook for a sec. There was a baby crying on some show, when my mom heard the baby crying, she went insane. I was watching Degrassi about three weeks ago, and there was a part where Eli and Clare were kissing, I got grounded for two weeks ?!? Like honestly, FUCK MY LIFE.

    My parents got divorced when I was 10 days old and I met my dad when I was six. It's a long story but anyway, my dad is strict too but he allows me to do anything as long as my grades stay at A's and B's.

    What do I do about my mom? I tried calmly reasoning with my her, didn't work. I don't have a school counselor and even if I did try, it wouldn't help because when I talked to my aunts, uncles, really close family friends, she got me and yelled at me to not tell people about what goes on at her house. Cause like I said that everytime she promises me to bring me somewhere, she ends making an excuse like shes too busy or shes tired. They all talked to her but, nothing worked. I don't know what to do, help !

    • ANSWER:
      I'm in thew Royal Canadian Air cadets, and love it.

      Honestly, it's one of the best things that's eve happened to me.

      It's not bad, you make so many friends, you GET PAYED to go to camp, and the classes are easy as fcuk. It's not as strict as you think, it's not all about discipline. Everyone there just wants to have fun. It's a lot scarier on the outside than it is on the inside.

      Now I'd suggest air cadets or sea cadets over army cadets, just because they don't specialize in anything, but I guess it's up to your mom.

      Honestly, give it a shot, even a couple months before you make any decisions. I promise you'll be surprised.

      For your mom, there's honestly nothing you can do it seems. Just a wait a few more years, and you can leave.

  7. QUESTION:
    My mom is so overprotective that shes making me take CADET CLASSES ?!?!?
    I have the strictest mom EVER. SHE'S MAKING ME TAKE CADET CLASSES.
    What the fuck is that? Some military shit? Apparently the purpose of the Army Cadet movement is not to train soldiers, but to "Build better Citizens". The cadet activities today are geared to develop self-discipline, self-reliance, physical fitness and other use skills for young Canadian men and Women. Many of the activities are military origin and the program of personal and social development is based on discipline, but the overall objectives go far beyond learning how to master any one particular skill. -______-
    The Royal Canadian Army Cadets are not part of the Canadian Forces, but they're enrolled in the Cadet orgsnization, are trained on a voluntary basis and are not obligates to serve for any specific time ...
    Instead of letting me take Track classes, something ai actually have a passion for, shes making me take CADET CLASSES ? Kill me, now.
     
    Like seriously, you legit don't even know how strict my mom is. She literally treats me like I'm 9. I'm not aloud to go to birthday parties if there's gonna be guys there. I'm not aloud to go to the movies (unless she knows my friends parents really well and I only have one friend like that), friends houses, library, anywhere really. How does she expect to meet my friends' parents if she won't let me go to their house or let them come to mine? I only go to school, church and dance. And I follow my mom everywhere else cause I have no choice. She says I'm too close with friends ?! I seriously can pass for a 15 year old so, I could take the bus .. But noo, she says to wait till I'm like 16 or something. Not to mention, last time I had a sleepover was when I was like 8, I'm not aloud to have a boyfriend till I'm 18 and I can't have a cell phone until I'm 16. I'm responsible, I get good grades and I tried calmly discussing, Nothing worked. She controls what I do on MY computer that my dad bought me.
    I was on the "Shows" part of MuchMusic cause I was about to watch an episode of Degrassi that I missed, but I wasn't really on it, only the Tab was open because I was on Facebook for a sec. There was a baby crying on some show, when my mom heard the baby crying, she went insane. I was watching Degrassi about three weeks ago, and there was a part where Eli and Clare were kissing, I got grounded for two weeks ?!? Like honestly, FUCK MY LIFE.

    My parents got divorced when I was 10 days old and I met my dad when I was six. It's a long story but anyway, my dad is strict too but he allows me to do anything as long as my grades stay at A's and B's.

    What do I do about my mom? I tried calmly reasoning with my her, didn't work. I don't have a school counselor and even if I did try, it wouldn't help because when I talked to my aunts, uncles, really close family friends, she got me and yelled at me to not tell people about what goes on at her house. Cause like I said that everytime she promises me to bring me somewhere, she ends making an excuse like shes too busy or shes tired. They all talked to her but, nothing worked. I don't know what to do, help !

    • ANSWER:

  8. QUESTION:
    KILL ME, NOOOW. My mom is so overprotective that shes making me take CADET CLASSES?!?
    I have the strictest mom EVER. SHE'S MAKING ME TAKE CADET CLASSES.
    What the fuck is that? Some military shit? Apparently the purpose of the Army Cadet movement is not to train soldiers, but to "Build better Citizens". The cadet activities today are geared to develop self-discipline, self-reliance, physical fitness and other use skills for young Canadian men and Women. Many of the activities are military origin and the program of personal and social development is based on discipline, but the overall objectives go far beyond learning how to master any one particular skill. -______-
    The Royal Canadian Army Cadets are not part of the Canadian Forces, but they're enrolled in the Cadet orgsnization, are trained on a voluntary basis and are not obligates to serve for any specific time ...
    Instead of letting me take Track classes, something ai actually have a passion for, shes making me take CADET CLASSES ? Kill me, now.
     
    Like seriously, you legit don't even know how strict my mom is. She literally treats me like I'm 9. I'm not aloud to go to birthday parties if there's gonna be guys there. I'm not aloud to go to the movies (unless she knows my friends parents really well and I only have one friend like that), friends houses, library, anywhere really. How does she expect to meet my friends' parents if she won't let me go to their house or let them come to mine? I only go to school, church and dance. And I follow my mom everywhere else cause I have no choice. She says I'm too close with friends ?! I seriously can pass for a 15 year old so, I could take the bus .. But noo, she says to wait till I'm like 16 or something. Not to mention, last time I had a sleepover was when I was like 8, I'm not aloud to have a boyfriend till I'm 18 and I can't have a cell phone until I'm 16. I'm responsible, I get good grades and I tried calmly discussing, Nothing worked. She controls what I do on MY computer that my dad bought me.
    I was on the "Shows" part of MuchMusic cause I was about to watch an episode of Degrassi that I missed, but I wasn't really on it, only the Tab was open because I was on Facebook for a sec. There was a baby crying on some show, when my mom heard the baby crying, she went insane. I was watching Degrassi about three weeks ago, and there was a part where Eli and Clare were kissing, I got grounded for two weeks ?!? Like honestly, FUCK MY LIFE.

    My parents got divorced when I was 10 days old and I met my dad when I was six. It's a long story but anyway, my dad is strict too but he allows me to do anything as long as my grades stay at A's and B's.

    What do I do about my mom? I tried calmly reasoning with my her, didn't work. I don't have a school counselor and even if I did try, it wouldn't help because when I talked to my aunts, uncles, really close family friends, she got me and yelled at me to not tell people about what goes on at her house. Cause like I said that everytime she promises me to bring me somewhere, she ends making an excuse like shes too busy or shes tired. They all talked to her but, nothing worked. I don't know what to do, help !

    • ANSWER:
      Don't bother listening to people who side with your mom. Some parents rule by force and that is completely the wrong way to go about it. You two should be able to communicate and I find it sad that she's closed that relationship channel between you by making you feel like your life doesn't matter.

      Since your mom obviously won't change, your only option is to wait it out. It's going to be tough, but there are some things you can do to make your life easier.
      1. Work hard in school. Keep getting good grades, and you can go to a good college far away from your messed up mom. This has motivated me for years and I made it out, you can too.
      2. Realize that even though social things matter now, they won't matter forever. As irrational as your mom's rules are, it's more important to give up, say, watching Degrassi, than for her to catch you watching it and ground you for a month. Don't rebel, don't go behind her back, it will only worsen the situation. Just smile and nod and try to slide by without causing a stir.
      3. Tell someone if she becomes physically abusive. At that point it changes from a matter of happiness to a matter of safety. She may get mad and scream and take things away from you, but she should NEVER hit you. If she does, tell a teacher at school and don't back down when your mom gets upset for you telling.

  9. QUESTION:
    What kind of punishment is appropriate for a teen who smoked pot?
    Hello,
    I am wondering how to deal with a teen who has been smoking pot. The child was afraid to tell her mother (my daughter) so talked to her church counselor. She told him that she had tried it for a month or so and that she didn't want to do it again. She had made some new friends that were smoking and tried it to fit in. He mother found out by checking up on her activity on the internet. Her mother has grounded her for 4 months and took away her phone, computer and friends. The kid is going to be 16 next month, she is a junior in school and also taking college classes. She is a great kid, very smart (school wise that is!) She loves school and church. I would have loved to have a child like this!! Her mother has 2 other children is divorced and has always worked at night clubs.She loves the night life and will never give it up. She missed most, if not all, of her kids birthday parties, school activities, plays..everything! (always had an excuse, have to work later, tired,etc. but will take time off work for her own pleasures). My mother has kept all the children for my daughter when she works and play's. This has been going on for over 15 years! I have seen my mother with the kids for days at a time and my daughter nevers even calls to check on them!! She sleeps all day.Great Granny has them day and night. She also ditches them when her boyfriend comes into town on the weekends, so granny has them again! I have tried talking to her about her behavior, which she denies, and of'course gets very angry and walks out. I have fought with my mother about her always letting my daughter walk all over her. My mother is worried that if she doesn't keep the children, my daughter would leave them alone without food, etc. This has been a major battle between all of us!!!! I believe if mom had not been such a pushover, my daughter may have learned that the kid's are her responsibility and that she has to care for them!! I could go on and on. This whole situation is awful!! Worst of all the kids think their own mother doesn't want them!! Sad thing is that it is probably true!! I just had to get this off my chest, I don't know how to remedy this situation. I don't know if anything can be done at this point. My mom has been a good to them and she has been to and planned all of their parties, goes to all of their plays, put them through several years of private school etc.. I didn't have the money to take on three kids! Also I thought it was my daughter's job. I have been an outcast for not sharing the responsibilty of raising them. I have been just a normal loving grandmother to them. Which is the way it should be, or at least I think it should! Now I am very worried about my oldest granddaughter ( the one I started writing about to begin with) This kind of punishment for her is extreem in my opinion. This is where your help comes in. I am to close to the situation. I will tell you that this child has been through a lot this past year. She revealed to us last year that she had been molested by one of her mother's boyfriends when she was 9 years old. There was a trial last year and the guy got to walk, (not enough evidence) and to top it off her favorite person in the world died, her great grandfather, my father! Can someone out there help!!!
    Thanks!!

    • ANSWER:
      I preface this by saying that I do think that pot smoking is a big deal. Many teenagers probably do try it just like many teenagers drink underage, but I don't think that parents should just ignore it because everyone's doing it. Even if you buy into the logic that pot is no worse than alcohol, drinking alcohol at 15 years old is also a problem.

      Secondly, self medicating with drugs or alcohol is NOT a good solution for a child who was molested and has basically been abandoned by her mother. This child is at elevated risk for substance abuse problems and so I would give the polar opposite answer of the people who say she's been through a lot leave her alone. She absolutely MUST NOT start down this path.

      That being said, I do think the punishment is excessive. She tried it, realized the errors of her ways and changed her behavior. The purpose of discipline is to teach and she's already learned that lesson on her own. I think it would be appropriate to prohibit her from keeping company with this same set of friends, but this wasn't an act of rebellion that needs to be quashed. This is a child who desperately needs therapy, not punishment.

      As for your role, as a general principle, I think the mother should be taking responsibility for her own children and I think that grandparents who jump in and rescue parents do them a disservice because they never have to stand on their own feet. However, your grandchildren are not toddlers. Mom is never going to learn this lesson and get with the program, your grandchildren are just going to suffer from her absentee parenting. The lesser of the evils at this juncture is for you to take as active of a role as you possibly can with the grandchildren because ultimately their quality of life is more important than the principle that the mother should be responsible for them.

      I would also talk to your mother (great grandmother) about making her continued financial support conditional upon this child being in therapy. Private school tuition is fine and dandy, but what she needs is help. The ramifications of sexual abuse are extreme and far reaching. This is not something everyone should just assume she'll get over.

  10. QUESTION:
    minor child counseling divorced parents?
    I would like a counselor willing to see a minor child. Parents are divorced mother/father have joint legal. mother has primary phsysical.

    Mother will not consent to counseling. The purpose of counseling would be for counselor to hear what child says about mother's withholding meals, refusal to allow outside physical activity, and mother's manipulation of child to prevent him talking to school, officials, etc

    I do not want to coach the counselor. I just want him to get child to open up and tell the truth. child is confused and begining to withdraw will not eat meals and may be psychologially urged not to eat and or throw up by anorexic mother.

    the ideal situation would be for a mandated reporter to report situation to authorities hopefully leading to a court ordered pyschological and physical forrensice evalution away from either parent.

    yes, i know this is a catch 22. counselors are generally required to have both parents permission, but i can't think of any other way. CPS and courts will not listen as I am only offering heresay.

    • ANSWER:
      If this is not your child, there is nothing you can do. Sorry.

  11. QUESTION:
    I need to increase my chances of getting into University of Illinois at Urbana Champagne AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE?
    ok, heres the situation

    I recently went on a visit to U of I at urbana champaign, and its my ultimate dream school.

    1. I am obsessed with space and flying..and I mean OBSESSED.
    2. This school offers a top notch aerospace program as well as amazing flight lessons in much more modern aircraft than my local air port.
    3. they offer Air Force ROTC.

    I am a junior in Highschool, and ive decided to really start picking up the pace in school. Unfortunately, the past few years I have only gotten B's, A's, and a FEW C's. I need to bring this up.

    Anyways, right now I have a job, and by the time college comes i will have had it for about 3.5 years.

    I need some community work I can do, such as volunteer work. I want it to be in the field of study (aerospace) like they say on the website. They say its a plus if your volunteer work has to do with the field of study you would like.

    Somehow my practice ACT test ended up telling me that my predicted act was a 21 >___<. Thats BS. I can do wayyy better than that. I must not have tried very hard when taking it.

    Anyways, ive decided to stay inside for my lunch period to go to the library everday and study.

    I NEED ANY OTHER TIPS OR ADVICE TO GET MY ACT AND SAT SCORE UP AS HIGH AS POSSIBLE. The ACT is coming up fast, and if I dont bust my ass now my chance at a top notch education may be out of question.

    If there is a will, there is a way...and there IS a will...a strong will!

    I also have no honors or AP classes, although im gonna talk to my counselor about getting as many of those as possible for senior year.

    OH ALSO...

    On the website it says to write about (in your college essay) any challenges you have overcome. I have overcome MANY challenges. When I was born, I was born with a defect called a syndactly. What it is is my left hand's fingers are all shorter than my right by about 3/4 inch, and they are all the same length, and they are all missing one knuckle (not the thumb.). The doctors reported bad news to my parents (who are now divorced). They said I would need to use a special keyboard for all my life, and would not be able to do as many things as people with a normal hand could. Despite all the teasing i recieve, I have overcome this and proved the doctors wrong. I never needed a special keyboard, and am the top typer in my info processing class (that is in terms of grade, speed, and accuracy). I type at about 90wpm accurately. My job is at jewel as a stocker, all I do is lift and balance boxes with my hands. I also bagged and pushed carts. My dream is to become a pilot, and I wanted to take flight lessons. Many told me id never be able to become a pilot due to my hand, but I have taken 1 flight lesson and had NO trouble whatsoever and I love it. I am litteraly able to do anything a normal handed person can do, and im proud of it.

    Also, my dad was a drunk and my parents went through a HUGE divorce. My mom lost our house, as well as 80K on the attorney. Luckily my grandmother was kind enough to help with the expenses. This dragged out for like 8 years and was a constant battle. Through all this, I was able to function normally through school and everyday activities. I also want to join the Air Force to hopefully fly for them.

    These all show that I am willing to take on any challenge I recieve and give it my all. Also, we are going to be probably getting quite a bit of financial aid. I hear this actually increases my chances of getting in, since the school doesnt want to be accused of only letting rich people in, instead of giving single mothered-children who are 'technically' handi-capped (although I dont consider this a handicap at all, lol, it doesnt affect anything), and wants to serve our country a chance at a better education.

    PLEASE ANY TIPS. I plan on buying all the ACT study books as well as taking the ACT prep class.

    Thanks!

    Sorry for the crappy grammar, I am extremely tired today because of the previous days journeys.
    also, i won the DARE essay in like 4th or 5th grade, about 30 kids were entered. Its about not using drugs and what not.

    I was on the B honor roll soph year, thats the highest ive gotten in HS, I plan to change that. Im going for A honor roll.

    Also, I DESPERATELY NEED HELP WITH MY SPANISH. im in spanish 2, and plan on taking three. Im already having trouble with 2. Any good websites?

    • ANSWER:
      Work Hard, Do Good Work and When possible Laugh a lot.

      Don't worry too much about the admission criteria, if you are focused and motivated you will get there. I assume you are located in IL therefore the focus on U of IL. Most state schools and many community colleges have aerospace programs esp. flight training which it seems you are interested in. Purdue is a great school as well and so is OSU. For upping score on the aptitude tests join the groups at the test web site and look at the threads. There are test prep agencies that will help as well, if you need to work from building blocks on then a long term test prep is good, if you just need a quick polishing of skills then the two or four week jam sessions are good.

      Divorces are common place in the US so if you want to stand out you need to choose something else to emphasize. Do check the defn of syndactly.

      Do take a look at what todays pilots are going through for their jobs, the conditions they work under and the pay they get. Check out the story of the pilots who were flying the plane that crashed in buffalo this last winter etc. Air Force is a great service to join as an officer perhaps you could even make that your chosen work place put in the 20 or 30 years and retire with a pension and benefits then start a second career doing what ever you like while getting one paycheck from uncle sam and drawing another doing what you love to do! The univs generally look at what you accomplish in 9th grade onward so the Dare essay etc is moot, work on some new accomplishments. Volunteer at a science museum in the flight etc area, or join the civil air patrol!

      All the best.

  12. QUESTION:
    I'm losing my hope, I've tried everything and now I just want to drown again, What's wrong with me?
    I'm supposed to be ok and I'm not. I was married to an emotionally/sometimes phys. abusive guy but he left me comfortable and gave me $ for college after the divorce. I drive a great car, go to school, started going to church and got involved in all sorts of activities. They even want me to lead a group at church. I'm dying inside. I hate how I feel, I'm drowning and I honest to god want to. This is the first time I've ever been on my own and I'm terrified b/c my ex was very controlling and now I have to make decisions. I've been to a counselor (doesn't help), I almost od'd on vicoden and liquor a few mo's ago and have stopped that and tried to be all "churchy". I'm failing miserbly, there's not one person in this world who actually gives a damn about me except my mom and this depresses the hell out of me. I don't know what to do, I want to drown. I'm trying to get through finals next week and I'm supposed to transfer next qtr and I have no energy or will to. Help!

    • ANSWER:
      Sounds like you might me trying too hard to be "okay"!
      After being controlled for a period of time, you begin to believe all of the B.S. they say to and about you. It truely is the
      worst form of abuse. Bruises heal, but these scars are gonna take a while. Maybe if you try to take the attitude that you are
      great the way you are, it's okay to fall down and scrape your knee now and again, and that things are only gonna get better from here. With finals right now, I'm sure you are on overload as well, so that should ease up soon.

      Sometimes participating in ALL of the Church Functions can be a little overwhelming. I feel like you loose your personality in a sense, because you are expected to be upbeat all the time. That isn't real, no ones life is like that. Again its a form of control that is making feel overwhelmed. I am not saying you shouldn't go to church by any means, just don't be so "churchy" as you put it. If you don't have the energy or the will to transfer next quarter at school......don't. Take a semester off. As long as you don't turn yourself into a hermit and stay isolated all of the time, lighten you load a bit, until you are adjusted to your new life!!
      When you use the term "drowning" to describe your depression it is a really good indicator that you are overwhelmed. If lightening up a bit doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere, you may want to see your doctor and discuss some sort of medication (I took Zoloft) to correct your seratonin levels. It could just be that your body chemistry is off.

      Reguardless, Best of Luck to you, hang in there, you will find your way soon.

  13. QUESTION:
    What should i do?-confused sophomore?
    I had transferred to a new high school after our parents got divorced... I'd been happier with our new life....with my new school they had a lot of activities to get my mind out of things depressing(like my parents unhappy marriage and my friends that i had left behind)...iam ok by then but my moods changed when i entered business school in college... My mom noticed that i wasn't that happy as i was during my high school years... i gained a lot of weight in my 1st yr. , iam very dissatisfied with my professors(i had hoped for more indepth knowledge to be taught but most of those professors are not that good as i had expected), i was also dissatisfied with my classmates because they seem to me as irresponsible students and cheaters.... they cheat a lot!!! during short quizzes, long exams and even on assignments!.... Unfortuantely, i wasn't quite like them.... iam a good student... i do things as ethical as possible...so because of this i feel an outcast to my own class.. im now in my sophomore year and i still feel unsatisfied and unhappy about school...what should i do? should i switch universityl? switch course? change myself? pls don't offer suggestions going to our guidance counselor because i had tried many times their answers were not helpful at all.. pls. help.... i would appreciate anybody's help... thank you...

    • ANSWER:
      r u happy with ur major? if not then chnage it now before it is too late..like if u choose a science major there would at least be less cheating since there is a lot of labwork involved..
      if ure happy in business school then try to find a few friends who r actually there to learn something and put in the effort to getting their degrees instead of cheating their way through..there must be a few students other than u who have heard of ethics..they can't be all bad! unfortunately we usually see the bad :S cause its overwhelming!
      anyway if there really aren't any decent people in ur university then may be u shud seriously consider switching to another university..

  14. QUESTION:
    Highschool exchange programs to Japan?
    Okay, I'm in complete panic mode.
    The exchange program I was going to use just informed me I have to take two ACADEMIC years of study in the japanese language in order to apply...teaching myself for the past two years and taking private lessons isn't good enough? I'm fluent, doesn't that count for anything?!

    Anyway, I've been looking for some other programs, ones that have a PRIVATE high-school exchange. I DO NOT want to attend a public school in japan. I know I have to apply to a private high school in order and get accepted, but I want that option when applying abroad.

    I hate programs that make you partcipate in their "activities", make you take required language courses, or that make you go talk to one of their counselors daily. I want to go to japan, attend high school for a year and live in peace with my host family. I'm extremely adaptive (with divorced parents, you have to be) and just want to study abroad in PEACE!

    Thanks for your help!!

    (HELP ME!)

    P.S. I'm sorry if I seem impossible but hence my dilema.

    • ANSWER:
      check out www.isloan.org .it provides all information on study abroad, career counselling, entrence exams preparation like GRE, GMAT, SAT, IELTS, visa counselling, loans for study abroad, accomodation, universities etc.

  15. QUESTION:
    Do I deserve to promote?
    Hey, I don't want to bore you guys with details and stuff, and some of you might say I don't deserve to promote 8th grade like all the fun stuff and going on stage but I'l say these stuff.

    I'm a person with a lot of morals and I've been a very curious kid since I was little, I've liked learning and always just being educated, I've been a happy kid on the inside and out, and now it's the opposite.

    From kindergarten to 5th grade I've had straight A's, all my teachers have commented on my skills and how I'm going to go places and they could just sense the type of kid I am, as far as I or anyone else can remember I've been a well behaved person, always kept to my myself and I've known my limits.

    The reason I'm writing this is because since I came to 6th grade, new school and all that my life completely went down, and this isn't just one of those puberty roller-coasters, I'm talking about a major overhaul that I have no clue how me or my mom could change (parents are divorced, my dad is an asshole), in almost all aspects everything changed, like my grades and everything.

    One thing that hasn't changed is still my curiosity and me wanting to learn and be smart, having my morals even 3 years after things changed, I'm still the same well behaved person, but since then, since my grades went down, I haven't been able to show anyone my best, like all the hope my family had in me is now gone and I'm extremely depressed and counselors aren't any help to me, it's nothing they can do or I can do, and especially in 8th grade I got sick 1st semester, I had 2 F's which was the maximum I could get for both, then I got pneumonia for 2 months and didn't go to school for 2nd semester, got 3 F's, which was the only reason I was not able to do all the fun promotion stuff this year.

    I wrote a really, really emotional letter and just poured everything out of me onto the letter, sent it to my principal and even after that he said since i had 5/2 F's I could not graduate and there was 'nothing he could do'.

    Now I know that there are a lot of kids not graduating and I shouldn't make a big deal but I want to ask you guys, do you think I deserve to promote? Do you think my situation is any different from any other kid who isn't promoting? Do you think I am just a spoiled kid and that I should donate my kidney to a kid in Africa (someone actually said this to me one time...the ignorance oh my god)?

    I don't know if I should go to the district for this which I doubt they will do anything, should I just leave it be? I was gone for too long, if I hadn't been gone I would at least have passing grades, if other factors in my life hadn't interfered with my school work I would have the same straight A's I had in the past, all my teachers tell me it's sad that I didn't do my work because I'm one of the smartest kids in my class and I feel like crying after they said that because I know I was never able to show it...

    1st semester F's: computers and history, both were really tedious classes, since most of them had work every day I didn't have any time to finish everything at once.

    2nd semester: PE, math, history. since I was gone longer this semester than last semester, I couldn't finish my pe stuff, and math had gotten extremely harder this semester that I didn't know any of it, I used to be really good at math. history is the same as last year, too much work too little time.

    I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm so confused, today is monday, which would have been my last day and the next 3 days are promotion activities, I don't have much time to do anything, also I want to know what I got on my final grades, I'm kind of hoping I get such a good grade on them my teachers might get surprised enough to tell the principal and he might change his mind.....too bad dreams don't come true.

    Thanks if you read all of this, please please please give any answer, make it nice please, I'm confused about this and I just want to know what I can do, thanks again.
    Btw I don't know if he even read my letter, I asked my mom to call him and talk to him but she did the complete opposite and just did it very wrong she didn't ask him if he read the letter, I fucking hate it when she's in charge of everything in my life she ruins everything, she really does not know how to do anything right, I tell her one thing and she just simply can't do it right, something as easy as a question.
    Yeah I know I'm just pissed right now that's all...I'm 14.

    • ANSWER:
      hey you, your sounding really down with lots of issues - you dont say how old you are but you do mention that youve struggled for past 3 years keeping things the same. but things have changed. Dont be too hard on your mum (mom) shes most likely doing her best - we dont always get things right. If you dont grad this year, whats the deal - do you have to redo just one year or is it just over for good? It may feel that way but its not. Counselling doesnt always sort the problem, it just makes you think more about things that were never an issue. All you have to do is stop. put the brakes on. focus. you CAN be your own person and turn it all around. You seem bright infact you know that you are - just be you and look for your inner happiness, the rest will come. give yourself a brake x

  16. QUESTION:
    Help help help with my kids?
    I feel stuck. I have a 12 year old girl Rebecca,who lies and steals from us. She doesn't speak to her Step Father unless she needs something. When I confront her all the sudden she cant speak. Her grades in school are ok but she is consistently late too class. She is in the middle school and just takes her time between class. I have followed her at school with out her knowing and she has no sense of importance of getting to class on time. Currently she has 29 tardies. My son, Jake, who is almost 10 is a chronic liar and I feel like he is always trying to scam me out of things will also steal from us,and when he gets caught he cries his self into hysteric's. We have set both of them down together as well as at separate times and explained too them what the problem is and given them chances to explain but they just sit there and will complain later to each other or when their Step Dad isn't around. This happens about once a week. They don't see their real Dad and have not for 6 years or so. So its all on us. I have taken things away, Not let them go to friends houses or go to activities, I have done a tun of behavior charts, even made contracts. They will work for a few weeks then they don't care about it anymore. We have seen children and family counselor, Therapists, and recently recently see a behavior therapist, and I feel I am in the same boat. We have a 2 1/2 year old girl Olivia, and My husband is beginning to question my parenting skills. If I have raised the other kids to lie cheat and steal, What am I going to teach her. We have been together since 2002 and just recently were married in the spring of 2009. Now he is questioning if he wants to expose the youngest to an environment where all of this negative energy is going on. I agree but I don't want a divorce as well. We don't have fun times anymore. I feel like all I want to do is to get away from them because I just dint want to get angry at them and too not do that is to just get away.

    • ANSWER:
      There are very few things you can do that you haven't already done; however, your best bet is probably to continue seeing a counselor.
      Your two children are B*stard Children, they don't care what they do because they feel they can get away with it. Your son knows that when he cries and goes crazy that he will get away with it in time, and your daughter probably thinks she can take advantage of you. What you could do is just ground them from absolutely everything for as long as you can do it for, then do it for a bit longer. This will make your kids realize that there are consequences in life. When ever your son starts crying, don't acknowledge it, pretend as if he isn't. You could go so far as to give him tough-love and say things like "Man up". For your daughter, you could go to her school every day and walk her to class until she is on-time every single day; therefore, embarassing her half-to-death, and making her extremely angry. This will make her want to get to class on-time so that you won't follow her in school area. You have to punish these kids, or they will walk all over you. As for your youngest daughter, she doesn't necessarily have to turn out like the other two, teach her the value of money and the value of a job. Teach her things, make her do chores, infact make your other children do chores as well. Give each of them an allowance, teach them that there are other ways they can get money. Look for someone you know who did bad things as a child, whose future now is worse than it could of been if they were under control as a teenager and show your children this person. Ask them if they want to be as messed up as he or she is. To your husband, it's 100% just as much of his fault as it is anyone's fault, he needs to man the Hell up and not blame you for anything. If anything this guy may have been influencing your children's behavior since he does not seem to be supportive at all. If all else fails, bring the kids to church and tell a pastor they are posessed by the Devil, see if they want to still be problem-children after that.

      Edit: Remember, you're their parent, not their friend.

  17. QUESTION:
    Not sure what I should do with my ex-boyfriend...really need advice!?
    I'm going back in fourth on deciding if I should get back together with my ex boy/f. I was extremely physically attracted to him, and we had great chemistry which I never had with anyone else before. He was by my side while I was getting divorced, I leaned on him through the whole thing. He helped me find an apt when I moved out of my home. We go to the same church, enjoy the same activities, we just have fun together. He takes care of himself, is interested in nutrition and eating organically (like me), and truly knew me, sometimes better than I knew myself. He would always be the first to want to makeup after a fight. He liked to dance and go out, but also stay in and snuggle. He taught me how to communicate properly and talk things out. Sooo committed to me, through thick and thin. I don't think he would ever leave me. I felt like he was everything I was looking for.

    However, mixed with these great qualities were some bad ones. A lot of things would irritate him easily. He was always worried about guys hitting on me when I went out with my friends. I often felt like I was never good enough for him. He said I didn't show enough appreciation when he would do things for me. I would always say thank you, but he wanted me to SHOW him my appreciation. I would try, but it would never measure up. He didn't fully trust me. He already filed bankruptcy once, and is again in debt but assures me he'll pay it off once he's down with nursing school in 2 years. We argued a lot. He also was violent with me on some occasions. That it the main reason I left him. He is now in anger management classes, and is having group counseling with other anger management counselors. He's attending church regularly, and says he's finally found a relationship with God. He leaves me voicemail's just sobbing, saying how sorry he is and he can't believe he let his future wife slip away. He says it took something major like this to happen for him to really see what he lost. We've been broken up almost a month. One minute I'm the worst thing that ever happened to him, and the next he's balling his eyes out missing me. He can be the nicest, coolest, sweetest, most fun guy in the world. But he can also be the most mean, manipulative, and controlling guy in the world.

    Do you think after we have some time apart and he goes to anger management classes, I should give him another try, or just move on?

    • ANSWER:
      It seems like you had a good relationship and that he is trying to get his issues under control. I would say give the relationship another try but take it slow. You should make it clear that if any of the bad things start happening again that the relationship is over.

  18. QUESTION:
    who should survive game?
    there are 11 people left on earth only 7 can survive who should survive

    . Dr. Dane: thirty-seven, white, no religious affiliation, Ph.D. in history, college professor, in good health married with one child (Bobby).

    2. Mrs. Dane: thirty-eight, white, Jewish, M.A. in psychology, counselor in a mental health clinic, married to Dr. Dane, has one child.

    3. Bobby: ten, white, Jewish, mentally retarded with IQ of 70.

    4. Mrs. Garcia: twenty-three, Spanish-American, Catholic, ninth-grade education, cocktail waitress, worked as a prostitute, married at age sixteen, divorced at age eighteen.

    5. Jean Garcia: three months old, Spanish-American, healthy.

    6. Mary Evans: eighteen, black, Protestant, trade school education, wears glasses, artistic.

    7. Mr. Newton: twenty-five, starting last year of medical school, suspected homosexual activity

    8. Mrs. Clark: twenty-eight, black, Protestant, daughter of a minister, college graduate, electronics engineer, single now after a brief marriage

    9. Mr. Blake: fifty-one, white, Mormon, B.S. in mechanics, married with four children, enjoys outdoors, much experience in construction, quite handy, sympathizes with anti-black views.

    10. Father Frans: thirty-seven, white, Catholic, priest, active in civil rights, former college athlete, farming background, often criticized for liberal views.

    11. Dr. Gonzales: sixty-six, Spanish-American, Catholic, doctor in general practice, two heart attacks in the past five years, loves literature and quotes extensively.

    explain your answers

    • ANSWER:
      holy $hit that's a long question, so I decided not to read it and say 1, 2 and 3 on pure guesses. How'd I do?

  19. QUESTION:
    Odds of being accepted into Northeastern University?
    So I use college prowler a lot, but if someone who has gone through the application process can help me out I would really appreciate it :-)
    My desired major would either be graphic design or preferably, architectural design or drafting.

    I'm entering my Junior year of high school, I live in New York.
    -My GPA is a 2.4/4.0, however my schools grades are extremely tilted because of the honors program. I would easily have a 3.0 at least in any of my neighboring school districts.
    -I am capable of scoring around 1800 on my PSAT, looking at the exam but I haven't taken the formal one yet.
    -I'm Jewish, and will be studying abroad in Israel for a semester this upcoming school year.
    -Upon graduation, I will have a NYS Advanced Regents Diploma in Art.
    -I have worked at a camp as a counselor for two years, I'm about to start a job at Starbucks coffee.
    -My extra-curricular activities include Amnesty International, a club composed of musicians at my school that has benefit concerts throughout the school year, my hebrew school, and my schools gallery club.
    -Sports I have participated in are JV Tennis my freshman year, and Novice Crew my sophomore year.
    -Leadership positions/awards are Secretary of Amnesty International at my school, 11th grade representative of my synagogues youth group (and instead of the normal application process for this, I was approached by the president and asked to join this, if that helps), and an award from the art and technology departments at my school for taking three or more classes offered by the departments. I also have many artworks that have been presented in school art shows.
    -I am building an extensive portfolio comprised of architectural hand/CAD drawings, photography, painting, perception drawings, computer graphics, etc.
    -I have a family member whose ex is school alumni, if that is counted towards me in anyway.

    I tried to list as much I could think of, but I am super nervous about being accepted and if I am I will need a lot of financial aid since my parents are divorced. The co-op program sounds interesting at Northeastern as I could pay most of my tuition through a internship at the school. Should I persue applying, or would I have a better chance of admissions looking elsewhere?
    Thank you so much for helping, I really appreciate it!

    • ANSWER:
      Well to put this strait-forward.
      10% if your lucky, I would bet you won't get in(sorry and no offense)
      Why your GPA. Northeastern is extremely competitive, its a great school, they only accepted last year, 38% of applicants, you may have the EC's for it, but your grades don't add up, you must have a lot of C's or D's to bring it down that low. Most people who apply there have a 3.75 or higher. Also unless its your parent that's a alumni it doesn't count.

      Although don't give up hope! There are plenty of schools that will accept you, just not the over competitive ones like northeastern.

  20. QUESTION:
    Can someone help me to understand what to do with my out of control 9 year old?
    My nine year old son is completely out of control! He hits himself, me, my boyfriend, and his brother and sister, and sometimes will hit any physical object that is near him; he talks out in class, and has already received an after school suspension and an inschool suspension; he whines and cries like an infant when he is not getting his way; he refuses to get up and get dressed in the morning; he constantly talks at the top of his lungs, although told to use his inside voice, which has caused my neighbors to become very angry with me; he curses and talks his brother and sister into cursing; and he has said violent things, like that he will stab the cat if his brother doesn't do what he wants him to do. I understand that my world should revolve around my kids, but it has gotten to the point where my world only revolves around him out of all three of my kids, and his behavior has interfered with work and other activities that we've had planned. We have tried everything under the sun to help him; every type of discipline imaginable, have taken priveleges away from him (like the PS3 and school trips); we have tried using more positive reinforcement and I make it a point to tell him how proud of him I am when he is behaving well; we have a counselor who comes once a week to talk to him at school for an hour; AND we have even went so far as to call the police and have an officer come and talk to him when he was having an angry outburst. All of these things work once, but then when we try them again, we fail. He starts with even more aggressive behaviors. The counselor suggested that she may diagnose him with ADHD, but at this point says she is not sure that ADHD is the correct diagnosis. Just to give you a background on my son, his biological father was very violent and abusive toward me, so I kicked him to the curb when my son was only four months old. All of his biological father's children (5 in total) have mental health issues and act very aggressively. I thought that by getting away from him when my son was a baby, he may not pick up on these violent behaviors. I was married to my son's stepfather when he was 2 and he raised him as his son from the time he was 9 months old until we were divorced 2 1/2 years ago. Now his stepfather doesn't want anything to do with him, except for on occasion, and he only wants something to do with our two children we have together. I am now in a new relationship with a wonderful man who has never had kids, but loves all three of my children like they are his own, and though my son looks up to him, he is very violent with him and smarts off to him all the time. My heart is breaking for my little boy as I just want to see him succeed in life. I just want to help him. I understand that it is the parent's responsibility to "modify" the behaviors, but what if you have used every suggestion you've been given to try, remained firm and not gave in, and STILL the behaviors continue? Does anyone have some constructive advice to give? If you do, I would be extremely greatful, as I don't want this situation to continue getting even further out of hand. Thanks for you help, in advance.

    • ANSWER:
      This actually does sound like ADHD. You really need to talk to your pediatrician right away and I suggest you get him into family counseling. My 5 year old nephew was like this and the counseling helped him a lot. I hope you figure everything out. Good luck and GOD bless!

  21. QUESTION:
    Im afraid about my future?
    Im 16 years old and im a sophmore whos in high school. I recently havent been doing well in school, with a 2.0 average and it sucks. It so hard because my parents are divorced and i only see 1 of them every other week, so its a difficult routine. I got lots of activities and im taking honors classes. Im very mad because i failed 2 classes over the year and i will have to be doing them in the summer. (again) I want to be a grpahic designer because i feel thats something i could excel in. I dislike my school very much because its too big and in my opinion a bad system. I cant get it out of my head, its so weird.
    I have been seeing a counselor, but i feel the relationship isnt working out. My parents suggested it but i feel its not helping. I dont want to say that though because ive kept going for like once per week so i dont want to tell them it hasnt been working.
    I also have not that many real good friends. I have some that are in my classes, but thats pretty much it. Its kinda like there my friends the whole school day, then its like well see ya. I never really had much friends where we actually hang out and do stuff. Im afraid that not having friends is going to affect me sometime in the future.
    My dad has said to join the navy if college isnt a choice. My mom thinks i have to go to college since all my family members did. Also my mom doesnt want me to join any branch of the military.
    So i dont know what im going to do if my GPA is bad and if i have to go to a community college. I know that if i go to a community college, i wont reach my goal of becoming a graphic designer.
    My parents are very different and argue a lot. Its depressed ,me a little. My dad someday is going to move away with my step-mom. He wants me to go with him. My mom is staying in Iowa where i live. Its so hard and scary of what to think is coming. I have most of my family here, so it would be hard to leave them all. But then if i dont go with my dad, i feel i will be letting him down. I get so worried sometimes about not having a good realtionship with him.
    I mainly did this because i have never expressed my full self to anyone. Its so hard to imagine what im going to be in the next years. My grades will affect me a lot, and so will the choice of who to live near. Not having a job isnt helping me either..
    Thanks for reading

    • ANSWER:


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Divorce Activities For Kids

Posted on April 27, 2012 by

Step One: The announcement

  1. If possible, the announcement should be given by both parents to all the children together.
  2. The announcement should be given about two weeks before the actual separation. Two weeks are required to let the child get used to the idea without traumatized him a feeling of embedment or sudden disappearance. Two weeks are also short enough not to erode the child.
  3. Indicate the reason for the separation. When doing so, note the following:
  1. Give a reason that has to do with you and not with the child, in order not to have them carry the blame for your separation.
  2. Give a reason that will not bring the child to fear certain behaviors: For example, if you say "we part because we disagree, than the child may develop a fear of expressing his own voice, in fear that you may decide to leave him too.
  3. What can you say? Go to the extreme. For example: We argue or disagree all the time and about almost everything, until our life together in 99% of the time is unbearable.
  4. Point out that the separation is not because the children
  5. Clarify that the parents' separation is from one another and not from the children, and that both parents will continue to love them very much
    Prevent separation anxiety. To do that, note the following:
  6. Describe the change that is expected in the children lives.
  7. If possible, do the separation in two stages. Announcing the stages before and stand by them will assist the children to build up the trust in the parents in an uncertain situation.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Money above and beyond child support? Love my kids but hate this Divorce thing.?
    I have 2 children with my ex wife and have child support taken directly from my pay and deposited into her checking account each month. I have been divorced for just over 3yrs now and am remarried. My current wife has 2 children that I legally adopted and they are 4 & 5 yrs old. My current wife and I work full time and I am also finishing up Nursing school. It takes everything we have to make it. Unfortunately when I was going through my divorce I never got a second opinion on the agreement from a lawyer and being the nice guy that I am, signed off on the papers. My ex and I used the same lawyer to save money on the divorce. At the time, it was what I would consider an amicable divorce. In the papers it says that I am responsible for child support in addition to half of any school fees and any other activities such as sports etc. We live in KY and yes we have all of our teeth and wear shoes. My ex wife is remarried, makes really good money and lives in a big home. We have joint legal custody which means our kids live with her, I am supposed to have them every other weekend, and I should have a say in what my kids do. She does not include me in any decision in the activities our kids take part in but I am still responsible according to court papers to pay for half of the activities. This is just too expensive for me and I think she knows it but she always sends me emails and text messages with amounts and asks when she can expect a deposit for my half. I use to just fork over money but have recently realized that it's ridiculous and stopped doing it. I even consulted with a lawyer and showed him a list of activities that she sent me and he even said I was getting ripped but advised it may be difficult to change since it is in my divorce agreement and I signed off on it. Stupid me!!!! I have not seen my kids in a while and believe they do not like coming to see me because my current wife and I are on a strict budget and live a simple life without a lot of entertainment. My ex gives our kids, who are 10 & 12 yrs old, whatever they want and lets them do pretty much whatever they want too. Granted they are good kids and do well in school, and I am not against letting kids take part in sports and activities. I still think there should be a limit and a line drawn and folks should live within their means. My ex even tried once to get me to sign off and let my daughter change her last name to her step dad's name and I refused. She stated that if I would do it that she would never ask me for anymore money outside of regular child support payments again. I love my kids but think my ex is a controlling money hungry person and that is partly why we are divorced. I also think she may be influencing our kids not to come around me. I had my child support lowered just this past year due to the fact that she makes so much money and the monthly amount was killing me. My lawyer advised I could have child support services review the figures since it had been 3yrs since the initial divorce. He was right because they did lower it and it did help some but now my ex keeps nagging me about money for this and that outside of my regular support payments and brings up the fact that it is in our divorce agreement. Is there anything I can do to get this changed? I'm doing the best I can until I graduate from Nursing school in the Spring and hope to have a better job however I still don't see why I should have to pay extra outside of child support when the support that I pay is quite enough. She drives around in a new convertible BMW while I live in a modest home, drive a modest vehicle and live on a strict budget. I also miss my kids. I try to communicate with them via emails, texts, vm and even facebook but get little to no response. I'm at my wits end. I really hate this whole divorce thing but love my kids.

    • ANSWER:
      You can ask your attorney to have the marital agreement set aside because conditions for both you and your ex-wife have changed and that when you signed the agreement in your divorce things were better with you and different for your ex-wife. Now those circumstances have changed. You can also advise the court that your partial custody rights have been curtailed by the parent who has the Primary Physical Custody. You will also mention that the activities you agreed to support prior are no longer the activities in which the children participate and that you cannot continue to support the ex-parte demands of your ex-wife without oversight of the court. You should ask your attorney to either negotiate a new agreement for you and then have it made as a Court Order ... then have all the money that you pay go directly to the court and then the court will make payments to her. The extra money that you may or may not pay for your children should be predicated on activities that they do with you as well as their mother. And if the mother can't uphold her end of the bargain by making sure that the children spend quality time with you, then she's to be held in Contempt of the Court Order and you should make sure she's taken to task for that. You can't continue to be the wimp in all this. So long as you let her be in control .. she will be. You have JOINT custody and it sounds like you've not made sure that you do your part to make it so.

  2. QUESTION:
    How to start an activity group for single parents and kids?
    I live in a wonderful family community but am divorced with kids. Our community is mostly marreid couples with families. I'd like to form a family club where community singles, moms and dads with kids, can get together for friendship and family activities. We have 2 local and exclusive websites for residents only. Any suggestions or ideas on how to plan and announce or what to call it?

    • ANSWER:
      try this site it does the same thing as your looking to do
      www.parentswithoutpartners.org -

  3. QUESTION:
    Holidays with kids, after divorce?
    My husband and I are getting a divorce, and are splitting physical custody with our kids right now. I know that may not seem like the best situation for the kids, but for now, the boys seem to be handling it quite well. That's not what the question is about.

    He was never much for the holiday season, and I am. But we didn't really have much in the way of traditions and stuff.

    I need ideas about traditions I can do with my kids to help make this holiday season special for them, despite the family issues going on right now. In the past three weeks, my husband has moved out into his own place, has a girlfriend (who my kids adore) who is there a lot, and money is incredibly tight on both ends.

    We're working together as much as we can to be supportive for the boys, so we will both be at Christmas programs (probably the girlfriend will be, too) and we're all coming together when it comes to the boys and their activities.

    Anyway -- traditions I could start with them?
    We celebrate Christmas.

    That might have different answers than if it was Hanukkah or Kwanza.
    Oh, they're four and six. Two boys.

    • ANSWER:
      I would focus on the traditions I grew up with. Your X-Mas spirit had to come from somewhere. Fond memeories of your childhood X-Mases most likely. What did you like to do? Bake cookies? Watch every X-mas special on tv? Do whatever moves you at the time. Whatever feels fun. The fun thing is to start your own traditions.

  4. QUESTION:
    Why do kids from a divorce say they don't love you?
    My boyfriend has two kids from his first marriage--a 3 and 6 year old who live with their mother. They have shared custody, but he sees them every other weekend. The 6 year old has started to do things like wake up at 4am and want to go back home to his mom's. He also says things to his dad like, "You don't love me anymore," and "We don't do anything when I'm here." 1) Why do they say those things? 2) Is there anything that can be done to change the boy's statements? 3) What can my boyfriend do to help him deal with this? (books, activities, etc?) From a non-mom-caring-girlfriend, thanks for your help!
    For the sake of clarification, I've only met the kids 4 times in the 8 months we've been dating. Thank you to all who have responded. You have opened my eyes to several things I didn't think about. There's some great feedback. I can't wait to talk to him about it. He's always looking at ways to improve that relationship. Thanks for your encouragement!

    • ANSWER:
      The children are feeling abandoned by their father and are probably being fed a bunch of garbage by their mother-- I don't mean literally FED, but that she is probaby telling them things about their dad or letting the OVER HEAR conversations about him. Most of what is going on is probably rooted in the fact that the mother is hurt over the divorce and the fact that there is a girlfriend involved in her ex's life. The children are picking up on her feelings either because she tells them stuff that they don't need to hear or that she isn't careful about where the kids are when she talks about their dad.

      He has to spend more one-on-one time with them. If you have a good relationship with them then let him take one child out to lunch-- just them while you stay behind with the other one playing games or doing a fun project. Then let him take the other child out to dinner while you stay behind with the other child. Plan really fun activities that you can all do together while they are at your house. Children normally love messy art and crafts projects. Your weekends with the children have to be full of fun and games-- anything to show them that dad wants to pay a lot of attention to the kids and that you want to be heavily involved in their lives.

      These kids need lots of love and care. I hope you're both ready to give that to them.

      Good luck.

  5. QUESTION:
    should kids of divorced parents have 2 sets of clothing?
    My husband and I have to keep clothes at our house for his kids, his ex has sent them on the weekends in clothes that are too small and we usually got the same outfits over and over every weekend. We found it hard to take them to church, out to dinner or on vacation without being embarrassed. We picked them up for Easter dinner one time and we had to stop at the nearest gas station bathroom to clean them up. She knew full well we had dinner plans for the holiday but sent them to use in need of a major bath and play clothes.

    We have asked her on several occasions to please send them something decent but she always failed to do so, now she complains that we keep clothes at our house and that isn't good for the kids to know they have to leave the clothes with us instead of taking them home. She doesn't even like for us to have toys at our house, says it is torture for the kids to leave their toys behind...

    My husband pays his share of child support and half of all expenses for the kids, daycare, school activities and even pays for ALL the insurance premiums and many more things.

    So please help me with this, I have heard different thoughts on the clothes at 2 houses. We don't want to confuse the kids but we can't take beautiful kids out in public looking like they are orphans when we all look decent and clean ourselves.
    Hey, we are wanting to buy clothes for them at our house, that is just it...she is the one complaining that we have clothes at our house and wants us to give them to her....not happening... Just explaining why we do have clothes at our house.
    not making it hard, just wanted to know if it was wrong to have clothes at 2 houses. We have learned from the mistake of thinking she would be a decent mother and want her kids to look nice, I know I want my daughter to look good all the time, therefore she is clean if I have anything to do with it. I don't so stuff to spite my ex, it only hurts the kids.

    • ANSWER:
      Yes. Check the discussion guidelines at this link.
      Http://Visitation_Rights.Dads-House.Org

      To learn a father's rights, join Dads House in Yahoo Groups. It's free to join, access all materials, and you associate with other fathers going through, and have already gone through, the same issues. We have an Educational Manual that teaches everything that needs to be known in addressing your legal issues. Mention your question here when asked why you want to join, as well as your state?
      http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DadsHouse/

  6. QUESTION:
    getting divorce, have two young kids..... they seem oddly ok. with everything!!!?
    my soon to be ex and i are separated, he has been out of the house for almost 8 months.... my kids 5 & 7 seem oddly o.k. with everything, nothing has changed in their school work, personality, eating... everything is good. i do talk about it here and there, just to make sure they don't have any questions for me, and they are good kids. we talk about everything, so i really do think they would come to me... my ex and i get along for the most part and we both support them in all their school activities and both go to all of there things... so they see us talking and getting along.... is there something else i should be looking for, or do i just kinda go with the flow here... i realize divorce effects everyone, i'm not dumb, i want answers from people who have gone thru this and maybe have some suggestions for me... i just want to make things easier for them...

    • ANSWER:
      It sounds as if you and your husband have put the children first as it should be, and you are doing all the right things.

  7. QUESTION:
    I want to divorce him, but can't.?
    I have 4 kids and I am a sahm and my husband works. I take care of the house, meals, kids, sports activities, etc. When he gets home he gets on World of Warcraft until dinner, then after he eats, he's back on it until he goes to bed. I understand the need for him to relax and unwind, but he does not help bathe the kids, take them to practice or games, etc. unless I go ballistic on him. It is the same on weekends, except he gets up @10am yells at the kids to shut up and stays on WOW until @1am.
    Problem is that I have no income, therefore no means of supporting the kids or myself. Is there any way to divorce and keep the kids?
    Thinker: He doesn't CHANGE because I go ballistic, he just does whaat I need him to at THAT moment. I have tried to talk to him like an adult, but he tells me to wait until he's off his game (which is after I'm in bed.

    I'm worried that if I go out and get a PT job, he'll just make my 12yro take care of the other 3 kids (5,4,2). He does that when I leave the kids with him to go buy groceries.

    • ANSWER:
      Honey, when I had it with my husband when we were first married, I was afraid to leave him also, I had nothing, no money, no place to go, nothing.

      Until I called my mom and told her that I wanted to see her upstate where she lived and then I packed the car with everything, all my clothes all my daughter's clothes, everything, and I left him the next morning to meet my mom to see her where she lived.

      When my husband woke up from his nap, he called me at my mom's house, and I told him I wanted a divorce, I was in a different city and filed for a legal seperation.

      Honey, if I can do it, then so can you!!!!!

  8. QUESTION:
    How soon can I go back to court to ask for child support after the divorce is final?
    My divorce was finalized in February. I didn't ask for child support because of guilt in addition to the fact that he gets the kids for 4 hours on Tues and Thurs and then every other weekend so it SEEMED like the time was split equally. It's not and anyone who has kids knows that the more time they're with you, the more money you spend.

    My ex splits doc copays, prescriptions and any extra-curricular activities the kids might be involved in, but even at that I have to ask him repeatedly to pay up.

    As a result, I just want to go to court, ask for a flat amount of child support per month and be done with it. There are two problems with this: Foremost, even though the kids live with me and we have joint conservertership, in Texas you have to name a primary guardian. My ex is the primary guardian. Secondly, I've heard that in Texas you have to wait 3 years to go back to court to change the custodial agreement, etc. Is there any truth to this!

    Help!
    As far as the "primary" custody thing - it's just a legal term stating that he has the final say on where the kids live. It's the "only thing" he asked for in the divorce and like I said, I felt guilty for what I was doing and just wanted it over with.

    As long as I knew the kids would live with me, I didn't care what happened. Wrong attitude but hindsights always 20/20.
    It's not about adding money for me to be flagrant and go on shopping sprees for myself. It's about having more than 0 left over at the end of the month after just LIVING expenses. Kids want to do things (go to the movies, etc) and I can't afford it. I knew it would be hard and I wanted it, but he's able to live his life without the same financial burdens I have, and since the children are both of ours, that burden should be shared more equally.

    • ANSWER:
      Call your local child support center and ask them. Where I live you can do it in court which is normally done, or through the State Child Support Office.

  9. QUESTION:
    I've been married for 15yrs,planning for a divorce.I've never had my 3 kids stayed with me?
    i have no involvements in their schools activities nor taken them to Dr.I am supporting myself for my schools and rents.My ex never paid me any money.We've been separated for over 3yrs.Will i be able to get child custody,child support and alimony even though i have never taken my kids to sleep over at my house? what are my chances? please help.

    • ANSWER:
      Chances are no..

  10. QUESTION:
    Married for 17 years with marriage problems?
    I've been married for 17 years, and we have 2 small children at home age 9 and 6.

    I've been pulling my hair out worrying about my marriage. I feel like the only reason I'm around at home to provide back up for my wife. I am a government employee, that means that I actually make a good living and we don't have to worry to much about money. It's tight sometimes with all the kids extra activities (swimming, music etc). My wife works everyday but her employer gives her the flexibility to drop off and pick up the kids everyday.

    Here's the problem. It seems to me that she always in the "Crisis Mode" all the time. I get home at the end of the day and the stress level can be cut with a knife. I try to help around the house but she keeps telling me how wrong I do it and she should just do it herself. We only have sex about 2 or 3 times a year. really.....

    I will not ask for a divorce. My kids deserve to have both parents at home to raise them.

    I'm miserable at home and I need help.

    Jack

    • ANSWER:
      Don't stay in a miserable marriage "for the sake of the children", it's the oldest trick in the book and is terrible.

      Your kids are like sponges, they absorb all new things they come in contact with, this will screw them up if you stay in a terrible marriage.

  11. QUESTION:
    Divorce in Our Future?
    I have always worked 9am-5pm. My husbands job is 5pm-4am. I cook, clean, yard work, garden, kids school activities, kids home activities, homework(basically I do everything and work full time).
    We have not had sex in a month he says hes too busy (we both r home on the weekends, yet he still does nothing except sit on the sofa and watch tv). I have tried to give clear signals I want to have sex with him even go as far as telling him straight out I want to. Still no sex in our house.
    When the kids ask him to do something with them he says I'm watching tv ask your mom she will do it with you.
    I love doing stuff with/for my kids but is it really a marriage when in 2 years you haven't gone anywhere or done anything with your husband?
    I feel like I resent him. I ask for help he says " I work" well duh.. so do I.
    The only time he wants to talk to me is on payday when he decides which bills to pay.
    We have been married 12 years. I feel like a married single person....
    I want to divorce but keep on staying because it is "comfortable" and I don't want to put my kids through hell.
    He yells at me the few times we do talk and never has time for us/me/kids or any of his family.
    I don't know what to do. I ask him to spend more time with us he says like always I have to work.......I am like so tired of hearing this lame ass excuse.
    I guess I should leave him ( I am not happy and hate him now. He always has been verbally abusive but now we just don't talk). I keep saying I am leaving this loser but then I just never seem to get around to it.
    I can't see myself keeping on like this much longer. It is depressing. It feels like he has no interest in "us" anymore just himself.
    I know I am not happy. How can he be??? I feel like his mother not his wife.
    I have told him I want a divorce he just laughs says go get one bi**h.
    What do I do? Stay here and deal with it or move on and be happy. After all he doesn't contribute anything but a paycheck (which is gone mostly on his "toys").
    I would like to add our children are 10 &13

    • ANSWER:
      I don't think other people should help anyone decide to remain or divorce. I think it's time to go into some marriage counseling on your own and find out what it is you need for your life to work out. Many people in your situation go to marriage counseling alone.

      You need to work through all your emotions, hate is not the opposite of love. Hate can not even be if you didn't still love him to some degree. The opposite of love is indifference. You'll have little to no emotions left over when and if you get to a point of finally being really done with it all.

      You can hope that eventually he'll see changes and eventually want to start going to marriage counseling with you... but he may not. From here on out, give him less of your check so that you can build yourself a nice nest egg for your future. In case you ever do leave you'll need money to do so. This will leave him less money for his toys and that's just too bad.

      As for having kids... some will tell you to remain for the kids. I can tell you a little of my own story and it may help you. I hated life, especially growing up with my parents. When I was 5 I learned about divorce and I thought it was the best thing in the world. I ran home and begged my parents to get one. They didn't. They remained together, though they lived separate lives but got in each others way enough to fight quite often. The house felt hostile to live in and made me feel tense and afraid nearly every day of my life. We were all waiting for the next fight and that kind of life sucked. When I grew up I went straight away into a marriage just like my parents had. Oh, I thought it was different, but it sure wasn't. Well, it was different in the fact that he was far more abusive than my parents were to each other. It took me awhile to get out of it because that was the norm of what I grew up with. Can you understand that? All your kids are getting out of this continued marriage is that this amount of dysfunction in a home is normal and they will repeat it within their lives.

      But no, I am not saying get out. I am saying, again, to go to marriage counseling on your own. You can ask him to go, but when he says no make certain you go anyway. I wish you the best for your future, whatever it may hold.

  12. QUESTION:
    I want a divorce, what do I do about my kids? I want them to stay with me?
    Ok I am getting sick of my wife of 10 years its at the point I don’t think of her as my best friend, my wife, my lover, she is just there. Her spending habits unbelievable, buys new cloths everyday trips to the spa 3 times a day, eats in the best restaurants, gives money to her family, because there losers an can’t hold down a job. She wanted a bigger house I bought a bigger house for her. She likes to spend a lot of money, not on the 8 boys we have together but her self, I have to make sure our sons have everything, new shoes anything they need, I take them to there sports activities. I’ve tired to tell her to keep her spending to a minim, she said her job is hard an she needs time for her self. She doesn’t work, stays at home all our kids are school aged an are in school all day. She doesn’t clean we have a housekeeper. Truth is I want a divorce, but I want my kids to stay with me. As I can provide a better life for them. When she is on her ass. Would the courts let me keep my son? Because they usually end up with the mother?
    We have a pre-nup an I keep what I brought to our marriage witch is everything. I don’t want to do this to our kids, I don’t think she will let me take the kids. She’s been drinking a lot I know she has a problem. She won’t get help she needs. I know that they will likely end up with her but I don’t want that. My older son he is 13 thinks mom doesn’t like him. He’s asked me several times. If its true

    • ANSWER:
      unless the children are of an age where they can speak for themselves in court, the mother usually gets them

  13. QUESTION:
    To reconcile or divorce my bpd wife and fight for our 2 kids?
    a yr ago i have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and have been in therapy and ssri's since then.
    my wife and i have been in marriage councelling roughly the same time and additionally seeing therapists and councellers. i walk on eggshells everyday (for 15yrs now). my wife left a trail of detsroyed professional and personal relationships leading back to 2 counts of rape in her early childhood. her father who has been a long standing alcoholic passed away late last year.
    we tried everything from 'languages of love' which only i end up speaking, sensory integration work, only her needs are met now.
    there is no intimacy, no kindness and no support from her since the conception of our daughter 2 yrs ago.
    i wake up to her shouting at the kids at the breakfast table. she spends all time at work and never joins our activities.
    everything points to bpd and i sit between divorce, custody battle or hoping for another 15 yrs for things to change.
    this is the only love i know .....

    • ANSWER:
      the stress and tension in your marriage isn't doing those kids any good at all. As you are both in counselling, I suggest you bring it up with your counsellor and discuss what would work best for both of you and your kids.

  14. QUESTION:
    I'm a divorced dad , my question is : when the kids grow up what do you do?
    Been divorced for a year and a hlf , I have been busy with my kids- tons of sports and activities. ( 50% custody ) and keeping my business afloat . Since I have only had one date since divorced , I am wondering what it is like for other that may have been in this situation?

    • ANSWER:
      Why only one date? The odds are in you favor. :) More women:less men. Enjoy your life. Join a club. Go to the gym. Buy a boat and fish if you want. You can do whatever you want once the kids are grown up. Go online and join a dating site. Maybe you'll find some great girls to chat with and maybe even meet someday. Good luck!

  15. QUESTION:
    Why won't she (mother) let us be together? Will she ever?
    Ok, I'm 27, divorced with 2 kids. My ex and I have an amazing 50/50 agreement and no drama or issues. We're friends and ended it right.
    Ok, with that out of the way, here's the issue. I started dating this girl. After a few dates and hours upon hours on the phone and probably 1,000 texts, we've fallen in love with each other. We have everything in common. I didn't even know it was possible. Everything from activities, entertainment, movies, video games, food, drinks, snacks, comedians, sports, athletes... EVERYTHING. Our personalities and goals are even alike. We feel that we were made for each other. She's amazing. Problem is is that she's only 20 and lives at home. She could've moved out already, but she has it good. Big house, everything taken care of, good job, school in the fall, even has a large trust fund waiting for her, but her mom controls everything. Her mom has never met me and doesn't care. I have kids and was divorced. That's all she sees. She doesn't see that I've made her daughter happier than she's ever been (and she had a rough childhood too). Her mom forbids her to see me, but it just seems perfect. The girl is absolutely amazing. Her mom has said she'll take everything away. The girl I'm seeing doesn't care about the money or the lifestyle, but she's at a disadvantage because she's not prepared to move out and was expecting to go to school full time, so it would be really hard to just leave. Her mom knows this. Our age difference isn't an issue. She's dated older and her mom married a man 30+ years older than her (who just happens to be a multi millionaire). Her mom has added a myspace account to check up on her and has even looked at her texts. What do we do? I've never met anyone more alike than me than her. Guy or girl. She feels like my perfect match. She loves me and I love her and we just want to be together. Any suggestions? She's argued and pleaded with her mom over and over again, but she just doesn't care. Divorced, kids, NO! The girl I'm seeing has accepted me for everything. She knows everything about me and is very happy with me and just wants to be with me. How can we make this work without destroying her relationship with her mom? I don't want her to lose out on any life opportunities either. She shouldn't have to and it hurts her that her mom is trying to hold whatever she can over her head. PLEASE HELP.
    Please trust me. She's not just making stuff up. She originally showed more interest and love in me. I tried to hide it to keep my guard up. I know for sure that she wants to be with me. She cried to me on the phone for an hour last night at 2 am because her mom was being so hurtful. I KNOW she cares for me, so please don't use that as a reason. And my age isn't an issue. She's dated guys in their 30's. I mentioned my kids because that's her mother's problem, not hers. She's accepted that part of me. This is strictly her mom telling her she doesn't want her with a man with kids.
    Ok, a few more details after reading some responses. First off, the age doesn't matter. She has gone through things that most adults would not want to go through in their lifetime. She had a ROUGH childhood. Her mom is like her best friend in so many ways, but for some reason, she wont budge. No matter how much she cries. She cried herself to sleep and when she told her mom, she just walked out of the room. She could just leave, but she's not set up for that. She has a job, but she was going to be quitting soon to go back to school full time. She doesn't want to lose her mother. She doesn't care about money the way her mom does. She says she'd rather have nothing and be loved than rich and loveless. Issue is getting her mom to accept me. She doesn't even want to see my name. I am not a bad guy in any way. I treat her daughter like no one has ever treated her before. I have no issues. Never done drugs. Don't smoke. Drink maybe once a month. Funny, hopeless romantic.

    • ANSWER:
      Ok...No judging here at all. I was 18 when I first met my soul mate he was 26 (8yr.'s older.). He had two daughter's not divorced though but at least you have no drama, lol. Anyways long story short,...... my mom also with the LIFE of her HATED him. Said that she had hired a private investigator and if I didn't leave..... she'd reveal what she found and I'd still leave.
      But I loved him... and called her bluff. (lol....she's crazy and had nothin)
      && now almost 8yr.'s later we are married happy in love && my mom see's how happy I am.

      My point is, If she love's you and it is real you'll both find a way!

  16. QUESTION:
    Should I get a divorce?
    I am 50, male and have been married for nearly 22 years. We have two beautiful boys 19 and 14 years of age. I have been unhappy for the past at least 10 years perhaps more. The issues are simple. First, my wife doesn't make plans but if I proceed with something it's always wrong. Second, in the past 22 years, I don't think she has sincerely said she is sorry or she is wrong about anything. It's always someone else's fault. Third, she cooks, does the laundry and pays bills, nothing more nothing less. I work 50+ hours a week and she 20. I do all the maintenance on the house, the cars, the cleaning, painting, plus we share the running around with kids activities. We are both very involved parents. Fourth, I love to workout and mtn bike, she has no hobbies. Finally, I am so tired of always being second guessed and being wrong that I don't love my wife anymore. I care about her as a person but as much as I have tried, I cannot fall in love with her anymore. What would you do?

    • ANSWER:
      Your sentence, "...I cannot fall in love with her anymore." seems pretty final. If that is truly where you are, then of course you should move on (and I hate divorce).

      The mere fact you asked the question, means you are not there, yet. So there is hope.

      You did have 12 years of happy marriage. You do have two kids. You both sound like you're good parents (spending time with your kids is the ultimate good thing).

      Most, if not all, marriages go through the pit of hell you are experiencing. Mine did. We're at 27 years and could NOT be more happy and in love each other.

      First proactive thing we each did was focus on the other person. I focus all my energy on making her happy. She's always happy and it makes me feel good to make her happy. She does the same for me.

      Example: It's my job to take the trash out. If I'm behind, rather than yell at me for not taking it out, she takes it out and doesn't say a thing, nor does she do it in front of me. I, on the other hand, KNOWING it's full, will walk by, see it's now empty, and know she did it for me. It's wonderful. I do the same for her.

      One of you needs to start. I recommend you. Start treating her like a queen. Be very self-sacraficing, don't complain, don't mention what you're doing for her. Just do it. She'll eventually catch on. It will NOT be easy on you during the period when she hasn't caught on. When she does, you'll be were I am in my marriage.

      Marriage counseling works well. Also, the age of kids tells me you two probably don't get out much alone. Date night is good. Vacations with just the two of you are great also. I know you know this, but marriage takes work.

      I promise you one thing, a troubled marriage that is repaired is ten time better than a divorce and remarriage. (I know I'll take flak for that comment, but I find it's true).

      Good luck with whatever path you choose.

      p.s. My oldest daughter is divorced. And I supported it. Sometimes it is necessary (he was beating her).

      p.p.s. Remember, there was a time when you would have killed just to touch her hand...smell her hair...kiss her mouth. Those feelings can be resurrected.

  17. QUESTION:
    How do you cut all ties with a sibling that you absolutely have no desire to have in your life? Divorce them?
    I am 34 and she is 38. She is miserable...selfish and always has been from the moment I can remember. I have no clue what makes her this way. She moved out of the house at 18 and since then, we have never had a close or healthy relationship. The only time she would ever get in touch with me is when she was arguing with one of her sister in laws. She moved her entire family to Canada and basically never looked back. She expects us to move mountains to attend all her kids activities when in return, she and her family will attend nothing in the states for my family, my father and so on. She sends hurtful emails and of course I retaliate when needed but have stopped responding and blocked her from everything on my computer. I miss her children but what am I suppose to do? I give 100% and she gives nothing. What makes it even worse is that our parents think that this is a pattern affect since my mother has no relationship with her sister. I know the reasoning behind that and it has nothing to do with me and my sister. Our differences are not the same. My sister doesn't even have the traits I look for in a friend...she is selfish, fake, dishonest, hurtful, insecure, she judges and ahhhhhh, she drives me nuts! I have 3 children that she has shown no interest in. Doesn't show up for bdays...holidays, and so on...it's disappointing. I have opened my home to her inlaws, attending as much as I possibly could for her kids...it's a pain in the ass to go over the bridge but I did it. Please advise........
    I have shared my feelings with her and honestly, I don't like the person I turn into when I am dealing with her. He has hurt me time and time again. I think I will just stick to my guns and avoid her in anyway I can. I have already not seen her in almost a year. I too agree that her children will grow up and become adults one day and hopefully still love me for all my attempts I did make to see them. It breaks my heart but there isn't any other options.

    • ANSWER:
      Do what is best for you & your children....eventually hers will be adults and if it's meant to be, they can establish a relationship with out without their mother being part of it...

      You have to take of your own first...good luck.

  18. QUESTION:
    Divorce and Child Support?
    Question about monies paid to spouse. In NJ, does anyone know if the extra activities for kids (sports, accessories for sports, school pics, etc) included in child support money or is that extra money that the man has to pay on top of the support?

    • ANSWER:
      Usually any sort of recreational activities like the ones you mentioned are extra. My ex hasn't hit me up for much as far as pictures and other things go because she gets quite a lot from me because she only works part time. As far as my stepson goes, anything I do with him (hunting license, bait for fishing, movies, etc) that's all out of my pocket, and I wouldn't change that at all, I get to see him. :)

  19. QUESTION:
    Kids vacation visitation?
    Husband and Wife are divorced and the kids visitation schedule is set by the court for regular time but not for the vacation time. The division is 80 : 10 (father : mother)

    Now that the vacation is coming up parents need to work on the vacation timetable as well as long term vacation schedule. My question is can 80 : 20 division be in place for summer vacation as well?

    There are many extra curricular activities and additional classes that father has planned for them in order to get best for the children.

    What are the fair chances of father getting 80% for vacation as well? Does the vacation division need to be 50:50? Or are there any chances for 75:25 or 60:40 for the father: mother?

    Father having the custody of kids would like to maximize the time for vacation. Please advise.
    We do not have a court order for vacation sharing yet.

    • ANSWER:
      Any Revisions to the original Court Order will have to be re-addressed by the Court unless the Custodial Parent agrees to changes

  20. QUESTION:
    Kids Vacation Schedule?
    Husband and Wife are divorced and the kids visitation schedule is set by the court for non-vacation time but not for the vacation time. The division is 80 : 20 (father : mother) as per court for non-vacation days.

    Now that the vacation is coming up parents need to work on the vacation timetable as well as long term vacation schedule. My question is can 80 : 20 division be in place for summer vacation as well? What do you think will court decide?

    There are many extra curricular activities and additional classes that father has planned for them in order to get best for the children.

    What are the fair chances of father getting 80% for vacation as well? Does the vacation division need to be 50:50? Or are there any chances for 75:25 or 60:40 for the father: mother?

    Father having the custody of kids would like to maximize the time for vacation. Please advise.

    • ANSWER:
      I'm thinking that if you try that, you SUCK big time. The kids need their mother just as much as their father. Who the hell are you to try to curtail the already restricted visitation of the mother??

      Get a life. And to answer your basic question, NO the 80/20 ratio does NOT apply to the vacation time as well. The ratio applies to the ENTIRE year....that 20% is the vacation time, when the kids are out of school....that's the mother's time to spend with her kids!!

  21. QUESTION:
    How do you move on after a divorce? Activity or contemplation?
    I`ve been divorced for 6 months and don`t feel I´ve moved on at all. There`s been some complications - my ex was considering to come back to me but then decided against it - and that didn`t help. Now I`ve decided to see him and talk to him only in connection with our kids (12 and 18). But my heart is still broken and although I`m angry with him I`m also longing for him. I don´t feel like dating or anything, I just want to feel a little better. In your experience, is it better to fill your days with activities ot to use the time for some soulsearching and quiet contemplation?

    • ANSWER:
      I think it is difficult for you to let go because you have children from the relationship and land up meeting him. Assuming you want to move forward, do minimize your contact with him else it is difficult to let go of him. To answer your question, I believe you need both - soul searching and activities.

      When you close a relationship, we tend to think of the "could haves" "would haves" and "what if". If you are doing that, please stop yourself. To really move forward, you have to shutdown the past, and have to tell yourself "Life goes on" and believe in it and think forward.

      Soul searching is very important becoz it will help you identify what you are and what you need from your partner. It might even help you reason out why the previous relationship ended and help you come to terms with it. This knowledge about yourself will also give you peace of mind, mental strength and confidence in yourself to move forward.

      Activities are very important too in order to live your day to day life and put the past behind. Doing activities you like to do will help you relax and make you happy. It will also help you connect with people who like to do the same activities you like. Thus it will help build network of friends and possibly help you find the right person in your life.

      So, soul searching is required to understand what you are and what you need from this point on. Activities are important to have fun and enjoy the present.

      Additionally I would say: 1) Workout more often becoz it helps reduce stress and makes you feel positive. 2) Stay around people and friends that have positive energy/attitude - it will really help feel positive. 3) Yoga and Meditation really help a lot too.

  22. QUESTION:
    After Divorce...?
    My question is about parenting after divorce... I know a couple that divorced after a few years for irreconciliable issues, when their kids were still young (boy was 5 and girl was 2), they decided to go to court to decide custody, as both wanted to keep the kids, at the end, court decided that mom keeps girl and dad keeps boy. Dad now has a new girlfriend and have a 3 year old daughter. Kids now are 10, 7 and the new one 3. I notice that the girls are OK in regards of behaviour, etc...the boy doesn't seem to be very happy and has issues in his school, slow learning, etc although he is a very smart kid... he as well has some trouble to relate with Dad's new girlfriend, and sisters.. Although Dad is a great dad and does lots of things and has lots of activities with all kids, isn't it very important that the kids stay and live with their mother until a certain age (as long as she is suitable mentally and phyisically to take care of her kids) and stay with Dad on weekends?Thanks so much

    • ANSWER:
      I think children need both their parents or the outcome will not be good. Every child is different and some deal with it greatly and some have troubles. I myself when I got divorce chose not to fight over my children cause I love them to much to play tug of war. Besides I knew they were better off with their MOM as they were attached to her since they were born. I would always rather shoulder the emotional burden then to put it on my children. I am a grown man and can get thru life dealing with good and bad days. Children do not need to be used as tools for the fighting between two people who no longer love each other.

  23. QUESTION:
    why would not my first grader son be interested in school or any activities?
    He doesn't feel ashamed that he is behind almost all kids in class. I know he feels bad about me and his father preparing for a divorce. What can I do to help him?

    • ANSWER:
      The only thing i can think of is that maybe he feels like hes leaving you in a time of need. maybe since you and your husband are divorcing maybe he feels like he needs to be there with you. make sure you tell him that nothing was his fault. im not sure if this will work but maybe you should start volunteering at the school and maybe that will make him feel proud that his mom is helping at his school and he will start being more motivated.. im not sure if this will help but its all i can think of :)

  24. QUESTION:
    I want to be active in the LDS church husband doesn't should I divorce him after our 10 year marriage 3 kids?
    We have been married for 10 years and have had 3 children. We were never that active in the LDS church but we did go from time to time. We became totally inactive for a long spell. I started to bring up wanting to be more active again with my husband but he wasn't interested. The more a pressed the more harsh my husband's views on religion became. I really want to return to church activities but I hate going without him. It seems like this has become a wedge in our marriage. I feel that I should leave him to find another who would be more willing to attend with me and help raise our children in a god fearing home. Please help!

    • ANSWER:
      It is unfair for you to abandon him when you knew he was not active when you married him. I also think that to leave him now would be totally unfair to your children who love him, and to the vows you have made together when you were married.

      I am LDS and very active. I give this advice to you because I think that this is really the only right thing to do. This does not mean that you have to sacrifice your activity and testimony of the church. Go to him and explain how you feel. Lay no blame at his feet. Just say, I feel a real desire to become active again and to go to church. I know you do not. I still love you, but I want you to understand that I want to attend my meetings and be active in the church. I would love you to go with me, but if you do not want to, I understand. I do not want you to give me a hard time for going, and I promise you I will not give you a hard time for not going. Will you agree to this?

      If he agrees then attend and become as active as you can. I would also involve your children and take them with you to church. This may require further discussions and coming to a mutual agreement with your husband. You cannot force someone to have a desire to go to church and to gain a testimony. I don't believe God would want you to either.

      Their is a really great story I heard about a woman in similar circumtance to yours. She longed for her husband to be active, and told him so. All of her words and actions to convince him to be active failed. The harder she tried, the deeper he planted his heals in the ground refusing to budge. She prayed for help and received the answer that she should do nothing to convince him but only to love him. This she did. She built him up and did all she could to let him know that even though he was not active she loved him no matter what. She attended her meetings and went on her silent way of living the gospel of Jesus Christ. Over time her husband saw that she was sincere and his heart was softened. He finally decided that if the gospel of Jesus Christ as taught in the Mormon church could change his wife to such a degree for the better, that he ought to check it out. He went at first to please her, but as he kept going he gained a testimony of its truthfulness. In the end he became an active member too.

      God creates miracles in small ways but he expects us to keep our vows and to live as true Christians should. Your husband may never become active, and if he does not, at least you will know that you have done what is right, and have kept your vows. Your children also if older may choose not to attend church. Forcing them to do so is wrong, but encouragement is alright to do. Find creative ways to encourage them to attend so that thier lives can be enriched without using force or punishment.

      About divorce, the children would also be hurt even more than you and your husband were if you divorce. Also consider that they would be shuffled to and fro from your ex's house to yours, and how would they then have a chance to attend church on a regular basis? Their is no guarentee either that you would find a man that would treat your children with the love and respect they deserve or that they would accept him.

      My advice to you is to turn to your Father in Heaven for help. He is concerned with your marriage and your decisions. I had some problems in my marriage and needed help. I had tried everything I knew to do. Nothing worked. I went to the Lord in prayer and asked him what to do. I recieved no answer. I told the Lord that I was going to do my part to show my sincerity, that I had done everything I knew to do and that nothing was getting better. I promised him that for the next month that once a week I would fast without anyone knowing about it and try to get answers. The month turned into 6 weeks, and every day I prayed for help. After the end of this time something remarkable happened. I fully expected my Father in Heaven to Zap my husband or something or to wake him up, because I blamed him for not caring about our marriage and for not caring about me. What happened instead was that my heart softened toward him. I realized that I had hardened my heart toward him and blamed him for the problems we had in our marriage. I began to remember him as he was when we first married, and how in love I was with him. I started trying to see the good in him and not the bad. I tried to praise him and build him up. I tried not to argue with him, but to walk away. I tried to let him be the man in the house and not always do just as I pleased. Soon small changes started to occur. He was kinder to me, and seemed to soften in his attitude toward me. Our marriage became better because of the little things not the big things such as being Zapped or converted. I found that so many times God works in small ways to bring about big changes. We have been married now for 25 years. Our marriage is not perfect but we are still together and we have all been blessed because we chose to stay together.

      Good Luck, & God Bless

  25. QUESTION:
    How much should a divorce cost in IL?
    My girlfriend has been separated for 3 years, after a 7 year marriage. She just started (and now finished) her divorce about 8 months ago. They have two kids (11 and 7), bought a house about 7 years ago (she put the 20% down payment down), and both have jobs paying almost the same amount. After she left three years ago, she got her own place, bought all new furniture, kitchen stuff...whatever grownups need. Since she left, they amicably have had the kids going back and forth every other week and doing holidays every other year. They split whatever has to be paid for kids medical and activities, etc. He originally agreed that he'd give her back the down payment plus half of any appreciation. They basically had everything worked out .

    AFTER the process started, he implied he wouldn't be able to pay her (he is an idiot with money). After a few discussions (non-lawyer involved), he agreed that he would pay her. BUT that made her nervous, so during the process she was willing to pay an extra 00 for some financial analysis on the guy's financials. She had initially given her attorney a k retainer.

    So to recap: all the details had already been worked out; she was just nervous about financials and getting her money back; lawyers were just necessary to work out minor details and write it all down in lawyer-speak. After it was done, the lawyer sent her a bill for an extra 6K!!! I think it seems ridiculous!

    She just wants it over with and doesn't want to really look into the bills. Can anyone tell me if this is as crazy as I think it is...or should I not bring it up? I feel like I could have done this with a tiny bit of logic and some forms from LegalZoom. Any input would be appreciated.

    Additional: only 2 meetings with the lawyers and clients together; less than 5 phone conversations

    • ANSWER:

  26. QUESTION:
    marriage problems divorce or stick it out?
    I think I already know the answer to my question, but just wanted to get the opinion of other people. I have been married for 15 years, for most of those years our married was solid up until about three years ago. Sadly it comes to money which is really sad because I have always known that is the number 1 killer of any relationship. But heres the deal, I have asked her many times through out all these years of marriage to sit down with me to do a budget, pay bills, etc. so she can see where our money goes and how much we have left after paying for everything. I have even sat right next to her while doing it and talk about it and she does not pay attention to anything I say about it. So now the problem is, my income (which is our only income, she don't have a job) has gone down the last few years and money is very tight because we have four children, which is a total of six mouths to feed not to mention activities and such for the kids. There are many times that she will ask me to buy something that we don't really need and I try to explain to her we just don't have the money and she immediately gets mad and ignores me for about two hours. And it just seems like to me more times than not she is in a bad mood and I feel like it is me that puts her in those moods because she has told me on several occasions I don't get her anything anymore so I don't love her, which is not true at all. After the first year of this, I was so frustrated and felt so guilty about thinking I was making her miserable I thought about asking her if I should leave so she can find a rich guy to keep her happy. I know what that would do to my kids though, because my parents got divorced, so I couldn't do it. But every year it seems to get a little worse and the more I think it would be best to just get out. Then about six months ago my thoughts of leaving come more frequent and it is because of another women that works in the same building as me who meet my wife and could tell she had a lot of hostility towards me. This women is someone I say hi to and we have had conversations about random thing for the last 10 years, but I have never told her anything about my wife except about times I take her out or different things I do for her. The women at work would always say how nice of a guy I was to my wife and said how great that was. She has been married for all the the 10 years that I have known her and they were never happy because her husband was never home and later she found out he was cheating on her. They got a divorce about a year ago when she found out and she would always tell me how lucky I was to have a great relationship. When she found out differently from the way my wife's attitude, I feel like she has been hinting around about things like we should go have lunch together sometime. Now, I know where that could lead and I just say ok with no intent to ever go. I can honestly say I have never been sexually attracted to her and not because she is ugly, in fact she is very nice looking and works out to keep herself in shape, but I haven't because I really love my wife and want to work out our troubles if for nothing else, our kids most of all. But, for some reason in the last couple weeks I can't take my mind off what it might be like to be with someone who appreciates anything I can do and someone who would be happy for anything she gets and I would make an effort to see my kids as much as possible and would not live very far away from them. So what do you think, should I go after the women at work or stick to my current marriage and hope someday to work things out? If you have suggestion too of how to work out marriage problem, please feel free to suggest.

    • ANSWER:
      As you may have already guessed what the answer is and what everyone is saying. NO please don't go in that direction. That should be your very last resort. You have 4 beautiful children that need you and your wife to be there for them each and every day. You need to try again and again to work it out with your wife. Try finding alternate ways to fulfill her needs like maybe coming home with flowers for her after work or planning a special evening out just the two of you. Let her see that you truly do care about her and that money is not the most important thing in a marriage. I really think this should make her content.
      PS. Why not suggest to her she get a part time job in the evening a couple of times a week in which she can earn those extra $pending money for herself!!.

  27. QUESTION:
    I need some REAL advice!?
    Ok i REALLY hope i do not sound crazy, because i promise im not :) ! I have been married 2 years, but together on & off for a total of 6 years! We now have 3 childrens, all under 5 years old... Me & My husband has been through anything possible the past 6 years. It has MOSTLY been him & Im not just trying to make him out 2 be the bad guy! BUT he has lied to me the first 3 years old our realtionship, left me, and on and on. I believe/hope he has changed the past 3 years of our lifes, mostly because our family. BUT the past will always be there in the back of my head, and lately (past 6mnths or so things have been eating at me, i dont feel as close to him as i use to. He still has his days where he is a complete asshole ( what guy aint? ) he would never been physicaly abusive, but he does get pretty mad to the point it scares our kids, the kids want daddy to play but he wont bc hes tired from work, blah blah. our oldest has been through alot bc of my husband and his choices in mine and his relationship the first few years ( leaving me not calling 4 weeks at a time ) and i believe kids remember that stuff! so its at a point now where our oldest im not sure if he "hates" him but is pretty upset with him. my husband disciplines more than i would ( im a mom )and my husband does get mad at the smallest stupidest things that iwouldnt get mad at and our oldest tells his dad he hates him wants him 2 move out and so on. but there is times where my husband says things to our kids i wish he wouldnt.then there is days when hes fine & i still feel the way i shold for him...recently one of our sons have picked up a activity,his coach is divorced 3 kids like me, and i just feel something when im around him, not sure what it is. im VERY picky when it comes to guys, and thought my husband was PERFECt, but after everything we have been through the perfectness is fading away...I have never really spoke personally with my sons coach but for some reason everytime i see him i get butterflies.ii know i cant read minds, but there is this feeling i have that he may think the same for me. KNOW I KNOW im married, but im only happy some days. and thats not how life should be lived right !? .WHAT DO I DO?????? im sorry its so long & i appreciate every second you took to read this post :) (if u even made it this far!) means alot!
    Let me add some things since i have read some answers! our son his saying words because of the way he feels obviously. i would never want my kids to hate there father. my husband comes home, boys want to play w/ dad. dad says NO hes tired, this is a everyday thing. boys ask daddy 4 help, daddy says no hes tired..its ALWAYS been mommy doing it all, so they are use to that.my son is old enough now to realize what his father does.i have talked to my husband about the way he acts his words are he will work on it and change. i hear this atleast once a week. counseling he would say he dont need it! its bitter sweet to me. once my husband is actually being active with the boys,football soccer etc.. they are fine. but this RARELY HAPPENS.

    as for the "coach" never said nothing about cheating... our kids r same ages, boys. see something common there? was refering to a friend until my husband and i figured out our situation

    as 4 IUD . thanks 4 suggestion but hubs iss fixed

    • ANSWER:
      Hello There!!

      This is very sad sweetheart....This atmosphere isnt good for any of you and seems the children are really getting affected by this....Seeing their parents like this is going to make them feel very unhappy and maybe resentfull...You need to talk to your husband without the children around and decide what is best for all of you...Things like this cant go on anymore because its causing so much conflict and upset...It seems like this has been going on for a long while and its not fair on anyone...Can you live like this with all this uncertainty going on?....I know its not nice when parents split up but you need to think of your children and how its effecting them....Maybe its time for you and your husband to go your seperate ways....The children will still have both of their parents but not living together...I think this will make things easier for you and your children and things will settle down and the children will feel settled....As long as they have access with your husband on a regular basis im sure things will be fine...It sounds like its the end of the road for you and your husband sweetheart but its not the end of your life...In time when things have settled down you could think about meeting someone else to share your life with aswell as your husband finding someone else too....I hope this has helped you sweetheart to help you come to some sort of decision...I wish all the very best for you and your family.

      Very Goodluck To You Sweetheart!!

      Sharon....xXx

  28. QUESTION:
    I'm tossed on what to do with my current relationship!?
    Apx. 2 years ago I started to date a man that I previously dated for seven years. While we were apart, he got married, had 3 children & is now divorced. I am finding that he isn't the same man that he use to be. He constantly wants me to act like his wife, i.e. clean the house, take part in activities with his kids, etc. Honestly, I truly don't feel that we are a couple (we never go out without his kids). He currently has visitation with his kids & when they aren't present he is very depressed. He is a heavy drinker & he often goes to bed around 9pm on the weekends (boring). I truly want a man that wants to go out and do fun things together. Recently, I met a hunk that is single (he just went through divorce & he has no kids). I find him to be very exciting. He has a great body & he likes to dance. We ended up in bed together a week ago but haven't spoke since then. I am preplexed on what to do. I feel stuck in my present relationship - it's going nowhere!

    • ANSWER:
      Plain and simple, get out of it. Seems like the man you are dating needs a wife(motherly) figure to help with the house and the kids. It doesn't sound like he is at all interested in you. This man was not ready for the divorce and is unhappy with his current life style. You don't need to be a babysitter or house cleaner. You need a man that will cater to you as you would for them. As far as the hunk, you met and hung out with, well just give him time to come around. If sex is all he wanted he may not call you at all. But take it for what is worth and keep it moving. There's plenty of fish in the sea!!!

  29. QUESTION:
    In divorces today, children are being split between parents 50/50?
    The kid has to bounce back and forth every week from one house to the other, packing up everything they need for school and activities every weekend and essentially moving. The kids HATE it. The parents changed their lives, the kids shouldn't have to? Are there any adults who've survived this as a kid of divorce?

    • ANSWER:
      Ya, ours started out that way, lasted about a year, then it changed, at the childs choice, but we had a large advantage in this, we lived not 200 yards apart, so i'm not a fair example. IF both parents live in same general area, so child goes to the same school easily, the parents really shouldn't be packing up stuff, each house hold should have the required clothes, school stuff, etc, then only books need be moved around, and they have to carry them around anyways.

  30. QUESTION:
    How much trouble am I looking at being in?
    My divorce is finalizing this week, and I did something really stupid.

    I was kind of worried/curious about what kind of men are out there, in my area, interested in dating someone who is divorced, with kids. I have limited dating experience, seeing as I married the second boyfriend I ever had, so I thought I'd go on some of the dating sites, set up a profile and browse. I had no intention of ANY kind of activity immediately, and my divorce is final this coming week, anyway.

    Of course, all the sites had Terms of Agreement, and I read through the first one, then skimmed over others, assuming they were all pretty much the same thing (I'm over 18, I'm not a felon, etc.)

    So I kinda missed the part on the one for True.com that said they turn in married people who get on their site to a federal law enforcement agency that is a kind of cross between the FBI and white-collar crime.

    I sent them an apology, but how much trouble could I end up being in?
    It's not for infidelity. It's for wire fraud, for misrepresenting myself as a single woman when I'm not.

    Here's the website that kind of explains it. I just didn't pay attention...

    http://www.true.com/magazine/saferdating_marriage_cert.htm

    • ANSWER:
      18 USCA 1343:
      Whoever, having devised or intending to devise any scheme or artifice to defraud, or for obtaining money or property by means of false or fraudulent pretenses, representations, or promises, transmits or causes to be transmitted by means of wire, radio, or television communication in interstate or foreign commerce, any writings, signs, signals, pictures, or sounds for the purpose of executing such scheme or artifice, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 20 years, or both. If the violation occurs in relation to, or involving any benefit authorized, transported, transmitted, transferred, disbursed, or paid in connection with, a presidentially declared major disaster or emergency (as those terms are defined in section 102 of the Robert T. Stafford Disaster Relief and Emergency Assistance Act (42 U.S.C. 5122)), or affects a financial institution, such person shall be fined not more than ,000,000 or imprisoned not more than 30 years, or both.

      Are you intending to defraud someone? (HINT: defrauding requires damages; are you intending to get money or property from anyone?)

      If not, this law doesn't appear to apply.

      I think the site is trying to scare people. And dating someone you aren't married to isn't a crime. (Sorry, I can't cite something that doesn't exist.)

  31. QUESTION:
    my wife sorta cheated on me, now I don't know if I want kids with her?
    My wife and I are both 28, no kids. We’ve been married for almost 5 years. A guy moved-in just down the street and got my wife a job. She had been unemployed for over a year. They became very good friends - a little too good. She would go running with him (I don’t like to run) and at first it was no big deal, or so I thought. Then he started pursuing her. She would go “run errands” after work but it turns out she would be spending time with him. I know for a fact that they never had sex, but they did kiss, and she even allowed him to get more intimate (that's all I'll say). Once she hid the fact that she had a day off work that I didn’t, and he planned a whole day of activities with her. I found out weeks later. She knows that I know about him, and says now that she has told me everything that has happened between them. I believe her. She has let me block his emails, phone calls, and texts, but they still work at the same place and they still talk to each other there and over Instant Message services. She ended up hating him for a couple weeks because she thought HE cheated on HER (how f***ed up is that?!) with some other girl (not sure if that really happened or not but I wouldn’t put it past the creep), but now I guess she doesn’t hate him anymore. (I still LOATHE him!) She told me she would quit talking to him but she hasn’t. He tells her at work (daily?) things like, “leave him.” This all started because she says I was not giving her enough of what she needed… attention, romance, dates, not pursuing her like I used to, helping around the house... which is probably true. I've tried to do all that stuff more now. We have gone to couples counseling, paid-for thru my employer's EAP program, and we made some progress but now I feel like we’re back at the beginning. We are about to start some more counseling with an ex church elder, who is free. This has all left me with the feeling that she is now capable of cheating on me (if she didn’t already, I’m not sure if what she did would actually be called cheating?), and I don’t know if anything I do can ever be enough for her. Are we delaying the inevitable now by staying together?

    Also, I find myself wondering if I can bring myself to have kids with her now, or if I even want kids now??? Holy crap!

    I see too many people out there that end up having kids and getting divorced (she was a kid that grew up in a situation like that and now her parents hate each other, and she’s in the middle), and I will NOT put myself in that situation! I refuse!!! She still wants kids. When we got married, we both wanted kids, we talked about it, but now after all of this I’m not so sure anymore. I like the lifestyle I have, or could possibly have, and I’m finding that I’m a lot more selfish than I thought I was. She has told her immediate supervisor at work about what’s going on with this other guy, but that person isn’t doing anything, and really isn’t in a position to. I want to go to someone in the company who can and will do something about it, but she has told me that if I do, we are as good as done and she would have to quit. I told her that she couldn't do both. She also wants to move back to her home state someday, and I don’t know if I could ever be happy there again. I was born where we live now, but moved to her home state when I was a kid, spent 16 or 17 years there (most of my childhood), then moved to the west coast for a couple years, and now we’re in here and I love it here. Most of her family lives in her home state. Most of mine lives here.

    She is constantly late, which drives me nuts. She is a spender, I am a saver, and I feel choked financially most of the time because it doesn’t seem like we can manage to save any money, but all we do is add more expenses. We just got our own cell phone plans, which is 0/mo for both, and her car needs to be replaced, and we can’t buy one outright. We don’t have any car payments now. Our only debt is the mortgage and her student loan (75 and 0 per month, respectively). I am an engineer making a respectable income and she is an admin making half what I make + 5k (sorry I'd like to be a little vague). I just don’t see how it can feel this tight?! But it drives me crazy nonetheless. She gets mad at me for “not letting her” buy things, or when I get upset that she has spent a bunch of money on something, like clothes or makeup. She needs a lot of attention and I feel guilty whenever I do things that I want to do that don't involve her, even though I keep it to a minimum (to me anyway).

    God help me, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave her, and she doesn’t want to leave me. We both love each other VERY MUCH, I just don’t know if staying together is the best thing? It seems like we have grown and matured, but in separate ways that are now incompatible??? It's not fair to drag her along, waiting for something that may never h

    • ANSWER:
      She can't have you both. She IS cheating. You can't "sorta cheat". Kissing him is crossing the line - maybe they haven't had sex YET.........but willing to bet it won't be too far in the future.

      Do not have kids. IMO I would file for divorce now so its not as complicated - when kids are in the picture it ends up a lot worse. Cut ties now.

  32. QUESTION:
    Peter Pan syndrome, 32 years old living at home, do I need to move out?
    I asked this question in another section, but I like hearing varied responses.

    My mother has been talking to her old hag friends and now she is bugging me to move out, get married, have kids and grow up. God I hate those old ladies . . . are they right? Do I really need to have another look at how I am living? Personally, I don’t want kids, and I don’t want to get married, my background is as follows.

    I am 32 years old. I work as an emergency physician at our university hospital level one trauma center (aka the knife and gun club). The simplest way to describe me is a twelve-teen year old living in a 32 year old mans body. I live at home with my parents because they are awesome, for example, I always have clean clothes and a warm meal for when I come home. My parents are in their fifties, but I make more than enough money and have convinced them to stay at home and do whatever they like instead of working (so they are both going back to school for fun). I like to think of our relationship as symbiotic, because I do all the manly stuff around the house like providing and fixing things and taking out the trash and yard work etc… while they make sure I look professional and am well fed and have a clean healthy environment to com home to.

    Most of my free time is spent, camping (and many other outdoorsy activities), taking my parents out, playing XBOX-360 and PS3, playing sports (each and every kind), volunteering at big brothers big sisters, habitat for humanities, and a bunch of other community service organizations. Personally, I make a serious bit of cash for only working three to four days a week, so I spend most of money on efforts like Sunday school and taking the kids out camping and other things like that. I am the favorite Sunday school teacher slash youth minister because I act like them and I always got something fun ready for each week (for example paintball, building a trebuchet, waterballoons, camping you name it).

    Whats got me concerned is that all of a sudden that I am noticing that my parents are embarrassed by me in front of their friends because I am always seen at our chapel chilling with the kids and making a fool of myself. My mother’s old hag friends tell her that I am retarded and other things like that. And they are really pressuring me to GTFO of the house and find a girl and get married and all that other junk.

    The other thing that trips me out is that all my friends are now old and washed up and I am losing camping/sports buddies by the second, they are all busy with family and kids and don’t want to hang out anymore and I am left alone in the stands. I really am afraid of waking up one day being that old guy that never grew up (aka peter pan syndrome) but I really can’t see myself getting married or any of that rubbish.

    What advice do you have, or what do you guys think about this life style choice?

    PS: My parents love having me around more than anything but they want me to move out because they are afraid of me dying alone (or so they say).

    Second of all I don’t like girls my age because they are all either married, have kids, divorced or some other issue. In the small chance I find one I am attracted to, when they find out I live at home they, immedietly right me off, WTF? Also, I am not attracted at all to the younger girls (college age), it just seems too creepy to me.

    • ANSWER:
      You have good income, buy a duplex and give half to mom and dad, they are close enough to still do what they want for you, and you for them, You all have privacy and you look like an adult who takes care of them rather than a loser who lives off them. And best of all women won't have to know right away mom and dad are next door. Be neighbors not room mates.

  33. QUESTION:
    How long would any of you married couples stay in a mariage if you never seen each other?
    I am in my late 20s husband in early 30s. As you all know who have read some of my questions he works all the time and we never see each other. Its been like this for 4 years 70-80 hr weeks. He is a good man we have had our shares of disagreements which have caused us to divorce but we worked them out. I miss him being here at night he misses out on all the kids activities I miss us. i have told him that I am bored and that I miss him but I would never cheat on him and he knows that. I have told him that I would divorce him and give him his life back that I have taken from him. He can go back to chasing girls and drinking beer. I want to live life while I am here on this earth but I want him to spend it w/us. when I told him that we could seperate for a little while all he could think of is dishing out the money for child support. I would not take anything that he has worked hard for. But he didnt act like it bothered him when I told him. I love him and he loves me but
    I dont know how many years of this I can take. So how long would any of you married couples would stay if you never really had a marriage?
    So that I make myself clear he hasnt cheated but chasing girls and drinking beer ws what he did before we met. I told him I would give him back his single life but he doesnt want us to end. He works all the time because he has to his job requires him to be gone 14-16 hours a day. He leaves at 3:00 and returns around 7:00 the next morning and has done this for 4 years. I know I am lucky for having a hard working man but I also want us time to which we dont have. He is trying to find another job but its hard to find one that matches what he makes ,000/plus paid insurance .401k,paid dental,breast exams,gyno exams,pays 80/20 after deductible is met. I would like to work to help but I cant we dont want our kids to be w/o a parent. I love him but this job has taken a toll on our marriage and family. He hates this to and the last thing I want to do is give all this up I have been w/ this man since i was 18 he was my first and he has been great to me and giving 2 of the greatest joys kids.
    I am a happy preson but here lately its really kicked in its the same him off to work then I am here w/ the kids we dont get our time together everyone thinks I am single. I miss our family trips, holding hands,cuddling in bed,dinner for 2,spending quality time and watching our kids grow. I guess I will just have to suck it up and get use to this I know I have it good and you dont realize it until its gone so I need to be thankful.

    • ANSWER:
      I am living this life too. My husband is gone for 14 hours out of the day at work and when he comes home we may get a 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the evenings to spend time together. we have of sundays to spend together. It is very hard, but I know that he has to work to take care of us. I miss the hell out of him, the kids miss him, I am lonely too. We fight sometimes because he wants to spend time with his buddies too when he is off. we have just had a lot of communcation. WE make the best of our time together and we make every minute count. He calls me driving to work and gives me a wake up call every morning on his way home from work, we write each notes and leave it lunch boxes, he has left me notes under the pillow so when I go to sleep it feels like he is there. If you love him and he is working to give your family a better life then you have to respect that. Why would you divorce him if you love him and all he is doing is working. Sometimes life isn't easy and we have ot make the best of it . Even if we can't see our loved ones as much as we would like. Maybe he can change jobs? Good luck

  34. QUESTION:
    With the negative effects that divorce has on children, are they outweighed if one parent is mentally ill?
    My wife has Borderline Personality Disorder. It is hallmarked by continual suicidal attempts, cutting and self harm, unfillable emptiness, often estranged from adult children and those closest to them except husband until divorced, infidelity, massive lying, arrested emotional development to age 3, sees themselves and others as all goo or all bad and fluctuates minute to hour based on moodiness, can mentor predisposed children into becoming borderlines themselves, selfish, never satisfied, always bored, risky activities like unprotected sex, bulimia, drugs and alcohol, no regard for consequences, trouble forming memories to learn from past mistakes, unstable relationships, borderline crazy, has a facade that handles adult roles that gets a job and you would never believe they are ill. gets worse with menopause which she is approaching. Children have neg. effects from regular divorce, but could it help kids if you remove the borderline as chief mentor, limited custody. Divorce in general can contribute to kids developing borderline personality disorder. Fear of abandonment lifelong is large part of borderline disorder. Divorce = abandonment.She is as stable as she gets while married to me. Divorce could institutionalize her. Thinking of kids, and me, a lot of suffering and infidelity has gone on secretly the bulk of our marriage. her mother was borderline and had MS. Misdiagnosed as depressed for s decade. She wsn truthful about cutting and suicide to her doc.

    • ANSWER:
      I would always recommend taking steps to protect the children, but leave open the option of a divorce. If there is a concern, get a restraining order with a requirement that she get help. Don't expect an overnight miracle, it could take a couple of years, but in the end, it benefits the children to retain the structure of the family, even if it takes a couple of years to put it back together. That does not mean you do any screwing around. You remain dedicated to her in health and sickness. If it doesn't work, than you move forward with the divorce. Here are some links to help.
      Http://Getting_Started-Fathers_N_Family_Law.Dads-House.Org
      Http://Attorneys-Hiring_The_Right_One.Dads-House.Org
      Http://Divorce.Dads-House.Org

      To learn a father's rights, join Dads House in Yahoo Groups. It's free to join, access all materials, and you associate with other fathers going through, and have already gone through, the same issues. We have an Educational Manual that teaches everything that needs to be known in addressing your legal issues. Mention your question here when asked why you want to join, as well as your state?
      http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DadsHouse/

  35. QUESTION:
    Custody - Past Practice vs. Actual divorce decree?
    Ok question for you...
    in the divorce decree between myself and my husband, it states that he is to have one month uninterrupted in the summertime with the kids. In the past, we have done 6 weeks here and there throughout the summer. Well, due to activities, this is almost impossible to reach 6 weeks (he lives 360 miles away) He is attempting to talk the kids out of their activities instead of sacrificing. I would like to switch to the one month uninteruppted as it states in the divorce decree but since for the past 6 years he has had the 6 weeks we have decided on ourselves, am I allowed to legally do that? Basically, do they go by the actual document or past practice. Thanks for your help. The state is Indiana if that helps.
    Also, he is not willing to schedule his 6 weeks around the kids, he wants it on HIS time, and to heck with the kids activities. HELP!

    • ANSWER:
      I would call my lawyer and talk to him. He's the only one that can advise you legally what your options are. Your ex has a real "me" problem.....it's all about him!

  36. QUESTION:
    Are my boyfriend's activities considered cheating?
    My boyfriend and I have been going through a very hard time in our relationship. We are 20 and 23 years old and have been together for almost 7 months. A couple of weeks ago, I was so frustrated with him for things he had said and done that I was prepared to break up with him.

    That day, I snooped his Facebook for the first time ever (it was already logged in and I had the password anyway) and found messages between him and another girl he went to high school with. They were very sexual in nature, stating things he would do to her, etc. I was appalled! I know he is frustrated because I firmly believe in waiting until marriage for sex for so many reasons, both religious and practical.

    I confronted him about it and we talked for 12 hours about EVERYTHING wrong in our relationship. At first, I was unwilling to work things through, but by using his charm and smooth talking, he convinced me to give it another chance.

    I didn't look at his messages again for a couple weeks, thinking there was no need to. It felt as though a weight had been lifted. Things felt normal, and we were happy. But last night, I checked again and saw messages between him and a female friend he occasionally hangs out with. She is the only friend of his I haven't met, and any time I suggest meeting her, he shrugs it off and ignores my request. There were no sexual messages, but he was rather flirty with her. He is flirty with everyone, which I consider to be unacceptable.

    One thing they did talk about was massages. From what I gather, they give each other massages, and he had given her many of them. He said that she owed him three of them to make up for it. Whether or not they were clothed, I have no idea. Either way, I feel sick about it. This girl is going through a divorce and has a kid. He tells me all the time that she feels paranoid that I will be mad about them hanging out. It just seems so shady to me.

    Is he cheating on me? Part of me thinks I should just cut my losses and move on. The other part of me is stupid enough to stick around because I honestly do love him for so many reasons. This is the only problem we have, but it seems to be a big one. Any advice? Thanks!

    • ANSWER:
      The basic question all of this comes down to is: Will you ever be able to trust him again? He has broken your trust with inappropriate messages, and now he must rebuild that. He should be on his absolute best behavior, because your paranoia is only natural after what he did.

      I think he may have lost your trust permanently. There ARE better guys out there... I have never messaged with another woman, nor given another woman massages, nor even flirted with other women.

      I think you should move on. Good luck.

  37. QUESTION:
    Why does it seem like my children hate me? What can I do to make it better? Is it due to the divorce?
    My children are 8 & 5 years old. During my recent divorce with their father, Father's mother has made it extremely difficult for me to see my children and although I have as much as I possibly could-I have never talked about the other side to or around the kids and have done activities with them when they came over to see me but now they have stopped wanting to come over, why?
    Do my children hate me?
    what can I do to make it better?
    I s this new behavior due to people talking to them or around them negatively about me?
    Am I pushing too hard when I expect tto do activities every time they come over?
    Are they getting tired of being bounced around(I see them wed., every other thurs., and sat., their dad sees them on sun., their grandma (my mom) sees them on fri. and then their dad's ,p, jas tje, tje rest of the time,)?

    • ANSWER:
      I have to agree with one other answer, the children are being bounced around way too much. Their apparent lack of wanting to come over could simply be based on a need for unstructured time and the need for stability.

      While children are resilient, they are not meant to be available to adults, it works the other way, adults should fit in with the needs of the children. I would think that time with their Mum and Dad should be rotated on no more frequently than weekly. The grandparents can visit the respective parent when the children are with that parent. I know that is judgmental of me, but kids must come first.

      At their age both will probably have an opinion on where they want to be or at least what is not working with the current arrangement.

      Ideally the children should have their own rooms/space in both parents house that they can just fall into when they move from one house to the other. Then let the children guide you what they want to do. That may be activities some times, but other time it may be read them a story and leave them to play quietly etc.

      Then with so much house moving the question of friendships must arise. How will the 8 yo make friends if they are moved around so much. Divorce happens, kids are resilient and in the main can deal with it. But they still need consistency. I have nothing against the grandparents, but cut them out of the move around cycle. Let them visit. Give the kids stability and space. Talk to the kids, get their opinion on what they like or dislike about the current arrangements..

      Be safe, be sage

  38. QUESTION:
    Is is right for my ex-husband to expect to be paid mileage for taking his 2 children to their activities?
    My ex and I have been divorced for close to 10 years. The original decree stated that he would have them a week and I would have them a week. As the kids became more active, and he also moved out of town (40 miles), he decided to only get them every other weekend. This was not a modification in the decree. After 2 years of this schedule he decided (with no notice) that he wanted to go back to the week to week. Also note that when we were divorced we set up a joint checking account and we each put 200/month in for expenses (school/clothes/extra medical cost etc...). After bringing the kids home after the 1st week in 2 years...he wrote a 130 check to his father for transportation to get the kids to school AND 75 for himself because he transported them to their activities. For 2 years not once did I ever think about CHARGING mileage to take MY kids to their activities.

    • ANSWER:
      you have a joint account with your ex? hahahahahahaha get a clue - get your own account

  39. QUESTION:
    Divorce or Stay in Marriage Limbo???
    Im stuck in Marriage "Limbo" so2speak. Have been together 10 years, 4 kids, house, cars, etc. I work fulltime, take kids 2 school & there activities, pay all mortgage/utility bills, buy groceries 4 home, etc. Not perfect guy by any means, but id like 2 think ive provided a decent living for them. Over the past year ive had a ton of issues: wife getting permanent work injury, my cousin physically abusing my wife's sister & slashing my tires, wife's confessed drug use, deal with both sister in-law's who dont work, cant stand on there own 2 feet (they borrowed our car, money, dropped off there kids, etc.) 1 sister-in-law has not paid me back over 0. Wife wants to keep helping them, I do not.. so we argue. I have not spoken to her sisters in 2-3 months now. We are 2 totally different people, but lately as worse as ever. Not sure where 2 go, this is all ive known for over 10 years. This is worst year of my life id say. I want 2 leave then, then I dont. Just hoping 4 sum good advice.

    • ANSWER:
      you never would have thought getting an answer would make you worse off. But i got a similar thing, except my wife is abusive to me & my kids for. Been married for 12 years and my suspicions are confirmed now as i have learned she has a personality disorder.
      But back to you. You will resent being with her, but if you leave- she will get the kids, child support, and alimony- EVEN THOUGH SHE IS MOSTLY AT FAULT.
      For it not to be that way, you have to prove why the kids are better off with you, meaning you have to become the primary caregiver. Feeding, clothing, taking them to school, doctors, and other events. No man can fit that in since they work full time.
      Believe me, as a dad, the odds are stacked against you.
      And you can't just have circumstantial evidence, you have to have iron clad proof of several incidents.
      So the only possibility if you do leave is to take a year or more (in spite of the torture) to make an exit plan including documentation & witnesses that vouch why your character is so much better than hers as far as care towards the kids.
      Forget all the side issues you have and focus on this one. The drug use is key.
      The situation won't fix itself. You either check out the website listed below and study it thoroughly or it will take a miracle from Jesus.

  40. QUESTION:
    Help with divorce, child custody and attorney issues.
    In the state of California.........
    I have been married to the mother of my children for almost 10 years but have been separated for almost 5. For the past 2 1/2 years we have both agreed upon custody to 50/50. I live with my girlfriend and their mother lives with her boyfriend and their 1 year old child.
    I have tried to work things out with her and be civil but every time I bring up divorce she argues with me and says she is going to take the kids 70/30 and get child support from me. As far as child expenses goes we both split daycare and other costly activities down the middle as well as food and clothes but she still believes even now I should be paying child support. (She has always been very money hungry) Whenever she gets angry with me she tries to keep the kids away from me and never answers my phone calls. I REALLY want this over with because I'm tired of her thinking she has all this power and control over everything and she doesn't. I just want everything to be the same as it has been with the children and to not be married to her anymore!
    She said that she is going to get an attorney and I was wondering in my situation if I would need one also. Some people tell me yes and some no. In my financial situation I don't have that much money to afford for an attorney and she has her parents backing her up. I was wondering if I really needed one or if I should just get help with the paperwork and go that route. I have no criminal background or abuse of anything or anyone so I feel that they shouldn't have anything against me.

    PLEASE HELP!!
    Any comments with similar experiences or advice are greatly appreciated.
    Thank you!!

    • ANSWER:
      The difference between men and women is that women have sisters,mothers and girlfriends who offer advice on how to get what they want. Men think that justice will prevail! The person who is the most prepared has a better chance of getting what they want. Now how can you become better prepared for whatever she fling your way?
      Educate yourself on the laws of your state concerning custody and child support. Look for sites superior court, family law, child support, Father's Rights..and become knowlegeable about the specifices.

  41. QUESTION:
    What could happen in court with my bf's kids?
    Ok, I will start by giving the details as they are now.

    -3 kids; 13, 11, 9.
    -All have been going to the same school for 8 years.
    -Current school does not offer busing to or from school which in turn we have an hour to and an hour from commute to school everyday.
    -Current school does not offer hot lunch program; we must pack lunches Mon. - Thurs.
    -All 3 kids have lived primarily with their father in the same home for 8 years.
    -School is too far away to get kids involved in extra curricular activities after school (2 hour commute would cut out time for homework/dinner/family time).
    -Their mother has moved 8 times in the last 3 years since the divorce including a 4-5 month move to San Diego to live with her BF.

    My bf wants to change the childrens school to the public school that is in our area, and his ex-wife has petitioned the court to keep them in their current school. Here are the reasons he would like to change the school.

    -There is busing to and from school.
    -The bus stop is about 50 yards from our home on the corner of our private road.
    -The kids could easily participate in extra curricular activities without impeding on homework/dinner/family time.
    -Schools are approximately a 5-10 minute drive away.
    -The schools in our area offer a lunch program, which our 7 person family would qualify for reduced/free lunches for all of the children including breakfasts.

    We want what is best for the children and from our point of view, we are not asking too much. The mother has been completely unstable the 3 years following the divorce, and has been unable to even constantly provide transportation for the 3 kids. She is currently hiding her vehicle in her garage because the finance company has been trying to reposess it. She's had an abusive boyfriend in and out of her life living with her & her children and have involved the children in at least one altercation that required the police to be called. We are not trying to take any time away from her being a mother, but are however trying to change the childrens school to one that is closer to their "home".

    Does this sound unreasonable or do you think we will triumph over instability?
    Also, my bf works from 3am to 3 pm and I am currently looking for work. However; I have been unable to gain normal 8-5 employment because I have to be available to take the kids to school at 8:30am. My bf is available to the children after school gets out at 3:45pm and is available to them the rest of the evening.
    The children are currently with each parent 50% of the time, which is 1 week on 1 week off. Also, we have a 7 person family which includes, my bf, myself, his 3 kids and my 2 kids and we currently reside in the same home. My bf is the only working person in the home supporting all 7 of us. Neither my bf nor his ex are paying each other child support, and the commute to the new shool would not be more than 10 minutes longer of a commute for the mother on her weeks with the children. Although at this point it is unclear if she will even be able to commute to any school soon.
    The current school is a public charter school, and the school we would like it changed to is a public school. Neither are private, and neither cost any money, just time/gas/food monies. The kids want to participate in extra curriculars, but it is a 2 hour commute with 5 children for one childs activities.

    Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom & support.

    • ANSWER:
      I think your/his requests sound very reasonable. Her instability just aids your cause, just make sure you get the written documentation. Also, if I were a judge I would ask what are her reasons for wanting the kids in that private school? Are your considerations reasonable? From what you listed it would be much more beneficial for the kids at the new school. It would allow them more time for a normal childhood with extra-curricular activities that also help them down the road with things like working as a team, and related skills as well as college applications and such. It's not like she can see them at school as a general rule anyway. Changing schools would not change that. So, if her visitation rights aren't hampered upon I don't see a problem. Not to mention that a judge could actually rule to limit her rights given the situation anyway--although you don't seem to see a need to do so.

      Just make sure that your side is heard. Sometimes rulings can be skewed if only one side is heard. A judge/lawyer/official can only rule on the information given to them.

      There are some drawbacks to a public school, as I'm sure you know. But the good points seem to outway the bad as long as any academic concerns can still be addressed. Just keep in mind that there will be an adjustment time with your kids when they do switch, especially with the 13-yr-old. Teenagers have a harder time emotionally with changing schools sometimes. Maybe your kids could get contact info for their current friends and stay in touch after changing schools.

      Someone said something about why are you involved. I think that it would be impossible for you not to be, but the judge is going to look to him and disregard you some because you are not bound to this legally (marriage). That is just the way it works. But it sounds like he is appropriately involved in the situation. Also, if there is some parental agreement involving the school, it can be changed...and it doesn't sound like it is something she can afford anyway.

  42. QUESTION:
    Does your boyfriend share in paying for your kids?
    I'm in my 40s and divorced with 2 elementary aged kids. My boyfriend of a little over a year, also early 40s has never been married, no kids. When we first started going out with my kids, dinner or movies, it was kid-related, so I paid -- I didn't want him to think I expected him to pay for my kids. The same would happen if we took the kids skiing -- I would buy the lift tickets for all of us because I was paying for me and my kids, and I invited him, so I paid.

    I now feel like I've set a precedence where he doesn't for anything. If we go out on a date just the two of us, I don't offer to pay, and he pays with no issue. At some point though, I would think he should either pay his share or as a gesture pay for me and the kids at least once in a while.

    I need to talk to him because I'm starting to feel like he's cheap or mooching off of me. He's going skiing, on vacation, and enjoying other activities but not contributing financially towards any of them.

    Any thoughts or comments are appreciated.
    He is very supportive emotionally and says he loves the kids. He does lots of chores and things for me and helps pick up the kids if I'm stuck at work. He and my ex get along fine, and he talks about marriage (I don't). He just doesn't pay for HIS SHARE of things. I have no issue with paying for me and the kids.

    • ANSWER:
      Well.. you started paying for your kids.. which was the right thing to do..they are YOUR kids. I don't think you have gave him the chance to pay for the kids, you have done it from the beginning and said nothing about it.So he is more than likely just going with the flow of things, Maybe he thinks that paying for the kids will offend you? You never know.. He is your boyfriend, not even a fiance. So you shouldn't feel hurt if he doesn't do it. But for starters, ask him to take you AND the kids somewhere.. bowling or whatever.. don't say LETS take says TAKE ME AND THE KIDS.That way he knows. And go from there. Good luck!
      BTW my boyfriends before I got married never paid for my kid mostly because my child wouldnt meet most of my boyfriends. But my husband now, he pays for everything.

  43. QUESTION:
    I need a free, no downloading, virtual world!?
    -no hidden fees
    -chat
    -jobs that you earn money and pay for stuff
    -houses you can buy, sell, rent, and rent to people
    -you can get married, have kids, get divorced, have girlfriends and boyfriends
    -you can have pets
    - you can do activities
    A world that you can live a second!

    • ANSWER:
      Hey, have you heard of The Travels of Wiglington and Wenks Virtual World?

      I had tried it and I think it is great!

      It's a new virtual world for kids and tweens (some even say teens!). It has already received tens of thousands of sign-ups from over 140 countries.

      You can travel around the world, adopt all kinds of cool pets, build houses and islands, wear clothings from different countries, play tons of games and more. Best of all, it's free to play and you don't need to download anything to install.

      Here's a short description of it.

      "The Travels of Wiglington and Wenks promises an experience in which players would be able to travel to factual and mysterious places around the world, travel through time and space, meet famous people from the past, play dozens of enriching and fun games, make new friends and party with them, buy exotic islands, build culture-inspired houses, wear clothes from different countries, explore secret locations, solve mysteries and puzzles and become a legendary traveler!"

      Register to play here - http://www.wiglingtonandwenks.com

      You can also start participating in the forums for the latest freebies -
      http://forum.wiglingtonandwenks.com

  44. QUESTION:
    What are the chances of getting joint legal and physical custody of my kids?
    I'm contemplating a divorce, my wife just makes my life hell. I wont get into the details. Neither of us has cheated or done anything horrible to the other, we are just completely differenet people. A few years after we got married, I adopted her son and treat him as my own. We also have two girls together. If I get a divorce, I don't want to pay 1/3 of income and see my kids every other week. I am a very involved dad. I do laundry, make kids meals, take them to activities, do homework, wash dishes, clean house, go to parent teacher conferences, put them to bed at night, read stories, change diapers, give baths and basically spend all of my time with my family when I am not at work. My kids are my life, and its just not fair for me to have to pay 29% of my income to my wife, and then see them every other weekend. I know the money wont go to the kids either, she is so materialistic, and is always complaining about what she doesn't have and how she has to sacrifice for the kids. She also complains saying she isn't domestic and hates housework and taking care of kids. If I had to pay 29% of my income and see the kids every other weekend, I would just stick out the bad marriage until they are way older.
    We have been to counseling before. We discussed specific issues and some of them got better, only to replase when we stopped going. Now there are the same old issues plus new ones. The way I see it is that issues arise in any relationship, its the ability of both partners to deal with them. My wife is very combative, sensitive, and opinionated. She basically has a huge blow out argument with somone once a week. If the disagreement is with somone in my family, then I get the brunt of it. In some instances her points are valid, and I have resolved those, in other instances she is just creating problems. She also regularly wars with neighbors and her familiy as well. Small issues turn into huge issues, and big issues turn into wars. So its the combative personality, constant rejection of splitting chores, her materialism. These are personality based issues, which I see as impossible for her to change. She doesn't even think shes ever wrong, and if I contest her get your battle helmet out

    • ANSWER:
      Have you tried marriage counseling? I would do so considering there are no infidelity grievances and it seems that you are just two adults that need to learn to mesh better. Go see a counselor before you decide on divorce.

      However, if it does come to divorce, most states now a days actually prefer shared custody. If I were you I would NOT ask for joint custody, I would ask for SHARED custody, that way they spend equal time with both of you. It usually isn't difficult to get shared custody these days, as long as you both live in the same region, and are fit parents, no violent crimes convictions, no drug addictions. In fact, most judges are biased towards shared custody b/c of all of the psychological data that's coming out that speaks to the benefit of having both parents in a child's life on a regular and consistent basis.

      Step 1 - Counseling

      Step 2 - If counseling doesn't go, go to a mediator to mediate a separation or divorce, or a collaborative lawyer. Do not get separate lawyers, you'll waste money just arguing and not come to a good agreement for the kids.

  45. QUESTION:
    Left marriage for another person..do u hate the spouse?
    I was married for 8 years and had a pretty good marriage--no major fights or problems. In fact, just bought a house and had a second baby. He started having an affair after I gave birth. Had some big medical issues post baby due to pregnancy. Mistress begged husband to leave me for over a year. She got off birthcontrol and got pregnant immediately. She is knocking on 40 and her clock was ticking. I completely understand. He told me about the affair 3 months before she gave birth. He continued living with me for about 1 month. He asked me if I would be second because she did not mind being second. I said, "No, I did not get married to be second." That was the end of our marriage. For months, we had a good relationship. We would talk every day. He claimed the affair was about "fun". At the beginning of the custody battle, he stopped talking to me, even in front of the kids. Not even to say Merry Christmas or Hello. The custody battle is over and the divorce is finalized. He does not talk to me for any reason. Not even the kids. I do not want to talk about anything other than the kids, but he refuses. When we both show up at the kids activities, he will leave abruptly when he sees me and the kids will cry because some times he does not say hi or bye. Today, was the same situation. Our daughter had a program. I texted him pictures of the program. He shows up. When he sees me with our daughter, he fussed at her for asking for money because I was getting money when he got there. He did not acknowledge me even when I explained that I was getting money for her. Then he abruptly leaves without saying bye. She begins crying because he left and did not see the rest of the program--her getting an award. This is the third time he has done this...then I wipe her tears and calm her down to finish her performance.

    Why does he hate me so much??? He does not want domilicary custody. I am happy to have it. When he has the kids, they are with his girlfriend or a babysitter. While he is out, doing what ever.

    I send him text messages with pictures of every performance to keep him abreast. Our daughter tells him of everything. He makes 1/2 of them but leaves when he sees me. I would call at one time to discuss things with the kids, but he would say put it in an email and hang up on me. So, for the last few months, I put it in an email and send it.

    I try to tell him my concerns but he does not respond or says ok. A few weeks ago our youngest daughter told her sister to "kiss my boobies". She claimed that his girlfriend does that. I tried to tell him. He responded, "What are you teaching the kids?" I told him what she said afterwards. He had a million questions. I told him I did not question our daughter, I assumed she saw them in the bed and discussed that it was inappropriate. Then he did not respond. The kids use the middle finger and say that his girlfriend does it and they tell their dad and he fusses at the girlfriend. And the girlfriend says I will do what I want. The kids are saying and doing outrageous things.

    Oh, we did talk this week. I did not open the door when he dropped off the kids because I was gardening and mowing in the backyard. When I answered the phone, he chewed me out for not having the phone with me mowing. Now he saw my vehicle in the drive way.

    He constantly emails me telling me how much he hates me, and hated being married to me, and he is sooooooo happy now without me.

    Why??????? Any thoughts. Please, no rude comments. I have moved on. I hate seeing my kids cry for him because he left because I am at an event. And I'm at everything. And I hate being told often that he hates me and our marriage.

    And now my kids are making rude and inappropriate comments to me. The language and words they are using are NOT child appropriate. So, I know they are getting it from someone. Just like the kids call his girlfriend their stepmom because she tells them that she is their step mom.

    Any thoughts????????

    • ANSWER:
      I feel sorry for the kids...they have a horrible, angry father. What he's doing is abusive. You should save all emails and all hateful text messages. Tell him to stop sending you nasty and harrassing emails and if he continues, you could probably get a restraining order.

      I'd hate to see how he acts when you get remarried or get a boyfriend.

      Just try to correct your children's inappropriate behavior when you see it. Keep showing up at events and wiping the tears and if he leaves, he leaves. Be careful. He's probably very angry because he knows he screwed up and traded in a hot wife for a mid-aged gal who is dragging him down with a baby.

  46. QUESTION:
    Are there any divorced mom's who find that they and their kids are ostracized in evangelical churches?
    I have found since my divorce that I and my child are always unaccepted and excluded in most church activities. Isn't church supposed to be a loving and caring place? I have tried several different churches and denominations and they're all the same. Everyone is real nice until they find out I'm divorced and then it all starts up again. Always it's the same first question after they get to know me a little it's what does your hudband do?, or are you married?, etc. So except for lying which I won't do, there's no way of hiding the fact I'm divorced. Besides, I have nothing to be ashamed of because I didn't do anything wrong to be ashamed of! I recently found out a major health issue with my child that I'd like support from my church with. I had a cousin of mine pass away last fall and a few other big things and none of them I felt like I could turn to my church for support in. I feel like even quitting going to church but I want to raise my child in the church. Any advice please?

    • ANSWER:
      You need to find a new church. It sounds like this particular congregation is especially judgmental (a big no no in the Bible from what I understand). Go to a new one each week, meet with the pastor/preacher, try and talk to new families-it might take a few tries but you should find one more welcoming and accepting . I'm sorry they are making you feel so alone in such an urgent time of need. It doesn't sound like they deserve a person like you and you're better off without them. Blessings!

  47. QUESTION:
    groups and activities for childern to join?
    Have two kids girl age 11 boy age 5 looking for programs sports, arts, and any activites in which they can meet other peers and be apart of team. Newly divorced and only have them over the weekend

    • ANSWER:
      I wish you had indicated where you are on the planet. Certainly your daughter has interests and your son may also have preferences. Start with what they like to do.

      IMHO if you are initially willing to spend time doing what they like to do with them, I believe you'll meet the people who will become their peers and teammates in local-based activities.

  48. QUESTION:
    I have remarried but I'm still in love with my ex.?
    I was married to my ex-husband for 9 years when he decided he wanted to divorce, this was not what I wanted, I still love him. I moved on and met another man whom I married but his behaviors are causing me to think that I made the wrong choice in marrying him. He is very controlling and jealous. He has cheated on me twice with his exwife. He thinks that I shouldn't go to my kids activities if their dad will be present. I am very much a part of my boys lives and activities that they chose to do. I think that now I am seeing this side of him I am wonder if I made a mistake marrying him. He doesn't go to many of the boys games or other things they are involved in and this leaves me and the ex spending time with them. My ex went into the service and while he was gone he realized that he had made a mistake when we divorced and would like us to be together again. My boys are not happy with their stepdad and this causes a lot of problems too. I have never cheated on him. Help!

    • ANSWER:

  49. QUESTION:
    You've got to read this one so I can stop getting negative reviews on my answers?
    On several answers regarding whether guys should walk away from their wives for her doing (insert whatever here), I have replied with "It's cheaper to keep her". And each time I do, everyone immediately feels the need to give me a thumb's-down review. But I want to explain it so that maybe it will make more sense and people will quit it with the "marriage is supposed to be the blessed union of two souls that are joined in love and can outlast blah, blah, blah.....".

    I am a victim of a cheating wife, and even after I agreed to try to work it out, she lied about everything, turned it back onto me as if it was somehow my fault she cheated, etc. And that went on for two years before she finally told me all that happened and actually said she was sorry. Two years!!! I have no love for this woman anymore, however I am not leaving this marriage. Why, you ask? Read on...

    I live in a state that as a guy in divorce court, I may as well be a cat in the dog pound. Her cheating means nothing, and if I leave because of her infidelity, she gets the house, the kids, and I have to pay alimony and child support, along with any other ridiculous expenses the law feels I am obligated to pay. SO.....

    1) I will be paying likely about half the mortgage on a nice 4-bedroom home that she (and anybody else she feels like bringing in) gets to live in, while I worry if I have enough money left over to afford the rent on my one bedroom apartment.

    2) I will also have to pay child support. This, in & of itself, is not an issue to me. What IS an issue to me is that there is no way, even with receipts, that the money I have to pay her will go to actually supporting the children. And then when the kids activities come up, I am obligated to pay for half of those (summer camp, sports, field trips, etc) on top of the insane amount of money I will already be required to pay.

    3) So let me get this straight. I have to pay her to live in a house that I am paying for but not living in. I don't get to watch my kids grow up and be a part of their daily lives, while their mother gets to? So basically her life is not affected in almost any way and mine is turned upside down? And why? Because she cheated and unfortunately in my case I am the one who is punished, not her if I leave.

    So, if you see me off this advice to the next poor guy who has been cheated on or treated like crap, understand it a little.
    I'm not sure you all understand. I am not whining, nor am I unhappy. I have two wonderful kids who give me all that I need. But unlike "sheloves" believes and stated below, I have several friends who are paying for the house they no longer live in. It is all to real in this state. Trust me.

    And Jon, the ideal alternate would be for me to be able to keep the kids and the house and let HER go live in the street. She made this bed, so she should lie in it. Sadly, unless the mother is considered "unfit", she is awarded the kids 99 times out of 100.
    Dandls & Lexy. Thank you. I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets it! You both hit it right on the head!

    • ANSWER:
      BINGO!! I did the same thing! My wife screwed around on me a TON while i was working my *ss off for her or taking care of our child while she did all sorts of things. At first when she told me I just took it like it was a 1 night stand kind of thing but the more I wondered and worried I decided to spy on her(screw the women that say shame shame) she cheated and I deserved to know the Truth. Turns out she has been screwing around on me for YEARS and went back to it even after telling me! By the way notice how the women all say don't do that? That's because the old double standard applies here. The can screw around and still get the majority of what ever it is you worked for and they didn't. Long story short... I stayed to see my kid and keep not only my home but all the other things that I worked for. You see I not only am an employee I also work nights and weekends and early mornings for my own personal business which she contributes nothing to but would get half.

      So I get you and im doing the same thing. I think it was a financially smart move and now I just lookt at it like she has opened the door for me to screw around. It's the only way to fly.

  50. QUESTION:
    Should I write a tell-all letter to my husband's girlfriend?
    My husband of over 9 years and I separated this past June. Basically, we were arguing a lot and his personality totally changed. The sweet, lovable man that I knew became an angry, selfish person who didn't care for me or our two young children. The decision to separate was mutual, but definitely not an easy one. I have custody of our two boys, and we have NOT filed for divorce.
    Almost immediately, he found a new girlfriend (which I didn't know at the time) and moved in with her. Meanwhile, he was still coming around and spending the night at home with me a few times a week, telling me how much he loved me, etc. This is dumb, I know, but even after I found out about the gf, I still let him come home and stay with me--I wanted him back!! But he ended up breaking my heart, telling me that wanted to be with her instead. So he moved in with her.
    I cut him out of my life for a while so that I could clear my head. Slowly, however, we started seeing more of each other at family functions, with the kids activities, etc. He actually asked me to date him several times--to which I said no, as long as he was with the gf. He told me how he calls her nicknames that make him think of me, how he can't wait until he saves up enough money to move out of her place, how he refuses to file for divorce, etc. Last week, he was actually flirting with me, and even telling me how unhappy he is with her. Basically, he is giving off the vibe that he is using her for a roof over his head and a piece of @$$.
    So, I am at the point now where I want to write this girl a letter and tell her the truth about him, about sleeping with him while he has been living with her, how he keeps asking me to date him, how he wants to move out, etc. I don't know her, but she should know the truth, right? He has been lying to her about a lot of things!! Should I send her the letter?
    Hi guys, thanks for the great answers thus far. Just to clarify, we ARE separated, he was always faithful to me while we were together (to my knowledge anyway), but I do find it odd that he oh-so-quickly found a girlfriend after he moved out. I am no longer sleeping with him--that ended a few months ago when I realized that I didn't deserve to be anyone's second choice. Also, the intention of the letter isn't to get him to come back (although one day, who knows?...), but rather, to let this girl know that he isn't all that she thinks he is, and that he is lying to her so early in their relationship!

    • ANSWER:
      I think you should invite her over when hubby's there and watch his reaction! I bet he gets out of there quick!
      My question is...why you even want this cheater back..and why are you sleeping with him? He's not going to change...he's using you and his gf. Maybe both of you should wise up and tell him to get lost.


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment